


Jack

by flooj9235



Series: Fallout 3 - Jackverse [5]
Category: Fallout 3
Genre: Angst, F/F, Femslash, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-05
Updated: 2013-09-18
Packaged: 2017-12-17 19:04:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 97,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/870962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flooj9235/pseuds/flooj9235
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five years after Broken Steel, the Lone Wanderer has run away from her past and the demons plaguing her.  She's found work as a caravan guard, but when her new route takes her back to Vault 101, her world gets turned upside down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The door to the saloon opens with a creak, catching the attention of everyone in the dusty room. I look up from the name I'm carving in the table, flicking my pocketknife closed and watching as two men enter. One's dressed in obvious traveling clothes, and is older and balding, and the other is large and covered in dark metal, armored to the teeth. I wager a guess that he's a merc of some sort, maybe a bodyguard.

The older man looks around the mostly empty bar, shifting uneasily when he doesn't seem to find what he's looking for. The merc scowls, and crosses his arms over his chest, looking relatively intimidating.

"You folks lookin' for Jack?" I call, gazing at the merchant and guard calmly.

The merchant looks confused, but nods. They walk over to me so they don't have to yell, and the balding merchant raises his eyebrows at me. "You seen him? Caravan's supposed to be leaving in the morning."

I crack a grin, extending my hand. "You're lookin' at her. You must be Calvin."

The merchant nods again, his confusion obvious as he shakes my hand. "I, uh... I figured Jack was... Well, a man."

I smile again. "Everyone thinks so. Kind of a trick, sorry. It's short for 'jack of all trades' and it stuck." My memory flicks back to the infiltration of Adams Air Force Base with the Brotherhood and the wayward comment from Sarah Lyons. One of the Pride had shortened it to Jack, and it stuck, and after the ordeal with Project Purity, I'd left behind my old name and identity, preferring the anonymity the new name brought me.

Calvin looks relieved to have found me and relaxes, sitting beside me at the bar. "Nice to meet you, then," he says, ordering a drink from the bartender. "Done much caravan work?"

"Only for the last five years or so," I answer, eyeing the guard curiously. He returns my gaze steadily, and we exchange a wary nod of acknowledgment.

"This's Ritter," the merchant offers, attempting to defuse the awkward tension. "Used to be a merc, but got outta that and joined the caravan business. Been with me for years."

We shake hands, and the merc joins us at the bar. I buy them a few drinks and we all loosen up a little, getting familiar with each other before we set out together. Their other guard, a reformed raider, had taken a bullet in the shoulder and was out of the caravan business. Seeing as they were understaffed and the caravan I'd been with had disbanded, I was offered the job.

So far, they seem like a good fit, and I don't think I'll mind traveling with them. Calvin is a talker, and Ritter seems to balance him out pretty well. They will be a decent distraction from the boredom of the wastes, and from wayward memories creeping in.

After checking my Pipboy and noticing the time, I excuse myself to bed, paying the tab with the last of my caps from my last paycheck. I bid my new companions goodnight, heading off toward my room in the back of the saloon. Sleep comes soon after, and I drift off into thankfully dreamless sleep.

* * *

"So, where're we headed?" I ask as I pack up my rifle, patting my hip to make sure my pistol is in place.

Calvin laughs at the question, his eyes twinkling as he looks over at me. "You didn't get a whole lotta information, did you?"

I grin uncertainly, tugging my cowboy hat onto my head more firmly. "All I got told was that there was a good paycheck and some sightseeing. Sounded good enough to me."

Calvin chuckles, and a snort of amusement comes from behind me. I turn to see Ritter sizing me up again, though he does look mildly pleased at the comment I've made.

"Ready to head out?" Calvin asks, greeting Ritter with a nod.

The merc gives a gruff noise of agreement, and I shrug a little, checking the straps on the brahmin's cart out of habit.

My question is forgotten as we head out of the remains of Richmond, and Calvin pulls a compass out of his overalls and aims us north. Ritter and I flank the brahmin (named Delilah, according to Calvin), and we head out.

Calvin fills the wastes with stories of old routes he used to travel and the adventures he's been on, and I listen with mild interest, keeping an eye on our surroundings. After a few hours, his voice fades into the background and I'm left alone with my thoughts. To the north lies the Capital Wasteland, a place I haven't been in years. Trying to leave it and the memories there behind sent me out into the wastes, not sure if I'd ever return.

There's a few settlements between us and the remains of DC, and I try to ignore the muddled feelings about returning there that are swirling in my mind. I stick for hoping that we'll not quite make it to the ruined capital, but the prickling at the back of my neck tells me I'm probably wrong.

Ritter pauses, squeezing off a shot and killing a bloatfly, startling me and Calvin out of our thoughts. The merc goes over to the giant fly and salvages some meat from it, adding it to our supplies quietly and carrying on.

Shooting a bloatfly is relatively hard since they twitch around so much, and I admire the man's skill. "Nice."

Ritter grunts, giving me a nod of acknowledgement. He doesn't say anything else, keeping his eyes ahead as we walk on.

While I'd rather be friendly with him and be able to talk with him, he's not giving me a lot of opportunities, so I just back off and let him be. Even if he's quiet, he's a good shot, and I'd rather have him on my side.

We walk for a few hours before stopping for lunch, the sun high in the sky above us. I'm more than a little grateful for the hat I've got on; without it, I'd have baked my brain by now.

"Where you from, Jack?" Calvin asks as he tears through a rubbery piece of iguana meat.

I swallow my mouthful of beans before answering, grateful for the moment's pause to think. "Near DC," I respond casually, nudging the brim of my hat up to see the merchant's face.

Calvin gives me a jovial grin, gesturing widely with his iguana kebab. "Well, how bout that! We're heading right up your alley. Probably gonna make a stop in Megaton, sound familiar?"

"Yep." I pause, remembering Nova and Gob, wondering what's happened to them since I've been away. "It's been a long time, though. Don't count on me for directions."

Calvin laughs again, eyeing my Pipboy for a second before shaking whatever he's thinking out of his mind. He launches into a story about his favorite radio station, attempting to retell stories about Herbert 'Daring' Dashwood. I smile in all the right places, hearing Three Dog's voice in place of my boss'.

The rest of our day passes uneventfully, and we make relatively good time, following an old highway north. One of the old signs near where set up camp says it's another 80 miles to DC, and I'm more than a little pleased with our progress. Delilah has kept up a decent pace, which is sort of unusual for an old caravan brahmin, but I'm happy nonetheless. The sooner I get paid, the better.

I opt for the first guard shift, sitting up by the campfire after dinner. Ritter lays down and tries to sleep almost immediately, but Calvin stays up for a while, telling me stories and flicking pinches of gunpowder into the fire to watch them explode. I'm amazed when he finally shuts up and goes to bed, and then I'm alone with the stars.

I look up and study the constellations, remembering all the nights I've spent out in the wastes. It feels like I'm 19 again, fresh out of the Vault, and the past I've spent so long ignoring starts creeping back into my mind.

After everything that happened, it was either force myself to forget, or drown myself in the sorrow and pain that permeated every sense. I'd lost Dad, Amata had kicked me out even after returning my feelings, and the Enclave was gone. As peace took over the Capital Wasteland, the trauma of what I'd been through had begun sinking in. Night terrors, days where I simply couldn't function, and hours spent drowning myself in whiskey all drove me away from the Capital Wasteland and the memories it held.

Joining a caravan had been the only real work and I wasn't going to be able to survive without a source of income, so I took the job. Traveling up and down small sections of the East Coast had introduced me to all sorts of scenery and geography I'd only imagined before, and being out in the fresh air did wonders for me and my sanity. The memories still plagued me, though, and eventually I left behind my old name and the title of 'Lone Wanderer', facing the wasteland as a new person, one not afraid to go to sleep at night.

Over the years, the facade had become one with my new reality, and the easiest thing to do was keep moving. The thought of returning back to DC, where everything happened, scares me. I don't want to undo all the forgetting I've done, and I don't want to hurt anymore, either.

I'm itching for some whiskey, but I know better than to see if we have any. Instead I keep my ears focused on our surroundings, listening for danger until Ritter rises and takes over. My sleep is restless, filled with memories of the life and friends I left behind. Dreams of explosions and screams haunt me throughout the night. After I jolt awake and try to think of happier things, my nightmares turn to the Vault's rebellion, and Amata's tear-stricken face lingers in my brain until morning.

* * *

Calvin wakes me up early, wanting to get a head start before the sun rises. He and Ritter have already packed up and gotten Delilah's gear strapped on.

I swear under my breath, wishing they'd gotten me up to help, and scramble to my feet to help with the last few things. We take off just as the sun peeks over the horizon, heading north along the old road.

We've stopped for breakfast and started up again when the caravan boss moves back to walk beside me.

"So, jack of all trades, huh?" Calvin asks, sounding almost conspiratorial. "Think you got skills, huh?"

I smile politely, holding up my Pipboy. "Got some experience with tech, and if nothing else, I got a map here, too." I'm surprised at how defensive I feel, what with him questioning my abilities, and my hand flicks over to my pistol without me really realizing it. I see his gaze go to my hand and his eyebrows shoot up. I swear inwardly, coming up with a cover story. "I've also kept myself alive for a good six or so years, so I'm pretty handy with a gun, too."

Calvin relaxes, accepting my answer for the motion and grinning. He claps me on the shoulder and laughs. "Good on you. Far as I can tell, you're a valuable addition. Don't make me think otherwise," he adds, and even behind his normal cheer, I can hear the warning in his voice.

I nod, dipping my head respectfully. "Yes sir."

Calvin grins again and moves back to the front of the caravan.

I glance at Ritter, who's got a somewhat amused look on his face. I'm a little uneasy now, but everything seems calm, so I try my best to relax as we continue up the old highway.

We stop for the night in a small settlement, spending the evening in a bar. Calvin treats me and Ritter to whatever we want, doing some trade and giving us a handful of caps as our first paycheck. Ritter and I stay bellied up to the bar while Calvin finds his own table and starts entertaining the locals with stories and making new friends.

I sip at the scotch in my glass, wishing it was something else. So long as it gets me nice and buzzed, it doesn't matter what I drink, but trying to convince myself that it burns as nicely as a whiskey is a failure before it begins.

"You're not from up here," Ritter observes gruffly, taking a slow drag of the cigarette tucked between his fingers.

I'm surprised to find him looking at me, and presume he's speaking to me, too. "Me? What makes you say that?"

The merc nods at the Pipboy as he taps the ash off his cigarette. "That's Vault tech."

I shrug a little. "Could've taken it off some free-roaming Vaultie."

Ritter nods agreeably. "You didn't, though. Not quite the type." He studies me for a few minutes, shaking his head. "Not twitchy enough to be an ex-raider. Not cold enough to be a slaver."

I allow a friendly little grin to grow on my face. "You caught me."

Ritter smiles and we return to our drinks. I'm lost in thought when he speaks again.

"Why'd you leave?"

I choke on my drink, startled by the words, and cough a little. "It was... uh... Family issues?"

Ritter's eyebrows raise. "Wasn't aware they let you out for any old reason."

I give the mercenary a confused look. "You seem to have an awful lot of ideas about how Vaults work." My tone is almost accusatory, and I cringe inwardly, hoping I don't offend him.

Ritter shrugs. "Knew a guy who knew a guy."

That's not quite enough to go on and I stare down at my drink. He doesn't say anything else and eventually gets up to find a place to sleep. After the crowd begins to leave and Calvin's voice stars slurring, I follow suit, shelling out a few caps for my tab and renting a room for the night.

* * *

The next few days are very uneventful; we continue along, stopping in a settlement every couple nights to resupply and trade. I know I'm just imagining it, but it feels like my memories and feelings are returning more and more strongly the closer we get to the Capital Wasteland. I spend my few caps on the strongest alcohol I can find, and during our stops in towns I usually wake up with a girl in my bed. They don't do anything to ease the ache I pretend isn't there, and they don't fill the Amata-shaped hole in my chest. Some of them try to comfort me when I wake from nightmares, but the rest seem to slip away before morning.

The pattern continues all the way until we see Rivet City looming in the distance. Calvin gives a low whistle and wonders aloud how the big ship got there. I let him speculate, watching the ruins on our side of the river for Super Mutants. Ritter and I rush one that seems to be tearing into a corpse, and he manages to catch the monster by surprise with a grenade. With a well-placed shot from me, it collapses in pieces and we return to an applauding Calvin.

The mutants' numbers are surprisingly low, and with the Citadel nearby, I don't expect to see many more. Calvin continues guiding us north, and begins talking about the giant building that is the Brotherhood fortress.

Not wanting to be recognized, I keep my hat low over my eyes, but there aren't many Brotherhood members out patrolling, and we pass by the Citadel with little trouble.

Delilah moos uneasily as the Brotherhood's crane creaks in the wind and I'm struck with the memory of watching Liberty Prime swinging out over the Citadel walls. The sight was awe-inspiring and I can't keep a smile off my face.

"What's so funny, Jack?" Calvin teases, snapping me back to reality.

I pull my hat off and rub a hand through my hair, shaking my head. "Nothin'. Sorry." The adrenalin that had built up in my veins as the robot appeared is coming back, and I feel myself getting antsy just as I had before the fight to the purifier. The already-won battle feels like it's about to happen again, and the stress of that day comes trickling back to me.

The guys just chuckle at my wild expression changes and we continue on.

We make our way across the river to the memorial, and I try to play it cool, like I didn't cross this bridge in the middle of the fight of my life. My heart is thudding in my chest and I can feel cool sweat on the back of my neck. My mind replays explosions and Enclave soldiers rushing at me with every step, and I swallow, my hand going to my pistol instinctively.

Ritter gives me an odd look, but doesn't say anything, helping nudge our brahmin in the right direction and around the craters in the concrete.

Calvin makes a deal for some aqua pura at the memorial, and I'm pleased to see Brotherhood guards milling around. Turning the purifier over to the people would have been a surefire way to start a civil war. I pull my hat a little lower over my eyes, hoping to escape notice. A few of the Brotherhood notice my Pipboy and mutter amongst themselves, but no one says anything, and soon we're heading away from the memorial and back across the river.

With our cart loaded with water, our brahmin moves slower, and we amble toward Megaton leisurely. The Super Mutant presence seems to have all but disappeared, and across the river, I notice what can only be the Lyons' Pride coming up and out of the metro.

Sarah's blonde hair isn't among the group, and a wave of concern washes over me. Once she'd realized I could hold my own, the Paladin and I had become good friends. I hope she hasn't gotten killed in the time since I've been away, but I can't dwell on it for long, because Ritter swears and I hear the jeering of raiders. Calvin starts yelling orders and jumps in front of Delilah, tugging his rifle off his back.

Gunfire explodes in front of me and I whip my pistol out, taking a few quick shots. With Ritter's help, we drop one of the raiders, but the rest have relatively heavy armor and are running at us with makeshift clubs and machetes.

I let my Pipboy take the brunt of a machete hit as I rush to meet one of the raiders, deflecting the blade and pulling my gun up in his face. The raider jeers and twists away, sending me off balance and my shot goes wide.

The blade of the machete is dull and as he brings it down on my shoulder, the reinforced leather of my jacket takes most of the blow, but doesn't split. I can already feel a bruise forming and whirl, firing a few shots in quick succession. They hit their mark and the raider falls over with a bloody crater for a face.

I don't have time to react before another raider jumps on my back and the barrel of a gun digs into my neck. Terror shoots through me and I hear a gunshot.

Everything in me is expecting to be dead, but I feel the raider sag against me and fall off my back.

I turn around to see Ritter's gun still smoking and a grim smile on his face. "Thanks," I gasp out, my heart pounding faster than I was aware it could.

The rest of the raiders are dead and Calvin is checking Delilah for any wayward bullet wounds. I move back over toward my group and help Ritter scavenge for spare bottle caps and ammo. It's only when Ritter and I head back toward Calvin that I notice he's favoring his left side.

"What happened?" I ask, pausing and studying him for injuries.

Ritter snorts and waves my concern away, but I scowl at him.

"Ritter. What happened?"

The merc hears the warning in my tone and I'm surprised when he grimaces and gives in. "Took a knife to the leg," he mutters. "I'll be fine."

My eyes fall to his leg, finding the wound easily now that I know what I'm looking for. There's blood seeping out it and staining his armor and I cringe in sympathy.

"Calvin? Ritter's hurt."

Ritter makes a noise of protest but our boss comes over anyway, examining the wound and tutting. They discuss using a few stimpaks or backtracking to Rivet City, but I clear my throat to interrupt.

"That'd be wastin' a few hours, guys. I, uh... Megaton's right over this hill." I nod at the incline unnecessarily, shrugging a little. "There's a doctor there, and he's pretty good."

Calvin looks between me and the hill before beaming. "There we go! Way to put that mental map to use, Jack." He tosses me a few caps, saying something about them being a bonus, and we take off at a much slower pace, with Ritter leaning heavily on Delilah.

It's well past noon when we arrive at the gated city, and Calvin walks toward the gate with a plea for medical help on his lips. Ritter picks up the glint off the town's sniper's scope and stops him, and I call up the password. The gate creaks open in front of us, and we hobble inside. Calvin and Ritter hitch Delilah up and lock her packs up, and I help nudge the town's rusty gate closed.

They get directions to Doc Church's shack and I follow halfheartedly, glancing around the little town. It looks mostly the same, though it looks like the sign up at Moriarty's saloon has been vandalized. My thoughts go immediately to Gob and Nova, the only two friends I'd ever really made out in the wastes.

"I'm gonna go get a drink," I call to the guys, heading up the side of the crater and across to the saloon. I keep my hat low over my eyes, desperate to maintain my anonymity and keep from causing an uproar. I've never felt like the hero everyone else seemed to see me as, not after what happened during the battle. Letting everyone down isn't very heroic, and I distract myself by remembering that I've left that past behind. I don't want the memories to come tumbling back into my lap right now, in the middle of the city I used to call home.

I hesitate outside the door, looking up at the sign to see the damage that's been done. Moriarty's name is crossed out and crudely painted over. Seeing Gob's name on the sign throws me for a loop and I frown, reaching for the door.

The inside of the saloon is the same as always, dusty and dim, but strangely comforting. There's a few people at the tables, and one at the far end of the bar, but since it's still relatively early, I'm not surprised. Gob is tending the bar, as usual, looking a little worse for wear, but still fine. The woman that can only be Nova is in the back of the saloon, checking on a customer.

I can't help but smile a little, feeling more at home here than I have in years. Trying to be inconspicuous, I amble over to the bar and pick a seat near the radio. It's quiet, turned off during the slow hours. I'm tempted to turn it on and hear what Three Dog has to say, but movement in front of me startles me out of my thoughts.

"What can I get for ya, smoothskin?" Gob grinds out, his best attempt at a smile on his face.

I finger the caps in my pocket, trying not to grin at my old friend. I'm surprised by how much I missed him. "Just some water, I guess."

Gob hesitates at the sound of my voice, giving me a confused look before turning away and getting my drink. "Here you go," he says as he sets it down in front of me.

"Thanks." I see him pause again, and can't stop a chuckle. I tip my hat back and direct a smile at the ghoul. "Hey, Gob."

Gob looks stunned, which is quite the expression on a ghoul, and swears quietly. "It's you!"

I nod, shushing him. "Keep it quiet. I don't wanna make a scene or anything."

Gob nods agreeably, resting his elbows on the bar and grinning. "Where've you been? Me'n Nova thought you'd had a bad run-in with a deathclaw or something."

I shrug a little. "Away. Needed some space after... everything." I don't necessarily want to be talking about or remembering everything I've tried to drink away, so I change the subject. "Where's Moriarty?"

Gob gives a wheezy laugh. "His scotch was poisoned, poor bastard. Looked like some unhappy underlings of his had dumped a bunch of chems in it." The ghoul gives me a conspiratorial wink and I can't help but laugh. "I took over and it's been good ever since."

There's a stunned smile on my face. "Poisoned? Really? So you and Nova are free?"

Gob nods proudly and is about to say something when footsteps come our way.

"I heard my name," Nova announces, her voice slightly raspier than I remember but just as sultry as ever. She plops on the seat beside me, offering me a polite smile before she really looks at me. Her jaw goes slack and she gasps before bursting into a large grin and throwing her arms around me. "You're alive!"

I chuckle and pat her arm. "I'm tough to kill."

She sits back and takes me in for a moment, pressing a kiss to my cheek and tugging my hat over my eyes playfully. "Glad to hear it, hon. Me and Gob worried ourselves sick about you. Missed seeing your face in here."

Nova starts telling me everything that's happened in my absence and I listen for a while, focusing on my friends as her voice turns into background noise. Nova's going gray, her red hair dulled with silver strands. Her face is lined and I take a guess that her old Jet habit didn't help her youthful looks.

Gob walks away to help another customer and Nova finishes her story, smiling over at me again.

"It just hasn't been the same around here with you gone. Three Dog's had nothing to talk about," Nova teases.

I scoff, draining the last of the water in my glass. "As far as I'm concerned, that old Lone Wanderer bullshit can be lost to history. I gave it up years ago."

Nova cocks her head and regards me thoughtfully. "Really? What've you been up to, baby?"

A shrug is as much answer as I want to give her, but words come falling out of my mouth anyway. "Guarding caravans, mostly. That and drinking myself under the table." I roll my eyes at myself. "It'd be nice to forget."

Sympathy and concern pass over Nova's face. "Are you okay?"

I shrug again, giving the empty glass a bitter look. "Mostly. Hurts to remember everything. The battles, the stuff I've seen, my dad dying..."

Nova's quiet for a minute, then opens her mouth hesitantly. "... And Amata?"

I don't respond, but that works as an answer for her. She and Gob were my biggest supporters when I was exiled from Vault 101 and Amata had promised she loved me before sealing me out. I had been a mess, heartbroken by my best friend, and apparently Nova hasn't forgotten how strongly Amata affected me.

"Oh, honey," Nova coos, wrapping me up in another hug. "It's been years. You deserve better than hanging onto someone you'll never see again. I'm sure there's plenty of people out there that would love to have you."

"They'd love to have the 'Lone Wanderer,'" I correct sullenly, shrugging off the thoughts. I'm not much more than a shadow of my former self; parts of me have been numb or just shut down since the battle for the purifier, but I don't let my mind go there.

Nova protests, calling me by name, but I stop her before anyone overhears.

"It's Jack now. I gave up that name years ago." I give her a smile to soothe the concern I see on her face. "Got tired of being recognized and decided I should be someone else for a change."

Nova doesn't seem quite sure what to think, but tests my new name uncertainly.

My thoughts are going to a dangerous place and I realize I should go find Calvin and Ritter and see if we're ready to head out. "Thanks for the drink," I say, setting some caps on the bar, but Nova snorts and Gob comes back over and pushes them back toward me.

"Like hell are we gonna charge an old friend," he says, offering me a smile.

I'm not up for fighting, knowing Nova's watching me for any sign of an emotional breakdown, so I just agree and pocket my caps again, tipping my hat at my friends before heading for the door.

The air outside the saloon is hot and dry but it's less stuffy than it was inside, and I take a deep breath, looking out over the crater and observing the city I used to call home. Down below me, I can see Calvin talking to a group of people near the crater, and I can almost hear him making deals.

I chuckle and head down the metal walkways, walking up to my boss as Ritter exits the doctor's shack, still limping but moving much better. My gut instinct was right and Calvin is already trading, and we all climb the side of the crater. Calvin starts selling stuff from Delilah's pack, making a cool two hundred caps in about twenty minutes.

"Y'all right, Ritter?" I ask the merc as Calvin's crowd begins to disperse.

He nods, testing his leg gingerly. "Couple'a stitches and a few stims. Told ya I'd be fine."

I smile at the man's stubbornness. "Good."

"We'll be back," Calvin promises his last few buyers, shooing them away and patting Delilah as the brahmin shifts uncertainly.

Ritter and I move in and nudge the last few people away and start strapping Delilah's packs on her back more firmly.

Calvin checks his list as we finish double checking Delilah's gear and scratches his bald head thoughtfully. "Okay, next stop is gonna be interesting. Gotta make a new deal with the head honcho, something about spreading news about them starting up their own trade, and then we can come back here for the night. Don't worry," he adds with a jovial wink. "It's nearby, so it won't be a long trip."

Ritter and I exchange relieved looks, and we head down the hill, away from Megaton. After a few minutes, we meet up with an old highway, and Calvin leads us westward. Springvale's school rises up to our north, and we walk through the remains of the town slowly.

My eyes go to the incline before us, settling on the little scenic outcropping that hides the entrance to Vault 101. A part of me wishes I had the time and ability to go revisit my childhood and to make amends for everything that went wrong when I went back to help Amata. The rest of me aches, the heartbreak coming back so strongly it makes me choke up. It doesn't help that the sun's beginning to set and I can't help but remember leading Amata out of the Vault to see her first sunset.

I drop my gaze to the ruined asphalt below our feet, following along beside the brahmin quietly. A sharp turn and a sudden incline catch my attention and I look up to see Calvin moving for the rickety wooden door hiding Vault 101.

"Whoa, wait." The words are out of my mouth before I even realize I've thought them, and Calvin stops to look at me.

"Got something on your mind?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.

"No, I just... Sorry," I stammer, swallowing hard and dropping my gaze to the dirt.

Calvin stares at me uncertainly for another minute before turning to continue to the door. He twists the knob and yanks the door open, and I cringe as the wooden door groans.

The boss looks down into the cavern, nodding to himself. "This is the place. Okay Ritter, you stay with Delilah. Jack, you're comin' with me. Might give us a little extra bargaining power if they see that thing on your arm. Could make 'em feel like you're one of them."

I bite back a shaky laugh, just nodding and following Calvin into the cave. My hands are trembling violently as my boss enters a code into the door panel and activates it. The shrill shrieking of metal on metal fills the cave and we both shudder before Calvin leads me over the threshold and into Vault 101.

A few security guards come up to meet us, police batons at the ready. I'm a little bothered by that; if they're opening the Vault to anyone, they need better protection than a few collapsible clubs. I halfway recognize the guard that greets us, wondering if I'd had him in one of my classes years ago. The thought is pushed from my mind a few moments later when he turns and leads us through the Vault to the Overseer's office.

I still know the route through the sterile bunker like the back of my hand and follow it numbly, keeping my head low and my face hidden as best I can. I'm wishing the brim was a little wider when I run into Calvin. He and the guard have stopped for a moment, and I offer a sheepish shrug. "Sorry," I mutter, rubbing a hand over my face.

My apology is mostly ignored and we continue. I'm lost in memories, images from my childhood flashing before me. We've just finished climbing stairs when a memory of Amata giggling sends a burst of nostalgia and pain through me.

The memory has barely faded when Calvin stops moving, and then she's there in front of us, greeting us warmly.


	2. Chapter 2

It's been five years since I was exiled from the Vault, yet here I am, standing inside. I never thought I'd be inside 101 again, much less see Amata, but she's standing there in front of me, talking to my boss. My heart is about to pound out of my chest and I'm not sure what to do.

I can't decide whether to look at her or hide, so I pull my hat over my eyes again, shifting my arms to hide my Pipboy from her sight. Even all these years later, hearing her voice is almost painful. The last words she ever said to me were 'goodbye' as she kicked me out, and for a long time, I resented her for breaking my heart.

I risk a glance up at the only girl I've ever really loved, glad that she's only paying attention to Calvin as they talk business. She looks amazing, and I can tell that the time she's spent in command has been good for both her and the Vault. I'd always found her beautiful but she's grown into a woman and is soft and gorgeous and just looking at her takes my breath away.

Her eyes roll toward the ceiling thoughtfully before flicking in my direction, but I duck my head before she can see my face. My cheeks are warm and my stomach is churning nervously. No matter how much I resented what she'd done, I couldn't really hate her. Not Amata, the girl with more guts and a bigger heart than anyone else I'd ever met.

Calvin's apparently pleased with the deal he and Amata have worked out, nodding respectfully and backing away. "Thank you very much, ma'am," he says. "When I head back, I'll let the boss know, and everything will be worked out."

Amata answers politely, calling for one of her security guards to escort us back out of the Vault.

Calvin takes his cue and turns to exit the office. "C'mon, Jack."

I hesitate, knowing I should follow him but I'm hardly able to move. The thought of leaving without getting to see her one more time is painful. I lift my chin and meet Amata's gaze, watching shock fill her face as she recognizes me. After a long moment in which I commit every detail about her to memory, I nod and back away, turning to follow Calvin and the guard out of the Vault.

"Wait!" Amata gives a strangled yelp and there's a bang under her desk as her chair scrapes against the floor.

We turn to look and see her cringing and clutching at her knee, getting to her feet gingerly and coming around the desk.

I give Calvin a pleading look, wanting to leave before Amata corners me. I don't know what I expect and I don't want to find out. I just want to forget I've ever returned here, but my boss frowns at me.

"If you piss off this gal and ruin the deal, I'll break your neck," he mutters under his breath.

I return my gaze to the Overseer of Vault 101, my best friend, and try to pretend I'm not shaking. Amata comes up to me, nudging the brim of my hat up so she can see my face. Her eyes meet mine, trying to figure out if I'm real. She whispers my name, her forehead wrinkling with disbelief.

Beside us, Calvin and the guard shift uneasily, and Amata seems to realize they're still there.

"Uh, Officer, we need... Give us a minute," she orders, motioning that he take Calvin with him.

Moments later, it's just me and Amata in her office. I pull my hat off uneasily, playing with its brim and dropping my gaze to the floor. Hearing her speak the name I've given up is strange and takes me back to those precious few hours I'd spent with her in my arms years ago. "I'm not s'posed to be here, I know," I offer weakly. "Calvin's fault, I..."

"It is you." Amata's voice is trembling and filled with awe.

I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about the tone of her voice, so I just glance toward the door and bite my lip. "I can leave," I offer. "I'll never come back, promise."

"Shut up," Amata orders, a smile audible in her voice.

I look up, and sure enough, she's grinning at me. Something in me relaxes a little, but I still don't know what to do with myself.

"Hi." Amata's voice is gentle, and her eyes are friendly.

I study her for a few moments, noticing that she still seems slightly guarded. I wonder what it is that's bothering her and if she's debating throwing me out again before answering. "Hi."

"You look good," Amata tells me, her eyes dropping to the sturdy leather jacket I'm wearing. "Like you can handle yourself."

I shrug, both unsure that I believe her and decidedly uncomfortable under her gaze. "Thanks," I say anyway, glancing up at her again. "You, uh... You look damn good, too."

Amata's cheeks go pink and she mumbles a "thank you." After a moment, she gives me a strange look. "Did he call you Jack?" When I nod, she smirks. "Why, is it a nickname or something?"

I hesitate. "Sort of. More like a new one. I... broke. Didn't want to keep going with the name that reminded me how much everything hurt." The admission spills from my lips far more easily than I'd expected or intended, and I'm embarrassed that something I've kept so hidden from myself has been shared with Amata, the girl I'd held partially responsible for my breakdown.

Amata make a soft noise and her face is full of concern. She looks like she wants to say something, but can't quite find the words.

We're both quiet and my gaze goes to the metal floor beneath our feet. I feel like an alien in here, and I shake myself. "I should go." I move for the door, wondering how far Calvin got from the Overseer's office.

Amata calls my name softly and I pause, somewhat amazed at how much control she seems to have over me, even all these years later.

"I'm sorry," she tells me quietly, the honesty in her voice so clear it's painful. "I'm so, so sorry."

I turn my head just enough to see her out of the corner of my eye, at a loss for how to respond. I don't even know if she's just being sympathetic or actually apologizing for everything that happened between us years before.

"I missed you." She sounds vulnerable and I see her shift uncomfortably. "I know... I mean..." She sighs frustratedly, chewing at her thumbnail absently. "I have no right, since I'm the one that made you leave, but... God. I missed you."

I'm still not sure what to say, but I turn and study her for a moment. Her eyes are on me and there's obvious hope on her face. "What do you want from me, Amata?" I ask slowly. "There's just... I don't know what you expect from me."

Amata looks unsure of herself and doesn't answer.

I'm wishing she'll say something, anything, but she doesn't. I don't know what I'm waiting for and sigh, tugging my hat back on. "Good night, Overseer." The words sting and I'm immediately sorry for the bite they leave in the air, but I'm ready to escape.

"Don't." Amata doesn't sound angry and that's enough to make me pause, hand hovering over the door switch. "Don't disappear again."

I scoff weakly. "I'm not even supposed to be here, Amata. This is a fluke. You exiled me for a reason, and even though it hurt, I understand why. The Vault is better off without me. You're better off without me. I just... didn't know the route came here, sorry. I'll finish up the trip and find a different route and I'll quit breaking your rules."

"I'll rescind the order," Amata replies immediately, the words spoken decidedly and easily. "The Vault is stable. People here are excited to open the Vault and explore the world outside. They have bigger things to worry about than a kiss you and I had in front of them years ago that they thought was 'icky.'"

"Rescind...? What?" I turn to face her quizzically, not quite sure I understand.

"Yeah. Actually, we could use someone like you, someone who knows both sides." Amata's face is thoughtful. "You would be a big help. You could even have an apartment here in the Vault, somewhere safe to come back to at night." I see a flicker of worry for my safety pass over her face, gone as soon as it appears.

"I..." My confusion takes the form of a frown on my face, and Amata's suddenly uneasy.

"I'm going to let you back into the Vault," she clarifies. "And you can have your old apartment back; no one's using it. You and... uh, anyone else you want to share it with." Her gaze dips to the floor for a moment, but she shakes herself and continues. "I don't know much about your caravan job, but I want someone to work as a trade agent for the Vault until we're able to really expand outside. I trust you, and... well, I'd really like to have you around again."

I just gawk at her for a few moments, trying to process everything I've heard.

"You can say no," Amata adds quietly, almost as if she's afraid of my answer. "I'll understand. After everything I put you through..."

My heart is thudding in my chest and my head is spinning. "You want me to work for you?"

She nods, biting her lip as she tries to gauge my reaction. "Would that be too weird, considering how we...? Do you want some time to think about it?"

I pinch the bridge of my nose and nod, overwhelmed by everything. "Yeah. Yeah, some time... that'd be good."

Amata looks relieved at the lack of an instant refusal. "Cool." She grins at me, scratching her cheek absently.

There's a beat of silence and I shift awkwardly, glancing at the door.

"I'll tell the door guards to expect you," Amata offers. "Just tell them you're here to see me and they should let you in."

"Thanks." I'm sure Calvin's probably itching to leave, and I open my mouth to say goodbye again, but nothing comes out.

Amata moves toward me, looking like she wants to wrap me up in a hug, but holds herself back, offering her hand instead. I shake it, surprised at how gentle her touch is.

"Good night," she murmurs, gazing up at me.

"Night." I tip my hat and activate the door, exiting her office before I find myself unable to leave. The moment the door closes behind me, I miss her presence, surprised at how quickly I've grown used to her again. I try and shake the feeling away, looking up to see Calvin's curious look as he gets up off the floor and stretches.

"Jesus, Jack. What took you so long?" He raises an eyebrow, doing his best not to look irritated. "Why'd you get a special audience with the big boss?"

I rub at the back of my neck, exhaling slowly. "We're... old friends," I admit.

Calvin takes a glance at my Pipboy and frowns. "I don't think I understand."

"I grew up here," I clarify, "but it's a really long, personal story that I don't want to get into."

My boss gives me a calculating stare. "I'd been told this Vault had been sealed since the war."

"Stuff happened. Can we please go now?" I give my boss a desperate look, hiding my Pipboy behind my back as the guard comes to escort us to the entrance.

Calvin's quiet as we walk through the Vault and I can see the wheels turning in his head. I hope against hope that he was still down in Carolina territory five years ago and hasn't heard the stories of the Lone Wanderer. As the great metal door screeches shut behind us, he turns to me again.

"You weren't kidding when you said you were from around DC, were you?"

I attempt a grin. "Nah."

We walk through the cavern toward the door, opening it to find Ritter carving into an old stick as he sits near Delilah.

"Sorry," Calvin says as we approach the merc, "Jack here had a special meeting with the boss."

Ritter turns a curious eye on me and I shrug helplessly. His eyes go to my Pipboy and he raises an eyebrow. I answer his unspoken question with a nod and he gives me an understanding nod in return. I help him to his feet and we head back to Megaton quietly.

By the time we enter the city, my head is whirling with what's happened. This evening has been wilder than the past few years combined, and I'm not sure what to make of the opportunity presented to me. Calvin and Ritter head for the restaurant by the bomb and I make a beeline for the bar.

Nova sees me first, looking surprised. "Back so soon?" she teases lightly. "Knew my charm would win you over one of these days."

"Whiskey," I plead, throwing myself into a chair at the bar.

Nova's mood shifts instantly at the tone of my voice and she hurries around behind the bar, grabbing a whiskey bottle from below the bar and pouring me a glass. "What's the matter, honey?"

I take a gulp of the alcohol, letting it burn its way down my throat before even trying to answer. I cough a little, shaking my head and taking another drink. Nova moves around the bar and sits beside me, rubbing my shoulder and waiting for me to speak.

"Caravan went to the Vault," I manage after a few minutes. "Amata was there. She didn't try to kick me out... Seemed almost happy to see me." I take another drink, coughing and nearly spilling a little out of my glass. I refill the glass with a shaky hand, not sure why I'm so affected by this. "She offered me a job, Nova. And let me back in."

Nova's quiet for a few moments, watching as I pull off my hat and drop it on the bar beside my drink. "That's... Hm. You don't seem happy."

"I don't know what I am," I admit, giving the alcohol in my glass a sour look. "I did what I could to forget about it, about her, and now this happens." I'm quiet for a while, nursing the drink in my hand.

Nova's hand goes to combing through my hair and she sits with me quietly, just waiting for me to speak.

"She's still gorgeous," I mumble, setting the empty glass aside and reaching for the bottle.

Nova grabs my arm, stopping me before I can start drinking straight from the bottle. "Slow down," she advises gently before turning the subject back to the Vault. "Are you going to do it?"

I shrug. "Just started with this job. 'Sides, I don't know if Amata... I don't know how I feel about her."

"Five years is a long time to be pining after her," Nova cautions.

"I know." I groan and bury my face in my hands. "I just... She's the only person that ever got me, and she didn't give half a crap that I was some big hero of the wasteland. She just... We were a good pair." I'm quiet, sorting through my own emotions as best I can even though the world is starting to spin, thanks to the alcohol.

"I just don't want you to be miserable, hon." Nova pats my back gently, sighing. "People move on, and I know how much she means to you. You've been hurt before, and I don't want you to have to go through that again because of her."

"Is there a 'but' in there?" I ask, my voice muffled through my fingers.

Nova laughs quietly. "It'd be nice to have you around here again. I don't think the hero worship would be as bad as you think. People around here are always gonna remember you as the confused little Vaultie looking for her dad."

I groan at the memory, unable to keep a chuckle from escaping me. I've grown up a lot since I left the Vault, and I'm proud of how much shit I've survived. Wasteland life is still tough, but it's a cakewalk compared to how helpless I felt fresh out of the Vault. "I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not." I look up and shoot my graying friend a grin.

Nova slips off the stool and wraps her arms around me in a warm hug. "I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I'll understand no matter what choice you make."

I rest my head against her shoulder, patting her arm in what's as close to an embrace as I can manage. "Thanks."

"The room at the end of the hall is free," Nova tells me quietly, releasing me and stepping away. "You can stay there tonight. No charge."

I thank her again, dropping my payment on the counter and rising to my feet. The world sways and I grip the bar for support, grabbing my hat and jamming it onto my head. I turn and stagger toward the stairs, climbing them and heading down the hallway.

The door is unlocked and I move inside, shedding my jacket and boots on the rickety table just inside the door, dropping my hat on top of the pile before falling into the bed. My head is still spinning, but I'm not drunk enough to pass out right away. My thoughts go to Amata's offer and wondering what to do about the job I've already got.

I should make a decision, and I know I'm in no state of mind to choose one way or the other, but I can at least try to think of some pros and cons. Being back in the Capital Wasteland hasn't been as hard as I've thought it would be, emotionally speaking. I haven't been completely crippled with flashbacks, though my behavior heading to the purifier was less than ideal. I'm sure with a little more exposure to it, I could manage to be fine.

I didn't think to ask Amata what her job for me would entail, and I'm regretting it as I lay here and ponder my options. Knowing the duties would help my decision, that's for sure, but I also know I can trust Amata to offer me something worthwhile. My still-there feelings for Amata are a big issue; I'm not sure if I'll be able to go back to 101 knowing that I still care about her, even if I don't allow the feelings to develop. I don't remember a time I didn't love her, and even though we had a sudden and agonizing end to our short-lived relationship, I still care. Something deep inside me still longs to protect her and and offer her the affection she's always craved.

The life with caravans has been fun, though. Travelling farther than I could have ever imagined down in the Vault and helping people in far off settlements has an appeal that's hard to put into words. The relatively steady flow of caps keeps me alive, and I enjoy the nights out in the wastes, sleeping under the stars. If I keep in the business, it's likely I'll be assigned my own route within a few years, and maybe even head west eventually. The work to get to that point would be hard, but I'd be back to controlling my own path, and I've missed that.

I'm still contemplating the ups and downs when I drift off to sleep.

* * *

I wake with a hangover pounding in my head and a muffled whimper escapes me. I rub at my temples as I sit up, surprised to see a bottle of purified water on the nightstand. A glance at the table reveals that my jacket has been neatly folded and my boots set on the floor. My hat is resting to the side and there's a little pill bottle sitting beside it.

I can't help a little smile from forming on my face, knowing that Nova's been here. A few drinks of water has me feeling more awake and at least a little better, but I take a pill for good measure, getting my things together and leaving the room.

Gob's awake and cleaning the bar when I come down the stairs, and he greets me with a wave.

"Mornin' Gob," I call, heading over to him.

"Hi. Sleep okay?" He frowns as he rubs at a stubborn spot on one of his glasses, setting it aside disgustedly.

I shrug, twirling my hat in my hands. "Considering my hangover, I guess. Got any-"

The door opens, interrupting my question, and Sheriff Simms strides in, assault rifle still strapped to his back. He takes a survey of the room, eyes passing over me blankly before he gives Gob a nod. He's about to say something when he looks back to me and is shocked into silence. "I'll be damned!"

I grin uncertainly, watching the big man make his way over to me. "Howdy, Sheriff."

"Long time no see, kid," he crows, clapping me on the shoulder. "How's the wasteland been treatin' you?"

Any short response I could come up with seems flat and I just shrug. The sheriff looks like he's about to ask me more, so I quickly make myself an excuse. "Sorry, sir, but I've got a killer hangover and a caravan to catch up with."

He takes that as answer enough, smiling. "Glad to see you've found something to do with yourself. If you ever need a break, that house'a yours is still empty." He tosses me an old brass key that I recognize immediately as the one to my door. "You've always got a home here in Megaton."

Part of me is touched at the words, and I'm reminded of many nights spent in the little shack I'd called home. There's a tug in my chest to go visit it, but I really do need to go find Calvin and Ritter and see what's up.

I say my goodbyes and head out, pulling on my hat and making my way down the crater toward the Brass Lantern. I figure that since that was the last place I saw the guys, it'd be a good place to start asking around. As I walk up to the little restaurant, my stomach decides to announce that it's empty, so I plan to stop for breakfast, too.

"Welcome to the Brass Lantern," Jenny Stahl says, hiding a yawn behind her hand. "What can I get for you?"

"Breakfast would be good," I joke, sitting down on one of the chairs. It creaks under my weight, but it holds and I look up to find Jenny studying me carefully. I've always liked her and decide not to keep her in the dark, smiling and taking off my hat again. "Howdy."

Recognition flashes across her face and the woman grins at me. "Well, hey there, 101, how've you been?"

She gets me her daily special and treats me like I'm a regular person that's been away for a week. The friendliness is a touching difference from what I'd expected, and I make sure to tip her extra when I finish my meal. I push my plate away, sitting back and stretching. "Hey, Jenny? Remember those traders from last night?"

She nods, getting someone else a drink before returning to me. "The bald guy and the merc?"

"Yeah. You wouldn't happen to know where they went, would you?"

Jenny thinks for a minute, disappearing inside the shack to ask her brothers. She returns a moment later with an answer. "Andy directed them up to the common house to sleep. They haven't stopped for breakfast or anything, so I'd guess they're still up there."

"Thanks." I hand her the payment and grin before leaving and heading back up the side of the crater. I've forgotten how steep it is and my calves are killing me by the time I reach the top. I take a moment to catch my breath so I don't burst into the building gasping for breath and end up scaring everyone.

The door opens quietly, and I start searching through the bunks. Calvin and Ritter are in the back corner, sprawled across the mattresses they'd picked. I'm tempted to leave them there and let them sleep, but Calvin'll give me hell if we're leaving and I'm not ready to go when he is.

"Hey." I nudge the sleeping caravan boss, rolling my eyes when he mutters and rolls over and snores loudly. "Calvin, wake up."

I finally get him halfway conscious and he gives me a bleary look. "What's goin' on?"

"I wanted to know when we were planning on leaving." I offer him an apologetic smile, glad he's still too asleep to be furious for waking him so early.

Calvin rubs a hand over his face, yawning widely. "Reckon we'll stay here a few days. Nice place to rest. 'Sides, trade's been good and Ritter could use a few days to heal."

I'm surprised at how relieved I feel. I thank him and creep back out of the house before I disturb anyone else, pausing outside and looking out over the crater. Despite how rickety and run down everything looks, this town feels warm and familiar. It's as close to a home as I'd ever found, and the thought almost chokes me up.

Passing through every once in a while with a caravan would be fine with me. I'd get to catch up with old friends and be back here, back home. Going months between visits might be difficult, and the idea becomes less appealing the longer I think about it.

My eyes flick over to the abandoned shack that had been my house and I'm tempted to see the inside of it. I dip my hand in my pocket and finger the key Sheriff Simms had returned to me, figuring I may as well go back to my old house.

I take the long way back, trudging all the way around the town and remembering how big the town seemed when I was fresh out of the Vault. The memories from what feels like lifetimes ago bring a smile to my face, and I habitually check the water pipes as I walk along. I've noted a few spots that need repairs and hope I'll remember to tell Walter before stopping in front of my door.

I take the key out of my pocket and push it into the lock, opening the door and stepping into the shack.

Everything is right where I left it, though there's a layer of dust on almost everything. I pull my hat off almost reverently, gazing around at the inside of my house. I'm nearly overwhelmed by everything and out of habit, reach over by the door to hang my hat. The nail I used to use is still there and holds my hat while I move deeper into the house.

Wadsworth, the old Mr. Handy, is powered down in a corner, and I leave him there for a while. I want to spend some time soaking up all the feelings washing over me without the robot wanting to tell me a terrible joke.

My feet lead me to the stairs and I turn to sit at the landing. Everything around me is familiar and welcoming, from the empty bottles on the shelves to my dad's old Vault-Tec bobblehead, right down to the old BB gun I mounted on the wall after it broke during my short return to Vault 101.

This is home.

Amata's offer echoes in my ears and I consider it once again. Staying around here has become more and more appealing than any caravan offer. I'd be back here at home, with everyone I care about nearby. Gob, Nova... Amata... The people that still think of me as some sort of hero don't matter in comparison to the friendships I've missed.

I hesitate, wondering if I can even consider Amata a friend. We have, or would have, a working relationship. No matter how I feel about her, I can't go against that. I won't let myself jeopardize any sort of time with her because of old feelings I should have let go of. All she needs is a trader, and that's all I'll let myself be. Hell, I'd be the Vault trash officer if it meant being able to be around her again.

Going over all the "maybes" makes me realize that no matter how much I keep thinking on it, I've already made a decision. As long as Amata's still offering, I'm going to accept her offer.

Given the knowledge that Calvin and Ritter are still asleep, I opt to head for the Vault first, ignoring the anxious squirming of my insides.

I grab my hat off the nail and head back out of my house, locking the door behind me and tucking the key in my pocket.

Another look out over the town assures me that I'm making the right decision, and I head for the large gate.

The trip to the Vault doesn't take very long, and the morning air is crisp and cool. My emotions are buzzing and I'm trying to think of how to phrase what I need to say to accept Amata's job, but the closer I get, the more nervous I am.

It doesn't feel quite right, heading to the Vault alone. There's no frantic message on my Pipboy, no caravan with me. Trying to reassure myself with thoughts of Amata doesn't help and I pause to take a few deep breaths at the scenic overlook outside the Vault.

The rickety door nearly falls off its hinges when I pull it open and I close it as gently as possible, not wanting to break it. I tell myself I'll see what Amata has to say about repairing it, moving toward the big metal door of Vault 101.

It doesn't open as I approach and I walk over to the control panel, giving the lever a little pull. Instead of opening, lights on the panel begin flashing and the speaker crackles to life.

"State your business," a voice orders gruffly.

"I'm here to see Overseer Almodovar," I say into the speaker, shifting my weight awkwardly.

"You are? Ha. You'll need more than a supposed appointment to get in here," the guard tells me through the static.

My insides seize up; this was supposed to be easy, at least according to Amata. "Fine, what else do you need?"

"Overseer said to ask for the name of the project you finished for your parents."

It throws me for a loop that Amata remembers that. We'd barely talked about it when I went back to assist her all those years ago. Our energies had been more devoted to dancing around our feelings for each other and thinking about how to get her father to step down than discussing the problems in the wasteland. "Project Purity," I offer quietly, mind full of memories of the purifier and the moments before I activated it.

"You're in," the guard tells me, sounding only slightly surprised. "Stand back." The door screeches open, throwing a few sparks onto the gravel at my feet, and then I'm stepping back into Vault 101 all over again.

I nod my thanks at the guard and allow myself to be escorted to the Overseer's office. Walking through the Vault, I feel much like a specimen being led off to slaughter; even the coolness of the air makes me uneasy. I don't belong in the Vault, but I'm willing to deal with a little discomfort if it means working for Amata.

The guard leaves me in Amata's waiting room, stepping into her office. "Overseer, some wastelander's here to see you."

I hear the shuffling of papers before he reappears and waves me in. I move around him and to the doorway, pausing to remove my hat before I enter.

Amata looks up and grins. "Hey!"

"Hi." I shift uncertainly, managing a smile. "I, uh, I thought about it."

Amata gets to her feet, coming around the desk and leaning back against it. Her eyebrows raise and she crosses her arms over her chest, trying not to look intimidating. "And?"

I sigh. "I just... I don't want this to be awkward."

Amata nods slowly, studying me.

"This has to be just business. I can't..." A disgruntled sigh escapes me. "Just business. And there's no way in hell you're getting me back in one of those jumpsuits."

That gets a chuckle out of Amata. "You got it." Her eyes are wistful for just a moment, the emotion so faint I swear I've imagined it. An instant later, she's back to looking concerned, waiting to hear my decision.

"I'll do it," I tell her before I lose my nerve.

Amata sags with relief, grinning at me. "Great!"

We shake hands, and Amata can't stop smiling. She hesitates only for a moment, wrapping her arms around me in a hug that lasts longer than it should between whatever we are now.

When Amata releases me, there's a moment of awkwardness, but I choose to play it off like she didn't just hug me and set my nerves on fire and leave me craving more of her touch. It's been so long since I've felt secure in someone's embrace, but I stop my train of thought right there. That's a dangerous road to go down, what with me just agreeing to work for my old girlfriend.

"So, now that I'm in, do you want to tell me what I've agreed to?" I can't help but tease her a little, my nervous energy turning into relief as the stress of the day has just resolved itself.

Amata looks confused for a moment before getting sheepish. "Oh. I, uh, sure. Step into my office," she says theatrically, gesturing to a free chair as she returns to her spot behind her desk.

After a bit of her trying to explain what she needs, I figure out that I'll basically be running trade agreements around DC, then being her head merchant as she sets up a trading system in the wasteland. Her plan is to cut me a share of the profits and seems well-planned. I'll have plenty of freedom and she'll get the Vault out into the wastes.

We both know that I'll have to teach her who the best groups to trade are, and we settle on me returning the next morning to discuss it before heading out with my first assignment. I leave the Vault once again, a strange feeling settling on my shoulders as I head back to Megaton. It takes me a few minutes to place it, but I realize that I feel almost hopeful. I'm not quite sure what all I'm hoping for, but just feeling it is refreshing, and I walk back to Megaton looking forward to what the future holds.


	3. Chapter 3

I return to my house first, settling in and taking stock of what's still there. Old ammo and broken guns are still in the lockers, along with a few different suits of armor I vaguely remember finding during my travels years ago. Most of it is stuff I don't need anymore, and I sort through to see what I feel comfortable selling and what might still be useful.

My stomach is growling by the time I finish, and a glance at my Pipboy's clock reveals that it's already a little past noon. I set my things aside and grab up a handful of bottle caps. I don't need any weaponry to go get lunch, and leaving it all behind makes the tension in my shoulders ease slightly.

I pause to power up Wadsworth, directing him to clean around my piles before leaving, making my way back down to the Brass Lantern. I know I'll have to scrounge up some food to keep in my house since I'm going to be there a lot more, but for now, I don't want to bother when I can just pay a few caps for a nice meal.

Jenny makes a comment about me loving her cooking and goes to fetch my order as I lounge at the bar.

"Mornin', Jack," Ritter mutters, appearing from behind me and plopping on a stool next to me.

"Hey. How's the leg?"

"Stiff." He rubs at it gingerly, studying the crude menu board.

Jenny returns with my food and greets Ritter, taking his order and disappearing again. We sit in companionable silence while I eat, the crazed preacher talking about his atom worship in the background. Ritter scoffs at the man, thanking Jenny for his food and digging in.

It occurs to me that I need to quit the caravan; simply accepting Amata's offer isn't enough to get me out of work. I finish my food and glance up the hill to see if Calvin's coming. He's not, and I sigh, pushing my plate aside.

"Hey, Ritter?"

He raises an eyebrow at me.

"You know how we went to the Vault yesterday? That's the one I'm from." I scratch at a stain on the wooden bar, wondering what the least awkward way to bring it up will be. "When I went inside, I met an old friend of mine, and... Well, she offered me a job."

Ritter just nods, finishing up his meal and studying me calmly. "Gonna do it?"

I hesitate, not sure if I should tell him or Calvin first, even though I'm already so far into the conversation. It'd be weird to just stop here, so I go ahead and answer. "Yeah. It'll be nice to be back here for a while, and the work sounds interesting." I look up to see him smiling and feel a weight lift off of my shoulders. "Just thought I'd let you know," I finish lamely, grinning at the caravan guard.

Ritter nods again, extending his hand to shake. "Didn't quite feel like you belonged on the road," he confides. "Besides, the people need their Lone Wanderer." He winks, chuckling when he sees my shock.

"You knew?!"

Ritter ducks away from my playful punch. "Didn't know at first, but I figured it out. 'Sides, seemed like you were trying to keep it secret so I didn't ask."

I frown and study the merc for a minute or two. "How?"

Ritter snorts. "Not everyone was down in Richmond while you were saving D.C., you know."

I study him for a few minutes, seeing him in a whole new light. I can't imagine why he'd have been up this way; both he and Calvin had effectively called Richmond home. Either way, the man treated me like a normal person despite knowing about my supposed heroics. I'm almost sad to be leaving him behind, and I reach over and clap him on the shoulder gently. "Thanks, Ritter."

Before he can answer, I hear Calvin calling out to us and we both turn to see the bald man up on the platform in front of the saloon. He waves, but looks a little confused and gestures between the walkways. I can't help but grin and remember my first few days in the town, getting unbelievably lost, and point him toward the correct path.

A few minutes later, Calvin arrives at the little cafe, sitting down on my other side and grinning. "Thanks. God, this town is a big maze."

"You get used to it," I say dismissively, suddenly overcome with anxiety. "Hey, Calvin?"

"What's up?" He turns a quizzical eye on me, mildly intrigued by the empty plates before me and Ritter. "And what's for eatin'?"

I resist the urge to roll my eyes and wave Jenny back over. I wait until Calvin has his food and is eating before I try to speak again. "Calvin, I need to quit the caravan."

He pauses with his fork halfway to his mouth, frowning at me.

"Yesterday in the Vault," I add quickly, hoping to clarify the situation before he gets aggravated. "My... The Overseer gave me a job offer. And I just... I can't turn it down." I bite my lip, trying to guess at his reaction.

Calvin's quiet for a long time. Even Ritter is shifting uncomfortably beside me when the boss finally speaks.

"You were signed on for another month and a half."

"I'm aware of that, sir," I reply calmly, despite the shaking of my insides. "But this really is an opportunity I'm not gonna be able to pass up."

Calvin frowns, drumming his fingers on the bar as he studies me. "I can't figure you out, Jack," he concedes at length. "First you're damn quiet, then you got skittish the closer we got, and then you near 'bout had a panic attack back in that Vault. Now you wanna stay." He shakes his head and mutters to himself, obviously lost in thought.

"I can probably rustle up a backup guard," I offer quietly, my eyes going up the crater to Jericho's shack for a second before returning to my boss.

Calvin shrugs, sighing and rubbing a hand over his face. Finally, he looks over at me wearily. "Shame to see you go, Jack. You're a good hand."

He's not angry, and I can't help but sag a little in relief. I can sense Ritter relax beside me, too, and I offer Calvin an apologetic smile. "You're a good boss."

None of us are much for sentimentality, and I offer to go find someone to replace me, but Calvin waves my offer away.

"Ritter and I are good, and if we need someone, there'll be someone at our next stop, I'm sure." He pays for his food, then starts writing out calculations with his fingertip on the bar. After a few moments, he starts pulling caps from his bag and shoves me a few handfuls. "There's what I owe ya."

I'm tempted not to accept it, knowing I have plenty of stuff to sell and can live off the profits, but then again, caps are hard to come by, and I have my doubts that Amata will be able to pay me in caps any time soon. "Thanks."

I spend a last few minutes with the guys before heading back up to my house. The familiar sense of loss settles on my shoulders and there's a gnawing feeling in my chest. They're good guys and I hope they keep safe.

Thoughts of what my future will bring now that I'm allowed back in 101 fill my head and a mix of anxiety and excitement wrestle in my gut. It's felt like my purpose in the world is over now that the purifier is active and the Enclave destroyed, but being able to help Amata gives me a new sense of direction, and scary as it might be to be back around the girl that shattered my heart years ago, I'm still ready to do whatever it takes to be close to her again.

* * *

I head back to Vault 101 the next morning, not sure when Amata wants to meet but deciding that it would be better to be there and get times hammered out so I know when to come. I can't help but smile when I see Calvin trading and doing some business as I leave, heading out into the wasteland.

The walk to Vault 101 is short, and the air is still cool and crisp from the night before. I'm very aware of my surroundings, feeling relatively alive. Starting my new job seems good and right, but I'm still anxious about it.

Upon entering the cave to the entrance, I'm startled to see a few wastelanders talking with some of the Vault dwellers. It takes me a few moments of bewildered silence to realize that they're all trading and befriending each other under the watchful gaze of Vault security. I feel a little smile stretch across my face as I watch, amazed that Vault 101, where the door was never supposed to open, is turning into a possibly viable trade outpost.

One of the guards sees me and waves me through, and I make my way through the Vault toward Amata's office. It's not terribly early, but her door is still shut so I presume she's sleeping and turn around. My feet take me to the cafeteria and I hesitate just outside, wondering if I'll be recognized or if the Vault dwellers will just assume I'm a wastelander here to trade.

Someone in a Vault suit brushes past me and walks into the little diner and I realize I'm in the way, so I walk inside. Almost every fiber of my being is expecting to be attacked almost instantly, despite Amata offering to repeal my exile. I'm sure that my old peers will still resent and hate me, even though things seem to be going right for the Vault now.

A few faces turn my way, but I don't see any outright disgust. There's recognition in some of their eyes, but they just return to their breakfasts and don't pay much attention to me. I let out a breath I hadn't been aware I was holding and move to the counter, just getting a cup of coffee and finding a seat in the corner.

I spend the time waiting for my drink to cool observing everyone, remembering the surprise birthday party Amata had organized years ago. I'm still lost in thought when someone new enters and everyone starts greeting them. I look up and find Amata greeting her citizens warmly, stopping for a pat on the shoulder or a handshake here and there. It's easy to see that she's a better leader than her dad ever was; she's kind and fair and everyone loves her.

Her eyes land on me and a surprised smile appears on her face. Amata dips her chin in greeting and makes her way to the counter.

I watch her quietly, draining the last of my coffee and shaking myself, preparing to give her my table so she can have a little privacy for her breakfast. Amata appears beside me with a bowl of oatmeal in hand, grinning down at me.

"Want some company?" she asks lightly, nodding to the empty seat across from me.

I glance down at my empty cup, shrugging at her. "I was just finishing up."

"Oh." Amata hesitates. "If you wanted to go ahead and talk business, we could just head on up," she offers uncertainly.

I shake my head, gesturing to the seat. "Wouldn't wanna interrupt your breakfast."

"It's not a problem; I usually don't eat here," she answers dismissively, quite obviously trying to pretend like she doesn't feel awkward.

It's a strange little situation; it's supposed to just be business, but I know better than to think that we're capable of such a cool relationship. After all, we'd be best friends for years, and then more than that for a few days. No matter how much time has passed, we're going to have a hard time acting like employee and employer.

"Well, um... Let's head on up, I guess," Amata offers, shrugging at me uncertainly.

I nod and follow her lead, watching her as secretly as I can. I'm struck once again by the beautiful woman she's grown into. Everything about her is graceful and fluid and she moves confidently. I'd wager all the caps in the wasteland that all the bullies that gave her a hard time in our youth are kicking themselves now for ruining their chances with her.

The thought is sobering and I slow slightly. It's been years and Amata could have whoever she wants. I'm sure she probably has found someone, hopefully someone worthy of her. I know better than to dream I could have another chance with her; I've been too broken and gone for too long. Anything she could have felt for me, the girl who wussed out and ran away from her nightmares, is surely gone.

Amata notices I'm lagging behind and pauses, turning and raising an eyebrow at me.

I shake myself out of my thoughts, repressing them as best I can and managing a smile. My old best friend doesn't look completely convinced but lets it slide.

We arrive in her office a few minutes later, and I stand by the door while she moves around behind her desk and sits down, setting her food in front of her and moving some important-looking papers out of the way. Amata notices my hesitation, grinning and gesturing to a chair across from her.

"I may be the Overseer, but I'm not that scary. Sit down."

I pull my hat off and move to the chair, sitting down unceremoniously.

Amata stirs her oatmeal absently, watching steam rising from it before looking up at me. She smiles uncertainly, and I look down and play with my hat, feeling uncomfortable.

The silence is killing me and finally I have to speak. "I, uh, didn't realize you were already... I didn't know you guys were already trading with the outside."

Amata hums an answer, taking a small bite of her oatmeal and wincing as it burns her mouth. "Ow. Uh, yeah. That started a few months ago. A few people volunteered to go exploring, and they went outside. They found Megaton," she adds with a smile, apparently remembering my story about finding the town from years ago. "After a little bit of negotiating, they convinced a few people to come and trade with us, and word of mouth has kept it going." She wrinkles her nose as a thought occurs to her. "But I really don't understand why they insist on paying in old bottle caps."

I can't help but smile. "Dunno who started it, but they've pretty much been adopted as the only currency up there." I reach into my pocket and pull out a handful of my own bottle caps. "You don't have these, you can't get anything."

Amata studies the caps in my hand and frowns slightly. "Seriously?"

"Yep. Weird, maybe, but it's the only way to make it."

A thoughtful look passes over her face, but she blinks and it's gone. Her eyes flick up to meet mine and she raises her eyebrows. "So, what's... Well, who're the main groups out there? I'd like to have an idea of who to trade with."

I start telling her about the different factions in the wasteland, starting with regular wastelanders and mentioning a few specific towns. Amata eats as she listens, jotting down notes on the back of a sheet of paper.

"Slavers and raiders are out," I tell her seriously. "Don't even let them get close. They'll probably take one look in here and want it for themselves."

"Slavers?" Amata repeats, blood draining from her cheeks.

"Yeah. Just like all the ones we used to learn about in class. Except these guys are worse. They slap a bomb collar on your neck and take you to what's basically hell on Earth. The stuff that goes on in those camps..." I repress a shudder, trying not to remember my visit to Paradise Falls. "Just try not to let anyone in that's got a gun like a big blue hairdryer."

"Raiders are bad, too?"

I nod, absently reaching up to trace the chunk out of my ear where a raider had jumped me from behind and bit part of it off. Amata follows the motion of my hand and cringes sympathetically, but I can tell she remembers seeing it.

"They don't enslave people, usually. Mostly they just like to get high and kill everything that moves. Especially if you look like you've got something valuable. They're mean sons of bitches. They've been known to wipe out entire settlements for fun. Torture's one of their favorite things to do." I shake my head, hoping that Ritter's leg heals up right. "They're usually yelling and cussing and covered in dirt and spikes."

"Torture?" Amata's voice is small, and I see her eyes filled with worry. It takes me a minute to figure out that she's silently asking if I've ever been subjected to it, and I shake my head.

"The worst a raider's ever done is bit off my ear," I assure her, reaching up and bending the cartilage toward her so she can see better. The flicker of emotion in her eyes makes me realize that that may not have been the best idea, but I can't take it back now.

Amata's quiet for a few minutes. She pushes her bowl aside and gazes down at the notes she's taken. "Is it... Are there really people up there so... barbaric?"

"Most people are nice, 'Mata. There's always gonna be bad guys. Sure, there's a lot of raiders around, but that's prob'ly because D.C. is right here and there's still plenty of loot in the ruins. Half the time they're so drugged up they can't even shoot straight, so they're pretty easy to take care of."

I cringe the moment the words leave my mouth, remembering how my having to kill people had been a point of disagreement between us before I'd left. I'm fully expecting another dirty look and disappointment, but Amata just stares down at her notes for another few minutes.

"I... I think I understand now," she says at length, "why you have to kill people. If there's still slavers and people like raiders..." Her eyes meet mine. "I'm sorry."

There's a strange feeling in my chest at her apology, and I realize she's thinking about the same thing I am. I do my best to smile at her, not quite sure how I feel about it. "It's just something to live with. Still sucks, but it gets you through the day."

I continue telling her about the wasteland, warning her about Talon Company mercenaries but calming her fears by promising that Talon rarely makes it this far east. I finish up her quick education with the Brotherhood of Steel. She seems intrigued by them but I caution her that they don't care much for outsiders and Amata just nods understandingly. Her education on who to pursue as trade interests complete, I sit back in my chair and wait to see what else she wants from me.

Amata studies the notes she's taken, biting her lip thoughtfully. "Okay, back to the raiders. What happens if they try to break in? A few people against a Vault full of people doesn't seem like much of a threat, but..."

I scoff at the thought of Vault security taking on a band of raiders. "You'd need something better than a few police batons. Those aren't gonna do shit against anyone from the outside. Not even those ten mils you got would stop a raider with a shotgun." I give Amata a serious look. "So if you're planning on having any sort of defense, you're gonna have to find a weapons dealer."

Amata grimaces at the thought of her security force being attacked, but nods. "I can see that," she agrees, giving my pistol a glance. "Got any ideas?"

I consider for a few moments, knowing that Flak and Shrapnel's shop in Rivet City is quite a ways away and it could take days for extra orders of supplies to be gathered and sent across the river. The Brotherhood crosses my mind and I nearly push the thought away before wondering how beneficial a trading relationship would be for both them and the Vault.

Amata sees the expression on my face and grins. "I'll take that as a yes."

"Maybe," I caution, unwilling to promise a deal I can't pull off. "I'll have to go talk to some, uh, old friends."

The Overseer nods understandingly. "Of course." She smiles a little before her eyebrows dip slightly in a frown. "Any idea how long it'll take?"

I pretend like I'm not hoping she's worried about me and shrug. "Shouldn't be more than a day or two. Three at the most."

Amata nods again, pursing her lips.

"I'll be back soon as I getcha an answer, okay?" I'm a little surprised as how quickly the attempt at comfort slipped out; I've been trying to keep my emotions guarded so I don't slip up and reveal things I want to keep hidden. Still, it makes some of the tension in Amata's eyes ease and I feel better for it.

"Be careful," she tells me and I nod.

Knowing I'm being dismissed to go make this deal, I get to my feet. Amata rises too, and she walks me to her office door.

"Thanks," Amata murmurs, studying me for a while before smiling. She looks like she has other things on her mind, and I presume that it's things to do with the Vault and that I'm distracting her.

I dip my head in a nod, patting my hip to make sure my pistol's still in place. "I'm trying my best. Here's hopin' I can pull this off."

I leave the Vault, heading for Megaton first so I can stock up for the trip through raider territory. Having just told Amata how dangerous they can be has got images of an attack fresh in my mind. I head into my house and study my supply of weapons and armor, gathering some of the older ones and using them to repair my best armor and an old hunting rifle.

Wadsworth comes by and tries to clean up some of my spare parts, but I wave him away and ask him to get me some water. He floats away, muttering to himself and I can't help but grin. I'm grateful I got a robot with a sense of humor; that bucket of bolts has always had a special place in my heart.

It takes me a few hours to get my armor into a condition I'm comfortable with, and I suit up and grab my weapon and some ammo. My stomach rumbles and I groan, grabbing some Cram off one of the shelves and opening it up. It tastes a lot like the packaging, but it's food so I'm not going to complain too much.

With my stomach full and my armor ready, I'm all set to head out. I tell Wadsworth he can clean up and leave, locking my house behind me. As I'm leaving town, I see Ritter and Calvin strapping Delilah's bags on and silently wish them luck, slinking out of town before they can see me. I'm no good at goodbyes, and I don't want to dwell on losing the caravan job I was good at.

My duty to Amata and the different perks of this job fill my head and my conscience eases slightly. The stubborn pack of molerats around the city distract me, too, and a few minutes later, I'm not even thinking about my old job. Instead, my thoughts are on the Brotherhood and how I'm going to get inside and convince the Elder that this would be a good thing for him to consider.

I crest the hill separating Megaton from the outskirts of D.C. and look out at the sights for a few minutes. The ruins themselves are almost beautiful, still holding onto whispers of their former glory. I don't know what the city would have looked like before the war, but I can imagine it being nice enough that people would travel just to see it.

I make my way down the hill and along the craggy road, retracing the steps I'd taken with Calvin and Ritter. Soon, the Citadel is in towering over me and I cross the sturdy metal bridge in front of it. There's a guard at the gate wielding a Gatling laser, backed up by a sentry bot. I hope I don't say the wrong thing, holstering my weapons before I approach.

"Who goes there?" the guard calls, and I don't recognize the voice.

"A friend," I promise, raising my hands slightly as I yell back across the Citadel's entrance. "Does the name 'Lone Wanderer' ring a bell?"

The young man frowns, lowering the barrel of his weapon slightly. "Maybe. Elder Lyons will want more ID than that." He comes closer and eyes me warily.

I'm at a loss, but I keep my hands in the air and stay far enough away that I don't appear threatening. The guard is young, and I guess that he's probably a new recruit, but giving him an energy weapon like the one on his back strikes me as strange. "Okay, what do you want to know? I was part of the Lyons' Pride and helped in the assault on Adams. Sarah landed the vertibird right over there," I add, nodding at the platform in front of the Citadel.

The guard considers it for a few moments before nodding. "I'll let you in, but until the Elder okays you, you're being watched." He lowers his weapon and grabs at his radio. "Maxson to Gunny, friendly entering."

"Roger," the old Paladin's voice crackles through, and a moment later, the gates creak and groan before opening.

"Maxson?" I repeat incredulously as I lower my hands. "You grew up, kid."

He scoffs, studying me before cracking a grin. "That's usually what happens."

I follow his direction to move inside the Pre-war fortress, once again overcome by the enormity of it. The doorknob leading to the Bailey is cold in my palm and I exhale, hardly ready to face this part of my past. People here died because of me, and I'm expecting a less-than warm welcome. With Maxson probably watching me, I can't hesitate too long so I open the door and step inside.

Paladin Gunny is waiting, giving me a fierce glare before realizing he recognizes me. His grizzled face softens and he tries to place me.

"Remember me?" I tease. "Your most stubborn student?"

"Holy steel," he laughs, moving over toward me and clapping me on the shoulder. He quickly mutters an apology when I nearly collapse thanks to the added strength of his power armor. "Didn't think I'd see you back here again. The Elder's gonna be shocked. How've you been, kid? What's happening?"

I grin, shaking his hand. "I actually need to talk to the Elder, but maybe after that we can catch up." He nods and points me in the right direction, waving away the wary guards that come up to stop me.

I greet everyone that recognizes me cordially as I make my way to the Elder's quarters, taking a deep breath before knocking. Convincing the old man to help might be tough depending on the other situations in the wasteland, but he's kind enough that I can probably make him see reason. I rap on the door, already trying to come up with alternative weapon sources in case this doesn't pan out.

The door opens in front of me and startles me out of my thoughts. "Sorry to bother you, Elder, I just-Sarah?"

The blonde woman gawks at me for a second before laughing and throwing an arm around my neck in a hug. "I'll be damned, if it isn't my old buddy!"

"Hey, Sarah!" I can't help an incredulous smile at seeing my partner from the battle for Project Purity, the woman who saved my life. "Long time no see!"

She gives me a playful nudge. "That happens when someone just up and disappears. Where've you been, kid?"

"Caravaning down south," I answer, trying to think of something to turn the subject around before she can delve too deeply into my past. Surrounded by all the tech and glory of the Brotherhood, I'm suddenly ashamed of what I ran away from and the loss of the people I'd failed. The guilt leaves a sour taste in my mouth and I swallow hard.

"Where's the Elder?" I ask, trying to look around her and see if I can spot him sleeping. "I have a sort of... business deal to ask him about."

Sarah's face grows sad but she smiles at me anyway. "A lot has changed since you've been here, 101. Dad's, well, he passed a few years ago. I took over and have been running this place ever since."

"Oh. I'm sorry." I take my old friend's arm and give it a sympathetic squeeze.

Sarah shrugs it away but her eyes twinkle with gratitude. "It was his time, I guess." She clears her throat and shakes her head a little, motioning for me to come inside.

We settle at a table and she studies me for a few moments. "You said something about a business deal?"

I nod and start telling her about my latest return to Vault 101 and segue into the trade Amata wants to set up with the outside. I watch Sarah's expression as I talk, trying to gauge her reaction. She's got a good poker face and I can't decipher anything from her face. "The Overseer says that she's willing to provide access to the Vault's resources for as long as you maintain the agreement."

Sarah leans back in her chair and stares up at the ceiling thoughtfully.

I wait quietly, not wanting to interrupt my friend's consideration. If Sarah's anything like she used to be, she'll be a lot more willing to agree if she thinks it through on her own first.

"We can back out at any time?"

I clear my throat. "Yeah, but that's not exactly preferable. The Vault needs your protection, Sarah. And they've got plenty to offer. Food, tech, new recruits that have actually seen technology before..."

Sarah nods again, turning a quizzical eye on me. "Is this to, uh, help that girl you were so crazy for?"

My shoulders slump a little. "Not... not completely. She's the Overseer, but this is her plan to help the entire Vault." I'm expecting Sarah to back out, claiming my motivations are selfish and clouded by whatever feelings I have for Amata. I'll have failed and the Vault will remain defenseless. An imagine of Amata's disappointed face ghosts across my vision and I cringe.

My friend scoffs at my expression, yanking me back into reality. I've been expecting a frown, but Sarah just grins, leaning forward and offering me her hand to shake. "I'll want to meet with her, but you've got yourself a deal."

I sag back into the chair with relief, shaking her hand gratefully. "Thanks. They really need your support."

"They've got it," Sarah assures me.

We lapse into small talk and catch up a little bit, and hours slip away as I get lost in conversation. Sarah worms details of my absence out of me, but I only give her the bare minimum. She finally lets me be, knowing she's not going to get much else out of me. I have to correct her to call me "Jack" a few times, but she finally gets it, swearing she'll stick to using my Vault number instead.

"So I guess you're sticking around for a while?" she asks finally, grinning over at me.

I nod. "It sure looks like it."

"Good. I missed you, kid." Sarah only has a few years on me, so she's hardly allowed to call me a kid, but the affection in her tone is clear.

Memories of my training and how our friendship grew fill my mind, and I can't help but smile. We got along great for such different people, what with her snark and my quick comebacks. She'd been proud to welcome me into the Lyons' Pride and had immediately bumped me up to being her squad buddy. Thanks to our watching each other's backs, we survived the battle for the purifier, and it was due to her that I'd survived activating it.

"I missed you, too, Lyons."

She finds two bottles of Aqua Pura and tosses me one, lifting hers with a smile and silently toasting me. We drink, and the clean taste that's so foreign in the wastes fills my mouth.

"So, you want back in?" Sarah asks after a few minutes.

I screw the cap back on my bottle and raise an eyebrow at her. "In what?"

"The Pride. Just 'cause I had to become Elder doesn't mean it's gone." The blonde woman grins at me, slouching in her chair a little. "We've still got your armor and dogtags."

I hesitate, remembering the few short weeks I was a part of the decorated team. "I... Maybe later. I don't know. Amata's sort of... counting on me."

Sarah chuckles. "And since you're still sweet on her, you're gonna stick with her."

"As long as she needs me," I agree, glancing at my Pipboy's clock. It's far later than I'd expected, and Sarah sees my expression and glances at her clock.

"Well, goddamn," Sarah remarks, rising from her seat and stretching. Her back cracks a few times before she continues. "It's later than I thought. You wanna stay for mess?"

Part of me wants to decline and not intrude (or get recognized and have to tell the story of my absence), but I know the walk to Megaton will take far too long. "I guess."

Sarah grins at me. "Don't worry, 101. No big speeches, I promise."

I end up staying for dinner, sitting beside Sarah in the Solar as new plans are discussed. A few of the paladins recognize me and greet me warmly, but I don't have to say much. According to what I'm hearing, the Super Mutant population in the D.C. ruins is nearly gone except for a few areas here and there. The biggest issue with travelling through the old city is collapsing buildings.

The thought makes me happy, because the places where people have survived will be much easier to access and mean less traveling for trade. Underworld crosses my mind briefly, and I wonder how Carol and Greta are doing.

Sarah interrupts my thoughts when she nudges me, and I notice that all but the few paladins from the Pride and the ones that I'd befriended years ago have left. I'm surrounded by old friends and Sarah smiles at me, ordering someone to bring in drinks.

We spend the night reminiscing and catching up, getting a nice buzz from the alcohol. I elaborate only slightly more on the years since I've been here, not finding much to tell. Caravan life is relatively monotonous and since I'd spent a lot of it drowning myself in alcohol to try to forget, a lot of it is fuzzy.

By the time we're all caught up, it's late and Sarah tells me to find a bunk in the barracks. I'm aware that I'm in no shape to head back to Megaton and agree, getting only slightly lost on my way to bed.

I fall into the cot heavily, unable to stifle a groan. One of the initiates in the room mutters at me to be quiet and I laugh, only to receive more growls to shut up. I ponder how nice it is to feel like I belong somewhere for a few moments before letting myself drift off to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

"Rise and shine, 101!" Sarah's voice calls, grabbing my ankles and shaking me.

I jerk awake, twisting over and nearly falling out of the cot. "What the hell?" My head is pounding and it feels way too early to be awake.

"Get up," Sarah repeats. "You know, for saying how much you've been drinking the past few years, you sure don't handle a hangover well."

"Shut up," I grumble, pushing myself into a sitting position and taking a few deep breaths while the world spins.

Sarah waits until I can look at her before offering me some water and Pre-war tablets, and I take them gratefully. "Once you get up and around, I'd like to head back to your Vault and meet with the Overseer. She and I'll need to work out the details, and we may as well get to know each other now before problems arise. Besides, after all I've heard about her, I've gotta meet this girl." She waggles her eyebrows at me and chuckles when I groan.

"I never gushed that much," I protest weakly.

The blonde scoffs. "Anyone that's still got you hooked after five years has gotta be something special. All the more reason for me to go see what all the fuss is about."

I choose to ignore her teasing, hoping she'll just leave it alone. Joking aside, I know she's right and drag myself out of the bed, waiting for the medicine to kick in. Sarah informs me that she's already had breakfast, so I go to the mess hall by myself and get something to eat. Between the food and the tablets Sarah gave me, I feel better and more like myself by the time I've finished eating, so I go searching for Sarah.

The Elder is looking over new weaponry down in the lab, and I keep my distance so I won't interrupt. A few of the scribes give me dirty looks for intruding, but their elders hush them and quietly explain who I am. The younger scribes give me a second glance, appearing much more reverent and I shift uncomfortably.

Scribe Rothschild notices me and pauses in his explanations to Sarah. She follows his gaze and sees me, grinning and waving me over.

"We're just discussing a few upgrades to laser and plasma pistols," she tells me as I approach. "A few modifications and a little pistol could drop a mutie in one shot. Not bad, huh?"

I force a grin, aware of how dangerous the weapons could be in the wrong hands, but I trust Sarah to keep them reserved only for the worst of times.

"Thank you, Rothschild," Sarah says, leading me away from the scribe and out of the laboratory. We're up in the Bailey before she speaks. "Are you ready to go?"

I shrug. "If you want. Amata's probably waiting on me to get back, anyway." I see a twinkle in Sarah's eyes as I mention Amata and my eyes narrow. "Or is this just about you meeting her so you can tease her? Because in that case, no, I'm not ready, and I will never be ready."

Sarah laughs. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to meet the girl that you were so nuts over, but this is about the business deal. Good contact is important to a good alliance."

I give her another calculating stare and she lifts her empty hands in a gesture of surrender. "Just don't try to do anything to get me and her back together, okay? That... It's just business."

Sarah looks like she wants to retort but she sees the seriousness on my face and backs off. "Whatever you say, 101." She turns and calls over a few armored knights, instructing them to accompany us back to the Vault. They salute and agree, and Sarah goes off to find Gunny. She returns a few moments later, satisfied with one of her senior paladins in charge, and we leave the Citadel.

The journey to the Vault is peaceful, and walking through the wastes with Sarah brings back all sorts of memories of having each other's backs. I'm grateful for her friendship, no matter how much we had to go through to get to be friends. It helps that she's head of a strong force in the wasteland, but I'm grateful for her no matter who she's with.

"Kinda reminds me of the Pride," she comments with a grin in my direction, and we both laugh. War stories from Adams Air Force Base fill the silence and in what feels like no time at all, we're climbing the hill toward Vault 101.

"Good position," Sarah comments, studying the path. "Wouldn't be hard to hold your ground. Get a few snipers up on top, and a couple'a squads on this ridge... You'd be all set."

I make a noise of agreement and lead her and the guards into the tunnel. The big Vault door is sitting open and I see security guards beyond it, milling around in the entrance. One of them spots us and walks up to meet us, recognizing me and greeting me with a nod. His eyes go to Sarah and the armored knights and he goes on the defensive.

"Who're your friends?" the security guard asks warily, hand on his baton.

"They're with me, part of a meeting for the Overseer." I hope that'll pass as answer enough, but Sarah shifts beside me and mutters something to her men.

"My guards will stay outside," Sarah assures the Vault security officer.

I'm actually sort of torn by what would be better, but I'm not about to cross Sarah's judgment at a time like this. Part of me wants to show Amata what sort of support I've won her: capable soldiers in intimidating suits of power armor, but the rest of me is glad, because I don't want to scare her.

The Brotherhood guards nod, salute Sarah, and turn to leave and wait outside the Vault. The Vault guard watches them go, giving me a calculating look before nodding. "You're lucky the Overseer thinks so highly of you. Go on ahead," he adds, stepping aside and allowing us entrance.

I grin at Sarah and lead her into the Vault. She spends half the walk observing the technology surrounding her and commenting on the construction of it. I try my best to answer a few of her questions, but the Vault still feels strange and unwelcoming to me. I'm grateful that the conversation stops when I catch her arm before we head down the hallway to the Overseer's office.

"Be nice, and don't you dare start teasing me about me and her in there," I remind her, only slightly aware of how privileged I am to be able to order the Brotherhood Elder around. "Amata and I... can't. We just can't."

Sarah pouts playfully but nods and gives my shoulder a pat. "Fine, if you insist."

We walk into the room and I motion for Sarah to wait in the little waiting area, going up and knocking at the doorframe of Amata's office. She looks up and sees me, breaking into a grin. "Hey, that was fast! How'd it go?" she asks, rising to greet me.

"I got it," I tell her calmly, pleased to see the relief on her face. "And the Elder wants to meet you."

Amata pauses, looking almost flustered. "What, really? I mean, yeah, okay. Uh, when?"

"Now." I give her a sheepish grin, trying my best not to be amused at the shock on her face. "Hey, Sarah?" I call over my shoulder, stepping aside and letting my friend in.

Sarah walks in carefully, observing her surroundings before looking at Amata. "You must be Amata," she says with a smile, offering the Overseer her hand. "I'm Elder Lyons of the Brotherhood of Steel."

Amata stammers out a greeting, and I try not laugh; I don't remember the last time I've seen her so out of sorts.

Sarah gestures to the chair in front of Amata's desk. "Given that we have a few details to discuss, do you mind if I have a seat?"

"Of course, go right ahead," Amata answers, giving me an apologetic look since there's only one chair in the room.

I wave her concern away and lean against the wall, listening as Sarah and Amata start discussing their deal. Sarah throws in a few digs at me being the menial message runner here and there and I yelp in protest, earning a laugh from both of the leaders. I notice Amata looks slightly bothered, but she doesn't give any indication as to why and they return to hashing out plans.

It ends up that the Brotherhood will send the Vault surplus weaponry and ammunition, along with guards during trading season to prevent any harm from coming to the Vault by malicious traders. Amata in turn offers them some of the food grown in the lower levels of the Vault and access to the information in the Vault computers that could lead to better understanding of technology and how to access it.

When they're finished, Sarah excuses herself to the restroom. I offer to walk her there, but she just gets directions from Amata, waggling her eyebrows at me when she leaves and muttering something about me having good taste.

I scowl after her, surprised when I glance over and see Amata frowning too. "What's wrong? You're not upset about the deal, are you?" My insides squirm at the thought, knowing how beneficial it is for both groups.

Amata jumps, startled by my questioning. "What? Oh, no. It's not that. I didn't really... I don't know, it's stupid."

I scoff, fixing her with a look that practically orders her to tell me what's on her mind. "If you wanna back out, I can talk to her, I swear."

Amata shakes her head. "No, this is going to be good. I just... She seems to put you down a lot." Amata's eyes drop to her desktop and she refuses to look up and meet my gaze.

"That's just how she is," I assure Amata. "She and I are good friends. We've been through hell together, and that's her way of showing affection. I don't mind, anyway."

The Overseer doesn't look completely convinced, almost looking a little disappointed at the mention of the friendship, but she just nods and straightens some papers on her desk.

Sarah returns a few seconds later, glancing between me and Amata before rolling her eyes. "Well, now that that's settled, I'll tell my boys to start getting a shipment packaged up." She looks over to me. "It should be ready in about three days, and I'll assume that you'll be in charge of delivery?"

I nod, looking to Amata for her agreement.

"Great. I'll be sure to send along a few guys to teach your team how to use the weapons properly," Sarah tells Amata, continuing on and tying up a few loose ends.

When everything's settled, Sarah moves to leave and I follow, planning to escort her to the Vault door. I murmur a "be right back" to Amata and walk with Sarah out of the office. We're barely out of earshot when Sarah smirks at me.

"You've got good taste," she tells me again. "If I wasn't straight you'd have some serious competition."

"Shut up," I mutter, giving her a little shove. "It's not gonna happen. I'm... I don't want to hurt her."

Sarah tuts, taking the stairs two at a time. "Doubtful. You cared about her, Jack. Hardly seems like you'd let anything hurt her now. Even if it's just you thinking you'll say something wrong." She laughs at the thought. "You've got a silver tongue, and if nothing else, I'm sure you could just bat your eyelashes and all'd be well."

"Look, you don't know what happened to me, how much it sucks to be me," I snap. "I'm not equipped to be anything more than her messenger, Sarah. Everything that happened... I can't let it go. No matter how much I want to, I just can't, okay? I've fucked up and gotten people hurt before. I can't do that again, not to her."

Sarah's surprised at my outburst and nods. "Sorry," she offers, her tone gentler than before. "I didn't realize."

I take a shaky breath, rubbing at my temples and fending off a sudden rush of tears. "I know. I'm not exactly shouting it to the world. But... stuff happened when I actually got the chance to be with her. The Vault nearly... They didn't approve, and it was me or them. She chose them." My voice is bitter and I wish I could take the words back instantly; I understand why everything happened and I don't blame Amata for it.

Sarah looks startled when I look back at her, and she studies me for a few moments. A Vault resident comes down the hallway toward us, and we step apart to let her through. She hurries along, sensing the tension, and I give Sarah a helpless look.

"It's not... I don't mean it like that," I say weakly. "Just... Everything else happened too, and I got overwhelmed, and the only thing I had left was ripped away from me. I went to a really dark place, and... I'm still not, uh, not normal. Still stuck in the hell in my head." I don't think I can manage to tell Sarah how I really feel, and I hope and pray that she can just infer what I mean from my half-assed explanation.

"Jesus, Jack," Sarah murmurs, and I see sympathy in her eyes. It's better than pity, and when she reaches out and grabs my shoulder, I feel a little like she understands. "Why didn't you just tell someone? We've got people back at the Citadel that can help."

I shrug, rubbing a scuff on the metal floor away with the toe of my boot. "I'm s'posed to be stronger than that."

A laugh comes from the Elder. "Do you have any idea how much shit you went through and how tough everyone thinks you are? Nobody can survive all that without getting fucked over. No one would blame you for needing a little support."

I don't really have a response to that, and I just shrug again. I do my best to offer her a smile that's both grateful and apologetic, but I'm not quite sure I pull it off. We head to the Vault door together and I see her out.

"Three days," she reminds me, pausing before walking over the Vault's threshold. "Hey, think about it, would you? I know it sucks and I don't want to see you hurting."

"Three days," I repeat, giving her a nod. I don't know if I'll actually think about it, but I'd at least like to reassure her that I won't be exploding again any time soon.

Sarah frowns but doesn't say anything else, saluting and leaving the Vault.

I turn and walk back to Amata's office, trying to distract myself so Amata won't see that I've been upset. I've just finished composing myself and pondering the best way to trap iguana when I walk back into her office, and Amata looks up with a tired smile.

"She's gone," I tell Amata quietly, clasping my hands behind my back.

"Give me a little warning next time," she teases, slouching back in her chair. "I wasn't ready for that at all."

"You did fine," I assure her, nodding when she scoffs. "I listened the whole time. It's gonna be good."

My faith in her brings a pleased little smile to Amata's face and she glances at her Pipboy. "We've still got time for lunch," she observes and looks up at me expectantly. "My treat?" she jokes.

I grin but know that my emotions are raw. I don't know what brought on my outburst with Sarah, but I don't want to have that happen again in front of Amata. "No thanks. I've got stuff back at home, plus a few things to do before sundown."

There's a flicker of disappointment in Amata's eyes that's gone so quickly I'm sure I've imagined it.

"Got anything else you need me to do today?" I change the subject before I can think too much about denying a chance to spend time with Amata outside of a work environment.

Amata thinks for a moment before shaking her head. "I don't think so. You can have a few days off, actually. There's not a lot going on until that Brotherhood shipment comes in."

I nod a few times, wondering how to spend my time off without losing my mind. Part of me wonders how different my plans would be if Amata and I were together, but I squash that thought before it finishes forming. "Gotcha." I don't know what else to say, so I just bid her good day and leave the Vault, heading back to Megaton.

I get lunch at the Brass Lantern, the head back up to my house and gather the supplies I want to sell and head to Moira's shop. The redhead grates on my nerves, but I manage to haggle for a decent price, returning home a few hundred caps richer than I left.

Upon returning to my shack, I find a few loose pieces of metal and some nails missing. Some home repair seems like as good a time waster as any, so I set to work, and by the time my little vacation is over with, the house it far less drafty and the roof doesn't leak anymore.

I rise early and head back to the Citadel, pleased to see that Maxson recognizes me and lets me in right away. A few paladins see me when I enter the Bailey and one goes to get Sarah while the other moves across the courtyard to find the shipment.

Sarah emerges from the A ring before the knights bring the shipment over, and her eyes are glad to see me. Her brow is slightly furrowed with concern, and she comes up close to me. "Hey, Jack. Doing okay?"

I nod, straightening my shoulders and offering her a grin. "Fine, you?"

Sarah gives me a sour look. "You know what I mean."

"I'm fine," I repeat. I set my jaw so I don't look vulnerable. "Don't worry about me."

The Elder rolls her eyes, turning to look for the knights, who are guiding over two brahmin with carts packed with energy weapons. Paladin Kodiak appears from down below, greeting me cordially and awaiting instructions from Sarah.

"Right, 101, you and Kodiak are taking these carts over to the Vault. Kodiak's going to stay there for a while, briefing the security force on how to use and maintain their new weapons." Sarah looks over at me, smiling a little. "Afterward, Kodiak will return here, with only one of the brahmin. Jack, make sure your Vault keeps one. You've gotta have something to trade with."

I'm shocked at the generosity and give Sarah a wide grin. "Yes, ma'am."

"Good." Sarah turns her attention to the knights, ordering them to come along as fire support, and tells us to move out. She catches my arm and pulls me aside quickly, fixing a determined look on me. "You're lying through your teeth. The Vaultie I know doesn't just start yelling about not feeling right without a damn good reason."

I start to reassure her that I'm fine, that I've gotten in better control of my emotions, but she stops me before I can start.

"Look, Jack, I don't have a lot of friends here. You're one of them. I don't like to see anyone fall apart, especially not my friends." There's a warning clear in her tone. "I know you're just going to play it off, but I'm ordering you to seriously consider talking to Scribe Clarkson."

I don't think Sarah's ever given me a direct order before, and even though I'm not in the Brotherhood officially, her meaning is clear. Every part of me wants to scoff and ignore her, but I know she'll whoop my ass if I don't agree, so I nod meekly. "Okay."

Sarah studies me for a few moments, looking deep into my eyes before releasing me and smiling slightly. "Good. Now make sure those guns get there safely."

I nod, moving off after the brahmin and the Brotherhood escorts, my mind echoing with Sarah's order.

The walk to Vault 101 is quiet and peaceful. The closest we get to a battle is when one of the brahmin carts gets a wheel stuck in a hole and the cart nearly flips. It takes all of us to keep it from going over, but the rest of the trip is smooth sailing.

The Brotherhood shipment and men wait outside, and I head in to alert Amata to the fact that the shipment is here. She seems relieved and makes an announcement that her security team meet at the Vault entrance.

She follows me back to the main entrance, lingering inside the Vault. I have no real reason to go outside, so I just wait there with her. After a few minutes, I hear the familiar noises of laser rifles firing, and I grin while Amata jumps.

"What's going on out there?" she asks, her voice slightly higher due to her alarm.

"Energy weapons," I explain. "Mostly laser rifles, I think. They can shoot through just about anything. Makes for a real good deterrent if someone just looks at 'em."

Amata mulls that over then gives me a skeptical look. "Really?"

"That's about all the Brotherhood has. Why do you think they're so powerful?"

Amata blinks. "Oh." She considering it a moment more, finally apparently deciding it's a good idea.

"One more thing," I murmur, unable to hide my grin. "Sarah's gonna let you keep one of the brahmin that hauled the weapons over."

"Brahmin?"

I motion toward the tunnel exit where the Brotherhood are holding their lesson. "C'mere, I'll show you."

Amata looks only slightly hesitant, following me out of the Vault with only the slightest of pauses at the threshold. I guide her out of the tunnel and around the perimeter of the makeshift shooting range, guiding Amata straight to the mutated cattle.

"Here," I announce, stopping beside one of them. "Brahmin."

Amata recoils at first, studying the creature with horrified interest. "What is it?"

I do my best to explain what all the fallout had done to the creatures in the wastes, and by the time I'm through, Amata's comfortable enough to approach the brahmin and reach out to pet one.

The other lifts its tail and relieves itself, much to Amata's disgust. I can't help but laugh, and we move upwind. "They just sort of... go. Sorry."

"Explain to me why this is good." Amata wrinkles her nose adorably, studying the beasts and their pairs of heads.

"They can haul a lot. Which means you can load them up and take them out on trade routes." I watch as understanding fills Amata's face and her eyes brighten. "They're also good for going long distances. Real handy, and Sarah's giving you one to help start out."

Amata's practically beaming. "I'll have to pass along my thanks," she decides, happening to glance up at the sky. Her eyes fill with awe and she gazes up into the blueness for a few seconds. It seems to occur to her how massive it is and she looks a little afraid, her gaze dropping back to the dirt before she mutters something about heading back inside.

I watch the training for a few minutes, pleased to see how well some of the Vault security team is picking up the skill. I feel somewhat better about the Vault being safe now, knowing that they have a good defense building up.

After a while, the training breaks up for lunch, and the Vault members head inside while the Brotherhood team pulls out their own rations and settle into the dirt, talking and laughing with each other. I envy the camaraderie they have, but feel guilty a moment later when I think about the friends I do have. Nova, Gob, Sarah... I know how lucky I am, and it only intensifies the guilt.

I try my best to shake it off, heading into the Vault to get something to eat.

After lunch, Amata pulls me into her office for a meeting and asks about different settlements that might be good to trade with. I answer as best I can, offering to ask around Megaton tonight, but she waves it away, not wanting to make trouble for me.

A few more hours pass, and the Brotherhood seem content with their students, so they bring the weaponry in and take it to the armory, then take one of their brahmin and leave with Amata's message of gratitude for Sarah.

I help make sure the new rifles are locked away safely where only the right people have access to them. With the weapons squared away, I return to Amata's office, figuring I can report it just as easily as one of her guards.

She's finishing some paperwork when I enter, so I wait quietly in the doorway until she's finished.

Amata gives me a grateful smile, gesturing toward the chair opposite her as she files the papers away. "Not a bad day, all in all," she comments.

"Not at all." I settle into the chair, thinking about how little contention I've faced after my return to the Vault. Everyone has seemed to be relatively accepting of my presence, and I realize how grateful I am for that. "I'm glad."

"Me too," she replies with the beginnings of a smile on her face. "Thanks for all your help."

"No problem." I dip my head respectfully. "Just doing my job."

Amata's about to say something else when the patter of little footsteps comes into the room, effectively distracting both of us.

"Ama, Ama!" a little voice chirps, and I see Amata's face brighten.

A dark-haired toddler runs past me, scurrying around the desk and flinging herself into Amata's lap.

"Hey there, kiddo," Amata coos, pulling the little girl into her arms and hugging her warmly. "How's my favorite girl today?" She tickles the toddler and is rewarded with giggles and screeches of "Ama!"

I can't help but grin at the adorable sight, but something inside me cringes when Amata kisses the girl's forehead. They share the same hair color and Amata's being very affectionate, not to mention the girl's attempt at Amata's name is suspiciously close to "Mama." Every interaction between them is pointing me toward an answer I don't necessarily want to learn.

Amata flashes me an apologetic smile, setting the girl down on the floor and ruffling her hair. "Go back and find Daddy," she instructs the girl, nudging her toward the door. "Can you say 'goodbye?'"

The toddler is remarkably obedient, and waddles back toward the office door. "Uh-bye," she sings, but she ducks around behind my chair and giggles.

I'm immediately feeling awkward being in the middle of what has to be mother-daughter playtime, but Amata grins and slips out of her chair. "Where'd she go? Where's Katie?" She creeps around toward the hidden girl quietly, her eyes dancing.

The toddler giggles more, shrieking and laughing when Amata finds her and scoops her up.

I don't know if I'm more awed or disappointed at the sight, but Amata seems to be a natural with children. I don't know why I'm so bothered, but I take a guess that it has something to do with the fact that this is a part of Amata's life that I can't share with her.

"Katie?" Butch's worried call comes into the office and I turn, surprised to see "the Butchman" himself lingering outside the office.

"She's in here," Amata replies, setting the toddler down. She gives the kid another gentle push toward the door and straightens, smiling at Butch.

The man beams down at the child, kneeling and picking her up, setting her on his shoulders and grinning. "Hey, thanks. I was gettin' worried about my little rugrat." He bounces on the balls of his feet, laughing along with his daughter as she's bounced around. "You like Amata better than Daddy, huh?" Butch teases the girl, glancing back at me and Amata and smiling.

"Of course," Amata retorts. "I don't stink like hair gel."

Butch pulls a face and they laugh like old friends. His eyes drop to me and he nods a greeting.

"Hey Butch," I murmur, completely confused.

He lingers for a moment before looking up toward his child. "I better get this little brat back home and get her something to eat. Thanks for catchin' her."

"Uh-bye," the toddler cries as she leaves, riding high on her father's shoulders.

Amata leans against the edge of her desk, sighing and chuckling a little. I don't let the wistful smile on her face escape my notice, and she gives me a sheepish smile when she catches me looking at her. "Sorry. She gets loose sometimes."

"Cute kid, though."

Amata nods slowly, her eyes going far away. "It's amazing how much she's changed Butch. He's a... Well, he swore he wasn't going to be like his dad and leave, and he's been... He grew up and he's a really good father."

I suddenly feel betrayed, even though I have no claim on Amata. I know that deep down I should be glad that she's been dealt such a great hand and ended up with an adorable little kid, but with Butch? Even though he'd stuck up for us years ago, I couldn't quite get past all the bullying he'd put me and Amata through as kids. For her to have gotten with him to have a kid... "I suppose he makes a good husband, too?" My tone comes out more bitter than I'd expected, and I drop my gaze to my knees, playing with the brim of my hat gently.

"I wouldn't know about that. You'd have to ask Susie." Amata sounds equal parts amused and hurt.

My confusion comes back full force and my guts clench uneasily. "Susie? Wait, what?"

"Butch and Susie stayed together after you left the Vault. They had Katie a few years ago, and I'm sort of a surrogate aunt," Amata clarifies. "I wouldn't call me and Butch close friends or anything, but I... trust him now."

"I thought..."

Amata scoffs at the expression on my face. "What, me and Butch? I don't know if you recall, but I'm not really into men. That kind of puts a damper on the whole 'having kids' thing."

Her tone is sharp and almost offended, and it cuts deep. I feel stupid for even entertaining the thoughts, and am relieved when I notice that it's getting late and I have an excuse to leave. "Sorry, must've slipped my mind." I get to my feet and tug my hat on. "I think I'll head out now."

Amata makes a little noise like she's both frustrated and upset. "Sorry. I didn't mean to sound-"

"It's... whatever." I shrug, walking to the door. "Still meeting tomorrow?"

"If you're up for it," Amata responds, and there's a little catch in her voice that doesn't escape my notice.

I nod once. "Good night."

She echoes the sentiment and I leave the Vault, listening to the rhythmic thudding of my boots on the ground. The repetition helps a little bit, soothing my whirling feelings and helping clear my head.

It was stupid of me to jump to conclusions the way I did, but it seemed to make sense. Me being jealous of Butch is something I'd never expected, but the thought of him being able to hold Amata close every night, wrap her up in his arms and make her feel safe... The idea that I can't do that for her hurts more than I'd imagined.

I'm lost in thought for so long that I don't even realize I'm climbing the metal walkways of Megaton and heading for the saloon until a drunk traveler nearly stumbles into me. I get out of the way just before he pukes all over me, waving away the stench of vomit and moving inside the bar.

It occurs to me as I sit down that not many people have really cared that I'm back. The hero worship I'd been so afraid of is simply not happening and I can't help but be glad. I'm much more comfortable being a face in the crowd. I certainly don't feel like anything special, and the thought of being treated that way rubs me the wrong way, given the way I've failed people.

"Hey there, Jack," Nova coos, coming over to the table I'm at. "What can I get for you?"

"Something strong," I mumble, dropping my hat on the table and rubbing my face wearily.

Nova hesitates, but moves away to get me something to drink. She returns a moment later, giving me a small glass and a bottle of whiskey. The redhead drops a hand on my shoulder and gives it a comforting squeeze, promising to check on me in a few minutes.

When she returns, I'm halfway through my second glass. Nova sits across from me, a frown forming on her face. "What's wrong, baby?"

"I did something stupid," I mutter, staring at the liquid in the half empty bottle and willing it to fill itself back up.

Nova reaches for my hand and pats it comfortingly, waiting until I choose to elaborate.

"I was in there," I say, gesturing in the general direction of the Vault, "just talking with Amata. And then this kid runs in, little bitty thing. She was huggin' this little kid and I started seeing all the similarities." I sigh heavily, rubbing a hand through my hair. "I thought 'Mata had gone and had herself a kid."

Nova makes a soft noise of understanding, topping off what's in my glass. "Five years is a long time," she reminds me, echoing her thoughts from when she'd been talking me through choosing whether or not to the take the job. "I don't want you to hurt over this."

"It's not her kid," I inform my friend, murmuring a thanks for what she poured me. "She told me she was like an aunt, and that she doesn't wanna sleep with a man."

"Oh." Nova goes quiet, surprise evident on her face.

"We almost started fighting over it." I groan at the memory, frustrated with myself. "I'm just... God, I'm stupid."

"No, you're not," Nova counters instantly. "That's a perfectly normal conclusion to jump to. You did nothing wrong, honey."

I scoff but don't say anything else, just sitting there and doing my best to drown in my little glass. Nova sits with me quietly, petting my hand and providing silent support. I finish the glass and ask how much I owe, paying Nova and apologizing for not staying longer. In truth, I just can't get it out of my head how much it bothers me that I can't be a part of Amata's life the way I want to, even though I know I'm nowhere near good enough anymore.

Making sure to grab my hat, I get up and leave, taking shaky steps along the scaffolding and ending up at my house. I fumble with the lock for a few minutes, finally getting it open and walking inside.

Wadsworth greets me cheerily, and I tell him to power down for the night, which he does somewhat grudgingly. I head for my refrigerator, getting a bottle of water and drinking some of that before heading on up to bed. I just hope my mind and conscience will be clear when I wake up.


	5. Chapter 5

I return to Vault 101 in the morning, dragging my feet a little on the way. While I do feel somewhat better, I'm not sure if Amata will have put the incident behind her or not. Still, it'll be better to know where I stand and if I've overstepped any unspoken boundaries that may exist.

The closer I get to the Vault, the more reluctant I am, but my muscles move mechanically and I find myself waiting outside Amata's office. I can hear her having a meeting with another Vault resident, probably a security guard, and she sounds calm. I hope that that means she won't be upset with me, waiting until the other Vault dweller leaves before knocking on her doorframe.

Amata looks up and sees me, pausing before speaking. "Good morning." Her voice is cautious, gauging how I'm going to react before she decides how to behave.

"Hey." I swallow. "Sorry about last night. I was... I was being stupid."

Amata's face softens and she relaxes a little. "No, it's okay. I thought about it and I could see where you were coming from."

We both stammer out a few more awkward apologies, finally resorting to exchanging relieved looks.

"So," Amata starts, clearing her throat and trying to change the subject. "I've done some calculating."

I quirk an eyebrow. "About...?"

She grins, producing a little bag from one of her desk drawers and handing it to me. It clinks with the familiar sound of bottle caps and I'm surprised at the weight of it.

"Happy payday," she teases, gesturing that I take a look. "Sorry it took me so long. I had to figure out a bunch of things and add up all the time and everything."

I open the bag and am pleased with what I find; it's well over two hundred caps. "Thank you." I look up at her and smile, cinching the bag closed and putting it in my pocket.

Amata looks pleased with herself and starts discussing settlements to trade with again. She tells me she's got a few volunteers to be caravan guards, then asks, almost shyly, if I would be ready to move out and make a first trade run. I agree, and we set a time early the next morning for me to head to Canterbury Commons.

Before I leave for the day, Amata pulls out a map of the Vault and shows me a few storage rooms that she's converted to managing imported goods, and tells me to deliver my wares there. "I've assigned a few people as inventory clerks, and they'll take care of the money and cataloguing everything."

"You really thought this through," I gawk, surprised at the detail she's gone to.

"I couldn't sleep last night. I couldn't quit dreaming about... um..." Her voice trails off and she clears her throat. "Anyway, I had some spare time and figured it all out."

I give her an appreciative nod, proud at the lengths she's going to to help the Vault sustain itself.

We talk a little more, mostly about nothing, somehow avoiding all sorts of personal topics and keeping to very general ones. It's not exactly friendship building material, but just being around her is soothing, so I take what I can get.

I leave a little before lunch, promising to see her in the morning for the caravan shipment.

As I head home and prepare for my journey, it occurs to me that in just a few short weeks, I've already achieved what would have taken me years in Calvin's caravan. I'm running my own route and have a home to return back to. The thought is awe-inspiring and I hope that all this good luck doesn't come back to bite me.

* * *

I show up to Vault 101 bright and early, and apparently just on time. The two Vault residents I presume will be my guards are leading the brahmin out and into the sunlight. They notice and greet me warmly, and one of them goes inside to tell Amata I'm here.

I check the cart and how it's hitched up, tightening a few straps and making sure the cargo is secure. Someone clears their throat behind me and I turn, happy to see Amata there. She looks like she's still tired, but she grins and feigns surprise that I'm up so early.

"Ready to hit the road, Overseer," I say, accepting the ledger she pushes into my hands. I thumb through it quickly, surprised that all the pages are blank, but she interrupts me before I can comment on her lack of notes.

"I have no idea how this works," she confides in me softly. "I figured you can do this one on your own and teach me how, but only if you take good notes."

A memory of her griping at me for having to borrow her notes for a test back in our school days flashes in front of me and I grin sheepishly. I'd never been a note-taker, but the teasing light in her eyes tells me she's mostly kidding.

"Just do what you can," she tells me, lingering near the tunnel entrance as my guards and I finish up our preparations and set off.

I adjust my Pipboy map and lead the way, answering the random questions I receive about the wasteland. The men with me are older than me, but they seem relatively capable thanks to their time on the Vault security team.

They have to prove themselves a few hours into our first day when we're ambushed by a few raiders. I manage to take one of them out with a quick headshot, and the guards with me each freeze up when they realize they have to kill people. When they get rushed with lead pipes and tire irons, they react purely on instinct and start firing.

Together, we manage to fend off our attackers without a scratch, and I instruct them to help me loot the bodies. The men are a little pale, but I start talking about my other caravan travels and they calm down.

The trip takes a few days, and we spend two nights in the town before heading back to Vault 101. My sleep is relatively undisturbed, though I do wake from a nightmare and find that I've scared both of my men awake. Part of me wants to berate myself for it, but the rest of me is still too riled up to care much.

Trade is good, and I make sure to jot down every transaction in the ledger, not wanting to forget and fail Amata in some way. By the time we arrive back, the guards with me are much more confident and I'm pleased with how they've handled their first trip outside the Vault. I have a nagging feeling most of my old Vaultmates would have cracked, but these two held up well.

Upon returning to the Vault, I remember Amata's instructions and take the cargo to the clerks in the storage area, helping unload it all and turning the brahmin over to them. I dismiss the guys to head back to their families and start toward the Overseer's office. On my way there, I stop by the cafeteria and get something to eat.

Amata's in the middle of an argument with a particularly stubborn Vault resident when I arrive, so I wait outside the office and thumb through the ledger again, making sure I didn't lose a page.

Ellen DeLoria staggers out of Amata's office a few minutes later, red in the face and obviously drunk. I cringe, sorry for both her and Butch. From inside her office, I can hear Amata groan and I take a moment to feel bad for her, too. I do my best not to let it occur to me that I'm not that different from Butch's mother, only I haven't completely succumbed to my own demons yet. I wonder how long it'll be until something happens to set me off and send me spiraling downward, but I don't like where that train of thought leads me, so I shake it out of my head.

I hear Amata muttering under her breath as I move toward her door and I knock on the wall, startling her out of her thoughts.

"I'm back," I announce unnecessarily, raising my eyebrows in a silent question of whether or not I can come in.

Amata visibly relaxes, smiling and nodding. "How'd it go?"

I hand her the ledger, sitting down in the chair and watching as she cracks it open and looks through it. Amata gawks at the sheer number of transactions I've recorded, shooting me a pleased smile.

I motion for her to look at the bottom of the last page and she does, her eyebrows shooting up when she reads the total I'd added up.

"Wow."

"I'd be willing to say it was a pretty good run," I tell her smugly, happy that it went well and that I have a good report for Amata. "And the men you sent with me did great. You might oughta congratulate them sometime."

Amata nods absently, and I can see the wheels turning in her head. "When do you want to go out again?" she asks, her voice gentle and not at all pressuring me to hurry.

I shrug in response. "I could use a day or two to rest up, but I'll be set after that."

Amata grins and tells me she can have my payment ready in the morning. She asks a few more questions about the trip, obviously wondering about the wasteland but trying not to sound too much like a wide-eyed child.

I answer her as much as I can, not bothering to fudge the truth; I have a feeling the boys will, and I'd rather let them spin tales of their own. They'll be much more imaginative than me. Finally, I head out and go home, stopping for a shower in the common house before going home and going to bed.

* * *

My life falls into a general pattern over the next month or two. I'm running trips for Amata over the course of a week and returning by the weekend. She always seems glad to see me, and I'm relaxing enough around her that it's not so awkward and I feel more confident in the idea that we're actually friends.

The Vault itself seems somewhat less ominous and I don't feel like I'm a complete outsider anymore. I decide to be glad about that; if I'm going to be working for the Vault indefinitely, it'll be better to feel more at home in the big bunker.

I've just finished running a caravan to Arefu and have dropped off the trade in the Vault's designated import area. I turn the sorting of the goods over to the clerks Amata assigned, giving them the caps their trade bought, and head up to Amata's office to report my safe return.

As I go to enter her office, Amata's coming out of her apartment. She looks surprised to see me and her face breaks into a grin. "You're back!"

I nod and toss her a box of candy I'd found along the way. "Yep, safe and sound. Made something like five hundred caps, I think, trade and cash together."

Amata catches the box I've thrown, glancing at the packaging and grinning. "Thanks!" She gestures to her office and we both enter it, sitting in our usual spots. "Anything to report?" she asks, setting the candy in a desk drawer and pushing it closed.

I shrug. "Picked off a few raiders on the way, but that's about it. They didn't get near me or the brahmin, so it's all good."

Amata nods to herself, asking a few questions about what the Arefu residents want more of and making notes of my answers. Finally she sits back in her chair and cracks her knuckles, smiling over at me fondly.

I'm not sure how to respond so I just do my best to smile back. It's late and I'm exhausted from the traveling. I'm ready to head back to Megaton, have a drink, and get to bed. I'm nearly ready to excuse myself when Amata speaks.

"Thanks," Amata says, giving me a sincere smile. "You're doing way more than I ever hoped for."

I grin, getting to my feet and stretching a little. "It's part of the job description, remember?"

Amata laughs, rising and following me to her office door. It's a habit of hers to see me out, and I wonder briefly if it's a courtesy she extends to everyone.

I'm reaching for the door switch when she speaks.

"Hey." Her voice is a barely-there murmur that catches my attention immediately.

I'm halfway turned around when I feel her hands curling around the collar of my jacket and she pushes me against the door, kissing me fiercely. I can't even think about anything other than how good she tastes and how electric this feels that I'm only just beginning to respond when she tears her mouth from mine.

"I can't do this anymore," she pants, practically growling the words out. "I can't play like this is just some business deal." She crashes her lips into mine again, pressing herself up against me.

"Amata," I gasp out when she pulls away for breath. Something inside me wants this, but I'm suddenly overcome with fear. I can't manage much more than her name but it's enough to get her to realize what she's doing. Her hold on me loosens and she leans away, searching my eyes for some sort of answer to an unasked question.

"I'm still in love with you," she confesses. "I'm not... I can't pretend I'm not. I can't let you go without knowing anymore." When I don't respond, she starts stammering. "I... If there's someone else, someone from out there, that's okay. I won't get in the way, I just... I wanted you to know. It's been a long time, I mean, and I'm sure-sure you've moved on."

I give a weak chuckle that shuts her up and she stares up at me through hopeful eyes, biting her lip uneasily.

"There's no one. I'm too broken for anyone, 'Mata. They all know that, and they're keeping their distance." I laugh again, trying to fight off the gnawing emptiness inside me that had only intensified with Amata's kiss. No matter how much I'd subconsciously wanted this, now that it's happening I feel even more broken than before. I can't in good faith give myself to Amata when I know I'm not in any sort of shape to be close to what she deserves. "I ran away from my past, from everything. I wasn't strong enough to deal with it, and I'm still not sure why I'm not dead."

Amata looks pained at the admission and her fingers tighten on my jacket again. "You're not broken," she promises, "and you're strong. You're so much stronger than you realize. I couldn't have left the Vault. Especially not after I had to kick you out." Her brow furrows and she bites at her lip again. "I really am sorry for that. There wasn't anything else I could have done."

I give my head a little shake. "Doesn't matter, it's past. Besides, that was a long time ago. I broke after that."

"You don't seem broken to me," Amata tells me matter-of-factly, her expression earnest.

I can't help but scoff again, and I'm tempted to tell her that she's wrong. "Then what am I? 'Cause I sure as hell don't feel right."

The woman holding onto me stares up into my eyes for a long moment before answering. "Tired," she answers simply.

Something about the way she says the word hits me hard and in just the wrong way. A lump comes to my throat and I look away sharply. I am tired, physically and mentally. I've been warding off the demons in my head for so long that I can barely fight them away anymore. It's a pure sense of duty that keeps me going, wanting to accomplish what Amata needs me to do, but she's seen right through me, just like she's always been able to.

Amata doesn't say anything, pulling me into her arms and holding me quietly.

It takes me a few minutes to remember how to work my voice, and even then I can't quite find words to say.

"You're carrying so much pain," Amata murmurs, trying to gently let me in on my own dark secret like I haven't been living with it for years. "It's hard to watch. I can tell that you're tired of trying to be strong and pretend like it doesn't bother you, like it doesn't hurt." She pauses for a moment before continuing. "You don't have to do that, not with me. I don't know what's wrong, but I want to help you, Jack."

I feel choked with emotion and I haven't felt this vulnerable in years. With Amata so close and my feelings on edge thanks to her admission, I can hardly stand it. I don't deserve this, not any of this, and yet it's happening. She's telling me she loves me, but all I can feel is how worthless and cowardly I am for everything that's happened since the last time she's held me this way.

She sighs as if she can sense my inner turmoil and reaches up to kiss me again. I panic; I can't let her see what I've turned into. I can't show her how broken I am without risking breaking her, too, and I'll never forgive myself if I hurt her.

My hand fumbles for and presses the door switch. As it slides open, the wall she'd had me pressed up against is gone and I stumble out of her arms. I stagger backward into the office, barely managing to keep my balance.

Amata looks confused and frowns at the door uncertainly, but her eyes flick to me a moment later.

I see care and worry and affection and just about everything else in the world in her eyes, but I take another step back and shake my head, trying to speak around the lump in my throat.

Her face flashes with pain and she murmurs my name.

"I can't," I croak. "I'll only hurt you."

Amata looks like she wants to say something, but I don't let her, shaking my head and backing away.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, turning and running away from her and out of the Vault.

My emotions are whirling as I sprint back to Megaton, and I stumble into the darkness of my house just before I lose my composure. My feet move mechanically, and before I even realize it, I've uncorked a bottle of whiskey and half of it's already gone.

I didn't think it was possible to feel so much pain and confusion and regret all at the same time, but everything is swirling and snowballing and I don't know how much more I can take.

The last thing I'm aware of is curling up on my bed with my third empty bottle, tears burning hot trails down my face.


	6. Chapter 6

There's not a single part of me that's okay with what happened. Most of me is still focused on how completely broken I feel and how completely not worth Amata's time I am. I couldn't even let her kiss me without feeling just how incapable of emotion I've become. There's a small part of me that's kicking myself for not just falling into her arms and letting her help in whatever small way she could. I don't think I would have been able to handle showing her the shell of a person I've devolved into, and it bothers me that I can't even show Amata, the girl who had been my best friend for years.

I can't help but wonder what broke me so effectively and why I'm so messed up.

In the time since I ran away from the Vault, the nightmares have returned with a vengeance. The setting of them is always fuzzy, but I'm aware of danger and death and destruction looming over me, but no matter how hard I try to escape, I never can. People I care about appear dead in front of me, killed in gruesome explosions or ripped apart by mutated monsters. Despite all the heroism I'm supposed to have, I can't even move to save them.

Between that and remembering my failure to act like a normal human being and return Amata's embrace, I've been remembering every failure I've had since leaving the Vault. The stress and emotions are impossible to put into words, and when Nova comes to check on me, I pretend I'm not home. I know she'll want to ask what's wrong, and there's no way I can vocalize it.

I'm not sure how much time has passed; I spend it in a repeating cycle of drinking until I'm sick, then crying myself to sleep. Even while I'm trapped in that pattern, I see how pathetic it is. All I've turned into is a drunken waste of space. Anyone that was relying on me has been thoroughly disappointed and I've let them down. My mind flicks to Amata and the Vault, and I remember the broken look on her face when I ran.

I hurt her. The brokenness she felt... It's my fault. Whatever this is inside me, this suffocating blackness, it's hurting her now, too. The one thing she needed protecting from the most, I inflicted.

Restricting myself to my house is the only thing I can really do, but everything in me is aching and hurting and I want to punish myself for being so weak and letting this get to me. I hate the idea that I brought pain to Amata and I wish I could take hers on, too. Different ways to try and repay the world for my screw ups pass through my head, but I can't find the energy to pursue any of them. Instead I just sink lower and lower, hoping that maybe this pain will swallow me up and choke the life out of me so I don't have to feel it anymore.

The feelings swirl together and clench around my chest, dead weight around my heart that makes it hard to breathe. I feel like I'm suffocating, like I'm drowning, but it never completely crushes me out of existence.

The alcohol supply starts to run low soon after I realize how deeply I've hurt Amata and everyone else. Without the drink to dull the pain, I feel every moment of it. It's almost good, because feeling everything is a better punishment than I could ever inflict, but at the same time, I'm already so close to breaking, I just want it to stop.

I halfway consider climbing to the roof of Sheriff Simms' house and jumping, but there would be too many people that would see. Someone would surely try to stop me, and I'd lose my chance to escape once and for all.

Hours after I nix the plan to jump, there's a knock at the door and I'm dead set on ignoring it. It's probably just Nova again, trying to see if I'm home or not.

"Jack, I know you're in there." It's Sarah's voice and she sounds both furious and worried. "Don't make me shoot the damn lock off this door."

"Go away," I call, fumbling around for my pistol. If she tries to force her way in, I don't want her to get to me. No one deserves to see me or deal with me like this.

"Like hell I will," she retorts, rattling the door handle a little. "C'mon, 101. I'm worried."

I lean back against the wall, too full of despair to bother crying. I can't even hide away and try to fix things on my own without being a burden on other people. The duty I had to the wasteland is finished, and with the purifier still going strong, I'm not needed anymore. It's just as well; I don't know how much longer I can keep going like this. The thought has been swirling around in my head, barely taking shape, but now it forms into a crystal clear image in front of me. If I wasn't in the picture anymore, everyone would quit worrying about me when they can't do anything to fix me.

"Jack?"

"Get the hell away, Sarah!" I yell through the house, sure she can hear me crystal clear. "You're wasting your time." Even my voice sounds broken, and I somehow find it in me to chuckle.

"This isn't helping anything, 101," Sarah says, and her voice is desperate. Part of me is amazed that she's being so open in front of the city and probably a few of her own men, but I brush that thought away. "Can you just... Can you unlock the door?"

"I'll just break you, too."

Sarah scoffs. "Jack, you're not breaking anyone. We're all worried about you. I know there's a problem, and I just want to help you. C'mon, Jack, just let me in."

She's right, there is a problem. It's me. I don't think she'll be able to help, and I wish I could stop her worrying and solve this on my own. An impulse forms in the back of my head, tugging at my consciousness.

I can fix this. The thought brings a tired smile to my face. I study the pistol in my hands, knowing just how quick and easy it'd be. No more hurting, and no more hurting anyone else, either. I watch in awe as my hands raise the pistol to my head. Part of me hesitates, and all it takes it one tiny twitch of my finger.

The trigger clicks and doesn't depress all the way. The gun's jammed. Instead of a bullet, disappointment and fury explode in my brain; I can't even commit suicide right. I swear, and the word comes out somewhere between a moan and a sob.

I fling the gun at the wall across from me, feeling even more smothered now that my botched attempt at fixing this has failed. As luck would have it, when the jammed pistol hits the wall, it goes off. The report is far louder than I was expecting and I cringe away from the noise, curling up against the wall and burying my face in my arms.

"Jack?!" Sarah's voice is panicked, and I hear her yelling orders to her men. There's the sound of a laser pistol firing and the crackling of the bolt against metal. The door bangs open and footsteps come thundering inside. The heavy clumping of power armor boots very nearly drowns out the thuds of Sarah's footsteps as she sprints toward me.

"God damn it, Jack!" she cries, trying to make sense of what's just happened. When she realizes I'm in one piece and the gun is across the room she reaches down and wrenches me to my feet, her fingers in a death grip on my collar. Sarah takes one furious look at me and slugs me in the face. "You fucking dumbass!" she snarls, pulling me into her arms and wrapping me up in a bone crushing hug.

Everything inside me is numb. The one thing I should have had control over, I don't. I'm stuck here in this hell in my head.

I'm only vaguely aware of Sarah barking out orders and leading me out of my house and into the waning sunlight. I give the catwalk atop the sheriff's house a wistful look before we leave Megaton.

* * *

Sarah puts me in her old room when we arrive back at the Citadel and has someone take the door handle out and flip it around so it can only be locked from the outside. The weapons inside are stripped out as she sits there with me quietly, and the room empties around us. When all the gear is gone, she gives her men a sharp look and they scurry away, leaving me alone with her.

I can feel my cheek swelling where she hit me, and it throbs slightly in time with my still-beating heart. I'm sure I'll have a hell of a bruise, but I can't really make myself care.

Sarah's face is pale and she looks like everything that makes her tough has been sucked out of her. Her eyes are far away, studying the floor near my feet for a long time.

I choke up at the sight of her being upset. It's my fault again, and I wince, wishing I could quit hurting the people in my life.

Sarah notices me cringing, looking up and studying me through hollow eyes. "Tell me that what that looked like... Tell me I'm seeing it wrong." There's a note of pleading in her voice and it cuts through to my core; I've never heard her sound so vulnerable.

I open my mouth to respond, to lie through my teeth, but nothing comes out. I end up looking away, not wanting to see my friend confirm she knows exactly what almost happened.

Sarah makes a weak noise and her first attempt at speaking comes out as a heavy sigh. "Why?"

I have no way to answer her. I can't even look her in the eye.

"Jesus, Jack, I..." Sarah drops her head into her hands. "I didn't know it was this bad. I'm sorry."

A weak scoff escapes me at her apology. "What do you have to be sorry for? I'm the fuck up."

Sarah has a response ready, but rather than start yelling, she just jumps to her feet and paces the room for a few minutes.

"I don't know what to do," she admits after a few moments. "I wanna help you, but I don't know how."

I'm tempted to respond with a gripe about not letting me just wither away into nothing, but the words go sour on my tongue so I just sit there quietly.

"Amata and I have these meetings, and she was… She told me what happened. I figured you were... I don't know, 101. We're both scared." Sarah's gaze burns into my skull, but I refuse to look at her.

I don't answer and we sit there in silence for a while longer. After a few minutes, I finally think of something to say. "Am I being held prisoner?"

Sarah hesitates. "Look, Jack, I trust you with my life. But... I'm scared for you, Jack. I gotta do something; I can't, I don't want you winding up in the armory and..." She sounds choked, and I hear her clear her throat before speaking again. "You're one of my only friends, Jack. I don't want to lose you."

I clamp my mouth shut, not sure if I'll be able to find words and not wanting to start crying in front of her.

Finally, Sarah sighs and moves back toward me. She crouches in front of me and grabs my shoulders, staring up into my face. The emotional exhaustion is clear in her eyes and I feel another wave of guilt crash over me. She looks like she wants to say something else, but hesitates and can't seem to find the words. After a moment, she gives my shoulders a squeeze and rises to her feet.

"Good night, 101." She gives me another look before letting herself out of the room. A second later, the lock clicks into place quietly, the sound deafening in the silence.

I stay sitting on the cot for a long time, staring down at the floor and wondering how I've managed to hurt so many people.

* * *

Sarah returns in the morning, a tray in her hands that's got breakfast on it. My appetite's completely gone, but I eat a little to humor her. She doesn't look completely satisfied and I know she's remembering when I was in training and devouring as many rations as the cooks would give me. Still, she takes the tray when I push it away and sets it aside.

"How're you doing?" she asks quietly.

I shrug in answer, picking at the sheets on the bed and avoiding looking at her for more than a second or two at a time.

"There's... Uh, do you want to talk? I mean, I can-I'll listen. Or I can get Scribe Clarkson if you prefer." Sarah leans forward and rests a hand on my knee. "Whatever you want, 101."

"Maybe later," I mutter at length, rubbing a hand over my face and sighing. There's a big swollen spot on my cheek where Sarah decked me and it's very tender, but I don't necessarily mind the pain of it.

Sarah mumbles something that passes as an answer, and we sit there in silence for a few more minutes.

"I told Amata what happened," Sarah admits, sitting back and cringing at telling me while trying to gauge my reaction. "One of the guards that was with me when... They went over there and told her."

"Did they scare her?" An image of a soldier clad in battle-scarred power armor towering over Amata strikes me unpleasantly, and I hope the soldier at least thought to remove their helmet.

"I..." Sarah sighs. "The guard didn't... They said Amata was worried. I didn't ask. I just wanted to keep her updated."

"On how fucked up I am? Thanks a lot." The words are sarcastic and Sarah can't seem to decide whether to laugh or cry.

After a while, she gets up and takes my tray, giving me some more time alone. The door closes and the scrape of the lock is a harsh reminder that Sarah doesn't trust me. Throughout the day, she checks on me, probably mostly to reassure herself that I haven't found some way to off myself. Sarah makes it a point to remind me that this Scribe Clarkson is here to listen, but I keep pushing it off. I don't want to be that person that relies on some shrink, and I'm still convinced me being dead would be better for everyone, so there's not much point in asking for help.

The pattern continues for a few days, during which I reflect a little on why one of my best friends has locked me up. I idly imagine what it must have been like to hear the gunshot and having to shoot down a locked door. I want to apologize to Sarah, but I don't know how to bring it up and the opportunity never really seems to present itself.

I'm not quite sure how many days have passed, but one morning Sarah comes in and gives me a careful look. "She wants to see you."

I scoff quietly, picking at the breakfast she's brought and pretending to eat it. Withering away is sounding like a good option the longer I consider it, and much easier, too. "Who, Clarkson? So you've said."

Sarah shakes her head. "No. Amata."

Something inside me clenches and I feel sick. I shake my head fiercely, looking away before I have to see the disappointed expression on Sarah's face.

"Jack..."

"No! I can't." I drop my head into my hands and try to block out the image of Amata's hurt face. A few moments later it occurs to me that she might be here, in the Citadel. I gulp and give Sarah a desperate look. "Don't make me hurt her again."

My friend is taken aback at the reaction I've had and nods, looking helpless again. Her eyes flick to the empty spot beside me and after a moment of battling with herself, she moves over and sits there. Sarah hesitates before draping an arm around my shoulders.

Part of me wants to flinch away and shake her off, but the feeling of someone there and warm and caring is too much to refuse after all the numbness inside me. I allow her to pull me into a hug and awkwardly cradle me. Something in the back of my mind makes me consider how silly it must look for Sarah, tough blonde badass that she is, to be holding someone but before I can grin, I start crying and can't stop.

Sarah just sits there with me quietly, being there and silently supporting me. I'm only somewhat confused because I know I don't deserve it, but I can't find it in me to care.

By the time I've finally calmed down and gone relatively numb again, Sarah's posture has become more determined. She releases me with a tight hug and offers me a tentative smile but I can't quite manage to return it.

"I'm bringing Clarkson by tomorrow," she declares, her brow furrowing. "Seeing you so broken up and helpless... Jack, I'm not letting this keep happening."

My face is tingling from crying so hard and my nose is stuffy, so I sniffle a little before giving her a relenting nod.

Sarah sags with relief and offers me another smile. "Thanks, Jack."

She waits until she's sure I'm okay before getting up and taking my tray. Her quiet goodnight is drowned out by the lock clicking into place.

* * *

The meeting with Clarkson doesn't happen until sometime after noon. I get progressively more anxious as the time approaches and start trying to come up with excuses to get out of this meeting. I've still got nothing when Sarah comes in with Scribe Clarkson in tow, and I study the older man cautiously.

"Hello, Jack." His voice is surprisingly warm. "I'm pleased to finally get a chance to meet you."

Sarah glances between us for a few moments before excusing herself and giving me a hopeful look before leaving.

I eye the older man warily, hardly ready to just pour out all my deepest secrets and tell him why everything went to hell. "Hi."

He just smiles, studying me calmly. There's a few minutes of quiet, and finally he speaks. "You look very much like your father," he observes. "My condolences, by the way."

"You knew my dad?" The surprise in my voice sounds strange, a stark contrast to the hollowness I'm used to. It's weird to sound almost like my old self.

Clarkson nods, his eyes lifting toward the ceiling as he remembers. "Yes. After your mother passed, he brought you here for a few days. I spent some time talking with him, helping him decide the best course of action."

I take a few moments to digest the information; I'd never known that about Dad. Then again, he'd never liked to talk about losing my mom, and I didn't blame him. Even all these years later, I still didn't like thinking about having to leave the Vault and Amata.

"Well, why don't you tell me about yourself?" The man's tone is friendly and he moves to sit in the chair near the door.

"You don't wanna know why Sarah's been keeping me locked up in here?" I ask, confused by his tactics.

Clarkson shrugs. "Perhaps later. Right now, I'm more interested in getting to know the person Elder Lyons speaks so highly of."

I'm tempted to scoff, but I know it won't get me anywhere, and a small part of me is touched that Sarah talks about me in any sort of good light. "Oh."

I'm not sure what to say, but he's obviously been in situations like this before, because he starts coaxing things out of me, and after a while, I've told him a few things about the Vault and the night Amata helped me escape. I'm lost in the memory of Amata pleading with me to leave and pressing a kiss to my cheek before the guards arrived when Clarkson's chair scrapes against the floor.

He offers me a smile and his hand to shake. "It was very nice to meet you, Jack," he tells me, his voice surprisingly sincere. "I think it might be best if we take a break for now and continue some other time."

"Oh. Right, yeah, that's probably a good idea." I rub at the back of my neck, still thinking about escaping the Vault and running away from the girl I loved.

"When would you like me to come visit again?" Clarkson asks gently. There's no pressure in the way he's asking, and I feel somewhat like I can trust him.

I give him a blank look, hoping he'll pick a time. Eventually he offers to return every other day until I tell him otherwise, and we agree on that. He leaves and I'm left thinking about the loss of my childhood and my first days in the wasteland. My dad hadn't ever discussed it with me, but he had been the Vault's resident therapist while we were living there. I hadn't been aware of the direction the meeting with Scribe Clarkson would take, but I don't know what to expect from anything anymore, not even myself, so I just lay down on the bed and get lost in memories of better times.

Sarah comes by with dinner, studying me uncertainly. "How'd... Did it go okay?"

I don't know what else to do but shrug as I eat what she's brought me. Her portion sizes have gone down as she's realized how low my appetite is and it doesn't take long to finish it. "Dunno. Not what I expected."

Neither of us know what to say after that, so Sarah just sits down and tells me some of what's been going on in the area. A few Super Mutants were spotted near the White House crater, but they were easily taken care of, and everything else has been relatively quiet. Sarah's voice takes on a more gentle tone as she tells me about Amata's caravan running trade routes to Arefu, and I try not to feel like I've been completely replaced.

"She says the job is yours again if you feel up for it," Sarah assures me, picking at her nails absently. "It's just one of the Knights that's taken your place, just to keep it running while you're... here." She seems to catch herself and backpedals a little. "Unless you don't... I mean, I can keep men on the job if you don't want to see her, it's no big deal."

I frown slightly, wondering if I'll ever be able to go back and face her.

Sarah cringes. "Sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

A shrug is my attempt to wave away her worries, but I don't think it works terribly well. I let her take the empty tray from me, and she sighs before giving me a little smile. "Thanks for seeing him."

"He talked to my dad a few times." I'm surprised I spoke, but Sarah seems to take it in stride and flashes me an interested look. I explain in as few words as possible what Clarkson had told me, and my friend gives me a sympathetic look.

She leaves soon after and leaves me alone with my memories. I end up curling up on the bed and letting my thoughts lull me to sleep.

* * *

Over the next couple of weeks, the meetings with Scribe Clarkson become routine and I come to see him as sort of an uncle, or at least someone that does legitimately care. He never forces me to talk about anything, just guides me along and asks a few questions here and there. I'm not quite sure how all my storytelling is helping anything, but eventually the stories wander closer and closer to my dad's death and the battle for the purifier.

I do my best to avoid the topics, and I know that sooner or later, he's going to urge me to tell the story from my perspective. I don't want to remember, and during the times when Clarkson's not there, I keep my mind focused on other things.

Sarah offers to walk me out and around the Bailey, and after days of refusing, I finally agree. She looks thrilled, but tries her best not to let it be too obvious. She fills the walk with small talk and commenting on things that have changed, greeting her men as we pass them.

It's a nice change to be out in the fresh air, and I'm only halfway listening to Sarah as we walk around. Watching some of the initiates training reminds me of my time training here and having Gunny whip my rear into shape. A few memories pass before me, and then I remember his reaction when I received my power armor. I'd nearly fallen over from the weight if it, and Gunny had doubled over laughing. I snort a little, and Sarah's voice stops beside me.

The loss of the noise catches my attention and I look over to see her looking surprised. "What?"

"You're smiling," she observes, a grin growing on her face.

The muscles in my face feel strange contorted into that shape and I raise my eyebrows, pulling a few other faces just to feel the muscles work. Sarah laughs and punches me in the shoulder happily.

I'm about to warn her that I don't think I'm anywhere near normal, but she sees my words coming and shakes her head, wrapping me up in a one-armed hug. "Baby steps, Jack. That's all."

I wrestle out of her grasp and roll my eyes, glancing up to the catwalk around the top of the Citadel. I'm tempted to go up there, but I've started noticing people staring and I'd prefer to go hide in my room a while longer. That can be something to conquer another day.

* * *

I was right; in my very next session, Clarkson asks about the battle for Project Purity. I try flat out refusing to talk about it, but he just frowns at me and asks again.

"This is something that you're guarding very closely," he observes, leaning forward and folding his hands in his lap. "What happened that made it so terrifying?"

Images of explosions and soldiers being ripped apart flash in front of me, and I can almost hear the panicky yells of soldiers on both sides. A burst of terror pumps through my veins and I clench my hands into fists before they start shaking. "It was a battle. It sucked."

Clarkson nods patiently. "But you won."

I shrug and pull my legs up onto the cot, crossing them and playing with the cuffs of my pants. I try counting how many fibers are fraying to distract myself, but it only reminds me of the gaping wounds blown into corpses along the battle path.

"What do you remember the most?" Clarkson prompts softly.

A million things fill my head, swirling around into a mass of chaos in my head. "It smelled like smoke and blood," I recall slowly. "It was so loud... You could barely hear your orders over the explosions. That and that damn robot." I give the scribe a confused look. "Who thought it was a good idea to give him big nukes to throw?"

Clarkson shrugs, offering me a reassuring smile.

I shift uncertainly and stare down at my fists lying in my lap. Bits and pieces of the fight of my life stand out, but they're the most random moments. I remember watching a shell casing roll down the hill into a pool of blood and wondering who was using regular guns against power armor. Trying to alert a squad to an Enclave sniper, only to have one of my team's heads blown off... I whimper and hang my head. "I failed my team. Got us found by a sniper. A car behind us blew, and I turned around... Jesus... One of them was still alive, talking to people that weren't there." I do my best to suppress a shudder, but my spine still crawls with the memory.

The scribe is quiet, listening carefully. "What happened, Jack?"

"Prime took us to the purifier. We crushed everything in the way. Sarah and I went in, and I put in that damned code." I laugh bitterly. "She should've just left me there in the chamber. Would'a died in just a couple of minutes. Then I'd have been done with all this shit."

"What would that have helped?"

I pause only slightly before shrugging. "That's all my life had been building to. Finish the family dream. That's it." I gesture around at the room that's been little more than my prison. "This is what I've got now. Locked up by my best friend because I tried to blow my brains out."

Clarkson frowns for a few moments. "From what I'd heard, you'd been helping Vault 101 establish a very successful caravan and been reconnecting with old friends. That seems like more than just an 'it' to me."

"'Mata's doin' fine without me," I mutter, hugging my knees to my chest. "Sarah got someone else to help her."

"I wouldn't say-"

"I'm just the caravan guard that was in the right place at the right time," I interrupt. "She doesn't need me, no matter what she says. I'll just fuck it all up and hurt her."

The scribe studies me for a second, apparently trying to gauge the best way to get into my head. "What makes you feel that way about yourself?"

I shoot him an exasperated, helpless look. "Look at me! Everyone else is thriving and moving on, and I've been stuck in my head for five years! I still see everything that happened every night in my nightmares. I fucking ran away from everyone and everything, changed my name, and I still feel like I gave up everything for that damn purifier. First, the Vault, then my dad, and everything else in the world. I should feel lucky to be alive, but I'm just a worthless piece of shit that can't sleep at night! Everyone wants me to be this big hero, but I'm not even that. I can't be that!"

A memory of the team Sarah assigned me getting blown to pieces plays before me in sickening slow motion. "I can't be a damn soldier. I can't even save the lives of the squad I was assigned." All the fight goes out of me, and I'm overcome with a crushing grief, all the memories brought directly to the surface, somewhere I've been forbidding them to be for years.

Clarkson has an infuriatingly calm smile on his face. "Winning the biggest battle of our lifetime doesn't make you worthless, Jack."

"All those people died, and I couldn't save them," I mutter glumly, resting my chin on my knee. "I wasn't worth shit to them."

"They're soldiers, and they knew it was their-"

"You weren't there," I snap, glaring daggers at him and trying to pretend I can see him through the tears that blur my vision. "You didn't see half a man laying on the pavement, screaming for his mother while he bled out. You didn't see the hope everyone was fixing on me, wanting me to save the day! I was supposed to protect them, not lead them to slaughter."

"I've read through the reports. Men died in every squad, Jack. War is messy, people die, and no one can go through it and come out the same person they were."

I give a bitter snort of laughter. "Especially me, right?"

Clarkson gives me a careful look, sighing before changing the subject. "How have you been avoiding thinking about this? I know it's painful, but what helps it not hurt so much?"

I sniffle to keep my nose from running, hating that I have to be crying over all of this. "Lotta drinking. Running caravan routes through dangerous parts of Virginia. Fuckin' a prostitute here and there."

The scribe nods slowly. "And has it helped?"

I'm quiet for a few impossibly long moments, thinking back over the past few years and hating the answer I have to give. "No."

"What would?"

I lift my shoulders in a weary shrug, trying to push the memories I've spent so long repressing back where they were hidden.

Clarkson looks somewhat bothered that I don't answer, but he leans back in his chair and gazes at the ceiling thoughtfully. "Well, drinking didn't work. Running away didn't work. I presume that, based on what you've told me about Amata, the prostitutes didn't help much either." He looks back to me, raising his eyebrows ever so slightly in a barely disguised challenge. "Is there anything else you can think of that might do better?"

"Well, obviously not," I grumble, wiping at my eyes irritatedly. "Don't you think I would have done it?"

Clarkson stares me down for a few moments and then pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs. He leans forward in his chair and looks at me, waiting until I return his gaze to speak. "Jack, running away never solves anything. It's only made it worse for you. There are people here that care about you; why do you think I'm here?" He pauses to let that sink in, watching my lack of a reaction before continuing. "Dealing with these things is going to hurt, probably even worse for a while. But you don't have to deal with it alone. People like me, Sarah, and even Amata, love you. We don't want to see you hurting, and if there's any way we can help, even if it's just by listening to you, we will."

"If it's gonna hurt more, why would I bother?" I retort dully. "I can't even deal with this without wanting to be dead."

"I don't think you want to be dead," he answers, continuing before I can interrupt. "You just want it to stop hurting, correct? Jack, things like this... There's no miracle cure. I can't give you a pill and make it go away." He smiles a little when I groan. "If you can believe me, other people went through the battle with you, and they'll understand how you're feeling. Some of them are still struggling to fully grasp what happened to them."

The thought that I'm not alone in this is strange, almost foreign, to me. I've been isolating myself for years, not wanting anyone to get too close and see all the issues I still suffer from. Part of me vaguely wonders if Sarah's as recovered as she seems, but Clarkson shifts and breaks me out of my thoughts.

"Some of the best medicine is friendship, Jack. Finding someone that loves you despite all the problems you see in yourself." He nods at the walls of the room. "You may see this as a prison, but I see it as Sarah expressing how much she cares about you. She's protecting you, Jack. She doesn't want to see you hurt."

I'm too emotionally raw to really respond anymore, so I just sit there quietly, considering what he's telling me. He doesn't speak much for the next few minutes, and I get lost in thought, remembering how Amata held me and wanted to help.

Clarkson offers me a pat on the shoulder, getting up and leaving quietly with a murmured promised to return for our next session.

I'm still thinking when dinner time rolls around, and am surprised when Sarah's not the one to drop by with my meal. She's made it a point to always be the one to come by, and this is the first time she hasn't. The initiate that brings the meal by looks nervous, and part of me wonders if I scare her.

"Sorry to interrupt," she says immediately. "The Elder wanted to make sure you were all right. She said she'd come herself, but there's apparently been an attempted raid on the purifier, and that she's very sorry."

"Thanks," I manage, amazed at how croaky my voice sounds. I gesture for her to set the tray on the table, and she salutes and leaves quickly.

I wonder briefly what's happened, but I figure Sarah will tell me the next time she comes by, so I shrug the thoughts away and drag myself to my feet, going over and getting the meal. My stomach is grumbling quietly and I go ahead and eat.

It's a few hours later when there's a knock at the door, and I shake myself out of my thoughts and call out a "come in."

Sarah enters, looking weary. She offers me a smile, all but collapsing in the chair Scribe Clarkson had vacated hours before. "Hey, Jack."

"You look beat."

She pushes a few stray hairs out of her face and nods. "Long day. How'd your thing go?"

I roll my eyes and shrug, shifting on the bed and leaning back against the wall. "Sucked."

A ghost of a frown appears on Sarah's face, but she pushes it away and cracks her knuckles. "Sorry I couldn't make it here earlier. Apparently Kodiak and Vargas don't know how to shoot Talon mercs running at them with machetes."

"They're still causing trouble?" I remember a few small groups tracking me across the wasteland in the past, but they'd seemed to disappear when they realized I was with the Brotherhood.

"Yeah. We don't really have the resources to wipe out Bannister, and they don't usually cause much of a problem. Hopefully this was just a one time thing. Still, causes me a problem when my men don't remember how to shoot things." She grumbles more, scrubbing a hand over her face and filling me in on the details.

I watch her for a while, my mind back to wondering how Sarah's dealt with the entire battle for the purifier. I only half listen to her, Clarkson's words echoing in my head. When Sarah stops talking and stifles a yawn, I know I have an opening to ask her, but finding the words to say is overwhelmingly difficult.

She looks at me uncertainly, smiling and reaching for my tray. "Well, sorry it's so late. If the guys pull their heads outta their asses, I should have time tomorrow to-"

"Sarah?"

She stops and raises her eyebrows. "What?"

"Do you... I mean, the battle..." I groan at myself, giving her a pleading look like if I pout enough, she'll be able to understand what's in my head without me having to say it. "Clarkson made me talk about taking the purifier."

"Oh." Sarah frowns a little and sits back in her chair. "Was that... Um. And how did it go?"

"It sucked," I repeat, hesitating before figuring out what else I want to say. "I still feel like I fucked it all up. Let the men down." The admission brings a fresh wave of tears to my eyes, and I hear Sarah start to say something, but I speak over her before she can and before I lose my nerve. "He said something... Like it affected more people than just me. I mean, I know that, but..."

Sarah lets out a heavy sigh. "Yeah, 101, it got to me, too." Her eyes go far away and she goes quiet. I'm about to ask her what happened when she speaks. "We lost a lot of good men, both there and at Adams. But, God, at the purifier..." She shakes her head. "I had to watch my best friend walk into a chamber full of radiation, ready to die, and I couldn't do anything about it. If you think that didn't mess me up..." Her voice catches and she stops to shake her head. "I don't really remember charging in there to get you out, but Gunny came and helped me get you out of the Rotunda before I blacked out. Jesus, Jack, I thought I was carrying your corpse outta there."

Seeing Sarah hurting so much over me makes my stomach twist and I reach out to her, wanting to let her know she can stop before she bursts into tears, but she just waves me away.

"You should know. I just... Damn it, Jack, I care about you! I know I'm shit at showing you, but you're my best friend. I almost lost you once, and I can't lose you again." She gives me a desperate look and I see the shine of tears in her eyes. "I'd take on three behemoths at once before I have to go through that again."

"I'm not that important," I protest weakly, cringing when I realize how she's going to react.

"Bullshit!" Sarah explodes, and I watch her wipe away tears. "You are, Jack! Everyone loses a few men, everyone pulls some stupid shit, and that's just how life works. You're a damn good fighter, but you're also a damn good friend. You care, you're funny, and you got a good head on your shoulders. Your dad did a fucking awesome job raising you, and I'm proud to know you. Don't you feed me that 'not important' bullshit, Jack. I think you're important, Amata thinks you're important... Hell, everyone in the entire Brotherhood respects you."

The blonde woman takes a slow breath and closes her eyes for a moment. "I know you're in a bad place right now. I may not have ever been in exactly the same situation, but I'll do whatever I can to help and understand, I promise." She opens her eyes and gives me a gaze full of sincerity and dedication.

Her devotion and care is obvious and it chokes me up. We're both fighting off tears, and she gives up and looks away first, drying her eyes and trying to compose herself.

"Don't get all emotional," I tease weakly. "I can't take it."

"Don't go and get all suicidal," she retorts. "I can't take that."

We chuckle together wearily, and then her face grows serious again. "101... Are you, I mean, you're not still...?"

I hesitate, sure I know what she's asking. Delving into my muddled feelings is not something I want to keep doing today, but I feel like she deserves it. Learning all that I have about Sarah's feelings is swaying me heavily in a more stable direction, but I can still sense how shaky my sanity is. Still, I don't want to let her down, so I look up at her and try my best to smile. "Don't think so. Probably not." It's as close as I can get to honestly expressing how I feel, and it's enough to visibly relieve her.

She gets up and moves to sit beside me. "Good," she mutters, giving me a little grin. "You scared me, dumbass." Sarah punches my shoulder lightly, and we sit there together in friendly silence.

For the first time in a long time, I really feel like someone understands, and that someone cares. I turn to look at Sarah and manage a smile. "Thanks."

Sarah smiles back, studying me for a moment before wrapping an arm around me in a hug. She gets up to go a few minutes later, promising to be back in the morning. When she leaves, I notice she doesn't lock the door.


	7. Chapter 7

Despite the big emotional day, things stay much the same. I continue seeing Clarkson and talking with Sarah and trying not to focus on what a failure I've been in the past. I know Sarah's watching me and making sure I don't slip back into what I've been, and knowing she's there to support me gives me the drive to try to get back to normal. It's exhausting at first, but as the time passes, it gets easier to talk and be around people.

Sarah and I walk through the Citadel and around on the catwalk, and spend some valuable time talking about the scarring memories we share. That almost feels more therapeutic than talking with Scribe Clarkson, but since he keeps showing up, I figure that he must see something in me that needs his help.

My thoughts drift more and more to Amata, remembering how I snapped and left. The pain I saw on her face haunts me, and I wonder how I can ever make up for it. I wonder vaguely if I can find her someone that will make her happy, since I know I've caused her more than enough pain. It'd be about the only thing I can do to help, and I try to figure out if I've seen anyone I feel would be worth Amata. My thoughts start going to a selfish, aching place inside me, somewhere where I still have feelings for her, so I stop that train of thought and do my best to focus on other things.

Clarkson and I discuss why I'm so stuck on what happened at the battle for the purifier and why the assault on Adams Air Force Base doesn't seem to haunt me, and something I mention to Sarah seems to make sense of it all. She had noticed I seemed to go through the motions at Adams and seemed hollow. We'd both assumed it was exhaustion at the time, but now it seems much more likely that I had already started shutting down.

As the days pass, my appetite starts returning, and soon I'm requesting bigger portions, and even making midnight trips to the kitchen to get something to eat. If Sarah notices, she doesn't specifically mention it, but I'm sure she's glad.

There are still bad days when I don't want to move, and Sarah and Clarkson seem unable to reach out to me. Sarah doesn't seem keen on the idea of leaving me alone, so she makes a point to stop by and visit and tell me stories. Somehow, I push through and end up feeling halfway stable for the first time in nearly as long as I can remember.

One morning, I find myself suddenly wide awake. There's no real noise coming from the rest of the Citadel, and a glance at my Pipboy clock reveals that it's still before sunrise.

My mind is mostly blank and I'm vaguely grateful for the respite from my thoughts. I take a few minutes to lay there in the dark peacefully and enjoy the calm in my head. It's a strange sensation, but I prefer it to most of what all I've been feeling.

An urge strikes me when check the time again, and I get up and stretch, finding my boots and pulling them on. I turn on my Pipboy's light and move out of my room quietly. There's only one or two guards patrolling the A ring, and they don't pay much attention to me, so I make it out into the Bailey without issue.

My feet lead me straight toward the large metal staircase and I climb to the catwalk. My legs are burning and I'm panting by the time I reach the top, and I give the drop to the ground an uncomfortable glance. My hand tightens around the handrail for a moment before I look out over the river and to the eastern sky.

The horizon is just starting to brighten, and I walk along the catwalk, finding a nice vantage point and sitting down against the railing. My mind stays quiet as I watch the sun rise over the ruined city, and I'm awed by the beauty of nature. It reminds me of the sunset I'd shared with Amata years ago and I remember the way her eyes had reflected the colors in the sky. I can't help the smile that comes to my face at the memory, despite it being a painful one.

The sun has completely risen and is almost at the right angle to reflect off the Potomac and into my eyes when I hear footsteps coming up the stairs.

"Jack?" Sarah sounds almost panicked, so I lift my hand in a wave to let her know where I am.

"Good morning," I say as she comes over and stands beside me.

"Uh, hey." The blonde's voice is cautious and she gives me a confused look. "What are you doing up here?"

I gesture toward the sun. "Woke up early and figured I should come see the show."

It takes her a minute, but Sarah finally pieces together what I mean and makes a noise of understanding. "You weren't in your room and the guard on patrol said he saw you heading up here. I... got worried."

I look up at her and smile. "It's okay. Don't worry too much." I glance out at the scenery for a last few seconds before moving to get to my feet.

Sarah automatically extends a hand, helping haul me to my feet. Her eyes are still on me, watching me curiously. There's a long pause before she speaks. "You okay, 101?"

After a moment of searching through my feelings, I nod slowly. "Yeah, I think so." The words are relieving to say, and I almost feel like some of the suffocating weight has been lifted off my chest.

A smile stretches across her face, and I see her blink back tears before she grabs me up in a hug. I pat her back awkwardly, partly awed that Sarah has started showing much emotion, but the knowledge that she does it out of a sense of affection for me is touching. She pulls away from me and musses my hair playfully, chuckling a little.

"Watch it, Lyons," I tease, ducking away and smirking. "Want to get breakfast with me?"

Sarah just smiles and we head down to the mess hall together, and I can't remember the last time I felt this normal.

* * *

Clarkson comes by and talks with me once more, sitting across from me in his usual spot.

"Sarah tells me you're feeling more stable," he comments, watching me with his normal smile.

I nod, somewhat scared at the notion. "Yeah. I don't know. I worry about going back to work with Amata and having this all happen all over again. I mean, I don't feel completely better, you know? There's still... I don't know. It's still shaky."

The scribe nods understandingly. "There's no sudden change, remember. The mind has its ups and downs, Jack. You'll still have days where you're overwhelmed and want to run away." He chuckles when I groan, but nods again anyway. "The important thing to remember is that you're strong. And you have friends that love you. Sarah cares, I care, and I know you have friends back in Megaton that care about you, too."

Thinking about Gob and Nova sends a twinge of regret through me; I'd up and disappeared on them again. I make a mental note to make it up to them somehow. "I know. I just don't wanna hurt anyone."

Clarkson smiles. "We've been over this, Jack. The only way you hurt your friends is when you hide away from them when you're hurting. They love you and want to help."

It's not my style, not in the least, but I know he's right. Still, a sigh escapes me and I shift to crack my back uncomfortably. "That doesn't make it any less unpleasant."

The scribe nods at me and studies me for a few moments. "Have you given much thought to Amata?" he asks, effectively changing the subject. "What are you planning on doing about the caravan?"

The topic shift isn't nearly as relieving as I'd hoped it would be. I lift a shoulder in a noncommittal shrug, pretending it hasn't been on my mind. "See if she still wants me around, I guess. Then do whatever she needs. Keep it to just business."

Something in Clarkson's face changes, but he doesn't say anything. He lifts his gaze to the clock on the wall and glances back to me. "And what if she doesn't want that? Business or otherwise, that is."

I cringe. "Didn't plan that far. I haven't wanted to think about it. I guess... I don't know. Sarah wanted me back on the Pride, so maybe that."

"I'm sure you'll make the right decision, Jack. You have a good head on your shoulders, and I know you'll be able to get past whatever hurdles are thrown at you."

The blind confidence in me isn't necessarily warranted, but it is appreciated, so I return his smile halfheartedly.

Clarkson gets up and comes over to shake my hand. "I don't think you need me to drop by anymore, but you know where to find me. Don't ever hesitate to let me know how you're doing, Jack."

I shake his hand, a little shocked that he feels like I'm any sort of better. "You sure about that?"

He studies me for a second before nodding. "I'm sure."

Something inside me is buzzing with anxiety and excitement, and I swallow. "Thank you," I offer weakly, hoping he understands how sincerely I mean the words. I owe him more than I can probably ever give for putting up with all my shit, despite that being his job.

Clarkson smiles warmly, and it's clear by the look in his eyes that he understands. "You're welcome, Jack. Good luck."

The scribe leaves and I'm left alone in my little room. I stare at the door, thinking of all the times he's left and how much he's helped. I know I'm to a point now where the best thing for me to do would be to start doing some work again, whether it's for Amata or the Brotherhood. Anything to get me back into a normal life will be better than stagnating here in the Citadel.

I drag myself off the bed and toward the mess hall, getting something for dinner and making a plan to return to Megaton in the morning. From there, I'll take a day or so to get back into the swing of things before heading to Vault 101 and seeing just where I stand.

In the morning, Sarah comes to see me off. She keeps shooting me a proud smile, and it's almost infectious. She gives me some light armor and a laser rifle for the trip back to Megaton, just in case, but then her face goes dull.

"Do you want someone to go with you?" Her voice is serious, and her eyes meet mine, watching me carefully.

I consider it for half a second before shaking my head. "I got this. You gotta quit babying me, Lyons. I'll never be able to get back into this whole caravan thing if you keep it up."

She scoffs and gives me a little shove. "Shut up, Jack."

I laugh and she joins in. "I got it, Sarah. Don't worry."

The blonde nods trustingly and gives my shoulder a squeeze. "I'll hear from you soon, right?" The words are an order vaguely disguised as a question.

I salute. "Yes, ma'am. Can I go now?"

Sarah gives me a sour look. "Fine. Leave me here, alone, to deal with another merc attack." She puts a hand to her forehead dramatically, though her eyes betray her and she starts grinning.

"Oh, hey," she remembers, fishing in her pocket and producing a key. "We had to replace your door. I sort of... shot the handle off." Sarah shoots me a sheepish smile. "Sorry."

I give her a mock glare, pocketing the key. "Thanks, then. I think."

The goodbye is being dragged out too long for my tastes, so I just lift my hand in a wave, tell her good luck, and leave before I can change my mind. The first steps out of the Citadel and back into the world fill me with a rush of adrenaline, and I take a moment to absorb it all before aiming my feet toward Megaton and starting for home.

It's comforting and familiar to be out and walking around, and I make it to the gated city in good time. The old Protectron outside the gates plays his usual greeting, and I wave to the sniper. He asks for the password, I give it to him, and the gates come screeching open.

I thank him and head in, overwhelmed by the feeling of being home. The mere sight of the city is soothing, and I pointedly avoid looking up at Sheriff Simms' rooftop. Part of me is tempted to go for a drink at Gob's, but I want to drop my things off, and I'll need to get some bottle caps before I can buy anything, anyway.

I start down the hill, making a left and heading up the staircase to my house. The key is in my pocket and I reach for it, feeling the worn edges of it against my fingers. I walk around to the door and hesitate, my insides squirming as I stand there.

I'm scared that by entering the house, all the feelings that had overtaken me in there will come back full force. Part of me wishes I'd accepted Sarah's offer for an escort, just so someone could keep an eye on me. I'd feel safer, too, since I'm suddenly haunted by what had happened. I imagine what it must have been like for Sarah to stand here and plead with me and my stomach twists.

Still, I know I need to go in and face what happened. I don't want all the time I spent in the Citadel to go to waste now, so I slide the key into the lock and push the door open.

Everything is almost exactly as it was when I left; even the pistol is still laying against the wall. I give the pistol a long, careful stare, hardly able to move. I can remember the cold, heavy weight of the gun in my hand and it makes my skin crawl.

Part of me realizes how silly it is to be having a staring contest with a gun, but seeing it reinforces the reality of what happened and I'm not quite sure I'll ever be able to fully grasp it. Still, I know I can't stand here in the doorway forever, so I force myself to take another few steps inside.

I deposit my gear in the locker near the door and power up Wadsworth, letting him fill the silence with his usual chatter about nothing. The robot sets to cleaning, and having him making background noise helps make the house feel less like a death trap and more like home.

To move much farther into my house, I'll need to move past the gun on the floor, and I don't necessarily want to. I'll have to move it myself, and I know it's ridiculous, but I'm afraid of the gun.

It takes me a few minutes to build up the courage, but I manage to walk over to the pistol and pick it up. It feels familiar and foreign all at the same time, and Wadsworth knocks something over and I jolt in fear, halfway convinced the gun has gone off again. It hasn't, and I quickly move over to the locker and stash it away. My heart is thudding against my ribcage as I slam the door shut with more force than necessary. I let out a slow breath and try to calm down.

Having the pistol out of sight is relieving and once I'm calmer, it's easier to look around the house and feel comfortable being home.

I have a few things I could eat, so I get myself some lunch and start helping Wadsworth clean up. He thanks me, but comes along behind me and cleans again. I just give up after a while and head up to my room.

I've been planning on taking a nap or just lying down in my own bed and relaxing before heading out into the town and getting some dinner and readjusting to the world. Seeing my desk sitting there puts a hazy idea in my head, though. I know there's still some old paper down in one of the drawers, and I've knocked the pencils off the desktop more times than I can count.

I know I'll have to explain myself to Amata at some point, or at least go and have my job with the Vault terminated. That in itself won't give me the greatest opportunity to apologize for hurting her, and I'm not even sure I'll be able to speak the words anyway. Maybe writing them down will be easier, and just like that, my decision is made.

I sit down at the desk and dig around for the paper, grabbing the pencil and trying to figure out what to write. A page filled with "I'm sorry" written over and over won't do much in the way of explaining, no matter how sincerely I may mean it. An already-disgusted sigh escapes me, but I suck it up and start thinking. Finally, I start to write and explain with as few gory details as possible; she can ask me whatever she needs to, and I don't want to overwhelm her right off the bat.

By the time I've written something I'm comfortable with, it's late and the sun is sinking below the horizon. I don't have much of an appetite, having just relived the past few hellish weeks, so I just fold it up and set it somewhere where I'll see it. My stomach rumbles despite what's on my mind, so I gather some caps and head out to get some real food.

As I walk down the crater toward the cafe with the contents of the letter still on my mind, I realize I still have demons to deal with. The thought is discouraging but not surprising. As much as I've dumped on Sarah lately, I don't want to show up at her door right away. I know I can make it on my own for a while, but the sooner I can deliver the letter to Amata, the better.

* * *

The walk to Vault 101 is so familiar, yet so terrifying. The letter for Amata is burning a hole in my pocket and I'm tempted to just hand it to one of the guards and have them deliver it to her. I know I'll never forgive myself if I chicken out, so I keep moving toward my old home.

There are a few brahmin outside the Vault entrance, and I'm comforted by the fact that Amata's kept the caravan business alive, even with me teetering on the edge of suicide. I walk in and skirt around the traders that are there, moving toward the Vault door.

One of the guards is keeping a watchful eye on the goings on in the tunnel and I'm pleased to see that he's wielding a mean looking laser rifle and a dark suit of combat armor. The Vault can actually fend for itself now, or at least put up appearances of being able to, and that makes me happy. I don't want Amata to have to make a last stand and end up getting shot.

I'm snapped out of my thoughts when the guard turns his gaze on me, and I try to remain as nonthreatening as possible.

"Haven't seen you in a long time," he comments, greeting me with a dip of his head. "Overseer's probably gonna want to see you, so head on through."

"Thanks." I study the armor out of habit, noticing it's weirdly scuffed in a few places. "When did you guys upgrade the armor?"

The guard glances down at his suit, a smug look appearing on his face as he looks back up at me. "It's mine. I got it off some guy wanting to trade it in. Overseer put me on front guard since it's the best we got."

I nod agreeably, imagining ways the previous owner could have gotten a scuff on the breastplate and cringing at a few of the thoughts that run through my head. Yao guai claws could have done it, and I feel a rush of pity for anyone getting attacked by one of the mutant bears.

The guard moves on and continues meandering around the area, so I head on into the Vault, my thoughts returning to seeing Amata again.

My feet move mechanically through the Vault, and I give absent greetings to the people that recognize me. Soon, I'm climbing the stairs to the administration level and trying my best to ignore how clammy my palms feel. I drag my feet to the office, getting a nod of greeting from the door guards and stepping into the outer room of Amata's office.

I hesitate outside her office door, hidden just out of her sight. I don't know how I'm expecting her to react, much less how I'll react to seeing her. My heart pounds in my chest and it's a show of pure willpower when I step into the doorway and knock on the frame gently.

Amata looks up from what she's working on, the pen in her hand dropping to the desktop when she sees me for the first time in four months. Her eyes are wide and her face pale, and after a moment of shock, she slowly gets to her feet. "Jack?"

My mouth is dry and I nearly choke on my own voice. "Uh... Hi."

Amata moves around her desk, coming to stand a few feet away from me. Her eyes are fixed on me and full of emotion that I can't decipher. She seems to be restraining herself and bites her lip. "How are you?" she asks slowly, her voice careful.

I know I could easily hand her the letter and that it would explain everything. The look on her face has me all but paralyzed, and I lift a shoulder in a shrug. "Okay. Better, I guess."

Amata's eyes search mine and I want to look away, but realize that I can't. Her gaze has always had the ability to freeze me in place, and the mix of emotions I see in her eyes is awe-inspiring.

She seems to realize that I'm being sincere and her shoulders slump slightly, relief evident on her face. "I... Sarah said..." Amata bites her lip uncertainly. "I don't know."

It occurs to me that I don't actually know what all Sarah's messengers told Amata, so I swallow and try to find the words I need. "What'd she tell you?"

Amata looks somewhat sick at the thought and responds with her own question. "What happened?"

I cringe a little, but answer her honestly, summarizing and glossing over as much as I can. When I've finished, Amata's obviously upset. I don't know what to say so I just wait for her response.

She struggles to figure out what she wants to say, clenching her hands into fists. I can still see the restraint in her body language and I want to ask what's bothering her, but she finally manages to stammer out a reply. "I'm sorry, Jack. I didn't know how to find you or whether or not you would even want to see me... I didn't know. I would have tried to help."

Amata's voice catches and she tries to continue her stammering, but I hold up my hands and do my best to smile at her. "It's okay, 'Mata," I promise. "Nothin' happened. Sarah got me outta... Actually, if it hadn't been for you telling Sarah what happened, she wouldn't have showed up, and I might..." We both swallow. "Thanks," I murmur, feeling somewhat ashamed of myself for causing so many problems for everyone.

I'm about to change the subject when Amata extends a hand to me. I give her hand a confused look, raising an eyebrow at her. "A handshake?"

She nods, giving me a slightly uneasy smile.

I can't help but smirk. "I've been gone for like four months; didn't figure all you would want a handshake."

"Well..." Amata looks sheepish. "I don't. But I don't want to make you uncomfortable either."

A lump rises in my throat and I smile, reaching out and taking her hand gently. We shake, but don't let go. Her hand is cool and her grip firm as her fingers curl around my palm. I'm suddenly overcome with regret, realizing all the opportunities life has ruined for us; I could have spent years holding her hand, had Vault attitudes and other circumstances not gotten in the way.

Amata's gaze is on me, and we stare at each other for a few minutes. I see a question in her eyes and I know she's about to ask for more than just a handshake. I don't know how I manage it, but I give her a slight nod. She smiles and releases my hand, moving closer and wrapping her arms around me, hugging me warmly.

Clarkson's words about my friends caring echo in my head as I curl my arm around her shoulders automatically. She's warm and soft and something inside me melts at the tenderness in her touch.

"I'm glad you're okay," she murmurs into my shoulder, giving me a quick squeeze before releasing me and stepping away.

I'm still trying to absorb the emotions her hug inspired when she clears her throat and changes the subject.

"So, the caravan's out right now, but they should be back in a few days. If you want, you can come back then, and we'll see what needs done." Her tone is normal and bright and I'm confused by it.

"What?"

Amata turns and shoots me a bemused look. "What?"

I try to respond but don't know what's going on so I just shrug. "What are you talking about?"

She blinks. "You... Um. You do still want your job here, right?"

"I didn't know if you'd want me, since I'm not, uh, stable," I admit slowly, studying an old stain on my boots.

"Oh." Amata's quiet for a few minutes and she walks back over to me. I feel her gaze on me and want to curl up and disappear, but then she sighs. "Jack, look. I... care about you, okay? One bad thing isn't going to change that. I'm not going to just replace you. You'll have a place here as long as you want it, I promise."

I hadn't been aware that I was stressed about it, but hearing her say it relaxes something in my chest and I can breathe a little easier. I chance a look up at her and meet her eyes. There's a trusting smile on her face, but there's also a hint of sadness in her eyes. Before I can ask about it, she turns away and continues telling me about the caravan and how business has been.

It's got a nice feeling of normalcy to it, and the sound of her voice is soothing. I'm about ten times more relaxed than I thought I'd be, even though part of me is still concerned with that flash of pain in her eyes.

"... So once they get back from their run, I think you can come and head for Big Town again, how's that sound?" She fixes a hopeful half-smile on me, despite it being more of a work order than anything.

"Sounds fine," I answer, nodding respectfully. "When do you think that'll be?"

Amata glances away, and I can see her counting through the days mentally. Despite her eyes being far away, I can almost see her brain working through them.

"Three days? Yeah, about that long." She smiles. "Why, got plans?"

I can't help but grin a little. "Nah. Just wondered."

Amata studies me for a minute, shrugging away whatever's on her mind and smiles. "Then three days or so from now."

I nod, and we lapse into silence. There's not much to discuss, and with my future in Amata's employ secure for now, I know I'm probably free to head home and kill some time until the caravan returns. I'm about to say something to excuse myself when Amata speaks again.

"If you want it... Uh. Your old apartment is still free. You know, if you're not comfortable in your house." She drops her gaze to the floor, obviously embarrassed at stammering out the offer.

I realize that she's probably more concerned with keeping an eye on me than anything, and I'm not sure if I'm flattered or bothered. "S'okay, boss." I offer her a smile with the words. "Got a friend or two I need to go see. It'll be fine." Despite my assurance, Amata almost looks hurt and I cringe, wondering what I've said wrong. "Sorry. What's... What'd I say?"

Amata shakes her head a little. "It's nothing. Just... I'm..."

I raise my eyebrows, fixing her with a disbelieving look.

After a moment, she cracks and sighs. "Fine. It's... I don't want to be your boss," she tells me honestly, fixing me with a hopeful gaze. "I just... I want to be your friend, Jack. Can we... Is that okay?" When I don't respond, she continues, "I mean, I don't want to pressure you. I just-I miss being able to be your friend."

I'm not quite sure how to answer that; I've been operating like we are friends, only I do a little footwork and get some caps in exchange. My own plea to keep our relationship at a business level echoes in my ears, and it occurs to me that she's treading carefully in light of recent events. I offer her a smile. "That's... Yeah, that's okay."

Amata beams and looks like she wants to hug me again, but settles for extending her hand to shake.

I shake her hand and get ready to leave.

"Oh, one more thing," Amata adds before I can exit the office. She pulls open a desk drawer and tosses me a little bag of caps. "You might want your pay."

I give her a funny look, glancing down at the bag in my hand. "I, uh, wasn't working?"

"No, from before all that," she explains with a dismissive wave of her hand.

"Oh." I pocket the caps uncertainly, sure she's probably kept track of everything and is more reliable than my brain. "Thanks."

She nods and we go silent again.

"So, uh, I guess I'll see you in a few days," I say, backing toward the door.

Amata gets up and walks me over to her office door, making sure to hit the switch and open it for me. "Yeah, that'll work."

Neither of us are sure what to say, so we just share a smile and I duck out of the office.

I leave the Vault, still able to feel Amata's arms wound around my middle. Even with that ghostly sensation boggling my mind, I'm decidedly more relaxed than I had expected to be. Despite my falling apart, everything still seems to be in place.

The walk back to Megaton is spent trying to keep thoughts of Amata from penetrating my mind-after all, we've agreed on just being friends. I do my best to focus on getting back into Megaton, knowing I'll need to get some food and go tell Nova something to stop her worrying. I'm sure news of the Brotherhood all but arresting me has spread through the town like wildfire and I'm both curious to hear what theories have popped up and embarrassed to have caused such a fuss.

Just inside Megaton's gate, a few traders are there and selling their wares. I stop and trade some of my pay for food, heading back to my house with just enough to last me until dinner tomorrow. My arms are full, and I struggle to balance my things to get the door open, but somehow manage to get inside without dropping everything. I make a beeline for the bookshelf, depositing everything there haphazardly and letting things fall where they may before I set about organizing them.

Once I take stock of everything I purchased, I find something to eat for lunch and set it aside before putting everything else away. The careful focus on the meaningless tasks does nothing to ease the anxiety I'm trying to ignore; I'm getting increasingly nervous about the rumors that have spread about me and am afraid of how Nova and Gob will react.

I eat first, fidgeting a little to keep stalling. It doesn't do much for me and only ends up making me more anxious.

Finally, I head over to the saloon and step inside, unable to stand being anxious about everyone's reactions any longer. When I push the door open, there aren't many people inside. A few travelers are getting drinks at the bar, but for the most part, the saloon is empty.

Gob looks up as the door falls shut, giving me a grin. "Hey there, kid! Where've you been?"

I walk over to him so I don't have to yell across the saloon, raising my eyebrows at him. "Uh, away, I guess." I study my ghoul friend, trying to see if he honestly doesn't know why I've been gone or if he's just being nice. He's missing so many features that it makes his expression virtually impossible to read.

"Want something to drink?" Gob asks, polishing the bar absently without paying attention to my staring at him.

I stammer out a "sure, thanks," and he finds a bottle of whiskey and pours me a glass. Standing there awkwardly with the glass in my hand is only drawing more attention to me, so I take a drink and plop on one of the stools at the bar. "Where's Nova?"

Gob shakes his head and glances to the ceiling and I swallow a burst of panic and nearly choke on my drink. "She's not.. Gob..."

He gives me a confused look, a wheezy laugh escaping him a moment later. "What? No, she's fine." Gob chuckles a little. "Geez, smoothskin. The look on your face..."

I scowl at him. "Is she okay?"

The ghoul nods, scratching his chest. "Yeah. Just got a cold or somethin'." He gives me what's as close to a meaningful look as he can manage, and I know he's referring to it as a side effect of Nova's Jet habit. "Doc came by and told her to take it easy. Greedy bastard," he mutters, shaking his head and going to get someone a refill.

I take a slow sip of the whiskey, mulling over the relief and concern mixing in my chest. Nova's Jet addiction had never been something I'd been happy about, and after spending all my childhood around my dad and his work, I knew it'd come back to bite her. Even so, her being sick is concerning; I can't help but wonder if she got sick due to worrying over me. I'm uncomfortable with the thought, and look up as Gob returns.

"Don't look so down in the dumps, kid," he says with a grin. "Nova'll be fine."

I swirl the liquid in my glass for a moment. "She didn't... It's not my fault, is it?"

Gob scoffs and shakes his head. "She's always worrying about something. Whatever you were up to wasn't anything outta the ordinary for her."

His easy dismissal of my disappearance is somewhat confusing, and I push my concern for Nova aside for a moment. "What, you don't have any ideas on what was goin' on? I figured people'd be in here runnin' their mouths."

"They were," he admits, "but I was gonna wait to hear it from you."

There's a lull in what little conversation is going on in the bar, and in that pause, I hear a weak coughing fit from above us. Gob and I look to the ceiling and he frowns slightly, clicking on a hot plate and starting to make some tea.

I finish the whiskey in my glass and sigh. "Anything I can do?"

Gob shrugs. "Just let her rest, I guess. I'm no doctor."

Part of me wants to go check on my friend, despite the fact that I know Gob's right, and I pull out some caps and pay for the drink. Gob takes them and takes the glass away. I only hesitate for a moment before passing him some extra caps. "For the doctor, if you need them," I murmur to my ghoul friend. He tries to protest, but I'm not having any of that and get up to leave.

Instead of heading to the door, I start for the stairs in the corner of the saloon, taking them two at a time and arriving on the second floor only slightly out of breath.

This floor of the saloon isn't used much anymore, thanks to Nova not having to continue being the town whore, so seeing one or two of the rooms filled surprises me. As I move quietly across the floor to Nova's room, it occurs to me that they're probably renting out the other rooms for a little extra income and I'm momentarily glad that everything is working out so well for my friends.

I arrive outside Nova's door and knock gently. "Hey, Nova?"

There's a strangled cough before she answers. "Jack?"

"How're you doin'?"

"Where have you been?!"

It's as close to a screech as she can manage and the squawk brings a smile to my face. "Shh, if Gob hears me riling you up, he'll have my head. Can I come in?" I hear her start to protest, but then she pauses to blow her nose and I take that as an opportunity to enter, twisting the doorknob and letting myself in.

Nova looks like hell, but there's a weak smile on her face at the sight of me. "Don't come too close, honey," she orders in a raspier voice than usual. "I don't want to get you sick."

I grin. "Yes, Mother," I tease, tucking my hands in my pockets and leaning back against the wall. "Good?"

She nods, pushing herself up and leaning back against her headboard. "Where were you? No one saw you leave, and then the Brotherhood was shooting your door down."

I hesitate, not sure how much I can say without upsetting her while satisfying her curiosity at the same time. "I was, uh... Well, I was sort of drunk off my ass, and missed a few days of work. Brotherhood came and got me, and I spent some time over there to make up for it."

Nova gives me a look, obviously not quite sure if she believes me or not, but she lets it slide and settles back into her bed. "I was worried, Jack."

"I'm sorry." I'm being sincere, but I mean it for more than Nova knows. I offer her a sad smile, watching as she coughs again. "I should let you rest."

Nova doesn't argue and gives me a tired wave. "Don't be a stranger," she orders with a weary smile. "I'll be up and around in a few days."

"Got a caravan run, but I'll try and drop in before I leave." She gives me an appreciative nod and I edge toward the door. "Feel better," I tell her, opening the door and slipping out again.

I feel better having seen her with my own eyes; Gob's misspoken words had rattled me. I head back downstairs and Gob waves me over, telling me to stand behind the bar and pretend to look busy while he runs Nova's tea up to her.

I feel all sorts of awkward as I do, glad I've been coming here long enough to know where things are; someone comes up and asks for a refill and I don't fumble around too much. I guess at the price, taking the caps over to the register and pretending I know what to do.

Luckily, Gob comes down the stairs a second later and takes over, muttering out a "thanks" as I get out from behind the counter.

I tell him goodbye and leave the saloon, stepping out into the waning afternoon. The sun is, thankfully, behind me, but the reflections of the rays off the metal buildings are bright and right in my eyes. I wish I'd thought to grab my hat, dipping my head as I start the walk back over to my house. I take the long way, stopping off at Moira's shop to see what she has for sale. With what caps I have, I get some extra ammo for my rifle and leave as quickly as I can.

Moira's not keen on letting me leave, but when I finally escape, the sun is mostly set and it's easier to see. I finish the walk over to my house and grab something to eat. I grab a whiskey to wash my food down and by the time I finish my meal, the warm buzz of the alcohol is settling over me.

I reason that it's late enough and head up to bed, kicking off my boots and settling into the mattress. The world spins slightly and I close my eyes, vaguely wondering what Amata's doing. It's not terribly late, and I'm sure she's still awake. Knowing her, she's double checking her paperwork for the day, or maybe taking stock of what she wants to send off in the next caravan. Despite all that, part of me hopes that she's thinking about me, and I'm too buzzed to care that that's crossing the line of 'friends' and going somewhere I shouldn't.

Even so, a smile grows on my face as I think about her and how lucky I am to have the chance to be around her again. I doze off a little while later, already dreaming of Amata.

 


	8. Chapter 8

 

I head over to Vault 101 bright and early, a familiar squirm of anxiety in my gut. I know it's just a simple run to Big Town, but I don't want to end up disappointing Amata on my first day back.

The routine we fall into when I arrive is familiar and comforting and I accept the ledger from Amata casually, allowing her to wish me good luck before I head down to storage. I help with the brahmin and greet the two guys that will be my caravan guards. They look somewhat nervous, but put on brave faces when they meet me, and I hope they'll loosen up a little during the trip.

When everything's set, we get to the entrance and head out of the Vault. I set a marker on my Pipboy and we start off in silence. The brahmin huffs occasionally and the gear that we're carrying clinks against us as we walk. It's a nice rhythm, but it starts to get too dull so I start talking.

"First time out of the Vault?"

I get muttered "yeah's" in return and frown. "C'mon, you guys gotta give me something better than that. How 'bout we start with your names?" Even though it's a relatively short trip, it's still going to be a few days worth of travel, and I don't want things to be awkward.

The shorter of the two boys gives me an apprehensive look but opens his mouth. "I'm Colin."

"Brady," the taller, blond guy supplies.

"Nice to meet you," I tell them conversationally, hoping to spark some other topic to talk about. For a moment, I miss Calvin's inane chatter. "You guys can call me Jack."

Brady wrinkles his nose. "Isn't that a guy's name?"

I shrug. "Doesn't really matter to me. Had a friend nickname me Jack, and I liked it." Colin looks halfway intrigued, but Brady's attention is caught by movement out on the horizon. I follow his gaze and watch whatever it is that's approaching, brushing off the floating object as an approaching bloatfly.

The guys look a little nervous at my nonchalance, but follow my lead trustingly. We walk for a few more minutes in relative silence, and I keep an eye on the bloatfly that seems to be following us. Finally it catches up, floating on past us, and I realize it's an eyebot. I haven't seen one in years, and I give it a wary glance, holding out a hand to slow the guys down. It's not emitting any signal, though most hadn't after Raven Rock blew, and since we're on a main road, I know it's probably just leftover after all these years.

"What was that?" Colin asks, keeping his voice low.

"An eyebot. They're pretty harmless. I just haven't seen one in a long time." I give them a casual grin that I hope comforts any fear the guys may have. Knowing that they look to me for guidance means I have to put off a lot more confidence than usual, and I've never been particularly good at playing the leader, especially after what happened in the battle for the purifier.

Brady just raises an eyebrow, a decidedly unimpressed look appearing on his face after a moment or two. He seems to be trying to play it cool, but I have a feeling that after a few nights in the wastes, he'll relax.

Colin asks a few more questions about the eyebot, and I answer him as best I can, ending up in a long story about my time spent fighting the Enclave. Both of the boys are obviously interested, gazes full of awe no matter how they try to hide it.

Telling them about aspects of the battles that I'm proud of makes it easier to think about, but my thoughts are heading into dangerous territory and I don't want to have another breakdown in front of them. I'm half-afraid I'd lose it and they'd have to fend for themselves, and that doesn't sit well with me.

"All right," I announce, reaching out and easing the brahmin to a stop. "Lunch time."

We settle and dig around for lunch, and I can't help but grin at the watchfulness both boys have for their surroundings. I'm about to tell them to calm down when I realize that extra caution would be stupid to refuse.

Luckily, there's no reason for extra caution, and after lunch we pack up and continue on the trail. Everything is quiet and calm, and I'm glad the trip is so easy.

I'm about to mention it when an explosion goes off nearby and the brahmin spooks. I wheel around and steady the brahmin, eyes scanning our surroundings for danger. There's no one around, but we're all on edge. I've got one hand on my rifle and one on the brahmin so we don't lose her, and I go to looking for the source of the noise.

There's a small sparking pile of metal on the ground with faint wisps of smoke rising from it. A bloatfly is laying nearby, wings still twitching spasmodically.

"Hold the brahmin," I tell Brady, waiting until he's got a firm grip on the beast's harness before walking over and crouching down beside the wreckage.

It has to be the eyebot we spotted earlier, and I relax. The last thing I wanted was to be ambushed on the first day.

"I think we're okay, guys," I call back to my guards. "Looks like that eyebot ran into some trouble, is all."

The relief is soothing, and we all laugh a little at how startled we got, getting back underway. The rest of the day goes by easily and smoothly, and we make good progress by sundown.

The sky is turning orange and I know we don't have a lot of time until it's completely dark.

"So, you guys ready to stop for the night?" I've already spotted a good place to make camp, and my feet are aching from all the trudging through the wastes.

I get a "please" from Colin while Brady mutters something about being able to go for a while longer. Since I'm tired, I go with Colin's answer and we head over to the sheltered spot to make camp.

Brady's the least tired and volunteers to take first watch. I stay up with him for a while, coaching him on what to listen for and whittling at an old tree root I've found in the dirt. Eventually, my weariness wins out and I head to bed. My few hours of sleep are not long enough before it's my turn to take watch duty, and then it's morning all over again.

We make it to Big Town a little past noon the next day, and the boys linger nearby at first. I notice Brady's attention caught by the shooting range and a young redhead and am not surprised when he slips away.

Colin lingers nearby, watching as I do business. When I get swamped with customers, I hand him the ledger and tell him to start writing down the sales we make. He keeps up and by the time the crowd dies down, he's doing his best with the blunt end of the pencil.

"Nice job," I tell him, taking the ledger back and tucking it in my bag with the caps we just made. I reach for my pocketknife and sharpen the pencil, offering my young partner a grin. "Kinda crazy, huh?"

Colin smiles. "I don't know. It was sort of fun. What's weird is how there's all these people up here that didn't get killed by all the radiation."

"Brotch is still teaching all that bull?" I scoff and lead the brahmin over to a hitching post, tying it up and brushing my hands off on my jeans. "I figured he'd change that up after I up and left."

The boy gives me a curious look but he doesn't press me for an answer, looking out over the settlement instead.

"Go on and take a look around," I urge. "We're sticking around for a little while; may as well see what there is to see."

Colin casts me a smile and takes off after Brady, going exploring.

I watch him go before making sure everything is locked up and heading over to the common house to get some sleep.

Over the day or two that we spend in Big Town, Brady makes a few friends and shows off his weapon, attracting some female attention, as well. Colin seems less interested in being social, keeping an eye on the brahmin with me and studying the way I run the trading.

The night before we leave, Colin and I are sitting together in the common house, having some pre-war noodles before bed.

He sets his bowl aside and studies a scuff in the floor, a frown forming on his face.

"What's up, bud?" I ask after a moment, disconcerted by the upset on the normally-cheery boy's face.

He shrugs, ruffling a hand through his hair. Colin's gaze is hesitant when he finally looks up at me.

"Spit it out," I suggest, setting my bowl down and leaning back against the wall. "Lettin' it eat you up isn't gonna do you any good." I try to ignore how much like Scribe Clarkson I sound, convincing myself I just want to ease the boy's mind; he's a good hand and I don't want him upset over anything.

"I just... I know you left the Vault, then came back, and then left again, but no one talks about why." His face is innocent, eyes showing his hope that he doesn't offend.

My stomach twists uncertainly as I contemplate how to answer. I don't know what he would consider taboo, and what the Vault is forbidden from knowing. "Well, the only reason I left the first time is 'cause my dad snuck out of the Vault in the middle of the night. Nobody knew what was goin' on, and the security team was after me to try and get answers, but I'm pretty sure they'd have killed me if I stayed."

I sigh, remembering tackling a security guard to keep him away from Amata. Everything about that night had been terrible; I hadn't ever imagined there'd be so much chaos. "Anyway, I left to find my dad and get some answers from him. I figured I might be able to convince him to go back to the Vault, but... He ended up dead, and I was heading home to Megaton when my Pipboy picked up an emergency signal."

I remember the rush of emotion I'd felt when I'd heard Amata's voice for the first time in ages and can't help a smile. "Amata-the Overseer-she and I had been best friends for a while, and in the broadcast, she told me about the rebellion. I went back and helped overthrow her dad, but she had to exile me after that. Didn't wanna make anyone else mad because of..." I trail off, not sure what he'll say if he knows I've slept with his female Overseer, so I opt to not say anything. "Anyway. Made a life for myself out here, and found out the Vault was back open when my old boss led me inside. Amata gave me this job and ended my exile, and here we are."

Colin still looks confused, but I don't necessarily want to explain details; I'll slip up and reveal something I know I shouldn't.

"What, Brotch doesn't teach you guys about that in school?" I tease, pleased to get half a smile out of the boy.

"It's not something people really talk about, I guess," he says. "The rebellion is kind of a 'don't talk about it or else' thing. People barely even acknowledge that it happened at all."

I'm not sure how to feel about that or how to respond; that was probably the biggest thing to happen to the Vault in my generation. Most likely, when the older Vault dwellers die out, the rebellion and story of the caravan I'm running will be added to the history lessons, but it still strikes me as strange that it's not discussed.

Brady comes tromping in a few minutes later, a grin on his normally solemn face.

"You certainly look happy," I comment, pleased for the distraction.

He actually smiles at me, pulling his boots off and falling onto a nearby cot. "I guess," he answers noncommittally, giving a bored shrug.

I don't expect him to give me more than that, but given the way he's been chasing after the redhead, I have a pretty good guess of what's happened. "Good."

Colin and I share a knowing grin, and the boys decide it's time for bed. I stay up for a little while, using the moonlight from the window to read through the ledger and make sure everything's up to date. I shift a little to get comfortable, noticing the crinkle of something in my jacket's pocket. I reach in and pull out the letter I'd written for Amata.

What with everything that's happened, I've forgotten to give it to her. Part of me wonders if giving it to her now would just stir up bad feelings, since there's been some time since it was completely relevant. Still, I wrote it for her, and I watch myself tuck the letter in the last few pages of the ledger. It's there if she happens to find it, and it'll answer the questions she may still have. It'll be far less traumatic to read than to speak, probably for both of us, and I use that thought to assure myself I've just made the right decision.

Sleep becomes necessary a few minutes later, and I curl up on my cot and close my eyes, letting dreams pull me away.

* * *

The return to the Vault is uneventful, and I'm pleased with the haul we've brought. I've made sure to keep Amata's ledger up to date and am more than a little proud of myself when I hand it to her with our total circled at the bottom. Seeing her grin is better pay than any amount of caps; I haven't let her down even after everything I went through.

If Amata's found the letter, she hasn't mentioned it, and I'm not sure how to feel about that. If the letter was lost to the wastes, it wouldn't be completely terrible; I trust her to ask anything she wants to know. Even so, I invested a lot of effort in that letter, and I'd hate for it to have gone to waste.

I drop by the Citadel to see Sarah, but she's off settling a minor dispute at the purifier. Instead, I greet a few members of the Pride and stop by to say hi to Clarkson. He looks happy to see me, and his smile widens when I tell him how well everything's going. We talk some, but not about anything important, and eventually I head back to Megaton with a plea that he greets Sarah for me.

I don't spend much time at home before the next caravan leaves, and on the morning it does, I'm at the Vault early and ready to go.

Amata comes to oversee the setup and to see us off, and there's something akin to caution in her eyes. I don't think on it too much, getting everything ready for what will hopefully be another successful trip. A few Vault officers come to load our cargo, and Amata and I watch the process silently.

Finally, she sighs and turns to look at me. "Jack?"

The tone of her voice is enough to get me concerned, and I look over at her. "What?"

"I just..." She sighs, chewing at her lip for a moment before speaking. "I found the letter."

My heart sinks. "Oh." I can't help trying to glance into the Vault tunnel, seeing if she has someone to replace me.

"I'm so sorry, Jack," she murmurs, giving me an desperate look. "I wish I could have... God, I don't know. I just..."

She looks on the verge of tears and I almost panic. "It's okay, 'Mata. It's fine." I try to reassure her with a smile. "I got through it. And look," I add, gesturing around at the caravan being prepared. "Everything's okay. Things are normal. Don't worry, okay?"

Amata doesn't look totally convinced, but gives me a nod and swallows her emotions as one of the officers comes up to us.

"The brahmin's packed and ready to go," he announces, saluting Amata.

"Good job, Adams," she responds, her voice back to its usual strength.

The officer nods and turns away, ordering his men to follow.

Amata and I are left alone just outside the Vault, and I turn to look at her again.

"I just wanted to tell you what happened," I say, shrugging a little. "I didn't think I'd be able to say it, so that... yeah." I see a protest coming and I shake my head. "Do you trust me to tell you the truth?"

Amata's caught off guard, but she nods almost instantly.

"Then trust me, 'Mata. Everything's okay." I smile, looking over as a security officer steps outside and waves to someone still in the Vault tunnel.

The Overseer sighs, studying me for a long moment before nodding. "Okay." She smiles, and even though it doesn't quite reach her eyes, it's sincere. "Be careful?"

"Always," I assure her, grabbing her hand and giving it a squeeze.

The guards for the caravan step outside, and Amata and I step away from each other. Her fingers curl around mine for as long as possible, but finally she pulls away and gives us her best wishes before she heads back inside.

I watch her go, uncertain about what's just happened. Part of me is regretting giving her the letter at all; now I'm concerned that she's worrying over me when I know she has more important things to be bothered with. The thoughts start to get to me, so I shake them away and head over to the caravan and get everything started.

Colin and Brady are with me again, so it's easier to strike up conversation to pass the time. They're more relaxed, but still cautious, and I can't help but be proud of them when they spot a pack of dogs and immediately go on the defensive. It's a good thing they do; the brahmin snorts and the dogs realize we're there, rushing at us to attack.

Brady gets off a few good shots before running forward and clubbing one of the dogs, while Colin lingers back near the brahmin with me and lines up shots carefully. It doesn't take long before all the dogs are dead and we're safe again.

"Good job, guys," I tell them with a grin, pulling out my pocketknife and heading for one of the corpses. "Looks like we get some fresh dinner."

They look equal parts disgusted and amazed, and I ignore them and start butchering the creature. I get three good hunks of meat off the bodies and wrap them in the hides, finding a clean place to stack them in the brahmin's pack. They stay nestled there until we stop for the night, when I set up a fire and start cooking. The meat smells a little weird until it's nearly done, at which point we're all starving anyway.

The boys seem a little put off by the idea of what we're eating, but once they take tentative bites, they devour the rest of the steaks. We've been eating little more than warm Instamash and Cram, so the steaks are a wonderful change of pace.

With full bellies and the knowledge that we'll be arriving in Canterbury Commons in the morning, we make camp and hunker down for the night.

 


	9. Chapter 9

The sales are good, and I couldn't be more pleased. I've been worried about messing everything up and letting Amata down, but things feel normal and right, and I'm proud of what I'm accomplishing. I feel halfway strong and stable for the first time in ages, and I can't wait to go back to the Vault and show Amata what I've accomplished.

On the first night of our trip back to the Vault, I'm thumbing through the ledger when a scrap of paper falls out into my lap. It startles me, but I manage to keep a yelp of surprise quiet, not wanting to disturb the guys. Being careful not to rip it, I pick the paper up and turn it into the glow of our campfire.

Amata's familiar, neat handwriting stares back at me.  _Be careful, Jack. I know it may not be much, but if you ever need to talk, I'm here. I don't want you to have to go through all that alone._ She's scribbled out the next three words, replacing them with her name, but it's not hard to guess what she didn't say.

I read and reread the words, something in my chest stirring at the mere sight of her handwriting. It reminds me of all the notes we passed in class and the friendship we'd shared before everything happened. Memories of defending her from Butch and spending some quiet time with her after stressful days come racing back, and I smile wistfully to myself. The note gets a special place in my shirt's breast pocket, somewhere I know it'll be protected. I try not to think about the fact that I'm keeping it close to my heart, deeming the thought too cheesy before tucking the ledger away and scanning the area for hostiles.

Brady gets up soon after and takes my place, allowing me to sprawl out on his cot and succumb to sleep.

Since we've made good time, we don't rush to leave first thing in the morning. I take a few minutes over breakfast to thank Colin and Brady for being good hands and ask them to consider sticking with the caravan as long as they want. I know finding new Vaulties that will be as well balanced as them will be damn near impossible, and I'm pleased with the chemistry we all have.

Brady's always quiet, but he's tough and loyal, and Colin's got a good business mind. If the Vault's caravan business continues to be so successful, they may even get their own caravans someday.

Either way, both of them look pleased at the praise, and when we start off, they're both a little more enthusiastic about keeping watch.

We cross the muddy bed of the Potomac a little after lunch, and I know it'll only be another two hours or so until we get back. We're out of yao guai territory, and I relax a little, knowing that the Brotherhood has pretty much wiped out the Super Mutant population.

Brady, surprisingly, starts talking, bragging a little about his girlfriend in Big Town and how he'd bought her something in the Commons. Colin and I listen politely, giving words of encouragement in all the right places. I find myself drifting off into my own thoughts, daydreaming about the good report I'll have for Amata.

Part of me is toying with the idea of making the ledger more than just a transaction log, and beginning a tradition of leaving little notes for Amata in the book, but I know that'll be a waste of paper and could possibly take up valuable room in the book. Still, the thought of leaving her little notes makes me smile, and I can't help but see us exchanging little flirty notes and love letters.

The water tower near Megaton looms on the horizon, and we follow the road toward Springvale, avoiding the major potholes and cracks in the pavement. Even the brahmin seems relieved, but then there's an explosion and everything is instantly chaotic.

Yelling and laughing fill my ears and I turn to see a group of raiders rushing at us, blunt melee weapons and hunting rifles held high.

I start yelling orders, hoping Colin and Brady can understand me over everyone else, and pull out my gun to take a few shots.

One of the raiders is hit and staggers to the side, nearly tripping one of his fellows. Brady sees an opportunity and fires a few shots, and the first raider falls down and moves no more.

I don't have time to congratulate him before a raider is right up in my face, lead pipe raised for a crushing blow. I try to twist out of the way before she can bash my skull in, and I halfway succeed. My shoulder takes the brunt of the blow, and it's still enough to make me yelp in pain. My gun is knocked out of my hands with another lucky blow and I try not to panic at being defenseless.

I wheel around and tackle the raider, jamming my shoulder into her gut. She gasps as we fall to the ground, trying to breathe even though I've knocked the wind out of her. Her grip goes slack and I wrench the pipe out of her hands, smashing it against her temple. She goes limp underneath me, and I look up to see what's going on.

Colin's firing as fast as he can, and Brady's bleeding but still fighting. Two raiders lay dead on the dirt, and the brahmin has run off to the nearby wreckage of a house. There are a few more raiders advancing slowly, taking shots with hunting rifles.

I scramble to grab my gun, getting to my feet and running up to join the fray. If these boys die on my watch...

Colin yelps as a raider comes running at him. In his panic his gun jams, and I spin around and squeeze off a few bullets. The raider doesn't have time to see that I've shot him before he ends up face down in the dirt. Colin's face is ashen as he thanks me, and we both turn when we hear Brady swear.

I spin around, only to see the rest of the raiders converging on him, and everything else in my brain shuts off. I run at the group, tearing the nearest one away from Brady and shooting him point blank. The next one I slug across the face, bringing the butt of my rifle around and smashing it into the raider's nose. A shot from behind me drops one of the raiders at my side, and I take the moment's opening and fire a bullet into the foe in front of me.

"Jack!" Brady grunts, and I turn to see a raider on his back, arms around his neck in a choke hold.

I'm halfway to them when Colin slams into the raider and starts wrestling him off Brady. I'm stunned at the ferocity of the boy's attack, watching as Colin yanks the raider to the ground and fills him with lead. It's the last of the raiders, and we're left alone.

Everything is oddly silent, and we all share breathless, still-terrified looks. Brady swallows and looks over at Colin.

"Thanks, man," he murmurs, casting a harsh look at the body on the ground.

Colin nods, visibly shaking as he stares down at the body. I realize that it's the first person he's attacked and killed, not out of self-defense, and my heart sinks.

"You okay, Col?"

He doesn't answer, just looks away and walks off to be by himself.

Brady and I exchange an uncertain look and try to pretend like everything's fine.

"How about you?" I ask, walking over to him and examining a few cuts on his arms.

"One of 'em had a knife," he mutters, wincing as I touch a tender spot. "Nothin' hurts too bad."

"Good." I know we're close to the Vault, but I don't want to take any chances. "I think we have a few stimpaks in the pack. Better use one just to be safe."

Brady gives a grunt of agreement, pulling away from me.

We both realize at the same time that Colin went in the direction of the brahmin, and since neither of us wants to interrupt him, we set about scavenging supplies off the raider corpses. I realize that at some point, my hat got knocked off my head, and go to looking for it. I find it a few moments later, covered in blood and half-crushed under a raider's body. As much as I love that hat, I'll never be able to get the stain out, so I just leave it there.

After a few minutes, there's the sound of brahmin hooves on the pavement, and I look up to see Colin leading the brahmin toward us. He still looks a little green, but seems calmer.

"Thanks," I murmur, waving Brady over as I get up and head to the cargo and find a stimpak. He only cringes a little when I press the needle into his arm, and we put the looted things into the brahmin's pack and start for the Vault. We're all quiet and on edge this time, but the danger seems to have passed.

As we move through the wastes, I start feeling the bruise that's forming where the raider hit me. It aches and I can't help but get frustrated. A raider ambush is what I get for thinking about how well everything's been going. I should have known that nothing could be normal, and knowing that I dragged the boys into a fight eats away at me. A vision of the battle for Project Purity flashes in front of me, and I remember all the men I let down and couldn't protect.

Even though I know both of the boys are all right, I can't keep myself from imagining a much more gruesome outcome. Images of the boys covered in blood and screaming at me fill my brain and I feel sick to my stomach. Shaking the idea away, I glance at the boys to remind myself they're still okay, but the blood on Brady's armor only makes it worse.

I shouldn't be in charge of protecting these guys; the last time I was assigned to do that, I failed. I can't let myself be responsible for either of their lives. I don't want to fail them, too. I don't want to have to watch as they die, their blood on my hands. Everything in me wants to run away so I can protect them from me, but we're drawing nearer to Vault 101 and leaving now would be pathetic.

I tighten my hands on my gun, telling myself that they're not trembling and carrying on. The conflict in my head only magnifies itself, and the ache in my shoulder isn't helping. All my muscles are tense and sore, and I'm aware I'm working myself into a dangerous place.

I'll be damned if I break down in front of Brady and Colin, and it's sheer willpower that keeps me from collapsing in the dirt and fending off tears. The thought that I'm that near the edge of breaking down again cuts through me to my core, and I'm overwhelmed with disappointment and frustration. I'm supposed to be stronger than this. It doesn't even feel like it matters that the caravan is okay; all I can think about is how I feel like I'm failing, and I hate it.

Before I can get too much more bogged down in my thoughts, the hill to Vault 101 rises in front of us. Brady helps me guide the brahmin up the slope, and I dismiss him to the clinic as soon as we're in the Vault tunnel.

Guards and officers come over to greet us, taking control of the brahmin and gear, and Colin slips away to find his family.

I sort through the things, getting the ledger out and letting one of the guards hold my rifle while I head through the Vault to report to Amata.

Being alone with my thoughts is irritating but I have no choice as I make my way through the metal hallways. I've somehow managed to leave behind most of the thoughts of failing everyone, and am now focused on how weak I am for letting everything get to me. I can't be the person everyone needs me to be if I keep collapsing in on myself.

What's even worse is that I know Amata will notice my being upset and that it'll make her worry. I don't want that, not in the slightest, so I make up my mind to give her the ledger, pretend like I'm tired, and head home to Megaton. If I can just get home and have a shower and hot meal, I'll calm down a little. The thought of popping over to the saloon occurs to me, too, and I decide that spending a little time shooting the breeze with Gob and Nova will be good for me, too.

Even though the thoughts are comforting, I'm still feeling volatile and vulnerable when I walk up to Amata's office door. The guard there sees me and waves me in, and I grind out a "thanks" as I move past him.

I order myself to just deliver the ledger and get out before anything happens, and knock on the doorframe before entering the office.

Amata looks up and grins at me, her smile faltering almost instantly at the expression on my face. "Jack?"

"We're back." My tone is sharper than I mean for it to be and I cringe inwardly, knowing it's going to send up red flags in Amata's mind.

She gets up and comes around her desk, hesitating slightly, and is obviously unsure of what to say.

I hand her the ledger, stepping back and giving her space. I'm still on edge and want to go home and let myself fall apart for a little while, but I know I have to tell her what all happened. I can't meet her gaze and wait to hear her clear her throat.

"How'd it... How'd it go? Are you okay?" she asks, choosing her words carefully as she sets the ledger on her desk.

I feel a rush of shame for the pity I hear in her tone, but I go ahead and tell her all the things that happened. I hate myself for letting my voice catch and shake during the raider attack, and go to playing with my pocketknife frustratedly.

When I've finished, Amata is refusing to meet my gaze and her face is pained. Something in me aches at the sight of her and even though I'm on shaky ground, I want to reach out and grab her in a hug. "I'm sorry, I know it's not... I know it sucks. I'll-I don't have to come back if you don't want. If you want someone more stable, I mean. I can..." I give up trying to stammer out anything, my breath leaving in a frustrated huff.

"Leave?" Amata's voice is a little hollow but she frowns and shoots an alarmed look in my general direction. "Why? Because of the attack? No, you don't have to. You can stay if you want, unless there's something here that's making it hard on you." She looks away again as her voice catches on the last few words.

I frown at the change in her tone. "... 'Mata? What's wrong?"

She hesitates before shaking her head. "It's... nothing."

"Bullshit," I retort, watching her flinch at the sharpness of the word. "What'd I do wrong?"

Amata shoots me a helpless look. "Nothing, I swear. It's not you, I just..." She wrings her hands and bites her lip before continuing. "Was it my fault?"

I give her a blank look. "What? The raider attack?"

"No, the... Your..." She looks near tears and shifts anxiously. "When you almost killed yourself." The words are hard for her to get out and we both cringe. "Was that my fault?"

" _Your_  fault? How...? Jesus, 'Mata, really?" That she's blaming herself for my own brokenness makes me feel sick and I flick the pocketknife open and closed a few times. I'm immediately on the defensive and feel a scowl forming on my face.

"I told you I still love you," she counters hotly. "Your reaction... I didn't know what to think, and then Sarah told me... And the letter..."

"Don't you even pretend this is your fault. I'm fucked up, and it's my own damn fault!" I don't even know why we're yelling but neither of us seems keen to stop.

"But-"

I click my knife again, angry that I'm frustrated with her for no reason. I know I'm exhausted and the attack on the caravan has me worked up, but still, taking it out on Amata is only fueling my upset. "It's not your fault," I repeat coolly. "I was on the edge anyway; anything could have pushed me over it."

"I'm sorry," she murmurs, shooting me a pleading look. "I didn't-I may not have... I'm just  **sorry** , Jack."

"You don't need to be."

We both try to respond, but then I try to click the knife closed again and it twists in my grasp, the blade plunging into the pad of my thumb.

"Shit," I hiss, dropping the knife and watching blood leak from my thumb. It burns like a high-powered laser shot and the pain intensifies the longer I stare at it. After everything else that's gone wrong, I'm about ready to storm out and find an isolated corner to cry in and let it hurt, but Amata makes a little noise and I look up to see her crossing the room to the first aid kit on the wall. "Don't-"

"Shut up."

"Amata-"

"Sit down," she orders, digging through the kit. Her tone and the tension in the air leave no room for argument, so I sit against her desk sourly, watching as Amata comes toward me with bandages and gives me a look daring me to get up.

I sit there as she stands in front of me, taking my hand in hers gently. The frustration I'm feeling begins to melt away as her fingers ghost across my palm and her brow furrows with concern. Her touch is tender and careful, and her hands are cool as they close around mine.

She cradles my thumb, studying it for a moment before wiping away the blood with some cotton and replacing the swab with a bandage a second later. Content with her work, she presses a gentle kiss to the wounded digit, looking up to see me staring at her. Amata's cheeks flush slightly, but she just nods once and starts to move away.

I catch her hand in mine and we stare at each other, the air around us thick with tension. She wets her lips and I swallow hard, giving her hand a gentle tug. She doesn't resist and ends up mere inches from me, her eyes fixed on mine and full of anticipation.

Every sense is focused on her, and I reach up and cradle her face in my hands. Her eyelids start to flutter, and I pull her close and kiss her. It's gentle and electric; everything else melts away and it's just her and me.

This moment could go on forever and I wouldn't care, but breathing becomes necessary and we break apart, inhaling slowly. "Amata..." I breathe, holding her close and refusing to open my eyes in case this is some sick dream. I can't manage much more than her name, but it seems to be enough, because she presses another kiss to my lips.

I still want more, but I don't want to overstep any boundaries that might exist between us, so I just wrap my arms around her and hold her close.

"God, Jack," Amata murmurs, winding her arms around my neck. She buries her face in the crook of my neck and sighs.

I wonder idly if she can hear my heart pounding against my ribcage, giving a little sigh of my own and enjoying how right this feels. All the anger in me has abated and I'm left content and bursting with affection. "Sorry. Didn't mean to start yelling," I mumble, soothed by the feeling of her breathing against my neck.

She doesn't say anything, just holding onto me. Her arms tighten slightly around my neck, pulling me closer.

We stay there for what feels like forever and yet no time at all, and she lifts her head and presses a kiss to my jaw. I turn to meet her and we share a few more kisses before I hear voices echoing from down the hall.

"Someone'll see," I mumble, resting my forehead against hers and trying to calm my racing pulse. I don't want to let her go, but risking Vault stability for my own selfish reasons seems stupid.

"I don't care."

"They could revolt," I caution, not wanting to cause another Vault-wide meltdown.

Amata gives a weary chuckle. "They won't," she retorts, her expression somewhere between a grin and a frown. "They know better than to question the Overseer. Besides, things have been changing here. They're all happy."

I consider a smart remark, but this doesn't feel like the right time to be talking, so I just nod and pull her close again.

She nestles herself into my arms readily, obviously content and secure. It brings a smile to my face, knowing that I can still make her feel safe in some small way.

After a few more minutes, she pulls away and looks up at me, a question obvious in her eyes. I raise an eyebrow and wait for her to speak, despite being tempted to close the inches between us and kiss her again.

"Stay?" she pleads, eyes boring into mine.

Everything in me wants to, craving the feeling of her curling up next to me in her bed. Memories of uncertain touches and gasps of pleasure flood my brain, and I know there's a very real possibility of that happening tonight. Part of my gut tightens anxiously and I feel like a horny teenager. The rest of me is uncomfortable with the feeling; it seems too much like using her, no matter that she wants it, too. I can't let myself treat her like she's just another one of the girls I'd slept with while caravaning. This is Amata, and I don't want to end up hurting her.

I shake my head faintly. "I shouldn't. I want to," I add to stop the disappointment flashing in her eyes. "But I shouldn't. You're just... I can't."

Amata still looks saddened, but gives me a nod of understanding.

"I'm sorry," I offer quietly, cupping her cheek in my hand and being amazed at how soft and sweet she is compared to everything I've seen in the wastes.

"Don't apologize," she responds, leaning into my touch. "I don't want to make you do anything you can't do."

We share a little smile, and I press a kiss to her forehead, knowing that if I kiss her again, I won't be able to leave. The thought of using her aside, I don't know if I can be what she wants me to be. I don't know if I'm stable enough for anything more than what we are now, and trying and having it backfire will only hurt her, and I don't want that.

She lingers close for just a moment, sighing and pulling herself out of my arms.

I stand and move to the side, keeping some distance between us as I head for the door.

"I can have your payment ready in the morning," she tells me, and I nod faintly.

"Good night," I murmur, offering her a smile.

She echoes the sentiment, and we gaze at each other for a few minutes before I force myself to leave.

It gets easier to walk away the farther I get from her office, and by the time I'm at the Vault entrance, it's easy to pretend I was just dreaming the entire thing. I collect my rifle from the door guards and leave, heading into the waning daylight toward the jagged metal spires of Megaton's gate.

I walk into my house a few minutes later and shut the door behind me, letting out a heavy sigh. If I think about it hard enough, I can still feel her in my arms. The mere thought sends a little shiver up my spine and puts a silly smile on my face.

I don't feel much like eating, but I get some food anyway before heading over to the saloon.

Nova's serving someone in the little room off to the side when I enter, and as she comes back around toward the bar, she hooks an arm around my neck and kisses my cheek. "Hey there, hon! Be right with you."

I smile and head for a seat at the bar, settling down and letting Gob pour me a drink. He and I talk about business for a few minutes, and I'm glad to see that the saloon isn't empty. So long as the saloon survives, the town will survive, and I can't imagine life without Megaton.

Nova trots over and perches herself on the stool and beams at me. "Long time, no see, stranger," she teases. "How's life?"

I shrug and grin at my friends. "Okay. Been running a caravan or two for Amata, but that's about it. Got ambushed earlier." My mood sours slightly at the memory. "Nothing too bad happened, it was just stressful."

Nova's smile turns to a frown almost immediately. "Are you sure? You're not hurt, are you?"

I shake my head and take a sip of the whiskey in my glass. "Gonna have a hell of a bruise tomorrow, but I'm fine. Probably shouldn't be the one running the caravan, though."

The door clacks shut behind us and Gob excuses himself to go help the new customer. Nova stays beside me, studying me and smiling when I catch her eye.

"From what I heard, you've been doing good with the caravan, Jack. One ambush isn't gonna change it." She raises her eyebrows after a moment of silence. "... Is it?"

I shrug. "Dunno. Haven't been real good at keeping people safe in the past."

Confusion passes over Nova's face, but she doesn't press me. She just sits there quietly and refills my glass when I drain it. After a while, she cuts me off, though it's before I'm completely hammered. I pay her, but don't move to leave while she goes and deposits the caps in the cash register.

Nova hesitates, leaning over the bar toward me. "If you need to talk, I'll listen," she offers quietly.

I nod once, not planning on telling her anything, but then words are tumbling out of my mouth in a tipsy mess and I vaguely realize that I'm crying.

Nova listens to me, telling Gob to take over as she leads me upstairs. She lets me into a room and sits with me on the bed, rocking me gently while I tell her about Project Purity and all the soldiers that died on my watch.

"Oh, honey," she breathes when I stop to try and collect my thoughts. "Is this why you disappeared?"

I nod pitifully. "Couldn't be here anymore, gettin' called a hero when all I did was get people killed."

She coos soothing words in my ear, going quiet when I start telling her about the raider ambush and all the feelings I fought off on the return to the Vault. That leads to me mumbling out an explanation of the bandage on my thumb and the way I kissed Amata. Nova gives me a proud little hug at the admission, but stays quiet as I talk about leaving.

"How do you feel about it?" she asks quietly when I'm finished.

I pull myself out of her embrace and shrug, rubbing at my face wearily. "Care about her, but I don't... I can't protect her, not from me." The admission is heavy in the air between us, and Nova frowns.

"You're not a monster, Jack," Nova reminds me. "Anyone that cares about you can see that."

I scoff a little. "Maybe, maybe not. Hurt a lot of people since I came back, even Amata." The memory makes me cringe. "Don't want to keep doing it."

Nova doesn't say anything, patting my shoulder instead. "What are you going to do?"

"Dunno." Keeping my distance seems to be the best way to keep Amata from getting hurt, and maintaining the working friendship we have going now shouldn't be too hard. Even as I think that, my mind fills with the kisses Amata and I shared and I'm back to being confused all over again. Being selfish and risking hurting her are not high on my list of things to do, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to be someone worthy of her ever again. Still, I haven't felt that alive in a long time, and that it was just from being nestled in her arms makes me wonder if friendship would actually be possible or not.

I don't really remember saying goodbye or leaving the saloon, but I find myself in my own bed, struggling to fall asleep with Amata on my mind.


	10. Chapter 10

I wake just as conflicted as I had been last night, and with a hangover to boot. Wadsworth produces a purified water and I drink it slowly, hoping it'll help ease my headache.

Amata will have my pay this morning, and that means I'll need to face her. I'm not sure what she'll be expecting from me, and I don't know how I'm going to react. There's a large part of me that wants to pull her into my arms and never let go, but there's another, bigger part of me that's scared of what I'm capable of doing to her.

That I nearly broke down just yesterday is evidence enough that I'm not in a position where I can, in good faith, be what she wants me to be. It kills me that I was weak enough to let it happen, but I'm glad it happened away from her rather than in front of her.

I'm still contemplating what to say to Amata when I leave town, my hangover mostly gone. The more I think about it, the more anxious I get. I'm halfway to the Vault when I decide I need to distract myself.

The sun is bright, and I wish I still had my hat, but that leads to thinking about the ambush and that won't lead to anything good. I sigh and imagine disassembling my pistol, cleaning every piece, and putting it back together again. Between the methodical daydream and the thudding of my boots on the dirt, I manage to calm down by the time I pull open the rickety wooden door.

I greet the Vault guards, taking notice of that dark combat armor all over again. It still strikes me as familiar, but I brush it aside as having seen it the last time. Walking through the Vault takes time and my heart is in my throat by the time I arrive at the admin level.

I catch myself dragging my feet as I head to the office, and one of the guards outside her door sees me and salutes.

"Mornin'," I say, a little out of breath from climbing the stairs.

"Good morning. Here to see the Overseer?"

I nod, cracking my knuckles absently. I'm halfway hoping she's busy and can't see me now, but then the guard nods back at me.

"I'll let her know you're here," he says, and I don't argue; after last night, I'm more than a little worried about things might play out if I enter alone.

"Overseer, Jack is here to see you," the guard says, and I hear her respond before he reappears and waves me in.

I step into Amata's office like I wasn't just here last night, sharing one of the most intimate moments I've had in years. A half-formed image of me taking her on her desk floats into my mind, and even though it didn't happen, my ears heat up at the thought. I swallow and look up to see her smiling uncertainly.

"Hey."

"Good morning," I respond, a grin growing on my face to match hers.

There's a charged silence before she clears her throat.

"I, uh, have your pay." She hesitates until I nod, then opens her desk drawer and pulls out a bag of caps. Rather than toss them to me, she gets to her feet and walks around her desk to hand them to me.

Her fingers linger against mine for a few seconds longer than necessary and I look at her sharply. Everything that's plagued my thoughts overnight comes rushing back ten times as strong and I swallow. "Amata, I..."

Her eyes become uneasy at the tone in my voice but she just raises her eyebrows and waits to hear what I have to say.

The admission is heavy in my chest, and I wonder how I'm going to find the strength to say it. The apprehension on her face is killing me and I force the words out before my silence can hurt her. "I don't know if... I don't think I can be who you want. Or at least who you deserve." There's a protest in her eyes, but I just shake my head. "I'm still struggling to figure out how to keep myself sane, 'Mata. I don't want to put all this shit on you; you don't deserve that."

Amata frowns, opening her mouth to say something. "Jack, I care about you. I want to help, even if it means listening to you when you feel like you're losing your mind."

I shift uncertainly.

"I don't need some superhero. I just want you, Jack. That's all."

Her words are almost suffocating, yet somehow touching. "I don't want to hurt you."

"I'm not a delicate little flower," she assures me. "It would take way more than you're capable of to hurt me. But... Look, I know you, and I trust you. I know you wouldn't ever hurt me."

"Doesn't make me any less scared of doing it," I respond, my voice shaking slightly.

Both of us can hear the hesitancy in my tone, and Amata seems to realize what she's saying. She deflates a little before letting out a sigh. "Sorry, Jack. I didn't... I don't mean to push you"

I grapple for words, trying to figure out how to express everything in my head sensibly. "I nearly got those boys killed yesterday, and I'd never forgive myself if anything happened to them. I almost lost it out there, 'Mata. I can't even imagine what I'd do if I hurt you." Tears sting in my eyes and I look away. "Don't make me risk it. Please."

Amata's quiet for a few moments, but when she speaks her voice is gentle. "What happened?"

"Raiders," I retort, swiping my hand across my eyes. "Told you yesterday."

She comes up behind me, resting a hand on my shoulder. "No, I mean... What made you 'lose it'?" Her hand gives my shoulder a gentle squeeze, but she doesn't move any closer, providing me comfort while letting me have space.

I don't know how to start or if I even want to tell her, but she asked and I don't want to refuse her. I try for a few stammered, barely-there explanations that gloss over everything, but my voice catches and then the whole story starts coming out. I'm not even drunk this time, but the words pour out of me like water from the purifier.

I start getting choked up again, having to pause to keep my composure, and Amata wraps her arms around my waist and rests her cheek against my shoulder blade, hesitantly at first, but the embrace grows stronger when I don't protest.

I couldn't shake her off even if I wanted to; having someone warm and nearby and there is so relieving I'm almost paralyzed. Her embrace, though halfway awkward, makes me feel safe and cared about. It makes the words come easier, and things I hadn't even planned on admitting come falling out of my mouth. Amata doesn't try to interject, just listens, and seems content to hold me through the tears.

When I've finished telling her everything, I let out a shuddering sigh of relief, and Amata presses her lips against my shoulder blade.

"Sorry," I choke out.

She shifts her hand and twines our fingers together, resting her head against my shoulder again. "It's okay," Amata murmurs. "I'm-"

"Overseer, we've got a..." The intruding voice trails off uncomfortably, and Amata breaks away from me at the sound. "Sorry, Overseer, I didn't-"

"What is it?" she asks, her tone managing to sound both weary and clipped at the same time.

"Got a disturbance in Apartment Level C," the officer responds hurriedly. "Someone got drunk and started trashing their place, then sealed the room. Gomez needs an admin override to get in and arrest him."

I take a moment to dry my cheeks and compose myself, missing the sensation of Amata wrapped around me.

Amata sighs, yanking open a desk drawer and retrieving a holotape. "Here. Bring it back immediately."

"Yes, ma'am," he says, taking the tape and scurrying out of the room.

I finally turn around, keeping my gaze low and not even trying to make eye contact.

Amata exhales slowly and I feel her eyes on me. "Sorry."

I shrug, cringing inwardly when the sore spot on my shoulder aches. "Me too."

We're quiet for a few moments and a heavy silence falls between us.

"See?" Amata jokes weakly. "No revolt."

I give a little snort and the tension eases slightly.

"Look," Amata sighs, taking a few steps toward me. "I don't want to push anything on you. Whatever you want from me, I'll be okay with."

I shoot her a curious, disbelieving look. "Even if I don't... can't...?" Words fail me and I can't figure out how to say what I mean.

She just shrugs. "I want you in my life, Jack, even if that means we're just friends."

I swallow, my feelings a jumble in my throat. I do care about her, and the emotions deeper than just friendship judging by the fact that I kissed her. Assigning the term "friendship" to what exists between us feels like I'm just playing with our emotions. Saying we're just friends is like saying the Super Mutants are slightly destructive. I'm not sure that either of us can stand to keep pretending we're not more than friends, not after what happened last night.

Amata falters a little at my hesitation. "...Jack?"

I look up at her, my shoulders sagging at the concern on her face. "I just... We... What's the word for taking it slow?"

The woman in front of me looks stunned.

I shift my weight back and forth uneasily. "I know I'm being a pain in the ass about all this. Bein' all scared of hurting you, but turning around and kissing you... I'm being an ass." I risk a glance up at her, unable to read her expression and returning my gaze to my boots. "It's just dumb to pretend we don't both want more."

Amata's wearing a smile when I finally look at her, but she seems cautious. "You're not," she assures me quietly.

"Is there a but coming?" I ask glumly, dropping my gaze to the floor again.

Amata gives a sigh. "No. Not really. I just... I care about you, Jack. I love you, you know that. I'm here to do whatever I can to make what you're going through easier."

She offers me her hand and after a moment, I take it, the feeling of her fingers threading through mine soothing.

"I don't want to push you," she confesses. "I don't want to make you feel like I'm forcing you into something you're not ready for." Her eyes are trained on me, her expression gentle. "Don't let me do that to you. I care about you too much."

Her words are quiet and sweet and something inside me swells with affection. "I know." I offer her an uncertain smile. "I... Would taking it slow be too hard?"

She shakes her head. "No way. Whatever you need."

How she can be so perfect is beyond me, and my smile grows and tears prick at my eyes again. I step closer and wrap her in a quick hug. "Thanks."

Amata seems surprised at first, but returns the embrace almost instantly. We don't say anything, just holding onto each other for a few minutes.

I finally break away and take a calming breath. "Got anything that you need me to do?"

Amata studies me for a minute before smiling and shaking her head. "Not really. I plan to send out the next caravan the day after tomorrow. Is that going to be okay?"

I nod, tucking my hands in my jacket pockets. "Same time as usual?"

"Yeah." She turns to her desk and rifles through some of her papers, pulling one out and checking it. "You'll be going to Arefu this time."

"Good. That'll be an easy trip." The lack of water sources on the trail means less chance of encountering raiders, and after last time, that's a welcome relief.

The air is awkward between us, and I finally move to leave. "Thanks for the pay."

"No problem." She walks me to the door, and we both hesitate there. After a few uncertain grins, we hug again quickly before I leave.

The walk back to Megaton is strange; I feel light and my gut feels all twisted up inside. I'm relaxed and tense all at the same time, but I remember Amata's words and force myself to calm down.

I head for the cafe and get something to eat before walking up to the water treatment plant and doing what I can to help out. The work is hard enough to get my mind off of Amata, but by the end of the day, I have the beginnings of a smile on my face that I know is due to her.

When I head home, I fall into bed and go to sleep almost immediately, my last conscious thoughts of Amata and the gentle embrace she'd held me in.

* * *

I spend some time back at home, adjusting to the thought that I'm allowed to be vulnerable around Amata and that, so long as I don't mess it up, she wants to give me a chance and be with me.

Our agreement to take it slow is strange; we're still acting like friends. I almost find it laughable, but I want to make sure that I don't hurt Amata by rushing into something I'm not sure I can handle. Going slow will be better for both of us, even if it seems silly.

I run a few easy caravans, bringing in a steady flow of caps and trade. Colin and Brady seem to be the usual guards, and I'm glad to have them around. They're good friends of mine now, despite me technically being their boss. As we travel along, I watch them, something in my chest relaxing when I realize that they can take care of themselves. Even if I fail them, they'll be okay.

The thought makes me happy and everything is going well. Amata keeps me busy enough that I don't have time to drop over at the Citadel and say hi to Sarah, but I'm sure that she'll hear about the workload through messengers and understand.

The guys and I make a trip up to Canterbury Commons, and we're all on edge the entire way. There's no raider ambush this time, but if there had been, I'm sure we would have been prepared. Trade in the Commons is good and we run out of supplies after a day or two, so we get to head back to the Vault a day early.

The trip comes just as a hot and dry spell settles over the Wasteland, and our progress slows enough under the burning sunshine that we end up arriving back the day we were supposed to originally.

None of us complains when we take a slightly different route through Springvale, silently avoiding the spot where we were ambushed. We're all watchful, and I don't really realize I've been holding my breath until we're through Springvale and heading toward the Vault.

"Good job, guys," I say, the words coming out in a sigh. All the added stress has exhausted me, and my shoulders are tense. "You can go on in, if you want."

They both mutter thanks and hurry up on the hill, obviously ready to be home. I grin wearily at their retreating backs, halfway wishing I could just head on home, too. I console my aching feet with the thought that as soon as I drop off the brahmin and hand off the ledger, I can get over to Megaton and collapse in bed.

"Welcome back," Amata calls as I lead the brahmin up the hill, startling me out of my weariness.

I look up and see her lingering near the wooden door, the sight of her smile relaxing parts of me I didn't even know were tense. "Thanks. Nice to see you." It's impossible not to mirror the expression on her face, and I turn the brahmin over to the nearest guard, pausing to wipe my brow.

Amata grins and studies me for a moment. "You look beat."

I want to shrug it off and pretend I'm fine, but I'm exhausted and it's pointless to act like I'm not. "Kinda. Long day." I roll my shoulders and crack my neck, trying to ease the stiffness from a day of travel.

She gives me a sympathetic nod and gestures toward the Vault. "Want to come in and take a load off, maybe grab something to eat?"

The thought of a freshly cooked meal and a warm, clean shower nearly makes my toes curl in delight. "That'd be awesome."

Amata smiles and holds out her hand. I nearly reach out and take it in mine, but then I realize that she's only motioning that I head inside. My ears heat up and I scrub a hand across my face, hoping to hide my embarrassment. The soft snort of laughter Amata makes only makes it worse, and I wave for her to lead the way into the Vault.

She bows sweetly, walking into the Vault and telling me to follow her. Despite knowing that the turn to my old, deserted apartment is coming up, I ignore it and follow her, ending up in her office's waiting room. Amata doesn't go into her office, just turning and looking up at me.

I remember suddenly to give her the ledger, sliding my pack off my shoulders and rummaging for the little book. I produce it and hand it to her, pleased to have found a relatively clean set of clothes tucked in my bag as well.

"Thanks." She thumbs through the book and gives a pleased nod at the transactions she sees recorded. "Why couldn't you have taken notes this well in school?" she teases, waggling her eyebrows at me.

"Borrowing yours gave me a chance to spend more time with you," I reply, too tired to fib.

Amata looks at a loss for words and drops her gaze to the ledger in her hands, her ears turning pink.

I don't really notice, busy planning ways to excuse myself for a shower. I'll have to go all the way to my old apartment, most likely, but the promise of warm water makes it worth it. "Before we eat, mind if I grab a quick shower? I feel like I've got a suit of power armor on, only it's made of dirt."

Amata lifts her gaze and wrinkles her nose at me. "Ew. Yeah, go ahead." She grins a little, and I return it before turning to head for the door.

"Cool. I'll be back in a bit, then."

"No, Jack, wait. You can just use mine," she calls before I can even exit the room. "It's right here," she adds, her voice trailing off into a mumble.

It's just a shower, but somehow the offer has us both flustered. "Oh. Uh, thanks." I move toward her apartment hesitantly, not sure if I feel right intruding on her space.

"There's fresh towels in the cabinet under the sink," she tells me, ducking into her office before I can answer.

I express my thanks to the empty room, somewhat amused at how conflicted I am at the thought of entering her apartment even though I have permission. The grime on my skin helps me force the uncertainty out of my mind and I enter the apartment, following my hazy memory of the room and heading for the bathroom.

The water is warm only a few seconds after I turn it on, and I peel off the clothes I've been wearing, somewhat disgusted at the state of them. Part of me is embarrassed to be naked in Amata's space, but the steam from the shower is too enticing to care. I can't help the happy sigh I let out when I step under the stream, spending just a little too long in the shower. It's been years since I've had a real one, though, and I'm pretty sure Amata won't mind.

The water's just beginning to get cold when I step out and fumble for the towel, drying off and pulling on the clean clothes I've brought with me. I feel much better, and my muscles aren't quite as stiff anymore.

I exit the bathroom and find that Amata's still in her office. The metal floors of the Vault are cold on my bare feet, so I fall onto the couch nearby and resist the urge to sprawl out. My heels ache and I rub at them for the few seconds I can until my hands are sore.

The couch is soft and cushy, a stark contrast to the scavenged metal furniture in the wastes. It strikes me how luxurious the Vault is, and how lucky I was to be raised here.

Amata comes into the room a few moments later and we grin at each other. "Feel better?"

"Like you wouldn't believe." I run my fingers through my damp hair, amazed at how clean it feels. I'm sure I've got it sticking up wildly, but I can't quite make myself care. I tug my boots on and get to my feet, only halfway aware of Amata watching me until I walk toward her.

She's got a smile on her face and she studies my hair for a moment before shaking her head. "Cute," she decides, "but it looks like you let Butch try to style it. He definitely wasn't cut out to be a hairdresser," she adds with a roll of her eyes. "C'mere."

I dip my chin obediently and she smooths the random spikes in my hair down gently. The feeling of her fingers trailing through my hair is soothing and I try to pretend I don't want to grab her up in a kiss.

Amata nods at her handiwork, gaze meeting mine before flicking to my lips for a split second. "Better," she announces. "Ready to eat?"

We walk down to the cafeteria together and Amata fills the silence with idle news about the Vault. I listen more to the sound of her voice than what she's actually saying, comforted by the familiar tone. She doesn't seem to notice that I'm not paying much attention, just leading me into the cafeteria and stepping away to get us both something to eat.

I find a booth in the corner, away from the rest of the people inside, and settle down to wait. A few moments later, Amata sets a hot plate of pasta down in front of me and I gawk at it. I'd nearly forgotten anything but instant noodles existed, since they were all that anyone could find in the wasteland.

"That okay?" Amata gives me a half-worried look, and she seems ready to go back and get something else.

I nod instantly, grinning over at her. "I haven't had anything like this since before I left the Vault. It's great, thanks."

Amata looks equal parts surprised and relieved, and she sits down across from me and we eat. We're both apparently hungry, because neither of us says much, focused on the food in front of us.

"So how are you planning on spending the rest of this evening?" she asks after she finishes her meal.

I shrug, taking a sip of water to clear my mouth. "Dunno. Probably get a drink at the saloon before heading home and sleeping for a few years."

Amata quirks a brow at me, though a grin is growing on her face. "That long, huh?"

"Exhausted doesn't even begin to cover it," I retort, pushing my empty plate away and sitting back in the booth.

A busboy comes by to take our plates and we both thank him and smile. I'm glad this wasn't where the GOAT had assigned me, and wish I had some better way to thank him for his service.

"You know..." Amata starts uncertainly. "You could, uh, stay here if you're too tired." Amata's offer is gentle. "I'm sure it'll be dark soon, and it might be safer."

I pause to consider it for a second, but I know I'd rather not stay; even though the Vault is starting to feel less alienating, I still prefer the ramshackle cabin I call home. "It'll be fine. Thanks, though."

Since she mentioned it, I check the time and notice that she's right; it's nearly sunset. A memory from years ago flickers into my consciousness and I look up at Amata. "Got any time to spare?"

A few minutes later we're walking into the Vault's main entrance, neither of us saying much. The situation is somewhat unnerving; it's very reminiscent of when she kicked me out of the Vault. I glance back at her and see an uncertain look on her face, so I call her name quietly and smile.

Amata looks a little encouraged, following me to the wooden door. I push it open and we step out into the waning light, startling the guards outside.

"Take a break," Amata tells them, and they salute and head back inside.

We settle outside on the ledge that's marked as a scenic overlook by a pre-war sign, looking off to the west. There's a few clouds out on the horizon, and I'm glad; they'll make the sunset all the more dramatic.

"Been awhile since I've sat to watch a sunset," I tell her after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

"I haven't since..." Amata picks at a loose thread at her knee. "Since you left."

I'm not sure how to respond to that and settle for mumbling out "oh." I don't know what else to say for a few minutes, looking over at her and studying her uncertainly. "I figured once you'd opened the Vault, you would'a come out here all the time, just to get away for a few minutes."

Amata shakes her head, staring off into the wastes in front of her, fingers playing with the same thread. "No, I... No. It didn't feel right."

Part of me is confused, but the unspoken answer becomes clear moments before she sighs and says it anyway.

"I didn't want to see it without you there. It's... I know, it's weird. I just didn't want to ruin the time with you in case I never saw you again." Her voice trails off into silence, but there's an emotional charge to the air between us.

I reach over and still the motion of her hands, threading my fingers through hers and offering her a smile. It doesn't feel like the right moment to say anything, so I just hold onto her hand.

She gazes at our tangled fingers for a moment and sighs, closing her eyes. When she opens them again, she looks up at me and smiles weakly. Amata and I sit there together for a few minutes in silence before she leans against me, resting her head on my shoulder.

The sun begins its descent below the horizon, turning the blue of the sky into majestic shades of purple and orange. We watch quietly, neither of us saying anything until the colors have faded into twilight.

She shifts first, and I take the opportunity to climb to my feet, extending a hand to her and helping her up.

Neither of us lets go until we're back in the Vault's main entrance where Amata tells the guards to get back to work, and we head up to her office again. She hesitates in the waiting room as I gather my things and sling my bag over my shoulder.

I turn around and catch her watching me, smiling at her. "Thanks for a nice night." Since she's standing by the door anyway, I walk over to her and catch her hand in mine.

Amata looks up at me, her eyes swirling with a mix of emotions I'm not able to discern. The corners of her mouth lift in a gentle smile. "Thank you for being here to share it with me."

If the situation was different, I'm sure I would be rolling my eyes at the cheesiness of the moment. Somehow, the words are less sugary and more meaningful since it's Amata in front of me.

Part of me becomes aware that we're standing there staring at each other and that it's getting darker outside with each passing moment. If I want to make it to Megaton safely, I should go now.

I press a soft kiss to her cheek, feeling her turn to me slightly. The thought of kissing her again is definitely appealing, but I know if I start I'll never leave. "Goodnight," I breathe, releasing her hand and stepping away.

"Goodnight," she echoes, turning to watch as I leave.

I lift my hand in a final wave as I walk down the hallway to the stairs.

There's a smile on my face the entire way to Megaton.


	11. Chapter 11

The next caravan leaves a few days later, heading to Arefu first, then coming back through Big Town. Amata's in her usual place at the door, ready with the ledger as she comes to see us off.

Colin and Brady greet me with handshakes and smiles, and it doesn't take us long to get set up. We have more cargo than usual, and I pause to warn Amata that we'll take a little longer than normal. She nods and gives me a smile. There's a look in her eyes like she has things she wants to say, but she doesn't, just shakes the guys' hands and wishes us a safe trip.

We take off, guiding the brahmin down the hill and setting our Pipboys for Arefu. The brahmin moves slower under the weight, just like I'd predicted, so we fill the time with idle talk. I find that Colin had been slated to go into engineering thanks to his GOAT results, but he wanted to do something that felt more useful. Brady, with his stocky build, had been picked for the security team, but had jumped at the chance to go outside and leave the Vault. Neither of the stories is particularly surprising; Colin's somewhat mousy and since the results are skewed by necessity and physical ability, he wasn't exactly top choice for much of anything.

They ask about my results and what I'd been aimed toward, both seeming surprised when I reveal my time as a maintenance assistant.

I tell them about a few interesting things Stanley and I had fixed, and about a few things I'd broken, just for laughs. The camaraderie is fun and keeps the trip lighthearted, and it makes the route seem shorter.

We do get attacked nearly halfway there by a group of raiders, but Brady and Colin are on top of things and spot them before we're ambushed. The group seems relatively inexperienced, and that comes back to bite them in the ass; we take them all down without much trouble.

Even though the trip has been easy, it's a relief to get to a settlement and not have to watch our backs all the time.

Colin helps with the sales while Brady stands guard, and I manage to get a few nice prices for the trade. Business is good and the residents of the town seem grateful that we've stopped by. I take on a few extra items that I think the Big Towners might want, explaining my reasoning to a curious Colin.

Brady ducks away a while later, heading off to the bathroom. I take the opportunity to pull Colin aside and talk to him privately.

"You're a smart kid, Col," I tell him, trying to ease the anxiety I see in his eyes. "Don't worry, you're not in trouble."

The young man relaxes a little. "I didn't get in the way during trade earlier, did I?"

I grin. "No, actually, that's what I wanted to talk about. You're doin' good. Good enough that I think you could even run your own caravan someday soon." I allow myself a little chuckle at the astonishment on his face. "How d'you feel about running trade in the morning before we go?"

It'll only be for an hour or so, and I trust his judgement. He's already been watching me enough that I'm sure he can do everything on his own just fine, but I reassure him that I'll be right there watching.

Colin looks flustered but agrees and shakes my hand. "Thanks, Jack. That means a lot."

I clap him on the shoulder. "Be proud of yourself, kid. You're doing good."

He grins at me and Brady returns at the same time. The stocky boy notices the grins on our faces and scoffs.

"Lemme guess, I missed the mushy feelings. Good riddance."

"Shut up," Colin mutters, giving our companion a playful shove.

I wrap an arm around Brady's shoulders and pinch his cheek teasingly. "What, you didn't think we'd let you miss out on all the love, did you?"

He groans and twists out of my grasp and we all laugh, teasing each other a little more before turning in for the night.

* * *

Colin does well in the morning, despite a shaky start. He's got a way of pushing his nerves aside and focusing on the customer, and he makes a few good deals in the time before we leave. I write his sales down in the ledger, giving him a proud grin and a thumbs up when we pack up and leave.

The route between Arefu and Big Town takes just under a day and we cross the little moat into the town just after sunset. A few people come up to trade right away, but I wave them away and tell them to come back in the morning.

Brady's itching to be dismissed; he's been holding onto his gift for his girlfriend for weeks now, and I don't blame him for being a little antsy. I get a thrilled smile when I let him go, and he zips off through the settlement in search of his redheaded girl.

Left alone with Colin, I compliment him again on his work in the morning, more proud of him than I know how to express. I wonder idly if this is how my dad felt when he realized what I'd done for the people of Megaton by disarming the bomb, but push the thought away in favor of locking up the brahmin's cargo and heading to the common house.

Colin comes with me, and as we settle in for the night, he does his usual thing and asks me a few questions about the wasteland and my transition from Vaultie to Lone Wanderer. His questions are never anything too triggering and it's nice to talk about the past with someone curious for reasons other than to get inside my head and fix me. Colin's intelligent and seems to know where the boundaries are for me, and he always stays away from them.

We settle into bed a few hours after arriving in town, and are both asleep before Brady returns.

* * *

Big Town is good to us and we make a fair sum before heading back toward the Vault a few days later. The trip is easy enough, but we're all worn out so it feels like it drags on forever. At some point during the trip, Colin's boot comes apart and the sole slaps into the dirt with every step.

Thanks to his time with his girlfriend, Brady doesn't get irritated like usual, and actually offers to fix the boot as best as he can that night when we make camp. I'm curious to see what he does, so when Colin's asleep, I stay awake and sit with him for a while.

Brady ends up using a bobby pin as a nail and sticks the boot back together. It's nothing fancy, but it should hold until we get back to the Vault. He sees me watching him and raises an eyebrow, setting the boot aside and rubbing at his face wearily. "One of us oughta get some sleep."

"You can go ahead," I offer, nudging at the campfire with our stoker. "You deserve some shut-eye after all the work you've been putting in."

Brady pauses and gives me a wary look. "Okay...?"

I roll my eyes at him. "It's a compliment, tough guy. I appreciate your hard work and I'm glad you're working with me. Take it or leave it."

Brady grunts a little and settles down onto his cot. Before he rolls over, I catch a glimpse of the pleased smile on his face.

* * *

It's early afternoon when we arrive back at the Vault; we haven't bothered to stop for lunch, and once I dismiss them, the boys head to the cafeteria, joking around with each other as they disappear into the Vault.

I hear the sole of Colin's boot come loose and start slapping the metal floors as they disappear and smile to myself, shaking my head as I help the crew unload.

Amata's not here to meet us, probably because she wouldn't have been expecting us until this evening or tomorrow. I don't bother being disappointed; I have to go and deliver the ledger so I'll see her anyway.

The guards take over and I get my pack off the brahmin, turning to observe the Vault's main entrance area.

A few wastelanders have ventured in and are haggling with some of the braver Vault dwellers, and I walk among them, listening and observing. Some of the stuff the Vaulties are trying to sell is useless in the wasteland, but they're pushing it so hard that I'm pretty sure the wastelanders are being tricked into thinking the items are worth something.

The people that have come in to trade look a little worse for wear, and the prices I hear being thrown around are far beyond the means of just about anyone, except maybe the far-away residents of Tenpenny Tower.

One of the wastelanders looks disgusted and starts to leave, and I catch his eye and give him an apologetic look. "I'll work on it," I promise him, knowing that the Vault's resources could really help the wasteland.

He scoffs and turns to leave, and the Vault dweller turns to search out a new client.

Even some of the guards are in on it, and I see one or two of them being offered matching dark sets of combat armor. That strikes me as strange; no one just sells a good set of armor for no real reason. I wander over and pretend to be interested in what the men are selling, studying the armor and listening in on the conversation instead.

"Please, we're just tired and hungry," one of the sellers says. He brushes some dust off the breastplate and I notice the same strange scuff marks there that I'd seen on the Vault guard's armor. "A quick visit inside is surely worth our armor."

The Vault security guards being offered the armor are studying it carefully, exchanging excited looks.

"Where are you guys from?" I interrupt, directing my question to the sellers. Their pale skin and the armor are familiar and I can't quite place it.

They give me uncertain looks and exchange a glance before one of them clears his throat. "Sorry, miss. We're in the middle of an important deal with these upstanding officers. It's a special deal for Vault members only."

I lift my arm and show them my Pipboy. "Where are you from?"

"Jack," one of the Vault guards whines. "C'mon, they're just trying to make a few caps."

I shoot him a look and he falls silent. "Don't you feel how shady this deal is? They didn't want money; they wanted in."

The sellers shift uncomfortably, muttering between themselves.

I turn to them and rest my hand on my pistol. "I dunno who you are, but I think you'd better leave."

They look furious, but seem to know better than to start a fight surrounded by Vault security guards armed with energy weapons. One of them flips me off and the other grabs the armor and they leave.

I watch them go, making sure they've left before turning back to the guards. "Some security you are. Think twice about who you let in the Vault," I tell them, aware of how sharp my tone is. The thought that those guys could have gotten in and sabotaged the Vault or hurt people eats away at me and I narrow my eyes. "I'm gonna let the Overseer know about this."

The guards look incredibly offended, but keep their thoughts to themselves, marching off to patrol by the door.

I stay in the entrance for a few more minutes, making sure nothing else feels off before heading up to the admin level.

Amata's alone in her office and reading through some information on a clipboard when I enter, but she looks up at my intrusion and smiles wearily. "I didn't know you were back yet."

"Just got here a few minutes ago," I tell her, setting my pack in the chair and digging through it for her ledger. My fingers close around the leather bound book and I pull it out and hand it to her. "Your security squad is a complete fucking joke."

Amata hesitates, taking the ledger from me and fixing me with an unreadable look. "What makes you think that?"

I drop my bag on the floor and settle in the chair, letting out a relieved huff of air. It's nice to be sitting down, and her presence is calming. "I was helping unload your brahmin when these two guys started trying to sell your guards some armor. I didn't trust 'em, and they didn't want money; they wanted inside."

Amata purses her lips, fingering the edge of the ledger quietly.

"That's too risky for my tastes, so I stepped in and sent those guys out." I'm a little pleased with the peaceful solution I'd ended up with, but the look on Amata's face makes me pause. "... What?"

"That's what the security detail is there to do."

"Get taken in by dangerous deals that could have sabotaged the Vault? I thought they were supposed to be protecting the Vault from threats." I'm immediately on the defensive at her tone, shifting uncomfortably in my chair.

Amata drops her gaze to the desktop, her face hard. She's quiet for a few moments, and when she looks back up her eyes are cool. "Jack, you're a valuable asset with the caravan. You've grown our trade more than I imagined."

Something in my gut clenches and I feel shaky and sick. I might very well lose the best job I've ever had right now.

"But just because you've helped us out, that doesn't mean you get to call the shots around here." Amata's voice is sharp and authoritative. "I started opening the Vault entrance for trade, and I grew that part. I trained those officers how to interact with customers, and they know what they're supposed to be doing. You don't have the right to step in and tell them how to do their job, Jack."

"I was trying to protect the Vault!" I protest. "Something about those guys didn't feel right, Amata. What was I supposed to do, let someone walk in and ruin everything you've built?"

"My security team could have handled a disturbance by two guys. Not only are they the best of the Vault staff, they've had Brotherhood training, remember?"

She's not listening to me, even though she doesn't know much of anything about the wasteland. I can already tell that trying to talk sense into her is going to be like having diplomatic discussions with a Super Mutant. "Even if they're bumbling idiots distracted by a shiny suit of armor?" The dig comes out before I can stop it, but I don't do anything to retract it.

Amata's jaw twitches at the insult to her men. "They're allowed to trade just like anyone else that wants to. What they trade for is up to them. Just because you don't like what they found doesn't mean you can just waltz in here and bash them."

"Even when they're on duty?! What kind of a stupid policy is that?"

"Last time I checked, you weren't in charge," Amata snaps. "These are my men, this is my Vault, and I'm going to run it the way I want."

"What? I'm sorry, is the power of Overseer going to your head?" I fire back. "Funny, I always thought you wanted to be different than your dad!"

Amata tenses and fixes me with a cold stare.

I stand up and grab my bag. "I don't get why you're so mad at me all of a sudden. I'm only trying to help." The look on her face doesn't change and I scoff. "Whatever. I'll just go. If you decide to fire me or have a job for me, I'll be over in Megaton somewhere."

She groans and starts to say something but I move for the door.

I have something else to say, and when I realize I'm probably already fired anyway, I go ahead and let it fall out of my mouth. "By the way, the rest of your Vault needs some instruction on fair pricing. Most people out there don't have much in the way of caps. Having someone trying to sell a few bottles of water for fifty caps each is not gonna work out. That whole 'good trade' thing you got goin'? That's gonna fall apart right in front of you."

Before she can say anything else, I turn and leave, wanting to get out of there before either of us says anything else to make it worse.

I end up back in my Megaton house, throwing my bag on my bed and digging through it for some caps. I tromp back downstairs and get something to eat, my appetite mostly gone.

I'm frustrated with myself for having gotten so defensive so quickly and for trying to change the way Amata's done things. I didn't mean to try and tell her her ideas were stupid, but that's all I can make out of the conversation playing over and over in my head. I'm an idiot; I still manage to screw things up even when I just want to help or protect Amata.

I give up on the idea of food and head over to the saloon, ready to drink away the emotions.

* * *

The door of the saloon falls shut and Nova looks up from behind the bar. I don't bother to follow her gaze, swirling the amber liquid in my glass instead. I've spent most of the past few days holed up in the saloon, only going home to eat or sleep or shower.

After drunkenly describing to Nova what happened, she didn't say much, just doing her usual motherly thing and rubbing my shoulder and cooing comforting words to me. I'm well aware I'm going to ruin my liver while I drink up paycheck after paycheck, but it's easier to pretend like I don't care.

Someone slides onto the stool next to me, and part of me wants to turn and yell at them for getting in my personal space. I'm not quite tipsy enough for that, though, so I just sit there.

A familiar voice murmurs my name and I look over to see Brady sitting beside me.

The boy looks only mildly uncomfortable, and more interested in his surroundings than afraid. He catches me looking at him and gives me his usual unknowingly-cocky smirk.

"How'd you get here?" is the first thing that falls out of my mouth.

Brady waves away my confusion. "Overseer had a map from old expeditions. Wasn't that hard anyway; we just followed the signs and asked for you."

"We?" I echo and glance over my shoulder.

"Colin's outside. He didn't wanna come in; made some excuse about not being eighteen yet," Brady scoffs.

"Oh." I look back down at the bar and play with the glass between my fingers.

Brady looks around the saloon a little, coughing and turning his attention back to me when Nova throws him a flirtatious wink. He eyes the glass cradled in my hand. "It's not even afternoon yet," he points out quietly.

I'm embarrassed and a little ashamed. "Yeah, I know. Haven't really been drinking it so much as just thinking."

Nova's apparently listening in because she leans over the counter toward Brady and nods. "It's true. I don't think she's even asked for a refill yet today."

The last two words sting a little but Brady seems reassured by them.

"Thank you, Nova," I say pointedly, shooting her a look.

The redhead scoffs and moves away, but waves a hand over her shoulder as she goes to let me know there's no hard feelings.

"Good that you're not already plastered," Brady tells me, sliding his bag off his shoulder and reaching inside. He plops a little sheet of paper in front of me, and nods at it. "Overseer's orders."

I swallow and look down, scanning through the words. _I don't have anything to trade at the moment, so no caravanning today. I've heard a few people talking about Rivet City, though, and if you could go over and tell them we're open for trade, I would appreciate it._ She's signed the note formally, and I don't know if it's because it was going to be in Brady's hands first or if she's that mad at me.

I decide to go with the second one, just to be safe, and gulp down the rest of my glass. I cough a little on the burn of the alcohol, but set the glass down and throw a few caps on the bar. "Well, looks like I got a little job to do."

Brady and I get to our feet and I wave to Nova as we walk out of the bar. Colin's standing outside, looking out over the crater. He looks over when we exit, grinning at me. "Hey, Jack! What's up?"

"Got a special job from the Overseer," I answer, smiling at him. "You guys gonna hang out here or head on back, or did you wanna tag along with me?"

"It might be dangerous for you to go alone," Colin answers, looking past me and raising his eyebrows at Brady.

"Probably be fun to get out without draggin' that brahmin around." Brady smiles when I glance at him, shrugging at both of us.

These two guys are more than just good hands, they're pretty good friends, too. I can't help but feel a rush of affection for them, and rub a hand through my hair to hide it. "Well, shoot. Guess it's a party." We share a smile and head across town.

I let them into my shack and head straight for my locker, getting a sturdier gun and letting the boys get a drink from my refrigerator. They're both leery of Wadsworth, but that's understandable, given that the only Mr. Handy I ever saw in the Vault was more destructive than handy.

It doesn't take long for me to get ready, and we set out and toward Rivet City. The guys fill the silence with stories from home, and I enjoy listening to the tidbits of their lives. Colin reveals that he has a younger sister that everyone dotes on, and mentions that the boys are starting to notice her. The protectiveness in his voice is sweet, and I look out over the Potomac to hide a grin.

"Look on the bright side," I reassure him. "Not many people have been outta the Vault. Just start tellin' anyone that needs scaring about the yao guai we fought off a while back. They see you survived that, they'll get right on out of your way."

Colin laughs. "Yeah, 'cause I'm so intimidating. All five foot seven inches of me."

"The only thing scary about you is the way you snore," Brady cuts in, looking pleased with himself when Colin pretends to be hurt.

They dig back and forth at each other and I just smile, leading them toward the southernmost bridge. The Citadel looms in front of us, and I wave to a patrolling guard. That catches the boys' attention and I spend the rest of the walk to Rivet City explaining the Brotherhood and my relationship with them.

The sight of the broken ship diverts their attention for a while, but I don't know as much history as I could, so they lose interest in that.

I open the drawbridge and lead them across to meet with Harkness, who still happens to be chief of security, and relay the information that the Vault is open for trade. He maintains his usual mechanical stoicism and promises to pass the news along.

Neither of the boys needs to stop for anything, so we turn and head back in the direction of the Vault. I go ahead and walk them there, bidding them goodnight when we arrive and walking over to the guard that seems to be in charge.

"Got a message for the Overseer," I tell him, pleased that he recognizes me. "She sent me out to Rivet City earlier today. I went ahead and told them the Vault was open. Just thought she'd want to know."

The guard nods, making a note of it on his Pipboy. "Got it. There's gonna be a caravan leaving in three days. You gonna be here on time?"

I shrug. "Can be if I'm running it."

"Don't know who else would." The guard flashes a smile at me and nods again. "See you then. Have a good night."

"You too." I head back home, dread buzzing around in my mind. If Amata's got someone else hired for the caravan, I'll figure something else out. I'll miss the time with Colin and Brady, but I know how to move on, at least in some ways. Still, the idea is only an idea, but the imagined betrayal hurts.

I'm well aware that our fight was my fault, but I want her to admit some fault, too. I really did have the Vault's, and Amata's, best interests at heart. That she couldn't see that bothers me. Even so, knowing that she's mad at me is even more bothersome and I want to fix everything. Amata's too important to me to lose over a little fight like this one.

I've just gotten home when I make up my mind. I head upstairs and find a scrap of paper and a pencil, writing the shortest note I ever have in my life.

_Sorry._  
 _-Jack_

The words get the job done, though, and I just hope it won't come too late.


	12. Chapter 12

The morning the caravan is supposed to leave, I show up to the Vault at the usual time. Part of me is relieved when I realize I'm the only real caravaneer here, and I feel a little more secure in my position. I step inside the Vault tunnel and head to the main entrance where the guards are stationed while the brahmin is led out and packed up, note for Amata in hand.

"Good morning," I announce, alerting the guards to my presence. "Anyone free to take something to the Overseer?"

The chief guard on duty calls over one of his men and I hand over my note. It's inspected first, just to be safe, and the chief hands over the ledger while the guard jogs off into the Vault. The ledger in my hand, I accept the idea that Amata won't be seeing us off and try to tell myself I'm not disappointed.

After a moment, I return to the outside and help adjust the packs on the brahmin's back. My bag comes off my shoulder and is clipped on in its usual place, and I step back to let the pack loaders finish their jobs.

Colin and Brady appear a few minutes later, both looking tired but ready to go. I don't bother teasing them, knowing that neither of them are morning people. I'm not up for being grouched at this morning, so I just remain quiet until everything's ready for us to leave.

Once we're on the road, the boys wake up a little bit, and we orient our Pipboy maps and head for Canterbury Commons.

Giving my note to Amata has almost lifted a weight off my shoulders. I know the situation is in her hands now, and I've done the only thing I know how to do. It makes it easier on me to know that I'm doing what I can, and I relax as we walk the now-familiar route to the old settlement.

We pass a few wandering wastelanders on the way and do a little trade with them. I jot the sales down in the book while Colin wheels and deals, and even Brady looks impressed. I don't bother starting any organizational strategy in the ledger; I know Colin will just look over it and do it when we make camp.

Sure enough, once night falls and we stop, Colin fishes the ledger out and starts checking sums and changing wrong values. Brady sets up the fire while I take down a few roaming dogs, and I'm returning with the meat when Brady moves over to sit out of the smoke.

Once the fire is good and hot, I flop the steaks on our makeshift grill and settle against an old stump. A gnarled root is sticking out of the ground near me and I rip it up, using it as a stoker for our fire.

"Hey, uh, Jack?" Colin asks from behind me.

"What?" I nudge at the embers with the root, trying to coax a little more heat out of them; dog steak is only so satisfying cold, and the indigestion from one that's undercooked is not worth it.

"I think I found something for you."

The way he says it makes the back of my neck prickle uncertainly and I toss the root aside, turning to see what's going on.

Colin has the ledger in one hand, and a unfolded piece of paper in the other. I can see Amata's tiny handwriting on the page in the flickering firelight and my blood runs cold.

Brady's sitting between us, and he reaches over to take the paper from Colin and hand it to me. His eyes sweep over the page as it passes through his hands and he raises an eyebrow at the sheet.

I all but snatch it out of his hands, glancing at the signature. Sure enough, it's from Amata. My eyes immediately go to the words before her name:  _I love you, Jack._

A million thoughts run through my head, and my gut twists uncomfortably. Memories of a kiss and the consequences flash through me, and I'm overwhelmed with fear for Amata's role as Overseer. Starting another Vault-wide revolt because of a simple letter falling into the wrong hands... I'll never forgive myself if that happens.

"Didn't know the Overseer had such small handwriting," Brady says after a few moments, picking at his thumbnail.

"Guys, I..." My voice trails off into nothing and I look at the two boys, nervous about their reactions. I consider them friends, even if they still treat me like their boss, and to lose their respect would kill me.

"The Overseer's gay?" Colin asks, puzzling over the information for a few minutes. "Is that why none of the older people like her very much?"

I swallow as best I can; my throat's dry. "Probably? That's part'a the reason I wasn't allowed in the Vault until recently."

Brady turns a curious eye on me, and Colin looks interested even though he already knows some about the rebellion.

I start telling the story of the rebellion and how Amata had called me to the Vault, trying not to go into too much detail about Amata and the feelings we'd admitted. I don't leave them out, though; they were a central part of what happened to make me leave. I gloss over the overthrow of Amata's father, mentioning the celebration and the kiss Amata and I had shared in the midst of our peers.

Brady moves around me to tend to the fire and our food, staying quiet to listen as I talk through what happened. He's just finished the steaks when I tell about leaving the Vault for the last time, then returning with Calvin's caravan.

The rest of the story falls into place pretty easily and then I'm left staring at them anxiously.

"Didn't learn about that in school. Here," Brady says, handing me a plate with my portion of dinner.

Colin's studying me quietly, and the lack of a response from either of them is killing me. Not knowing how they're going to deal with the news, I'm scared of what they'll tell everyone back in the Vault. I don't want my own carelessness to ruin the Vault for everyone.

"Is everything still okay?" I ask after a few long moments.

Colin's accepted a plate from Brady and chews what he's got in his mouth before answering. "Why wouldn't it be? I think you're a good boss, Jack. I mean, it's weird to think about you and the Overseer, but..." He shrugs and smiles at me.

Something inside me starts to relax and I look over at Brady. He just nods in Colin's direction, studying his dinner for a moment. "Yeah, what he said. Doesn't matter much to me."

I feel somewhat like I'm deflating as all the fear runs out of me. I start to explain myself but the words don't come, and the guys don't seem to be treating this like anything major, so I just go quiet and pick at my dinner.

Colin starts talking a few minutes later, having been reminded of a time when his father tried to make steak and nearly set their apartment on fire. He gets a few laughs out of me and Brady, and my appetite comes back pretty quickly as I relax.

When everything's packed up for the night, Colin takes the first watch and Brady goes right to bed. I stay up, sitting by the fire and watching the flames flicker for a while. My curiosity gets the better of me and I pick up the letter and turn it into the light.

_Jack,_

_I don't know why you keep jumping to conclusions. One fight here and there doesn't mean the end of the world. You've got a job with the Vault as long as you want it; I don't plan on firing you._

_I'm sorry for jumping on you the way I did. I was already frustrated with other things, and I took that out on you. It's true, I don't know the way that pricing works out in the wasteland, and I should have asked about that when you first started working with us._

_I don't really know what else there is to say. Talking about policies and rule changes is no fun. I just don't like it when we're fighting and I want to fix things. I don't want to hurt you._

_I love you, Jack._

Her signature ends the note and I stare down at the sheet in my hands, rereading it a few times before folding it up and tucking it in my jacket's inside pocket. I gaze at the fire for a while longer, trying to gather my thoughts.

I don't know what I'd been expecting, but with her words swirling in my mind, it feels like things are probably okay between us again. I won't know how to react until I see her again, but the thought that things are smoother is soothing. It occurs to me that she wrote that before I wrote my note, since I got the ledger before the guard ran my note to her. I'm not sure how to feel about that particular tidbit of information and opt to let it slide for now.

The little note I'd sent for her seems pathetic in light of her letter. I have some better apologizing of my own to do, and I mull over a few ways to express myself as I lay down and settle in for the night.

* * *

The trade goes as well as can be expected; we make a decent sum with promises for more sales when we return. We stay for a day or two, dealing with the people there and another caravan that arrives the morning we leave.

The trip is uneventful and I find myself worrying about the situation between me and Amata. Doubts have crept into my mind since I read the letter, and I'm more than a little afraid of saying just the wrong thing and ruining everything. Luckily, Colin seems to notice that I'm working myself up and tunes his Pipboy to GNR.

Three Dog's voice is distracting enough and I'm surprised to hear him pass on a "special message" from the Brotherhood. Apparently Sarah's told him to advertise that Vault 101's open for trade and I smile to myself.

The deejay cuts back to music with a plea for people to stay safe and a few poorly mimicked barks.

When we return to the Vault, I catch myself hanging back. Brady notices what I'm doing and nudges me up the hill to the Vault anyway, and I come to the top of the hill just as Amata steps out of the tunnel and into the daylight.

I hesitate, waiting to see her reaction before I act any certain way. My feet feel like they weigh a hundred tons each, and the few seconds it takes for her to look up at me feel like a few eternities.

She focuses her gaze on me and obvious relief passes across her face. The beginnings of an uncertain smile tug at the corner of her mouth and she lifts her hand in a wave.

The brahmin shifts and bumps into me, sending me stumbling toward Amata. I glance over my shoulder and see Colin studying the sky innocently. I roll my eyes and remember to get onto him later before turning my gaze forward again. I've ended up a few feet away from Amata, who's watching me with a barely masked smile. I can't quite figure out how to make my mouth work so I just stand there.

"Hey, Jack," Amata murmurs.

"Hi," I respond stupidly, wishing I was better prepared for this.

"Safe trip?"

I nod. "Yeah. Went well."

A few Vault guards come out and meet Colin and Brady, then start to lead the brahmin inside.

"I saw your-" I stop instantly when I realize I'm talking over Amata, but she just gives me a strange look and laughs.

"Sorry. I got your note," she tries again, her voice quiet. "I didn't mean to jump on you. It was one of those days where everything was going wrong, and I just..."

"I saw the letter," I assure her. "I know."

Amata starts to smile. "So... Is everything-are we okay now?"

"I should be the one asking you that. Yeah, if you can forgive me, everything's fine. It wasn't my place, and I didn't need to-"

"Shut up, Jack," Amata orders, a grin on her face. She chuckles at the alarm on my face, extending her hand to me.

I relax and reach out to shake her hand, breath I hadn't even realized I've been holding leaving me in a rush.

She gives my hand an affectionate squeeze, and I can tell she's restraining herself because Colin and Brady are still out here with us.

"They know," I admit softly. "It's okay."

Confusion and alarm pass over her face, and I assure her again that the guys won't cause any trouble. She seems okay with the idea a second later; she closes the distance between us and wraps her arms around my middle.

A smile grows on my face and I curl my arms around her, relishing the feeling of holding her close.

It's not quite dark yet, and Amata offers me dinner, which my stomach doesn't allow me to refuse. We sit together in the cafeteria and I tell her how the trip went and about the guys finding the letter while we eat, and everything feels normal again. A busboy comes by and takes our plates, and Amata happens to notice the time.

"Want to see if we can catch the sunset?" she asks shyly, tearing the corners of her napkin uneasily.

"Sounds good to me." The relief on her face is more satisfying than the meal I've just eaten, and I can't hide a smile as we get up and walk to the main entrance.

We're just in time; there's still a few minutes before the real show begins when we settle on the dirt outside the Vault. She sits close enough beside me that our hands touch, and I take that as an invitation to hold her hand. She doesn't pull away and I smile to myself.

A few minutes of comfortable silence have passed when I start thinking about our fight. My little dig at her comparing her to her father comes back to me, and it makes me wonder why I haven't seen or had to deal with the scumbag. Part of me is afraid to ask, because I know she may make the same connections I have, and I don't want to ruin the moment we're having. The rest of me is anxious; now that I've thought about it, I can't help but imagine her dad jumping out from behind a rock and scaring me to death.

"What are you thinking about?" Amata asks softly, and I look up to see her studying me.

I hesitate, shrugging to see if she lets it drop. With the invitation out there, I can't contain myself any longer and the question comes out before I mean for it to. "What ever happened to your dad?"

Amata's face goes blank and she stares off into the wasteland for a while. "He died a few years ago. Heart attack, the doctor said. I don't know. After the rebellion, when I took charge, he didn't have much to live for. The Vault was everything to him, you know that." There's a hint of bitterness in her tone, and I give her hand a soothing squeeze. Her father hadn't exactly been the nurturing type. "I'd almost say he died of a broken heart. I don't know. Either way, he's gone. You're the first person to talk about him since he passed, actually. No one seems to talk about the rebellion."

I nod, remembering Colin's words. "I'd gotten that feeling. I, uh, I know it probably doesn't mean much, considering how we got along, but I'm sorry about your dad, 'Mata."

She doesn't answer for a minute, releasing my hand and hooking her arm through mine. Amata rests her head against my shoulder and sighs before murmuring out a "thanks."

We talk a little more as the sun dips to the horizon, mostly about much more lighthearted things, and by the time the last purples are fading from the sky, I'm telling terrible jokes and she's groaning and laughing.

Thanks to the gradual darkening of the sky, our eyes have adjusted to the nighttime, and I can still see her in the moon's glow. She offers me a smile when she catches me looking at her, and I'm tempted to lean in and kiss her.

Movement on the road below us distracts me, and I allow myself a second of frustration before I really look down at what's lumbering along the road. A jolt rushes through me at the sight that greets me; a Super Mutant is wandering in our direction.

The hulking form comes closer, and the sight of a nail board in giant yellowed hands makes my blood run cold. The Super Mutant is one of the few I've seen since I arrived back in the Capital Wasteland, and the idea that it's anywhere near Vault 101 has me all but paralyzed with fear. If it wants inside for more "green stuff" or new test subjects...

"Get back in the Vault," I tell Amata in a low voice, crawling to my feet and maintaining a crouch. Despite my best efforts at hiding it, there's still tension and unease in my voice.

"What's wrong?" Amata's picked up on my emotions and her quiet voice is fearful.

"I'll explain later. Just get back inside. Now." My eyes are focused on the mutant, watching to see if I'll need to jump into action. In the dim light, I can see the tattered remains of a Vault 87 jumpsuit under the mutant's makeshift armor.

I realize instantly that if the monster sees Amata's jumpsuit, it'll realize it's stumbled across another Vault and will almost definitely attack. The thought fills me with dread and I try not to imagine Amata meeting the same fate as so many other unlucky wastelanders and failed FEV experiments.

I know I can't let it see her jumpsuit; that would be the most likely trigger for an attack. Having the mutant rush her wouldn't end well, and I'll hate myself if I let her get hurt.

Amata's still hesitating beside me and I shoot her a desperate look. "Just go, 'Mata!"

My plea comes a second too late; just as Amata starts to move, the Mutant lets out a victorious yell. I grab my gun and leap out in front of the monster, hoping to distract the Mutant long enough for Amata to get inside.

I dart away from the Vault entrance, turning off the safety of my gun and aiming as best I can.

"Found you!" The Mutant's footsteps thunder toward me and it raises its nail board high in the air.

I swear inwardly and pull the trigger, twisting out of the way. I barely miss getting my arm torn off and glance at the monster to see what damage I've done.

The Mutant's hide is thick and the bullets have hardly sunk in. It doesn't look at all distracted and I run out of the way.

I don't have time to scramble to higher ground and backing up against the rocks will do me no good, so I try to stand my ground, leveling my gun at the Mutant and squeezing off a few more shots. Everything in me is on edge, knowing my position is going to backfire on me.

Luckily, one of the bullets catches the mutant in the jaw and it goes reeling, blood dripping down its face. The moment I have to run past is only a split second long, and I take the risk and sprint forward.

I'm too late and the nail board crashes into my shoulder, the force of the blow sending me flying. I skid along on the dirt, nearly blinded by the white hot pain from the gashes in my shoulder. I gasp for breath and roll over, managing to get away before the Mutant's weapon can crush my skull.

The monster gives a yell full of rage, and I drag myself to my feet, ducking another wild swing in my direction. A hazy idea forms in my mind, and I act on instinct. The nail board swings at me again, and I grab onto it as it comes past, crying out as I'm jerked off my feet and something tears in my already wounded shoulder.

The Mutant looks confused for a second, lifting its arm so we're face to face. It seems to finally realize what I've done and sneers.

There's a rock face behind me, and I know if I'm not quick enough, I'll be smashed to a pulp against it. I raise my gun to its face and squeeze the trigger. One shot has the Mutant yelling in pain, and I take the second's opportunity and fire into its open mouth.

The monster jerks and staggers backward, twisting around and collapsing on top of me with a gurgle.

I wrestle my way out from under the Mutant and crawl a safe distance away, sucking in lungfuls of air. The weight of the corpse knocked the wind out of me, and I'm already breathless from the fight, which isn't helping at all. I check to be sure the Mutant is dead before doubling over and trying to catch my breath. A second later worry for Amata's wellbeing overwhelms me and I look up and scan the little overlook for her.

The wooden door to the Vault opens and she's standing there, silhouetted by the soft glow of lights from the Vault. "Jack? What the hell-what was that?!" Her voice is going a mile a minute and is sharp with worry as she scrambles over to me. "Are you okay?" Amata falls to her knees in front of me, looking at a loss for what to do.

I still haven't caught my breath, but right now the only thing I'm concerned with is Amata's safety. I don't bother answering her, looking her over for injuries. She's pale and shaking and her eyes are flashing with fear, but that's all, and I'm choked with relief. I pull her into my arms and hold her close, only half-aware of her clinging to me desperately.

My arms are shaking and I'm a little dizzy, but I just hug her tighter, refusing to let go of her. She buries her face in my neck, arms tight around me. Even though she's safe in my arms, she's still trembling. I swallow hard, resting my head against hers. "It's okay," I assure her breathlessly. "It's okay."

Amata takes a deep breath and pulls back enough to look me in the eye. Her eyes are wet with unshed tears, and she worries her lip for a moment before responding. "What just happened?"

I release her reluctantly, sitting back on my heels and glancing at the huge corpse. "Super Mutant." I shrug at her, wincing at the pain that shoots through my injured shoulder.

Questions are obvious in Amata's eyes, but she follows my gaze to my shoulder and her eyebrows shoot up. "You're bleeding." I try to brush her worry away, but she has none of it, pulling the tears in my jacket open to examine the wound. Her face hardens and she gets up, grabbing my hand and pulling me to my feet.

"Could be more of 'em," I protest weakly. "Someone's gotta guard the door."

Amata doesn't answer me right away, leading me down the tunnel to the Vault. The moment we're to the entrance, she starts barking orders to the guards there. An entire squad heads the way we've come, some with laser rifles and others on their way to move the corpse as far from the door as possible.

My injured arm doesn't seem to want to work quite right and the pain is coming back tenfold as the adrenaline wears off. I bite my cheek as Amata leads me through the Vault toward the clinic, trying to ward off the pain as best I can. Between Amata's quick pace and the route we take, we end up at the clinic in just a few minutes.

Amata guides me inside and over to a cot in the corner, telling me to stay put before she goes over to get the doctor. She ducks into the office and I glance around, remembering hiding out here during the rebellion just a few years ago. I'm momentarily amazed by how much has changed, my attention caught when Amata comes back over with the doctor in tow.

I don't recognize the person in the lab coat, but I go ahead and follow their direction. Amata stands nearby, arms crossed as she watches.

The doctor helps me take my jacket off and I cringe at the ragged tears in the leather. I wonder briefly if Nova will be able to help me patch it, but I'm distracted by the doctor trying to peel the shoulder of my shirt off the wound. I hiss in favor of swearing, flinching away from the doctor's touch.

"Careful," Amata orders the doctor instantly, her tone protective and concerned.

He hesitates, raising his eyebrows at me.

"Do what you gotta do," I tell him, hoping my words supercede the Overseer's command. "Lived through a lot worse."

The doctor nods, continuing to separate the fabric from the wound despite my muttered curses. "What happened here?"

I explain in as little detail as possible, telling more about what caused the gashes in my shoulder than what I was fighting. The doctor purses his lips, directing his gaze to meet mine.

"When was the last time you had a tetanus shot?"

I can't quite remember and glance over at Amata; we'd always had our shots around the same time. "Uh..."

"Seven, maybe eight years ago," Amata supplies quietly, smiling a little when I give her a relieved look.

The doctor nods again, walking away to get some supplies.

I take a moment to glance down at my shoulder, surprised by how much blood there is oozing out of the gashes. It hurt, but I hadn't really stopped to consider what had happened. "Wow."

"See why we're here?" Amata says, reaching toward my discarded jacket and fingering the bloody tears in the leather.

I don't have time to answer before the doctor comes back over with a few syringes and bandages. He talks me through what he's doing as he swabs my arm with antiseptic and prepares a syringe. I look away just before he plunges the needle into my arm, relieved to find that he has a light touch just like my dad had.

The shot over with, he tells me to hold onto the edge of the cot and offers me a sympathetic smile before dribbling peroxide onto the cuts.  I jerk away violently, nearly falling off the cot, and swear harshly.  It takes everything in me not to yell out, and the doctor squeezes my leg.  After a moment, the searing pain starts to ease and I relax slightly. Amata looks miserable on my behalf, and I do my best to offer her a grin.

The doctor sets the peroxide aside and gets a needle and some thread ready, numbing my shoulder before stitching some of the deeper gashes closed. The tugging sensation is almost as bad as getting the stitches without painkillers and I cringe the entire time. The doctor finishes off with a stimpak, then smiles at me and goes to clean his instruments.

The skin on my shoulder feels oddly tight thanks to the thread crisscrossing through it, but it doesn't hurt as bad and feels more stable. There's a dull ache there, and I'm vaguely aware that it'll hurt like hell in the morning.

A rustling noise pulls me out of my thoughts and I look up to see Amata folding my jacket over her arm carefully. She catches me looking at her and smiles uncertainly.

"Feel better?"

"For now, I guess. Not losing blood anymore, so that's a plus." I move my arm a little, testing my range of motion, and am satisfied with the results. Even though it'll be sore, I can still defend myself if the need arises.

The doctor comes back and releases me, and Amata and I thank him before he returns to his office.

I slide off the cot and sway on my feet, a little off balance from the exhaustion. I can't wait to fall into my bed back in Megaton.

Amata catches my elbow to steady me, keeping an eye on me. She offers me a smile as the office doors closes with a hiss. "You okay?"

"Just tired," I assure her, moving toward the clinic door. This place is too familiar without a rebellion going on, and it makes me ache to see my dad again. Besides that, I'd rather be out of here and where I can provide some help if the need arises.

Amata follows along beside me, quiet and waiting to see where I go. I feel almost uncomfortable under her scrutiny and we pause in the atrium. I raise an eyebrow at her, shivering slightly in the cool Vault air.

The Overseer realizes she's been caught and looks appropriately embarrassed. "Sorry. I'm just... rattled. I don't know what that thing was, but I can't believe it didn't kill you."

I shrug my uninjured shoulder nonchalantly. "It almost did. I'm lucky I got a shot off when I did."

Amata purses her lips, her brow furrowing with concern all over again.

"It's okay," I tell her again, offering a warm smile. "Nothing bad happened. No need to worry."

She looks like she wants to protest, but she doesn't argue with the logic in my words and just shakes her head at me.

I grin to myself, pleased to have won. My shoulder aches and startles me out of my thoughts; the anesthesia is already wearing off, and I know I won't be able to sleep through the night without either heading back to the clinic or finding something else. I can't see Gob or Nova letting me drink as much as it'd take, but getting good and drunk might help.

I don't remember if I have any whiskey in my bag, but either way, all my things are up in her office. We walk to the admin level together, her presence beside me somehow comforting even as the medication begins to wear off. She leads me through the waiting room into her apartment after only a moment of hesitation.

I pause to grab my bag from the table in her waiting room, bringing it with me into her apartment. She gestures that I sit somewhere and I fall onto her couch, focusing on the clasp of my bag. I fumble only for a second, pawing through the contents for the telltale glass bottle.

Finding none, I swear and drop the bag near my feet, looking up at Amata.

She's opted to sit across from me in a chair and is studying me uncertainly. "Everything okay?"

I roll my eyes a little. "Thought I had somethin' to drink, but I don't. I'll just get something on the way home."

"Oh." Amata's quiet for a few moments. "Jack, I..." Her eyes flick up to meet mine and I'm startled by the fear in them. "I won't stop you from leaving if you really want to, but... it's already dark, you're hurt, and..." She rubs at her temples and sighs. "I'd really rather you stayed here tonight."

She has a point; with it being so dark already, I'll be at a huge disadvantage if there's more Muties wandering around. The sensible part of me knows that that Mutant was probably alone and weak with hunger. Still, facing more with a bum shoulder doesn't sound particularly appealing, no matter the time of day.

"Okay." The word comes out easier than I'd expected it to, and Amata's head snaps up to look at me.

She looks like she can't hardly believe I've agreed, but relief washes over her features a second later. "Great."

I settle back into the couch, studying her for a few seconds. She's okay and I kept her safe. The thought brings a smile to my face; I may not be the most stable person in the world, but at least I can protect the woman I love.

"Will you tell me what that thing was now?" Amata asks after a moment, tucking one of her legs underneath herself and hugging a throw pillow.

I nod and start telling her everything I know about the Super Mutants, sharing some of the things I remember from the Brotherhood's data stores. I do my best to tell her about the things I saw in Vault 87 without scaring her, explaining why I was so adamant that she get inside. "I couldn't let it know it'd found another Vault. I didn't want 101 turning into another Mutie factory. Or to let it hurt you."

Amata is quiet for a while, rubbing patterns into the fabric on the pillow in her lap. Finally she looks up at me and sighs. "Why did I open the Vault? It sounds like hell up there."

I shift a little, trying not to jostle my arm too much. "There's a lot of good things that have happened, though. Look at how everyone's reacting to having trade," I point out. "Colin and Brady, my guards, they're gonna have great stories to tell their grandchildren. Hell, Brady's even gone and found himself a girlfriend out in Big Town."

Amata gives me a curious look, a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. "Still..."

"'Mata, I know it... I know it sounds scary. It is sometimes, like tonight. But cutting off the rest of the Vault is only gonna doom them." I study her for a few moments, hoping I don't say something wrong and make her mad again.

Amata's face drops into a frustrated pout. "Is it worth people getting hurt or killed, though?"

"Keeping the Vault open is the right thing, 'Mata. Remember all those things we learned about in school? There's always a few problems on the way to better things."

She looks mildly comforted by the words, but her eyes are still concerned. Amata looks up and studies me for a few minutes, shaking herself out of her thoughts. "How's your shoulder?"

"It aches a little." I try to wave her concern away, wanting to ease her mind after the stressful night I know she's had. "I'll just go down to the cafeteria and get some whiskey or something. It'll knock me out for a while, if nothing else," I explain when she looks confused. "I like it better than a prick in the arm."

She doesn't seem to have the energy to argue and after a few minutes I get up and go down to the cafeteria. I only have a few caps on hand, but the clerk on duty doesn't seem to mind and sells me a bottle of whiskey anyway. I thank him and uncork it as I leave, taking a little sip and feeling it burn its way down my throat.

When I get back to Amata's apartment, she's in her old bedroom, tidying up a few things. I clear my throat in the doorway and she jumps as though stung before turning to look at me.

"Sorry," I say with a grin, tickled at having startled her. "Whatcha doin?"

"I..." Amata looks at a loss and gives me a sheepish glance. "Just setting up somewhere for you to sleep."

"I can just take the couch," I offer, but she snorts.

"Why do that when no one's using this room and there's a perfectly good bed?"

I don't have an argument and Amata seems to know she's got me. Once she's finished she excuses herself to get ready for bed, bidding me good night and pressing a soft kiss to my cheek as she leaves.

I change into the pajamas she's set out for me and settle into the bed. It's awkward and I haven't been surrounded by this much luxury in years.

The ache in my shoulder is worse and I go ahead and sip at the whiskey until I get drowsy, letting the alcohol ease the pain and put me to sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

I wake slowly, jolting a little when I don't recognize my surroundings. I try to roll over and see what's going on, and the stitches in my shoulder pull uncomfortably and remind me what's happened.

I relax, sinking back against the pillow and exhaling slowly. It takes me a few minutes to feel awake enough to get up and face the day, but I finally manage to drag myself out of the bed and get to my feet.

Amata's already awake; her bedroom door is open, but since there's no sign of her, I assume she's already working. I stumble to the bathroom and run some cool water from the faucet, splashing it on my face and getting a drink while I'm there. When I feel a little more alive, I leave the bathroom just as Amata's entering the living room.

"Hey," she says warmly, looking tired but immeasurably glad to see me. "I was just coming to check on you."

I stifle a yawn and try to smile, and she hides a grin by looking down at her Pipboy to check the time.

"Hungry?"

I shrug, wincing at the twinge in my shoulder. "I could eat, I guess."

She nods, cocking her head and thinking for a minute. "There's some spare wastelander clothes in the dresser. They should fit."

I wonder how long she's had wastelander clothes around and head back to the bedroom to change. When I'm dressed, I walk back out into the room and she grins at me, taking an appreciative glance at how the pants fit me.  I feel my ears heat up and pretend not to notice.

We head down to the cafeteria for breakfast, both of us avoiding talking about the Mutant attack. She seems sleepy, but mostly calm, and I'm grateful she's not more rattled by what happened last night. We talk about a lot of nothing, and I enjoy her presence more than anything.

Our timing was just perfect; right as we finish, a crowd comes into the cafeteria for breakfast. I take our dishes and put them in the bin, rejoining Amata and heading up to the admin level again.

"That was nice," I muse as we enter her apartment. She seems distant as she agrees. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she answers immediately, giving me an almost confused look. "Sorry, I just... yeah. I've got something for you."

I blink. "Besides breakfast?"

She nods. "I'll go get it," Amata tells me before heading over into her bedroom.

I'm left in the middle of her living room for a few seconds, wondering what she could possibly have for me.

Amata returns a moment later, my jacket folded carefully in her arms. She smiles at me tiredly, coming to stand near me once again. It looks like she wants to say something, but she can't quite find the words she wants. "Here," Amata says after a moment, pushing the jacket into my hands.

I look down at it, noticing neat stitching holding the tears in the shoulder together.

"I couldn't sleep," she explains before I can say anything. "I figured I may as well do something useful."

"It looks great," I tell her, unable to stop grinning. "Thanks."

She smiles a little, moving closer to help me put it on. I pull it over my shoulder carefully, doing my best not to bump the stitches. Amata's fingers pull the collar straight gently, and she steps back to study me.

"You're missing something," she decides, drumming her fingertips against her lower lip thoughtfully.

I look down at myself, trying to figure out what's out of place. Everything feels normal to me; even the shoulder is hanging fine despite the new seams.

Amata steps aside and opens her closet, and I look up just as she plops a hat on my head. I jerk a little from the sudden weight, reaching up and pulling it off to look at it. It's a lot like my old hat, with the same shape and wide brim. The only real difference is that it's a few shades darker, almost a charcoal color. I look up at Amata, my smile growing. "How did you...?"

"I noticed you lost your old one. I sort of like the way it looked on you, and I thought you could probably use another one. Turns out not everything people have to trade is junk."

I nod a few times, staring down at the hat in my hands. It's a little stiff, but some time in the sun should help with that. Otherwise, it looks perfect. "Thank you. Really." I'm on the verge of getting choked up and give her another warm smile. "You're being... I don't know what I did to deserve this, but thank you."

Amata shrugs, a pleased smile on her face. "I'm glad you like it."

I step over and pull her into a hug, not knowing how else to express my gratitude. On an impulse, I pull my hat off and drop it on her head as I pull away, and it drops down over her eyes.

She pushes the brim up and gives me a mock glare, modeling it for me a moment later. "Do I look ready for a day in the wasteland?"

I strike a thoughtful pose, studying her for a moment. "Pretty much. Gotta lose that tacky jumpsuit, though."

Amata rolls her eyes and grins as she pulls the hat off. She swats at me with it before handing it back to me.

I drop it back on my head and stick my tongue out at her, looking over when footsteps come into the waiting room.

"Overseer?"

Amata brushes past me, her hand brushing against mine as she does. I follow her out of her apartment, mildly pleased when I don't see any surprise on the officer's face.  If the Vault doesn't mind me being around Amata, then our relationship may be a little easier for them to swallow.

"What is it, Wilson?"

"Elder Lyons of the Brotherhood is here to see you, ma'am." The officer waits for instruction, eyes looking past us to the wall.

Amata looks surprised until she glances at her Pipboy. "Oh yeah. I guess today's the monthly meeting, isn't it? Show her in."

The officer salutes and Amata leads me into her office, assuring me that this is normal and it's no problem if I'm there. I settle myself against the wall, leaving the chair for Sarah. Amata sits at her desk, shuffling a few papers and looking exactly like the Overseer I'd always imagined she would be.

There's a hard look on the blonde woman's face when she enters the office, but she manages a smile in greeting. My presence startles her slightly, but she throws me a grin before settling in the chair in front of Amata's desk. "Hey, Overseeer, Jack. I figured it'd just be our routine meeting, but I noticed you've got a dead Mutie outside. What happened there?"

"It was a weird night last night," Amata admits, handing over a clipboard full of official looking forms. "Here's the reports you wanted to see."

Sarah thumbs through the first few sheets, scanning the information before setting it aside. "Thanks. About that Super Mutant..." She sits forward in her chair, resting her elbows on her knees and giving Amata a concerned look.

Amata hesitates, her eyes flicking over to me. "Well, um... We were sitting outside talking, and then Jack started saying to get inside. It, uh... It attacked, and Jack ended up killing it. I sealed the Vault overnight, just in case, and that's really about it."

Sarah's eyes flick to me and she gives me a rueful smile. "Looks like you still got it, 101."

"Apparently I've got to, since you can't keep them away," I shoot back with a playful grin. "What's one doing way out here? 87's a long way away, and I thought DC was pretty safe."

Amata watches our banter, her eyes hardening as Sarah mulls over an answer.

"Dunno, Jack. I mean, the wasteland's a pretty big place. Not like we can feasibly wipe all of them out. A few slip through the cracks. At least you got it before it did any real damage."

I'm about to agree when Amata cuts in.

"Hold on," she says slowly, glancing between me and Sarah. "The Brotherhood is supposed to get rid of those... things?

Sarah shrugs. "It hasn't been our primary goal in a few years, but yeah, the Pride is pretty much top notch at Mutie extermination."

I know the look that's on Amata's face, and I know I have to interrupt. Amata's temper fires more easily when she's tired, and I can tell she didn't get much sleep. If I don't jump in now, she's liable to rip Sarah to shreds. "'Mata, it was just a fluke. The Brotherhood's too far away to be here instantly, and-"

"So getting your arm ripped open and needing stitches is just a fluke?  Nearly getting killed is just a fluke?" Amata retorts, shooting Sarah a severe look. "This may not be your 'primary goal' but surely it's still important?"

Sarah shifts uncomfortably.

"Amata, c'mon. Stuff like this happens. You've seen some of the scars I've got. This isn't that out of the ordinary." I step away from the wall and toward Sarah, hoping to distract Amata enough to prevent any harm to their agreement. "People get hurt every day, Amata. You can't put all that on Sarah."

Amata studies me for a minute and I hold my breath, hoping I've defused the situation. Finally she sighs and drops her head into her hands. "I know. I'm sorry. It was just... horrible."

Sarah looks up at me gratefully. "First time seeing a Super Mutant?"

I nod in unison with the Overseer in front of us.

"I thought it was going to kill her," Amata admits softly, swallowing her emotions and looking up. "It was just..."

"A nightmare," I finish, wondering if that was why she couldn't sleep and had the time to fix my jacket.

Amata nods gratefully and drops her gaze to the desktop, straightening a few papers.

"Well," Sarah offers after a beat of silence, "I'm pretty sure just about everyone just about pisses themselves when they see their first one. Jack's tough, though. She's probably killed more of 'em than I have, and that's saying something." She gives Amata a hesitant smile. "I'm sorry we missed one, and I'm sorry Jack got hurt. If you'd like, I can send over a squad to help guard your Vault."

Amata considers it for a moment before shaking her head. "Just some information on how to fight them would be good. My security team can handle if it we know what we're fighting."

The Brotherhood Elder nods instantly. "No problem. I can even send you some upgraded laser rifles we've been working on. They're specially equipped to defend against Super Mutants. I've been meaning to send you some anyway."

Amata gives me a questioning glance and I shrug and cringe at the ache in my shoulder. She bites her lip and looks back to Sarah. "Sounds good. Thank you."

Sarah reaches over the desk to shake Amata's hand. "I'll get on that the minute I get back. I promise."

Amata shakes on it, and they discuss a few other mundane things before Sarah gets up and tells us both goodbye. I don't blame her for leaving as quickly as she does; I'd want to leave, too, if I was on the receiving end of Amata's wrath.

"Hey," Amata calls, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I look over at her as she gets up and comes around her desk to stand in front of me. She smiles wearily, sighing and dropping her gaze to my jacket's collar. Her fingers go to straighten it and she closes her eyes for a moment.

"Thank you for calming me down." Her admission is barely louder than a whisper.

I wrap my uninjured arm around her shoulders and pull her to me. "Thanks for not goin' off on Sarah."

Amata buries her face in my neck for a moment, her arms wrapping around me and squeezing gently. She pulls away a few seconds later and gazes up at me. "How's your shoulder? I noticed you making a face at it."

I'm only slightly bothered that she noticed. "Sore. It kind of hurts when I move a certain way, but I'll survive."

Amata studies me for a moment before she steps away. "Good. It's not infected, is it?"

"I don't think so." It doesn't feel quite tender enough for that, and it'll probably be fine. Still, I know I should probably head back to the clinic later anyway, just to be sure.

She looks over at her desk and sighs again, but she sounds a lot less emotional this time. "I have work to do."

I grin. "You can either set it on fire, or I can get out of your hair."

Amata rewards me with a chuckle. "As much as I'd like the first option, it needs to be done." Her eyes land on me again. "I don't know if we need to make a trade run any time soon, so I don't have much work lined up for you. I mean, you can rest, but... are you going to be okay?"

I nod. "Yeah. I mean, Sarah'll have those weapons ready for you soon. I can go over and bring them here if you'd like."

The slight raise of Amata's eyebrows tells me she hasn't thought that far ahead. "Yeah, that'd be great."

Anything I could say in answer to that seems stupid, so I just smile.

Amata smiles back and gives her work another fleeting glance. I grab her in another hug and kiss her forehead, pleased when she relaxes a little.

"I'll get on back to Megaton. Have a nice day," I murmur, holding her close as long as I can before I release her and step away.

"You too," she says, giving me a weary grin.

I leave her office, grabbing my things on the way and heading toward the atrium. Someone walks right at me, not paying attention, and I step out of the way. My pack brushes against my shoulder and I cringe, changing my route and heading for the clinic.

The doctor's not busy and takes a look right away. "This is looking pretty good," he comments, gently examining the sore tissue. "Do you need another anesthetic?"

"Actually, I was wondering if you had a few stimpaks handy? I'm planning on heading out and won't be able to keep coming back to get painkillers."

The doctor nods understandingly, walking off to retrieve a few stimpaks. He injects them into my arm and tells me to wait for a few minutes. He walks off to figure out the cost and leaves me to sit there and feel my shoulder go numb.

I settle on one of the cots to wait, giving my shoulder a quick glance. The skin is already less red and the gashes look shallower. I'm pleased with the progress; at this rate, it'll be healed up by the time I reach Megaton.

"How much do I owe?" I ask when the doctor ambles back toward me.

He checks the medicine's progress before answering. "In caps or Vault money?"

"All I got's caps, sorry. Is that okay?"

He nods. "Forty five caps."

I pull my bag into my lap and go digging around inside it to retrieve my caps. I count out the amount and hand it over, thanking the doctor for his work. I'm free to go, so I walk out of the Vault and back toward Megaton.

I was right; as I walk through Megaton's gate, the feeling is coming back to my shoulder, and it doesn't hurt much, if at all. I make a beeline for my house, eager to pull my jacket and shirt off and examine the wound.

The gashes have all faded into pink scars, and the thread that had been stitched through my skin has been mostly rubbed away. I experiment a little, pleased to feel that I have a full range of motion with no pain.

With that out of the way, I'm free to go and do whatever I want. I head out for lunch first, but part way through my meal, I start to feel like something's off. I try to distract myself by talking to Jenny Stahl a bit, but that doesn't work, and I head back home disgruntled and confused.

The feeling only gets worse throughout the day, and I'm stretched out on my bed when I finally start to place the feeling. I've spent the last day or so around Amata, and hadn't even realized how much more at home I'd felt. Now that I'm alone in my shack, I miss her and being near her.

Despite having the emotional tangle in my chest identified, it doesn't go away, and I'm acting purely on impulse when I get up and gather my things and head for the door.

I make quick work of the walk back to the Vault and am pleased to get there just as night falls. The door guards let me in before closing up the Vault for the night, something I'm sure will be a new rule. I trot up to the admin level, setting my bag on one of the tables there before heading toward Amata's open office door.

Amata looks up as I enter, giving me a confused grin. "You're back."

I nod, hesitating in the doorway. "Megaton didn't feel like the right place to be tonight." I explain my restlessness, watching concern flash onto her face. "Don't worry," I tell her instantly, reaching out to her like it'll stop her concern. "I just... I wanted to be here instead."

Amata pauses, apparently working through how she should take that. "I have a few things to finish up," she responds finally.

I shrug, offering her a grin. "No problem. I'll be around here somewhere." Before she can protest and before I can be a further distraction, I walk out of the office, closing the door behind me.

Not sure what to do, I amble toward her apartment, remembering all the times I'd crept over to spend time with Amata in our youth. Sneaking in without her father noticing had always been one of my proudest accomplishments.

I wind up in her living room, settled awkwardly on one end of the couch, practically ready to twiddle my thumbs. I look around, noticing a picture frame sitting on the end table. An image of a young Amata and her stern-faced father looks back at me, and I can't help but smile at the picture. I know Amata's had this picture for ages; I remember seeing it in her room back when I had snuck in when we were just kids.

The couch creaks underneath me as I settle into it and the noise startles me. I jerk away from the noise and swear as I watch the picture slip from my grip. I fumble to catch it as the frame goes tumbling, and by some stroke of luck, it lands on my boots before sliding to the ground.

The glass and frame are still whole and I breathe a sigh of relief as I lean over to pick it up. When I do, the back of the frame falls open and something flits to the floor. I grab that, too, turning it over and finding another picture in my hand.

It's of Amata and me sitting together in the cafeteria laughing about something. We can't have been more than seventeen, and after I study the image for a moment, I can almost remember Jonas taking that picture after Amata and I took the GOAT.

The look on her face is one of complete ease, and her eyes are focused on me. A smile grows on my face to match the one in the image, and I can remember sitting there with Amata, relaxing after getting through the biggest stress of our teenage years with satisfactory results. I'd already realized my feelings for her at that point, and had done my best to hide them for fear of losing her.

I remember how badly I'd wanted to just lean over and kiss her, but before I could act on my impulse, Jonas had showed up with a camera to capture our post-GOAT celebration. I wonder idly what might have happened if I'd taken that chance and shown Amata how I felt, letting the thought go a second later. No point in worrying over things so far in the past.

The much more recent memory of cutting my thumb open and kissing Amata fills my mind, and I've just about decided that no matter what had happened, she and I would have admitted our feelings to each other anyway. The thought brings a smile to my face and I get lost in memories of missed opportunities and sweet moments with Amata from my youth.

"It's getting late," Amata says quietly, startling me out of my thoughts.

I look up to see her standing in the doorway, a smile on her face. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Are you going to head back home? It's dark out by now..."

I set the picture frame aside, getting to my feet and stretching. "Actually, I was planning on staying again, if that's okay."

Amata pauses for just a second. "It's totally fine. It keeps you safe, so..." Amata bites her lip and studies me for a few moments. "We could do breakfast or something," she offers, but it comes out as more of a question than anything.

I smile. "That'd be nice." I imagine waking up curled up into her warmth and mumbling about not wanting to get up, only to have her laugh quietly and pull me close. The mere thought tugs at something in my chest, and I look at her and how cautious she's being, trying not to push me into anything I can't handle. I know she's doing it for me, and the concern on her face is barely covering up her love for me.

I'm overcome with a rush of affection for her and before I realize I've done it, I cross the room and come to a stop just in front of her. She looks up at me uncertainly, raising her eyebrows and murmuring my name.

"Can I kiss you?" The words come tumbling out of my mouth in a jumble, but judging by the way she stretches up and kisses me in answer, I know she's understood.

Her mouth is soft and electric against mine and I pull her to me, cradling the back of her head in my hand. Neither of us seems to want to break apart for air, and we linger close together when we do. Amata is gazing at me when I open my eyes, watching me for some sort of answer.

I just kiss her again, unable to completely comprehend all the emotions I'm feeling. I'm overwhelmed by the realization of just how much I love the woman in my arms, and I break away and gaze down at her. "I love you," I murmur, watching her react to my saying those words for the first time in years.

She blinks away the tears that form in her eyes, smiling up at me and wrapping her arms around my neck. "Really?"

I nod, trying not to think about how I'm probably one of the only people to tell her that in all her life.

"I love you, too," she breathes.

The kisses we share become less innocent and far more meaningful and needy. Half formed images of us in compromising positions have risen to the surface in my mind, and something in me is desperate to make those a reality and prove to her that I do love her, even though it's taken me all this time to admit it.

"I-Can I stay with you?" The breathless request comes out before I mean for it to, and in a much less poetic way than I want. The question seems to take Amata by surprise and she pulls away to look at me.

Even through her caution I can see hope and desire in her eyes. "Stay with or sleep with?"

I offer her a sheepish grin. "Is 'both' an option? I want to be close to you and... I don't know, 'Mata. I just want to be with you."

Her cheeks darken and I can't help but grin at the sight, leaning in to kiss her again. She accepts it willingly, and only breaks away when air becomes necessary.

Amata hesitates before saying anything, her eyes dark with want but her face worried. "I'd... Yeah, I'd like that. But... Are you sure about this?"

"I trust you," I tell her honestly. "I know you care about me, in spite of everything, and I know that I love you. I can't be much more sure than that."

Amata's face softens and her lips curl in a smile. "I love you."

I echo the words and we gaze at each other for a few moments, reveling in the moment.

We share nervous laughter as she takes my hand and pulls me into her bedroom. The door closes behind us with a thrilling little hiss, and then we're alone, hidden from the rest of the Vault and free to do whatever we want. A few possible ideas fill my mind and I feel my cheeks heat up, looking down at our linked fingers and hoping she doesn't see.

"Hey," she calls softly, catching my chin and lifting my gaze to meet hers. "You don't have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Don't let me push you."

I smile at the angel in front of me. "I won't."

She seems reassured and pushes my jacket off my shoulders, kissing me gently. Amata pauses when he hand brushes across my shoulder, giving me a concerned look. "Is that... Are you going to hurt it worse if we...?"

I smile and shake my head, pulling my shirt collar aside and showing her how much it's healed. "Went to the clinic before I left. I'm good as new. Promise."

Amata studies me for a moment, relaxing and letting a smile creep back onto her face. "Good."

I pull her close and kiss her soundly, stumbling when she pulls me back to the bed. My fingers go to her jumpsuit's zipper and my world narrows to Amata.


	14. Chapter 14

Amata and I laze around the next morning, enjoying our newfound closeness and intimacy. It's late when we finally manage to get up without dragging each other back to bed, and Amata all but forces herself to go take a cold shower.

We finally head down to the cafeteria to have a late breakfast, sitting together at a booth and holding hands under the table. Sitting there with her after last night puts a smile on my face that I just can't stop. She's real and here and loves me just as much as I love her, and we're together in every sense of the word. It feels right, more than anything that I've ever felt before, and I'm overwhelmingly grateful for everything that's happened.

Once again, she's got work to do, and our late morning has only made it worse. She pouts at her full desk and I just grin, hugging her warmly.

"If I stay here, you're never going to get anything done," I point out as she cuddles into my arms.

"Except you."

I can't decide whether to be shocked or start laughing, but the latter wins out a second later. "I wouldn't be opposed to that, but the Vault might say otherwise."

Amata groans, pulling away and sighing as she straightens her jumpsuit. "Fine. What are you going to do all day, then?"

I lift my shoulders in a shrug. "Probably head back to Megaton and let everyone know I'm alive. May as well stay there tonight; I can head over to the Citadel and get the weapons tomorrow and be back nice and early."

Amata looks disappointed for half a second, but she gives me a nod. "That sounds like a good plan, I guess."

"You guess?"

"My bed'll be awfully cold tonight without you there," she answers, her ears turning pink.

I grin, moving toward her and cupping her face in my hands. "I'll be back tomorrow," I promise. "It'll be fine." She looks somewhat reassured and I dip my head and kiss her gently. "See you soon," I murmur when we pull apart, giving her a last smile before I head out.

I spend the day back in Megaton, helping out where I can and hanging out in the saloon once night falls. It's a slow business day, and Nova pulls out a deck of cards. She and I play gin rummy for a few hours, and I end up losing nearly every game. The redhead takes pity on me and teasingly tells me I only owe her five hundred caps.

I throw my cards at her, glad that they stay together in one clump, and we laugh some. The door opens and the after-dinner crowd comes in and Nova apologizes, getting up to help Gob at the bar. I shuffle the deck a few times, waiting for Nova to return. Once the people have been served and are satisfied sipping their drinks, she does and sits back down across from me.

"So, how's life been treating you, hon? I don't see you much anymore." Nova lights up a cigarette and gives me a playful pout.

"Eh, fine. Been doing a lot of caravan work. Is it five cards, or seven?" She answers and I deal the appropriate amount, and we settle into a new game. "Oh, and I finally told Amata how I feel about her."

"Oooh! How did that go?" Nova leans forward, her cards forgotten. There's a hopeful grin on her face, and she raises her eyebrows at me.

I can't hide my grin, and that's answer enough for Nova. She cheers and tells Gob to bring me a drink. He pours a glass of whiskey for me and sets it down, shooting me a toothy grin even though he doesn't know exactly what's going on. I'm sure Nova will tell him later, so I just thank him for the drink and lift my glass to him.

My friends congratulate me and I try to accept it despite how awkward it makes me feel. Luckily, the door opens and I get a break when Gob heads off to go serve the new patrons.

Nova looks up and watches the new people enter, swearing under her breath. "Hell, I was hoping we wouldn't have to see them again."

The atmosphere has changed in an instant and I turn to see what's going on. A small group of men has just entered the bar, all of them looking sour and standoffish and clad in dark recon armor. Gob tries to be friendly and pours them some drinks, but they just glower at him and retreat to a table in the corner. One or two of them looks familiar, but I can't quite put my finger on why.

"They came in a few days ago," Nova confides in a low voice. "I think they're probably the scummiest guys we've ever had to serve. Rude, messy, and they just sit there and glare at everyone."

"Geez. What's their problem?" I turn and look at Nova again, raising an eyebrow.

She keeps a watchful eye on the group but returns most of her attention to me and the cards between us. "No idea. They're probably just mercs waiting on their target to show up. It sounds cold, but I hope they do, just so those creeps will get out of here."

"Hmm." I draw a card and think on it for a minute, finally placing the men. "Their armor doesn't look heavy enough for that. They're probably just scouts. Either way, had some guys like them trying to barter their way into the Vault a few weeks ago. They didn't feel right to me, and neither do these guys."

Nova nods thoughtfully, a frown sliding into place on her face. She draws another card and brightens slightly. "Gin," she says, offering me an apologetic smile and laying her cards down.

I groan and show her the mess in my hand, and we deal again, not talking much as we keep an eye on the men. They leave after a few more drinks, and everyone visibly relaxes.

"Did they pay their tab?" Nova calls to Gob.

He glances over at the table and shakes his head. "Not even close."

Nova growls. "Next time they show, I'm going to get Lucas in here. See if they don't pay up then."

I grin a little and proceed to lose the next two hands as well. "Okay, where would you like me to sign my soul over?"

Nova laughs and gathers the cards. "Nowhere, hon. Just playing to pass the time. Not to mention the ego boost."

"Har har." I roll my eyes and we chuckle together. "I should go. Gotta head over to the Brotherhood tomorrow and get Amata a little present."

"I didn't know they specialized in wedding rings," Nova teases, getting to her feet and stretching. She moans a little and a few heads turn in our direction at the sultry noise.

I blush, earning a laugh from Nova. "Oh, shut up. If you're mean to me, I won't come let you whip my ass at cards anymore."

She backpedals instantly and I grin, getting out some caps to pay for my drink. On an impulse, I get out a few extra and slip them to Nova to cover the unpaid tab.

"Thanks for stoppin' by, kid," Gob calls as I head for the door. "Always nice to see you."

"You too. Have a nice night, guys." I let the saloon door fall shut behind me, taking a deep breath of the cool night air. I look up at the stars for a few minutes, finally heading back to my shack. I know I've got stuff to do in the morning, so I head home and collapse on my bed, staring up at the ceiling and sighing.

It's already weird to sleep without Amata curled into my side, and I hope she's not as lonely for me as I am for her. "Night, 'Mata," I whisper to the night, closing my eyes and waiting for sleep.

* * *

I head over to the Citadel bright and early, greeting the gate guard and entering the Bailey like I've done it a million times. Truth be told, I'm still a little awed and uneasy about being allowed inside, but I don't have time to think on it much; as soon as I'm inside the Bailey, I'm greeted with the sound of laser fire.

I'm on the defensive immediately, embarrassed a second later when I see that the sounds are just initiates in training. I pretend I haven't just been foolish, heading over to the doors and down into the A Ring.

A few minutes later, I'm knocking on Sarah's door. I hear a weary "come in" and open the door, seeing my best friend sitting at the table in her room looking lost in thought. She looks up when I enter, looking relieved to be interrupted.

"Hey, Jack. Good to see you." Sarah offers me a warm smile, but her face is still hard and concerned.

"What's up?" I settle myself in the chair beside her, sensing something wrong.

"Can't I be glad to see my best friend?"

I scoff. "With that look on your face? Keep dreamin', Lyons."

Sarah laughs, sitting back and sighing heavily. "Remember how Talon attacked Vargas and Kodiak a while back? We figured it was just a rogue thing, some idiots getting drunk and thinking it'd be fun to rush a guy in a big suit of armor." She glances at me to make sure I'm listening. "Turns out, it's kept happening. Only they're more organized. I've had to step up the guard over at the purifier. But now that I've done that, they're leaving it alone."

I frown at the information, not sure what to make of it. "So what's going on?"

Sarah shrugs. "No idea. Something's weird."

We sit there and think for a few minutes, but neither of us really know what to say. Finally Sarah sighs and looks over at me.

"How's caravan life?"

I grin. "Normal. Nice. It's good to feel like I have a purpose, you know?"

Sarah smiles at me, nodding and settling back into her chair. "Yeah. Glad to hear it." She studies me a little more, finally quirking an eyebrow and grinning. "And how's Amata?"

I scowl at her playfully, feeling my cheeks heat up as images from the other night rise in my mind.

" **Finally**!" Sarah crows, practically bouncing with excitement as she leans forward and claps me on the shoulder. "Good job, 101!"

"You say that like it was supposed to be impossible," I retort.

Sarah snorts. "I was just waiting on your both to pull your heads outta your asses and get together. And let me tell you, it took you long enough."

"Oh, shut up." I grin a little more, imagining the fleeting kiss I'd left on Amata's lips. I'd never in a million years dreamed that I'd be able to have both Amata and the wasteland life together, and that I'm getting that chance now is overwhelming.

"C'mon, 101," Sarah teases, reaching over and giving me a little shove. "After she was so protective of you back in the Vault, I'm not surprised that it finally happened. I'm just damn glad it did. You two belong together."

I strike a startled pose. "Sarah, I think that's the cheesiest thing I've ever heard you say."

"Oh, fuck off."

We laugh a little and I finally settle back in my chair and nod happily. "I hope we do, but I'm glad it happened, too."

Sarah just grins and we lapse into companionable silence.

"Lost track of a patrol," Sarah says after a while. "Last we heard from them was out near Fort Constantine. Either they found the ruins of an alcohol store and have been completely trashed, or..."

The pause is uncomfortable and I give her an uncertain look. "What d'you think?"

The blonde woman lets out a sigh and rubs at her forehead. "I don't know, Jack. I just... don't. We went and cleaned out Vault 87 after you left, so I don't think it can be muties, but..."

"What else could it be?" I finish, frowning a little and crossing my arms over my chest. "Unless it's..."

"Talon may be reorganizing, but they're not that organized." Sarah's voice is sharp and firm. "A few mercs rushing the purifier doesn't mean anything."

"Sarah," I caution, wanting her to consider all the possibilities.

"I don't think it's them, Jack. Drop it." The order is cold and I shut up instantly.

Sarah seems to realize how short she's being with me and lets out a heavy sigh. "Sorry, there's a lot goin' on lately."

I'm still a little put off but I nod understandingly. "It's fine. I should be getting ready to head out, though. 'Mata'll probably have something for me to do real soon."

Sarah nods in response, cracking her knuckles absently. "Oh, got those newer weapons to send to the Vault with you, by the way. I figure they could use 'em soon as possible, and I'd rather not have Amata lay into me again." Sarah gives me a look. "If you ever get her mad at you, don't come askin' me to be your bodyguard."

I can't help but grin a little. Amata can be scary when she's mad, and the near argument she'd had with Sarah is only more proof of that. "I don't plan on it."

I get to my feet and she follows suit, walking me out of her quarters to the A Ring.

"There should be a few guards with our brahmin all loaded up and ready to go," Sarah informs me. "Just go over and introduce yourself, and you should be good to go."

"Thanks." I'm about to leave when a thought occurs to me. "Hey, would I be able to go down to the armory first?"

Sarah raises an eyebrow. "Why, my donation not good enough for you?" she teases.

"No, that's great. I just... If something happens to me or I'm not there, I want Amata to be able to defend herself. If she'd been out there alone when that Super Mutant showed up... I don't even want to think about it." The admission has me feeling somewhat deflated and I avoid Sarah's gaze. "I'll pay for it, I just don't want her defenseless."

The blonde woman is quiet for a few moments before she puts a hand on my shoulder and gives it a gentle squeeze. "I'll let the quartermaster know you're coming."

"Thanks." I offer my friend a smile and we say our goodbyes, then I walk away to head down to the lab. It's always been weird to be in the midst of all the experiments and intelligence operations, but the absence of Liberty Prime leaves the lab feeling off somehow. I stick to the edges of the room and try to avoid getting in the way.

The armory door is open when I get to it, and the walls are lined with weapons and guarded with the same old iron gates. I take in the sight of all the firepower, glad that the Brotherhood's on my side, and head over to the quartermaster's desk. She gives me a terse nod in greeting.

"Elder Lyons said you were coming. Pistols or rifles?"

"Uh..." I'm not quite sure what Amata would be more comfortable with, so I opt for something small. From there, I can narrow it down to the most crippling weapon so she'll be more able to defend herself. "Pistols, I guess."

"Energy or combustion?"

"Energy. Laser, if you've got it." The quartermaster's short manner has me feeling like I'm under investigation and it makes me somewhat uncomfortable. I receive a quick nod in return and she walks off to find what I'm looking for.

She comes back a few moments later, a few varieties of laser pistol in her hands. "We have an old AEP5, or the newer AEP7. Both can be modified for a faster fire, less spread, larger capacity, or more damage. They both come upgraded with our new beam focus to help penetrate thick armor or Mutie skin."

The pistols look nearly identical; the only difference is the AEP7 seems a little more streamlined and looks less technical. "The 7, I guess. How much?"

"Twenty caps." The quartermaster sets the older pistol aside, her face calm and her eyes cool.

I blink. "And how much did Elder Lyons tell you to mark it down?"

"Eighty-five percent."

I'm tempted to go tell Sarah that I can pay full price, but the quartermaster clears her throat and I focus on the sale in front of me. "What if I want to pay more than that?"

"I'm only authorized to accept twenty caps." Her expression remains neutral and I admire her training.

She's stubborn, and Sarah's even more so. I won't be able to do much but go along with them, so I just dig out the caps I need and pay the measly price.

The quartermaster marks the sale down in a transaction ledger and deposits the caps in a cash register before grabbing a few rounds for the pistol. "Complimentary first five mags. Thank you and have a nice day."

I take the pistol and rounds and tuck them in my bag, heading out and up to the Bailey. The guards and brahmin are waiting in the shade and I cross over to them. They snap to attention and salute when I approach, but I wave their actions away. They relax a little and we make sure everything's ready and set out for the Vault.

The trip goes smoothly and quickly, and when we arrive at the Vault, I step into the tunnel to alert the Vault security that we've arrived. A few men come out to help us unload, and once the cargo is unloaded, the Brotherhood guards take their brahmin and head back to the Citadel.

"They're just like the old ones," I assure the Vault's security officer on duty. "Might pack a little more punch, but they're the same. Don't trash the old ones; they could come in handy sometime."

He nods, directing his men to open one of the crates. I head into the Vault while the men start getting outfitted with their new weapons, walking right to Amata's office. She's busy meeting with someone when I arrive, so I settle for standing outside in her waiting room studying the walls.

After a few minutes the door slides open and I hear Amata laughing.

"Uh-bye!" a small voice cries, and Butch and his daughter come around the corner. Amata's right behind them, waving and making faces at the little girl hanging over Butch's shoulder. I'm struck once again by how good she seems with kids, and imagining her having her own makes me realize how little I can offer her.

Butch looks surprised to see me, but he throws me a grin in greeting, heading past me and back into the Vault.

Amata stares after them for a moment, looking over at me and smiling again. "Hi."

"Sorry I can't do that for you," I offer quietly, nodding in the direction Butch and his little girl have gone.

Amata looks puzzled for a moment, then laughs and shakes her head. "That's okay. It's not in the cards for me, I guess. Besides, with all the work I have to do, it's way more fun to play with Katie for a while, then send her home so someone else can change her and feed her." There's a genuine smile on her face, and I'm glad that she's not terribly bothered about it.

There's a moment's pause before either of us says anything.

"Brought the new weapons. Your team is handing them out to everyone on duty right now."

Amata nods happily, leading me into her office. "Good. Was the trip okay?"

I plop in the chair in front of her desk and nod. "No problems. It's nice having the Brotherhood on our side; makes everyone else a lot less willing to attack."

Amata leans against her desk in front of me, bracing her hands against the desk. She studies me for a few minutes, a fresh smile growing on her face. "Thanks for existing, Jack," she says finally, reaching forward to pull my hat off. She sets it aside and steps forward, leaning over and kissing me gently.

She lingers close to me for a few moments, brushing her lips against mine in another quick kiss before straightening up and moving away.

"You're certainly in a good mood," I comment, a grin growing on my face to match hers.

Amata shrugs. "It's been a good day."

"I'm glad." We smile at each other for a few minutes, and then I remember the pistol in my bag. "Oh, I got you something. Don't get too excited," I caution immediately. "It's not... Well, I don't know. It's more serious than anything."

Amata frowns. "Okay...?"

I smile to calm her and start digging in my bag. I pull out the pistol and rounds, looking up and offering them to Amata.

She looks alarmed, hesitating to take them.

"C'mon, it won't bite." I let her grab them from my hands before I get to my feet and show her how to load it and where the safety is. "I wanted you to be able to protect yourself if I'm not here," I admit quietly, meeting her gaze and hoping my sincerity shines through. There's a protest forming in her eyes, but I talk before she can. "Let me do this, Amata. I want to be sure you're safe."

She pauses, glancing between me and the gun in her hands a few times. Finally she sighs. "Okay. I hope I never have to use it, but thank you."

"We can go practice with it if you want," I offer, knowing this is a downer of a gift.

Amata glances at the work on her desk and shrugs. "A break might be nice."

We head down to the old shooting range my dad had set up years ago, Amata holding the pistol carefully. I crawl over the barrier and straighten the targets, stomping on a radroach before heading back to Amata's side. She's already figuring out how to aim, and once I'm behind her, she clicks off the safety and takes a shot. It goes wide and the report echoes off the metal walls.

She tries again and gets closer, and I cheer her on. When she fires her fifth shot, she finally hits one of the targets, sending it squeaking around on its pole. The target itself has a dark scorch mark on it and is smoking slightly, but she pays no attention to it, turning the safety back on and lowering her arm.

"Good job," I tell her when she turns to look at me.

"Thanks." There's a hint of pride on her face, but she still looks weary. Amata glances down and clips the gun to her belt, looking back up at me and stepping forward to wrap me up in a hug. "But if it's all the same to you, I'd rather not have to use it in the first place."

I chuckle. "That's okay by me."

We stay there for a while, just holding onto each other and listening to the humming of the reactor in the next room. Finally she pulls herself away and takes my hand, pulling me out of the room and back up into the main levels of the Vault.

I notice the time and offer to grab her some dinner, which she thinks on for a few seconds and agrees to. She heads up to her office and I duck into the cafeteria, getting two of the nightly special. A few minutes later I arrive in her office, two plates of brahmin steak and mashed mutfruit balanced in my hands.

"I see you've done some trading for wasteland food," I tease lightly, setting the plate down in front of her.

Amata looks up from the pistol in her hands, shaking herself and grinning at me tiredly. "I figured we could branch out a little." She tucks the gun in one of her desk drawers and pulls the plate toward her. "But it smells good, so I guess it was a good choice."

Being able to cook the meat at a controlled temperature rather than over a fire does wonders for the texture; the steaks are nice and tender. We both gobble the food down, and Amata calls in one of her guards to clear away the dishes.

"Anything left to do tonight?" I ask, looking at her mostly bare desktop.

She shrugs. "Nothing too important. At least not anything that can't wait until tomorrow. Why, got plans?"

"Depends on how free you are," I retort with a grin, trying to coax a genuine smile out of her.

Amata can't look at me and keep a straight face for long; a smile starts to appear at the corners of her mouth. "I think I've got an evening to spare."

We end up just being lazy in her apartment, playing cards and reminiscing about fun things in our childhood. I'm tempted to turn on GNR for some background music, but I know we're too far underground to get a signal. The sound of her voice is wonderful and soothing, and I'm not too bothered by the lack of the radio.

At some point, we end up on the couch, my head in her lap and her fingers running through my hair. It's calm and relaxing and I could fall asleep right here.

"I love you," I mumble sleepily, turning my head and pressing a kiss to her belly.

"Ready for bed?" she asks, and I don't have to open my eyes to know she's smiling.

Despite how comfortable I am here, I go ahead and sit up, nodding and stretching. She gets up and pulls me to my feet, and we head into her bedroom. I take my cues from her, changing into pajamas instead of just stripping down, and we crawl into her bed and snuggle up together.

"I love you too," she finally responds, kissing me on the cheek before getting comfortable and sighing contentedly.

We lay there together, warm and happy in each others arms as we drift off to sleep.


	15. Chapter 15

After waking up to Amata's roaming hands and the best "good morning" I've ever had, I make it my job to figure out what to do with the older laser rifles the Vault has. Even after setting some aside for the armory, there's still a good two hundred rifles sitting in the armory that will never be used.

A hazy memory from my travels to find my dad forms in my head, and I remember trading a broken laser pistol to the Brotherhood Outcasts for some supplies. I wonder idly if a bulk deal would mean better things to trade, or at least a large influx of caps.

When I run the idea by Amata, she's all for it, so while I go instruct the supply team to load up our brahmin with the extra rifles, Amata sends men to rustle up Colin and Brady to go with me. It doesn't take more than an hour to get everything ready, and Amata walks me to the Vault door, giving my hand a squeeze as we walk out of the Vault tunnel and into the daylight.

Colin and Brady are already outside surveying the wastes and talking a little bit. Colin hears Amata and me arriving and turns to greet us, noticing our linked hands and grinning. He looks away again and mutters something to Brady, and I pretend I didn't see.

"How long are you going to be?" Amata asks, turning to look at me.

I shrug. "Depends on how much they haggle. We should hopefully be back later tonight, but maybe early in the morning. We'll see."

Amata nods to herself, glancing over at the guys before stretching up to kiss me quickly. "Be careful," she pleads, grinning a bit. "I'd rather not sleep alone tonight."

"After the good morning I got today? If you think I'll willingly miss out on that, you've lost your mind." I smile at her and waggle m eyebrows, pleased to see her cheeks darken. "We'll be fine," I promise, kissing her forehead gently. "Don't worry too much."

Amata scoffs and releases me, waving before heading back inside.

"Good morning," I call out as I walk over to the boys, clapping them both on the shoulder. "Sorry about the surprise run. It shouldn't take too long."

Brady shrugs it away and Colin just grins.

We set off pretty quickly and I describe where we're going and explain what I know about the split between the Brotherhood and the Outcasts. Both of them seem pretty interested; the Brotherhood are sort of an enigma to them. I make a mental note to ask Sarah if I can bring them to the Citadel and show them around.

We've walked for a few hours up some hills covered in debris from the pre-war roads, having to avoid some of the still-crumbling structures suspended above the wasteland. I check my Pipboy map when the remains of an old part of DC come into view and direct the brahmin onto the road.

The place used to be a raider camp, but there's no sign of anyone being there. I hazard a guess that the Outcasts came and cleaned the place out and plan to thank the first Outcast I see.

We've just passed through the town and are following a curve in the road when the brahmin sniffs at something in the air and stops. Colin starts patting one of the heads and cooing to the brahmin, trying to get it to move. Brady eventually slaps the flank and we get going again.

The road runs alongside what probably used to be a little pond; the dirt is dry and craggy now, and the breeze sends small dust clouds rolling along the ground.

I start to catch the smell of something rotting, but we're mostly upwind so it's not too bad. Even so, I keep my eyes peeled; scavenging animals will probably be all over whatever it is I'm smelling.

We've walked another few hundred yards when we round a sharp corner and come to a sudden stop.

Ahead of us on the road is a disturbing sight. Even from a few yards away, I can see the destroyed remains of a caravan. There's a brahmin lying in the dirt, its side collapsed in from a hail of bullets. Beyond that, a corpse is face down on the road.

"Slow down, guys," I say quietly, putting a hand on our brahmin's harness and easing it to a stop. "Always pay respects to a fallen caravan."

We take a moment to honor the dead caravan runner, and then start walking again. I start to guide the brahmin around the wreckage, pausing when I realize I recognize the overalls on the corpse.

Brady comes up on the other side of the brahmin and takes hold of it, giving me a wary look. "Jack?"

My eyes are locked on the body and I swallow hard. "One... One second."

The boys flank the brahmin and hold it steady as I move toward the body in a trance. I crouch beside the corpse, praying I'm wrong before grasping the shoulder and rolling the dead man on his side.

Calvin's face stares back at me, his eyes dull and his expression still full of pain.

I choke, releasing him and falling back onto my rear, shaking my head and trying not to believe it. My senses are numb, and I scan the area for Ritter. I can't find the merc's body and I don't know if I'm relieved or concerned, but I don't have much time to think about it.

Colin yells my name seconds before there's an explosion, and then gunfire is exploding all around me. My motions feel too slow and I try to make sense of the sudden chaos.

People are lunging for the brahmin, wearing dark combat armor. Some Enclave soldiers are mixed in, or at least people wearing the Enclave's unmistakable Tesla armor.

"Get the Vaulties! 101's ours!" someone yells beside me, running at my caravan.

The words shock me into action and I scramble to my feet, gun at the ready. I start blasting everyone I don't recognize with bullets, only to be jumped from behind.

My attacker and I fall to the dirt, and I lose hold of my gun. Seconds later I feels hands closing around my throat. My body instantly panics, and I scrabble at the armored wrists. My heart is pounding in my ears and I realize I may very well be about to die. Spots are infiltrating my vision and my arms feel weaker, and then the hands are gone and the person is off of me.

I roll away and cough, looking up to see what's going on. Colin's nearby with a makeshift club in his hands, standing over the dead person he's just knocked off of me. I'm about to thank him when another explosion goes off and I hear the brahmin give a pained cry. Another explosion follows a second later, and the stale smell of burned circuitry fills the air.

I get up and see the brahmin dead, half its body blown away. The cargo it'd been carrying had exploded and had killed a few of the nearby attackers. I hear Brady taunting whoever he's fighting, and someone comes running at me.

I meet them with my fist in their face, fumbling to grab my pistol off my hip. I barely pull it out of its holster before I have to duck to avoid getting headbutted. The Talon merc goes tumbling onto my back and I stand up sharply, flipping him onto the ground before filling him with lead.

"Talon company!" The yell comes from behind me and I turn to see an Enclave soldier coming at me. The sight confuses me until I see the crudely painted talon on the breastplate, but I don't have time to be horrified at the realization of what's happening.

The power armor adds to the merc's strength, and he throws what will almost definitely be a bruising punch. I step out of the way and let his momentum carry him forward, leveling my pistol at the armored merc.

The hydraulics in his suit keep him on his feet, and before I'm ready for it, he turns and tackles me.

I don't have a mirelurk's chance in hell unless I can get a lucky shot into a chink in the armor, but I don't get a chance to be worried about it. I have to throw my hands up in front of my face; I'm being pummeled by his armored fists.

The merc laughs, grabbing one of my wrists and wrenching my arm out of the way. Something in my wrist snaps and there's near blinding pain. I'm only partially aware of screaming, but even that's silenced when I get a solid punch in the face.

There's yelling from all sides, and the merc on top of me gets distracted for long enough that I wrestle out from underneath him. My uninjured hand raises my pistol and jams it into the weak spot at the merc's neck. I squeeze the trigger and the merc jerks, collapsing to the ground in front of me.

Colin and Brady are surrounded and I move toward them, wanting to do whatever I can to help. The pain in my wrist is forgotten as I watch someone near Brady pull the pin out of a grenade and fling it toward Colin. I try to yell, but no sound comes out, and then there's a bright flash of light and a mind numbing boom.

The grenade backfires in a way; all the soldiers around Colin are dead or dying on the ground. Colin is lying somewhere in the middle of the group, unmoving and facedown in a rapidly growing pool of blood.

Everything's quiet for a moment as we all realize what's happened. Then Brady lets out an inhuman roar and goes into a frenzy, attacking everyone he can reach.

I run over to help him, everything in me panicking when I hear a gunshot and Brady screams. My arrival is a surprise to the Talon mercs attacking Brady, and I pick off three of the four before the other one wheels around and takes a wild swing in my direction. He's got spiked knuckles on his fist and they graze my forehead as I try to dodge. Blood fills my vision and I know I won't be able to shoot without risking hitting Brady instead.

Gunfire goes off in front of me and I blink furiously to clear my vision, reaching up and pressing against the gashes in my head to stop the blood. The merc is dead on the ground in front of me, and Brady's sitting in the dirt looking down at the blood dripping from a bullet wound in his arm.

"Brady," I manage, my voice scratchy and my throat raw from being strangled. "We gotta get out of here."

He looks up at me slowly, shaking himself and nodding.

I wave away his concerned glance at my wrist, and he looks over to where Colin is laying. I follow his gaze and cringe, already knowing what I'll find if I go over there. Instead, I move toward the brahmin's corpse, searching for my pack. It's mostly unharmed, though a few burns and tears from hot shrapnel have appeared on the burlap.

I remove it from the brahmin and return to Brady's side, finding a stimpak and some bandaging and setting to work. I try to move quickly in case more soldiers are nearby, but my wrist is throbbing and feels like it's on fire. He helps tie a tourniquet with his teeth and sits there quietly.

"Which way'd they come from?" I ask, trying to distract him from my work and the pain I know he's in.

He nods over my shoulder, flinching when I inject the stimpak into his arm.

As an afterthought, I find a bottle of whiskey in my bag and hand it to him. "Have a little. It'll help dull the pain." He takes it from me mechanically, and I tell him to stay put while I go investigate. I head off in the direction he's pointed out, finding myself coming around a rock bluff toward Fort Independence. My heart sinks; we were so close to our destination...

I see movement up ahead and am about to yell for some medical aid when I see that it's not a Brotherhood Outcast I've spotted. The sparking of Tesla armor has me dropping into a crouch and scurrying away. I can't help myself and climb up the rock face once I'm out of sight, creeping back toward the fort.

Outcast bodies litter the compound and Talon mercs in combat armor and Enclave armor alike are milling around with energy weapons in hand.

Something bad is happening, but I'm in no state to fully grasp what it is. I need to talk to Sarah and tell her what I've seen, but Brady's wellbeing is more important right now. I head back the way I've come, returning to the young man's side as he struggles to his feet.

He hands me the mostly empty bottle of whiskey and looks at the carnage all around us. His eyes flick to Colin again, and I shoulder my pack before we head over to the body of our friend. The explosion has all but torn off the lower half of his body; one of his legs is gone and the rest of him looks like it's been run through a meat grinder, but we don't realize it until we're upon him. I know it's futile, but I crouch and check him for a pulse anyway, unsurprised when I find none.

Brady takes one look at the body and turns around and throws up. I move over to him, still numb from everything that's happened as I massage his shoulder with my good hand.

The whirring of an eyebot comes toward us and it takes me a few seconds to make the connection that Talon controls a lot of Enclave tech. I pull my pistol out and shoot the floating robot, hoping it hasn't spotted us.

A few seconds later, yelling voices can be faintly heard from the direction of the fort and I swear. I nudge Brady and get him to straighten up, and we turn and flee.

We run as hard as we can, trying to put as much distance between us and the fort as we can. Our stamina is already worn down from the battle and it takes us a few hours to make it back to the Vault. Luckily, we haven't been followed, and I try to console myself with the thought that I've at least managed to bring Brady home alive. The notion only makes me want to throw up, and I focus everything on helping a now weak Brady up the hill toward the Vault.

The blood loss has ruined most of the armor he's wearing and even in the orange light of the evening his face is abnormally pale. He still looks sick, and I hope and pray that the Vault doctor knows a thing or two about bullet wounds.

"Almost there, bud," I assure him, guiding him into the Vault tunnel.

A few guards look up as we approach the Vault door, recoiling at the sight of us.

"Someone tell the Overseer there's been an attack," I order, vaguely surprised at how strong my voice sounds. "And tell the clinic to get prepped for surgery."

The guards recognize me by some stroke of luck and two of them sprint off to do as I've asked. One of the others steps forward to help me as Brady stumbles, and we catch him and start for the clinic.

I've just eased Brady onto one of the surgical cots when I hear someone jogging up the hallway. The doctor scrubs up and I step out of the way, knowing I'm in no shape to be of any help.

"Jack?"

I turn to face Amata, something inside me crumpling at the sight of her. My voice doesn't want to work anymore, and I swallow past a lump in my throat. My knees start to give way and she steps over to me and wraps me up in a tight hug. I do my best to not completely fall apart, trying to focus on her and the security of her arms.

It's only a few moments later when she pulls back to look at me. Her eyes take in all the blood and dirt I'm caked with, then flick over to the impromptu surgery beginning behind me. "What...?" There's a flash of panic on her face before she seems to flip a switch and becomes the steady and composed leader she needs to be.

I'm becoming less and less numb, and what's happened is beginning to sink in. I focus on breathing smoothly, only becoming aware of the tears filling my eyes when I realize I can't see through them. I feel Amata's hands on my shoulders, guiding me toward a cot of my own, but I shake her off.

"Jack." Amata's voice cuts through the emotion and centers me. "What happened?"

"Got ambushed," I choke out, trying to wipe the tears from my eyes. The bruises and cuts on my face are too tender and swollen, though, and I give up on preserving any of my dignity.

"Colin's... Shit. Colin's dead. I couldn't-I didn't have a chance. They just..." I take a few shaky breaths to fend off the impending breakdown, trying to keep myself composed long enough to tell her what she needs to know. "The fort we were goin' to was, I don't know, there were mercs everywhere. An army, even. Ambushed us, probably for supplies, but..."

I can't wipe the image of Colin's broken body from my mind, and my voice jerks to a stop. The thought that I've failed him is suddenly overwhelming and it takes Amata calling my name and guiding me to sit down on one of the cots to keep me from losing it.

Amata's standing in front of me when I finally drag myself out of my head, her brow furrowed with concern. "An army?"

I don't even know how to begin to explain to her what could happen, and I know the Vault doesn't have the resources to attack, either. Hazy recollections of battle cries come back to me, and my stomach turns over. I'm struck once again by the thought that something horrible is happening, and I know I need to talk to Sarah. She's the only one with the firepower the wasteland may need. The sooner I can talk to her, the better.

Having a purpose makes it easier to focus and I feel a little more in control of my emotions. I try to stand up and get off the cot, but Amata's hands land on my shoulders. "Gotta go," I protest weakly, trying to shake her off again. "Need to talk to Sarah."

Amata's composure slips slightly. "Jack, you look like hell. Can't it wait until the doctor can take a look at you?"

"I don't want anyone else dying over this," I mumble, trying not to disturb the other people in the clinic.

She reluctantly lets me up, but catches my hand and starts to say something else. The motion shifts my wrist and agonizing pain shoots up my arm. I swear and jerk away, having all but forgotten about my wrist. I cradle it against me, brushing away Amata's frantic apologies.

One of the clinic's interns hurries over to me at Amata's order, taking a closer look at my wrist.

"It's broken," she announces grimly. "The doc's probably going to want to set it."

"I don't have that kind of time," I tell her anxiously, my emotions numbed under my pain. "Just wrap it up or something."

Amata protests softly, and the intern glances between me and the Overseer uneasily. I look over her shoulder and give Amata the most desperate look I can manage, and she sighs. "Fine."

The intern sets about wrapping up my wrist, getting the bandages tight enough that it's almost comfortably numb. I thank her and head for the door. Amata follows after me, catching my elbow and pulling me into the bathroom.

I'm about to start in on her for detaining me, but she just points to the mirror and runs some water. I glance at my reflection, startled by the blood and dirt caked on my skin. I'll be amazed if I don't end up with an infection in some of the wounds, but then Amata calls my name and starts dabbing at my skin with a wet towel.

It only takes a few minutes and a couple of stinging brushes against tender cuts until Amata seems satisfied with her work. Another quick glance at my reflection shows that the grime is gone, but bruises have started to form and are discoloring my face anyway. I murmur a thank you and Amata nods and throws the towel away. She looks up at me, her eyes worried, and hesitates for a second.

"I need to go," I tell her quietly, feelings remarkably in control. I've already failed Colin; I can't let myself fall apart and fail Amata, too.

She just nods and sighs. Amata stretches up and kisses me gently, lips lingering against mine. "Be careful," she breathes.

"I'll try." I gaze at her, trying to replace everything terrible I've seen today with an image of her. "Seal the Vault when I leave. Turn on all the security you can. Just... Stay safe."

Amata looks like she wants to say something else, but she nods and lets me go.

I try to smile at her before I turn and jog to the Vault entrance. Amata's voice comes on the Vault PA system as I leave, and I can hear the metal door screeching shut as I run out into the night.

I run as hard as I ever have to get to the Citadel. The hill past Megaton is torture, but once I make it up, it's a downhill slope all the way to the Citadel. I vaguely wonder how long it's actually taking me to get there, but all of that is forgotten with the large fortress looms in front of me.

"Open the door!" I yell at the guard, jogging toward the Citadel.

The armored guard shifts into a defensive position, raising his Gatling laser. "Don't come any closer, outsider!"

I come to a stop and double over to catch my breath. "Gotta talk to Sarah," I yell breathlessly. "Talon's coming!"

The guard pauses. "How do-"

"I'm Jack! The 'Lone Wanderer'! Whatever the hell you wanna hear." I give him a desperate look and straighten up. "There's been an attack on the Outcasts. Everything's gone."

The guard scoffs a little. "Who needs them sons of bitches, anyway?"

I growl and start for the door. When he raises his gun again, I shoot him a venomous glare. "You shoot me, Sarah'll kill you," I warn, not putting a sentence of at least a few years of hard labor past my friend. The threat is enough and the guard lowers his gun. He starts for the intercom, but I beat him to it. "Sarah, shit's hitting the fan right now. Someone better open the damn door or-"

"Jack?" It's not the Elder's voice that crackles through, but I answer anyway.

"Yeah. Let me in; I've gotta talk to Sarah."


	16. Chapter 16

"Sweet shit on a centaur, what happened to you?" Sarah asks as she pulls open her door and sees me.

"Sarah, I gotta talk to you," I plead, only mildly aware of how desperate I sound.

The concerned blonde steps aside immediately, letting me into her room. I step in and she gestures to the table, but I just shake my head.

"What's going on, Jack?"

"Got ambushed," I tell her, filling her in on our trip and the attack. Her face goes from sympathetic to confused to disbelief as I talk, and when I finish with the return to the Vault, her eyes are unreadable.

"Talon, huh?" The skepticism in her voice is clear.

"Sarah, come on..."

She steps over and lifts my chin slightly, turning my face into the light. "You look like you got run over by a sentry bot. Who tried to bash your face in?" The blonde studies the bruises on my face and frowns sympathetically. "Your head feel okay?"

I push her away and shoot her a glare, unable to stop a gasp of pain from using my injured arm. "You don't believe me. Jesus, Sarah, I lost one of my boys today! I'm scared out of my mind that I'm gonna lose everyone else."

Sarah's face looks somewhere between concerned and condescending. "I'm sorry about him, Jack. I really am. But everyone else is safe in the Vault. If you're worried, you can stay here. I have-"

I grab a nearby clipboard and fling it at the wall, furious that my best friend is blowing me off. It crashes against the wall and startles her into silence. I turn a scathing look on her. "Why aren't you listening?! Talon's out there, Sarah! You  _know_  they are, but you're too high and mighty to think they're a threat!"

Sarah growls. "They've fallen off the radar, Jack, what am I supposed to think? That they've just decided to start being nice to everyone? You know as well as I do there's deathclaw south of Bannister. I don't care if you have a fucking T51-b on, a midnight deathclaw attack is a death sentence!"

"I know what I saw," I counter hotly, my wrist aching. "They jumped us. They had the logo. They were fucking screaming 'Talon Company!' What more do you want?"

"Some solid evidence would be nice." Sarah gives me a hard look. "You've been working real hard, Jack. Everyone gets ambushed sometimes. In all the commotion, it's easy to miss a few things. And hey, raiders like to scav armor just as much as-"

"It  **wasn't**  raiders, Sarah. Raiders don't scream about 'Talon Company' and leave people alive." My tone is clipped and I'm vaguely aware of scowling. "Something is wrong here, and something's gonna happen. I need you to listen to me, Sarah. Please."

The Brotherhood leader sighs. "Look, Jack. I trust you with my life, okay? But putting all these men on red alert because a group of raiders found some Talon armor? That's a waste of resources."

"Is it gonna be a waste of resources when your door is getting blown open by mercs with Fat Mans and scavved Enclave tech?" I snap.

Sarah has a retort ready, but before she can say anything, there's a knock at the door.

"Elder, sorry to interrupt, but there's urgent news from our scouts." It's a worried looking Knight, but she keeps her cool and salutes.

"What is it?" Sarah barks, crossing her arms over her chest and fixing the messenger with a glare.

"Reports show movement of troops out in the wasteland, looks like Enclave and Talon forces, moving toward Fort Independence. Scouts have intercepted reports that indicate the troops will move north toward Vault 101 within the next 48 hours."

Part of me wants to jump on Sarah for not believing me, but the rest of me is concerned by the destination.  _Amata._

Sarah gives me a sharp look, eyes hard as she studies me. "Whaddya know, 101," she grumbles. "Looks like you might be onto something." She frowns over at the wall and thinks for a few seconds. "Senior officers in the meeting room in five minutes," she orders the initiate, who salutes and darts out of the room.

Sarah's eyes flick to me again and she sighs. "Sorry, Jack. I just... Hard to believe they've been so quiet, and now this. Shoulda listened."

The idea that she believes me begins to sink in and I exhale slowly. I haven't totally let Colin down, and the thought takes all the fight out of me. I'm overcome by exhaustion; the stress of the day and the run here having drained most of my energy. I feel my knees start to go weak and stagger over to the table, leaning on it heavily.

"Jack?" Sarah comes over quickly, wrapping an arm around my shoulders to steady me. "Hey, you okay?"

I nod, trying to brush her away, but she pulls my good arm over her shoulders and starts leading me out of her room.

"C'mon, kid. You look like hell." There's true concern in her voice this time, not masked by anything, and I just let her lead me to the clinic.

Sarah deposits me on a cot in the infirmary and calls the Brotherhood doctor over. "Fix her up, doc. As close to a hundred percent as you can." She looks at me and offers me a tight smile. "Come join us as soon as you can. We're gonna need you."

I nod and Sarah heads out, the doctor taking her place in front of me. I'm given a bottle of water and an IV before the doctor even starts their work, and spend the next few minutes getting examined and having stimpaks and Med-X injected into me. After a while, the doctor comes upon my wrist, taking it gently and tutting when I flinch away.

"Broken?"

"Yeah." I cringe again when the doctor starts unwrapping my arm, the tissue aching as it's freed of the compression.

The doctor studies it for a moment, doing their best not to jostle my wrist. After a moment, the doctor goes to get some supplies, returning with stimpaks and a strange green bottle I've never seen before. "Hydra," the doctor supplies after catching the look on my face. "More common back west. It's used a lot on the battlefield; I've seen men with a broken leg get up and start fighting again with this stuff."

"Are you expecting me to get up and start beating the hell out of people?" I joke weakly.

The doctor grins a little and shrugs. "I'd rather prescribe bed rest, but from the look on the Elder's face, I'd say that's not gonna be an option just yet. This might sting."

I can't stop a grunt at the feeling; the Hydra definitely does sting, but as soon as the burn fades, my wrist feels strange. It's almost prickling, and itches fiercely. I take that as a good sign, and the doctor gives me the stimpaks. Soon I'm pleasantly numb and my wrist feels somewhat better. The doctor wraps it up again anyway, just to be safe.

I drain the rest of the water, feeling less exhausted and more stable than I had been. I'm not allowed to leave until I've finished with the IV, but as soon as the bag's empty, the doctor unhooks me and I'm free to head out.

I make a beeline for the meeting room, doing my best to slip inside inconspicuously. All eyes flick to me anyway, and I slink over to Sarah and try not to look at anyone.

"Feeling better?" Sarah asks quietly, raising an eyebrow at me.

"Yeah. Thanks."

She nods and looks at her senior officers. "Jack here had a little encounter earlier this afternoon. I've told you what I know, so now it's her turn."

My insides clench nervously at the thought of trying to tell all these soldiers what I saw. Messing up here could cost Sarah her credibility, or even lives in whatever fight may come. "I was taking a caravan down to Fort Independence to trade with the Outcasts, but just before we got there, we got ambushed. I... I lost one of my caravan guards in the fighting, but... They were yelling about Talon Company and that Vault 101 was gonna be theirs. Some of them were in Enclave armor, had the Talon logo painted on it, it was..." I shudder, swallowing past a lump in my throat. "I don't know what they wanted. I just knew I had to get Brady out of there and get away."

The officers shift and give each other uncertain glances.

"We wiped out the Enclave years ago," Gunny points out. "Raven Rock is a fuckin' crater. Where'd they get Enclave armor?"

I don't have an answer and can't help but feel foolish. I'm about to shrug at him when someone else jumps in and all eyes jump to her.

"Enclave power armor's just as sturdy as ours, Gunny. It'd maybe hold up through an explosion like the one that destroyed Raven Rock. Besides," the woman reasons, "it isn't as though there weren't still Enclave patrols stuck out in the wasteland with no base to return to. Scavenging armor off their bodies or even having them join Talon would have brought in the Enclave tech and armor. It's not that hard to believe."

Gunny grunts, but the look on his face shows that he knows she's right.

No one says anything for a few minutes and I hesitate, trying to muddle through all the chaos in my brain. "Why do they want the Vault? There's no GECK or anything, just a bunch of people in a hole in the ground."

"Easy access to the Citadel," Sarah answers darkly. "That hole in the ground is a good spot for a base. Nearby and easily defensible. We've been at odds with Talon for nearly twenty years. I guess they figure now's as good a time as any to try and take us out." She's quiet for a few seconds, then swears under her breath. "How many people are in the Vault, Jack?"

I've never been sure, but put on the spot, I'm drawing a blank. "Uh..."

"Rough estimate," she prods.

"Four to six hundred?" I shrug, giving her an apologetic look that she ignores.

"Okay, assuming that around thirty-five percent of the Vault is on security detail, that's about a hundred and seventy men we can use as backup soldiers. Baker, what's our armor supply looking like?"

All eyes turn to the armor specialist, who does some quick mental math before looking at Sarah. "We don't have enough power armor for everyone outside the Brotherhood, but we do have recon suits and stores of old combat armor we found in the lower level. It's not perfect, but it should work, Elder."

Sarah nods once. "Good enough. Doubt most of the Vaulties could learn how to use power armor quick enough anyway. I want all the spare armor you can fit in our vertibird, and it needs to be done ten minutes ago."

Baker salutes and excuses himself to follow through with Sarah's orders.

"Gunny, get as many of the troops ready as we can. Leave a defensive force here in case Talon tries for a surprise attack, but have the men suited up and ready to march." Sarah's in her element, commanding her officers and setting orders for the entire Brotherhood. "Chase, get as many medics as you can. If they've got power armor, this is gonna get messy." She assigns a few more officers duties, and before releasing them throws out a few general orders. "Someone go tell the quartermaster to release all our weapons. While you're down there, tell Rothschild to keep an eye on scout reports and to keep us updated."

The officers salute and head off to do their duties, leaving Sarah and I alone in the meeting room. She sighs and rubs at her forehead before looking over at me.

"You okay?" she asks again.

"Scared," I answer after a moment, opting to be honest.

Sarah nods slowly and gives me an unreadable look. "Me too," she admits softly. When she speaks again, her voice is stronger. "We're gonna need you. You in?"

I don't even hesitate. "Of course."

Sarah offers me my old Lyons' Pride power armor, but it's been so long since I've used it I know it'll only slow me down. I opt for one of the older combat suits, and Sarah tells me to take it to the scribes down in the lab. I head over to the armor dispensary and get a suit, then follow Sarah's order. The armor is whisked out of my hands and tinkered with by a tense looking scribe. Minutes later, I'm handed a reinforced suit of armor that I'm told won't degrade as quickly under plasma fire.

By the time I've suited up and headed to the Bailey, Sarah and a few other members of the Pride are there waiting. Sarah's looking right at home in power armor, the blue robes of the Elder discarded with the battle looming.

The blonde gives me a nod and runs through some introductions in case any of us have forgotten each other, and then we head out of the Citadel. Moments later, the Brotherhood's vertibird comes to land nearby, and we duck and run for it. The vehicle is cramped with cases of armor and supplies, but we fit inside and take off.

Sarah and I give directions to our pilot, and land just outside of the Vault after a short ride. Two of the stronger paladins start shifting supply crates toward the back of the vertibird and we scramble out of the way and off the airship. I keep an eye out for danger, but it's hard to see in the dark and impossible to hear anything over the whirring of the vertibird's engines.

I make a beeline for the Vault door, praying I don't see the giant metal cog blasted away. It's intact when I arrive at the end of the tunnel, and I breathe my thanks into the night air. Sarah's right behind me and notices my relief, dropping a heavy, yet comforting hand on my shoulder.

"She shut it?"

I nod and walk toward the security panel. "Told her she needed to. Vault should be on red alert by now."

"Good." Sarah watches as I tinker with the panel, giving me room to work while the men bring the supplies into the tunnel.

I tap at the microphone, knowing I don't have a way to activate that. Unsurprisingly, I get no response and resort to typing in a password and pulling at the door lever. Sure enough, the microphone crackles to life.

"Who's out there?"

"It's Jack," I answer immediately, "your caravan guard. I brought reinforcements."

"Overseer has the Vault locked down," the guard retorts. "No one in or out."

"C'mon, you know who I am! Besides, Amata-the Overseer's gonna need our help."

"No can do," the voice microphone answers. There's muttered, garbled noise that obviously isn't meant for us to hear, and then silence again.

I'm getting desperate; if we can't get inside now, Amata may never unlock the Vault again for fear of Talon. What with the battle coming up, if I don't get to see her one more time... "What, do you need a password or something?"

The guard is quiet for a few moments. "The Vault is closed, Overseer's orders."

I growl and try to refrain from hitting something. "Bring her here and let me talk to her, then."

There's a short silence. "I'm not authorized to do that. The Overseer has been informed that you're here, but I'm not opening the door."

"For fuck's sake!" I run my hands through my hair angrily, more anxious than anything.

"Cool it," Sarah cautions, pulling me aside and heading to the control panel. "This is Elder Sarah Lyons of the Broth-"

"Sarah?" Amata's voice comes crackling through the speaker.

"Yeah, hey," the blonde says. "Jack told me what's going on. I've got my men on the way. Can you let us in?"

Amata sounds frazzled when she answers. "Yeah. Hold on."

Just hearing her voice is somewhat soothing, and I'm comforted by knowing I'll see her in a few seconds. I grab Sarah's arm and pull her away from the door, directing her to shield her ears just as the alarms and warning lights start going off.

Even with my hands covering my ears, the squealing of the door sliding open is still painfully shrill. Sarah swears at the noise the minute it quiets down and we all look up to see Amata standing in the doorway.

Amata tries to smile at Sarah, her face drawn. At some point, she's gotten into a security uniform, and I try not to think about how strange it is to see her wrapped in Kevlar.

"Don't worry, Amata, you've got the entire Brotherhood on your side," Sarah assures her, patting the energy weapon at her hip. "Everything's gonna be fine."

Amata's shoulders relax at the reassurance and her eyes scan the rest of the faces in the tunnel. The minute they land on me, she practically crumples with relief. Her feet begin moving toward me and seconds later, she flings her arms around me and holds me tightly.

"I don't know what I was thinking, letting you leave the Vault after that," she mumbles. "After what happened... I've been so scared for you."

I pet her hair, wishing I wasn't wearing such heavy armor; I can hardly feel her in my arms. That alone makes it hard to savor the moment, but the knowledge of the impending battle doesn't help either. "You worry too much," I tease lightly, silenced when she glowers up at me.

"Shut up, Jack," she grumbles, stretching up on her toes to kiss me.

Sarah clears her throat and we break apart, though Amata doesn't let go of my hand. The blonde gives me a look and I know that if the situation was different, she'd be congratulating me again. "Not to break this up, but we do sort of have a war on our hands."

"Sorry, you're right." Amata leads the way into the Vault, and Sarah orders a few of her men to remain and stand guard with the Vault forces and to bring the supplies inside. She makes the excuse that they'll let the rest of the Brotherhood forces in, and I don't say anything about the look she gives the Vault security's police batons.

The Vault is almost nerve-wracking when it's on red alert; the security lights are flashing and there's a Vault-Tec message playing that details what the Vault dwellers should do. It reminds me of the night I escaped the Vault and does nothing to soothe my already-fried nerves. At least no one's rushing at me with weapons raised. It doesn't hurt that this time, Amata's here holding my hand. That alone makes it easier to bear the trip through the metal halls to the admin level.

We end up in Amata's office, me at Amata's side and the Brotherhood members crowding around Amata's desk. Sarah lays out the situation and explains to Amata the tensions between Talon and the Brotherhood, and why they're coming for the Vault. I interject with clarifications from time to time and Amata gives my hand a grateful squeeze.

Sarah's just begun plotting out the best defensive positions when someone behind her clears their throat. We all turn, fully expecting to see Gunny or other Brotherhood soldiers but we're greeted with the sight of an uneasy Vault security officer.

"Sorry to interrupt," an officer says, actually looking somewhat apologetic. "We've got a situation down at the main entrance."

Amata shoots me a worried look and Sarah shifts uneasily. "What's going on?"

"Someone's trying to get inside. He's not Brotherhood. Keeps asking for Jack." The officer's eyes flit over to me before returning to Amata. "Says he knows her."

I share an uncertain, anxious look with Sarah. "Any idea who he is?" I don't know of that many people I've given my name out to, much less the location of the Vault. None of the people I've traded with have the resources to make it all the way here, so to say I'm concerned is an understatement.

"No ma'am. He just keeps saying he knows you and that there's not much time left."

Sarah gives me a hard look. "Made any enemies we should know about, kid?"

I shrug and shake my head. "Can't think of anyone it could be. I don't exactly go givin' out the Vault's address or nothin'." I look past the blonde at the security member. "What's he look like?"

The guard shrugs. "Door's sealed. We've only got audio contact with him right now."

The idea of opening the Vault just to get a peek at someone that could be an entire army makes my stomach turn over. I glance at Amata. "Any way I can get a look at him without opening the Vault up?"

Amata thinks for a few seconds, finally releasing my hand and turning to her computer. After navigating through a few menus, she pulls up a gritty video feed on the computer screen and steps aside to let me see.

I'd forgotten all about the camera outside of the Vault door, but I'm glad for it now. I try to see through the blocky video and decipher who's outside, but the lighting is terrible and I can only make out the shape of someone. They slump to the ground and grab at their shoulder gingerly. When the figure rests his head back against the tunnel wall and grimaces, my heart skips a beat.

"We've gotta open the door," I decide immediately, looking up at the people around me. "I know this guy. He's hurt."

Sarah has a retort ready but she catches herself and studies me for a second. "If you're sure."

"Your guards are still down there," I point out. "If anything goes sour, they're right there."

We both look to Amata for permission anyway, since it's her Vault. She gives me a concerned look and I know she's thinking about the safety of the Vault.

"It only has to be open long enough for me to get out there and bring him inside," I promise. "It won't be more than a few minutes."

I feel much like a teenager begging their parents for something, but Amata relents before I have to start begging.

"Fine. Door opens for him, and the Brotherhood when they get here. That's it." The last part is directed at her guard, who salutes, and I just nod.

"Thanks, 'Mata," I tell her, offering her a smile before moving around the other people and following the guard down to the Vault door.

We inform everyone at the door of Amata's order, and I cover my ears again as the door screeches open. "You're comin' with me," I tell the guard that brought me here, nudging him with my elbow and jogging out into the tunnel.

"Jack?"

I move over to the man and crouch beside him, looking him over. "Hey, Ritter."

The merc grunts and tries to get up, but he's taken a few bullets and can't quite make it. I grab his arm and haul him to his feet, and the guard with me takes Ritter's other arm. We stagger back into the Vault, and I take him toward the clinic. Ritter notices the signs I'm following and shakes his head.

"Don't have time for that," he growls out.

"Don't talk like that," I shoot back, wishing I'd opted for power armor; he'd be a lot easier to carry.

"No, Jack. There's not time. Talon's coming."

I pause and turn to look at my old colleague. "How do you know that?"

He raises an eyebrow and glances down at the armor he's wearing pointedly. I follow his gaze and see the white Talon logo painted across his breastplate. My head starts to feel like it's spinning and I look back up at him, sure my confusion is plain as day on my face.

Ritter looks like he wants to laugh, but looks ashamed instead. "Toldja I wasn't down in Carolina territory all those years ago. Tried to get away from Talon down there. I couldn't see the thrill anymore. But Calvin and I got caught, and it was get shot or join up and pretend like I was some fuckin' prodigal son."

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I just let in someone from Talon, but I give him another look and know that he couldn't do anything in his current state anyway. "I'm real good friends with the Brotherhood, Ritter. You probably oughta have a damn good reason for them not to shoot you on sight."

Ritter looks completely exhausted and seems ready to give up and collapse at the news. The guard on his other side shifts and takes on more of the merc's weight, giving me an expectant look like I should know what to do. I fire back an exasperated expression, returning my attention to Ritter.

"C'mon, were you briefed on plans or anything? I just about got my ass laughed outta here when I wanted to go help you, and that's before I knew you were Talon."

The merc flinches at the word. "Yeah, got just about everything you'd wanna know. Think that'll be enough to sway 'em?"

"I'm pretty sure we'll take any advantage we can get," I assure him. "Clinic, yes or no?"

"No." His voice is surprisingly firm; he's still bleeding and looks like he's going to pass out. "Need to go tell your Brotherhood friends what you're up against."

I nod once, wrapping his arm around my shoulders a little more securely. "Officer, get down to the clinic and get a few stimpaks and Med-X shots. Bring them to the Overseer's office as soon as you can."

The guard nods and hands Ritter off to me before he turns and runs off.

I adjust Ritter's weight and head up to the admin level, mentally crossing my fingers before stepping into Amata's office.

Sarah and Amata are deep in conversation, strategizing and planning. Amata looks up and sees me past Sarah, paling at the sight of the man on my shoulder and rushing around her desk to pull the chair out and help me with him.

We ease Ritter down into the chair and I look up when Sarah swears.

"Goddammit, Jack!" she snarls, hand going to her laser pistol. "He's Talon! Why the hell-"

"Sarah," I interrupt, putting as much force in my tone as I can muster. It seems to be enough, because the blonde actually stops and looks at me. "He's already been shot a few times, and I know and trust him. Give him a chance; he says he's got information for us."

Ritter nods, wincing as he shifts in the chair.

Sarah relaxes, though only slightly. Her hand stays on her pistol but she gestures to Ritter. "Fine. Go ahead."

Ritter glances at me uncertainly and I nod, hoping the guard will get here soon with the stimpaks. I wouldn't call us friends, but seeing my old companion in pain isn't pleasant. The image of Colin's body passes before me and I swallow hard, not wanting to lose anyone else tonight. Instead of letting the emotions get to me, I shut them off; if I focus on Colin, I'll never be able to make it through the night.

"I'm one of the advance scouts," he says after a moment, obviously fighting off a persistent wave of pain. "I know Jack back from caravanning, and I thought I'd come warn her. From what we'd heard, the security was pathetic and it'd be an easy win before taking on the Brotherhood."

Sarah looks both amused and offended, but keeps her mouth shut.

"How'd they know about the Vault?" Amata asks, her voice small.

The guard comes in with stimpaks, panting a little from running up the stairs, and I thank him quietly and crouch to tend to Ritter mechanically while discussion goes on around me.

"My boss' fault. Calvin and I were finishin' up a route and on our way to Rivet City, but we passed by Fort Independence. I didn't know the boys had come that far east, but there they were. When they recognized me-ow! Goddamn, Jack," he mutters as I press a needle into his skin. "I didn't have a lotta time, but it was bullshit my way back in or get a bullet in my skull. Not proud of being a part of Talon, but I've never been more scared of dyin'. No mercy in the ranks, no matter what." Ritter shakes his head and looks ashamed for a moment before steeling himself and continuing.

"Anyway, Calvin made some crack about everyone leaving him, first Jack to 'that Vault up by Megaton' and then me." Ritter shakes his head at the memory. "That got their attention, and they didn't even have to ask. Calvin just kept talking. They shot him right there and I got taken back into Talon."

My insides feel knotted and I study the stimpak in my hand. "Guess he never learned when to shut up, huh?"

Ritter scoffs quietly and curls his hands into fists. "I knew the area better than most, so I got put on scout duty. The rest of the boys are suiting up and getting their best weapons out. Probably gonna be headed this way in an hour or two."

Sarah swears under her breath and exchanges glances with the two paladins flanking her. "Less time than we hoped for," she explains at Amata's concerned look. "We've got better firepower and a hell of a lot more discipline. It'll be fine."

Ritter sags back into the chair and lets me finish my work, eyes dropping closed from exhaustion.

"What happened to you?" I ask quietly, trying not to disturb the conversation Sarah starts with her men. I hope the question distracts me from the images from earlier that have started swirling around in my skull. I can't afford to break down now, not when everything's about to happen.

"The other guys realized I was deserting. Talon doesn't take too well to traitors," Ritter replies with a weary grin.

"Hey," Sarah barks, talking to Ritter. "How many are coming? What kind of weaponry?"

Ritter thinks for a second. "I think three or four hundred?" He continues answering Sarah's questions, and I get up and step away so I'll be less of a distraction.

Amata moves over to stand beside me, tangling her fingers in mine. I glance at her and smile, her presence calming and soothing parts of me that I'm ignoring.

"You okay?" I ask softly.

Amata shrugs. "I'm in over my head," she admits, biting her lip and sighing. "This isn't something I ever thought would happen, but now it is, and... Damn it. I just don't know what to do."

I hear her voice catch and give her a careful smile. "You don't have to know what to do," I soothe. "None of us expected this to happen. Not even Sarah."

"I'm supposed to know how to protect the Vault," Amata counters, her tone harsher than either of us expect. She looks startled at her own voice, then immediately apologetic. "I just... sorry. I'm really on edge right now."

I give her hand a gentle squeeze and pull it up to press a kiss to her knuckles. "It's okay."

Amata sighs again and rests her head against my shoulder, and I return my attention to the blonde woman grilling Ritter.

"For a Talon merc, you're not half bad," Sarah decides, offering Ritter a rueful grin.

Ritter snorts weakly and shifts to find a more comfortable position.

The blonde turns her gaze on Amata. "We've probably got enough men to do it, but if you want your team to help, we brought some extra armor."

Amata doesn't hesitate. "We'll take it."

Sarah grins. "Armor crates should be near the entrance, if you'd like to spread the word." She talks more with her paladins as Amata moves toward her computer, a frown spreading across her face.

"This is the Overseer. I need all security personnel to the entrance immediately," Amata orders into the microphone, cutting off the transmission and turning to look at us again.

"Who's gonna be coordinating the troops?" Sarah asks. "I'll be out there in the middle of everything, but...?"

Amata opens her mouth, but doesn't seem to know what to say. "Uh..." Her eyes flick to me nervously.

"The ground's too thick to broadcast anything outside," I inform the blonde. "'Mata'd have to be outside." The thought of her anywhere near the fighting feels like a kick in the stomach and I shake my head. "Which isn't going to happen."

Amata starts to protest, turning a frown on me, but I shake my head again.

"Look, we don't have a lot of time for you two to argue about who loves each other more," Sarah interjects before we can start arguing. "My men are on the way, led by one of my top commanders, Paladin Gunny. He's the best we've got, and I know he could do a damn fine job."

Amata gives me another look before shrugging at Sarah and giving a relenting nod. "He sounds like the best choice." She hesitates before continuing. "I know I'm the Overseer, and I'm supposed to be in control, but... I have no idea what I'm doing. As soon as Gunny gets here, I'll make the announcement that he's in control."

Sarah nods, turning back to her paladins and giving Ritter a few more questions to answer before a guard comes to escort him to the clinic.

Amata turns to me and frowns again. "Don't I get to decide what I do to help?"

My shoulders slump. "I... that's not what I meant that to sound like."

She raises an eyebrow at me.

"Look, 'Mata, I..." I sigh and run a hand through my hair frustratedly. "This is gonna be bloody. Sarah wouldn't be so gung-ho about this if it wasn't. If you're out there in the middle of it..." My brain superimposes Amata's face onto the image of Colin's broken body and I swallow hard and attempt to suppress a shudder. "If something happens to you-I can't let that happen. Please."

Amata pauses, looking stricken at the tone in my voice. "Jack..."

"I love you." I'm somewhat uncomfortable with the pleading sound of my voice, but Amata doesn't seem to care. "I want you to stay safe."

"We both know I'd be a complete flop on the battlefield," she jokes weakly, earning a snort of laughter from me.

"Sorry," I mumble. "Just... stay?"

Amata nods, reaching up and catching my chin. "Okay." She presses a soft kiss to my lips. "So long as you stay safe, too. But if I hear anything about you getting hurt, you better believe I'm going to come find you."

I'm just about to respond when one of the paladins gets Sarah's attention.

Sarah whoops and I follow her gaze to the window into the atrium. Brotherhood soldiers are pouring in, armed to the teeth and awaiting orders. "About damn time," she gripes, shooting me a grin. "Looks like we're about ready to get this show on the road."

Amata gazes up at me, looking like she's drinking me in one last time. The thought makes my breath catch and I want nothing more than to steal her away and go find somewhere safe to hide until everything blows over.

"Be careful," she breathes, finally managing to tear her eyes away from me and glance over at Sarah. "All of you, be careful." Her voice is louder and stronger the second time and the rest of the people in the room seem somewhat bolstered by her plea.

"We will," Sarah promises, nodding at me and her guards. "Let's go."

I give Amata what I know must be a tortured look and open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. Sarah grabs my arm and hauls me out of the office before anything else can happen, and we head down to the atrium to meet the troops.

"Could you be any more moony-eyed?" Sarah teases, nudging me with her elbow.

I'm almost mad at her for yanking me away before I was ready and choose not to respond, focusing on what's coming. My stomach tightens anxiously and I bite the inside of my cheek to distract myself.

I've never seen the atrium as full as it is, and the energy in the room is nearly overwhelming. Soldiers are standing around talking and getting excited, and Sarah pushes her way into the middle of the room and calls out to them, getting everyone's attention after Gunny helps out by yelling into the room.

"Everyone down," she orders, and all the troops drop to their knee obediently. "I know it's a little late for anything, but you all know the bad guy doesn't like to pay attention to the clock. Talon Company decided to grow a pair and has been making plans to attack the Citadel."

A ripple of indignant grunts passes through the ranks and Sarah nods.

"I know, it's shocking. Reason we're all gathered here is that Talon thought it'd be a good idea to come in and kill all these Vaulties and take the Vault as their own new base. It's a nice little spot, I have to admit, and we'd have had a hell of a time getting them outta here. That's why we got here first." The blonde grins at her men and gets a few chuckles. "Our priority is defeating those worthless mercenaries, but there's more to it than that. My best friend happens to be from the Vault, as I'm sure you know, and I know you all know how much harder you fight to defend your home. Tonight, the Vault is your home, so fight for it. We're not letting anyone in, and we're taking Talon down!"

The soldiers start cheering and Sarah's face becomes determined. She motions for the men to be quiet and glances through the crowd. "Senior officers come with me." She starts toward the Vault entrance, calling my name when I don't follow.

I'm torn between feeling honored and being concerned, but I jog to catch up to my friend. As we head through the halls, Amata's voice comes on the intercom again.

"This is the Overseer. Anyone not assembled at the main entrance is required to return to their quarters at this time." Despite the situation, she sounds calm and sure of herself, and I'm filled with pride. "I repeat, it is mandatory that you return to your quarters. The Vault is still on red alert, and will be until I say otherwise."

"Good plan," Sarah mutters. "Last thing we need is a bunch of civilians getting in the way. This is gonna be bloody enough."


	17. Chapter 17

When we arrive at the entrance, Sarah calls Gunny over and tells him he's in charge of the entirety of the troops, Vault security included. Gunny looks pleased at the news, and I wonder briefly if it's the most important job he's ever had.

"Make sure you get all the Vaulties armored and ready to go," the Elder tells him seriously before gesturing around at her senior officers. "These are gonna be your main troop leaders. Split 'em up how you see fit, and be ready to get out there. Talon's comin' a lot faster than we thought."

"Yes, ma'am!" Gunny waits until he's dismissed before he turns and heads back to the Vault security members and gets them ready.

"Okay, here's what's going to happen," Sarah says, turning to us and starting around the circle. She assigns each member a troop or squad name, and as I watch, my stomach starts to churn. Surely she'll skip over me since she knows what I've been through.

"Jack, you're head of Delta squad," Sarah orders, already turning to brief the next team leader.

Images of the battle for the purifier flash before me and I choke. "Sarah, I can't-"

Sarah looks back at me and her face softens. "I know. I'm sorry. If there was any way around this, I'd take it." She steps toward me and rests a hand on my shoulder, the look in her eyes pained. "You know this place better than any one of my guys. I need you, Jack."

I swallow, knowing that she's probably right; after her big speech in the atrium, I know I have to fight to protect the Vault, and consequently, Amata. I'm okay with the idea of being thrown into a fight, but to be in charge of a group of soldiers again?

"It'll just be a few guys, Jack. They're good; they know how to take care of themselves," Sarah assures me. "I want you out there wherever you need to be, but not by yourself."

I've got no way out of this and I couldn't make myself take an out even if there was one; this isn't just a fight against Talon. Not only is it to avenge Colin, this is a fight for the Vault, the wasteland, and Amata. It looks like it'll also be a fight against my demons, and I only hope I'll outlast them long enough to get done what needs to be done. "Okay," I croak. "I'll do it."

Sarah gives my shoulder a squeeze. "You'll be great."

She steps away and finishes assigning duties, giving me another careful look before sending the officers to gather their men. We're alone for a few moments and she offers me a smile. "See you after all this. Take care of yourself, Jack," she says, sounding far more confident than I feel like she should be.

"You too," I tell her, suddenly struck by the thought that this could be the last time I see Sarah.

Sarah nods. "Good luck." She gives me a final smile before heading off to gather the Pride.

Soldiers and Vault security alike start swarming around me, ready to go find their commanders and get into position. It occurs to me that I don't know where my squad is going to be, so I move toward the Vault entrance and hope to get a second to ask Gunny. It ends up not being an issue; Gunny's busy and before I get a chance to talk to him, someone taps me on the shoulder and I turn to see four people in power armor standing before me.

"Delta Squad, reporting for duty!" the closest one says, and they all salute me.

I salute back uncertainly, my attention caught when someone comes past making sure that everyone's armed. Someone hands me a power fist and a laser rifle, so I get them ready and try to smile at my men. "Not used to being in control of troops," I admit, talking loudly to be heard over the commotion filling the Vault entrance. "Sorry if my direction ends up being shit."

The squad doesn't answer and I falter, but we're distracted a moment later when Gunny yells for everyone to move out, and Brotherhood and Vault soldiers alike start moving toward the entrance.

My team manages to stay right behind me and we step out into the cool night air. Men are getting into position all around us, barely visible in the darkness. There are Brotherhood snipers up on top of the hill hiding the Vault making last minute adjustments to their rifles and watching as troops fill the wasteland. The horizon to the east is starting to lighten, and I try not to think about how just hours ago, I'd woken up in Amata's arms.

The memory has a different effect on me than I expect; instead of crippling me, I'm bolstered by it. I want to have more mornings like that, and there's no way in hell I'm going to let Talon take that away from me.

"C'mon," I tell my men, heading out of the Vault and down the hill. I take them around to the south and find a position out on the fringes of the rest of the troops. We all find rocks and debris to hide behind, and I start scanning our surroundings; whenever Talon gets here, I'll be among the first to know.

People move into position around us, their boots making quiet crunching noises in the dirt. After a few moments, everyone's ready, and movement ceases as we wait.

Everything's silent except for the sound of my breathing and the anxious shifting of my men. I stay crouched behind the rock, watching the dim horizon for movement. There's nothing but my heart pounding in my ears, and my heart sinks. I can't have been wrong, not with all the reports backing me up, but the quiet of the wasteland is unnerving.

Seconds tick by agonizingly slowly and as the dawn approaches, the wasteland becomes brighter and easier to see in. I'm almost ready to back off and find a better spot so our armor doesn't shine and alert anyone approaching to our presence when the loud crack of a gunshot fills the air.

I look up to see Talon mercenaries coming toward us. One of them is already down, hit by a sniper's bullet. The Talon forces pause to look at their fallen comrade, then they're all yelling and running toward the Vault. Snipers keep firing, dropping a few of the soldiers here and there and tripping up others with the bodies.

I murmur to my squad that they stay put, holding there until they're practically on top of us. "Now!" I stand up and throw a punch at the first Talon merc I can reach, the power fist extending and putting a sizeable dent in the merc's armor. He yells and pulls his gun up to shoot at me, but I've already got my pistol up in his face and squeeze the trigger.

The battle explodes all around me and everything is chaos. Men are yelling and energy weapons are firing and the noise is nearly deafening.

From out of nowhere, a missile comes rushing up and explodes nearby, knocking down scores of soldiers. Some struggle to their feet and others don't move, and my mind snaps back to the battle for the purifier. I'm overcome with momentary panic and turn to find my squad. I can't let them down.

They all seem to be fighting well, dodging plasma fire and dropping Talon mercs, and the tension in the pit of my stomach relaxes slightly. I wheel around just in time to take a laser bolt in the stomach and go reeling. There's a smoking scorch mark on my armor, but nothing hurts, and I pull my laser rifle off my back and start firing into the army rushing at me.

More missiles explode nearby, showering me with dust and bits of rubble. I look out into the approaching forces and spot someone in Enclave armor with a missile launcher on their shoulder, scowling when they fire another missile and I hear people screaming in pain.

I pull my rifle up and aim as best I can, pulling the trigger back. Red laser shots fan out from the barrel of my gun and I watch as the missile launcher is knocked out of the soldier's hands. Supporting fire from my squad follows and the merc drops to the ground, dead before he hits the dirt.

"Thanks," I call to the squad, having to yell to be heard over the chaos.

The troops around us are doing well; the main rush of Talon's forces seem to be hitting a wall and are having trouble advancing. Part of me dares to hope that this'll be easier than I'd expected it to be.

Someone cries out behind me and I look over my shoulder, simultaneously relieved and horrified at what I see. While it's not one of my squad that's being attacked, there's a Talon merc in Tesla armor standing over a Vault security guard, kicking at the man on the ground violently.

The power fist is still on my hand, and it's a good thing; I throw myself at the soldier and bring the pneumatic gauntlet crashing into the back of his helmet.

The merc jerks awkwardly and collapses to the ground with me on his back. The Vault guard moans and tries to crawl away, and one of my squad calls for a medic. I stand over the Vault guard and fight off everyone that comes near until a Brotherhood medic runs up and starts helping.

A few other Brotherhood soldiers run over and start defending the medic, and I step away and keep an eye on my squad. They stray slightly, lending some aid to nearby soldiers and shooting down some charging soldiers. I cringe when they get hit with laser fire, but they don't seem at all affected thanks to their power armor.

One of them turns around and points at me, and I wheel around and find a Talon soldier with a super sledge rushing at me. I don't have time to jump out of the way, so I just duck and a laser bolt crackles through the space where my head has just been.

The Talon soldier yelps and staggers away, clutching at his face.

I straighten up and fire a few laser bolts of my own at the man, who runs from me and finds himself in his comrades' line of fire. He's torn apart by a Gatling laser and I turn away before I have to watch.

"Jack!" one of my men barks, jogging up to stand beside me. "What the hell?! Are you trying to get your head blown off?"

"I was watching out for you," I protest, but he cuts me off.

"We're good soldiers," the soldier counters. "Elder Lyons assigned us to you specifically, to make sure you stayed safe. I know what happened the last time you were in control, Jack. We're not gonna let that happen. Just watch out for your own neck and let us do the rest."

It strikes me as strange that I'm being ordered around by someone that's supposed to be taking orders from me, but that Sarah assigned them has me stopped in my tracks. My best friend is watching out for me, and I take a moment to hope that she's all right. "I don't want to let you guys get hurt," I try, but the guard just shakes his head.

Something explodes nearby and I hear people yelling. I want to look and see what's happening, but the soldier puts a hand on my shoulder.

"Worry about yourself," he repeats. "We're fine. Besides, if you get hurt, Elder Lyons will have us all on hard labor for the next thirty years."

I snort at the thought, knowing they're right. "Fine."

The soldier salutes, and I wager that he's smiling under his power helmet.

We jump back into the battle surrounding us, and I find myself stuck in the middle of three angry soldiers with plasma rifles. Luckily, two of the men are Brotherhood, and the special coating the armorers put on my combat armor keep the plasma shots from sticking and eating away at the metal plating.

I fire a few laser shots at the Talon soldier and the Brotherhood soldiers roar with pride when he falls.

"Hey, 101!"

I turn around and see Sarah running past me. She lifts a hand in a wave before delivering a crushing blow with a sledge hammer.

The proof that Sarah's safe takes a weight off my shoulders, and I survey the battlefield carefully.

While most of the forces are engaged in various lines, I notice a group of Talon mercenaries skirting around the battle and heading to the north side of the hill.

"Shit." From what it looks like, most of the Brotherhood is over here on the south side; the entrance to the Vault won't be as defended as it needs to be. "Delta squad, let's go!"

I weave through the battle, dodging grenades and Talon mercs with heavy weaponry. The Delta squad comes along behind me, picking off Talon soldiers as they come.

We chase after the Talon group, and I'm terrified that they'll have an easy path to the Vault door. I cut right across the battlefield, only to be knocked off my feet by a laser shot and land hard on my side.

Someone nearby roars in fury and I stay down while laser fire lights up the air above me. A hand reaches down and hauls me to my feet and I call out a thank you as I take off again.

We round the hill and I wave frantically at the snipers. "Behind you! Someone's coming around!"

One of them lifts their hand in acknowledgment and takes out an enemy. It occurs to me that I probably can't yell loud enough for them to hear me over all the laser fire and other yelling. I swear and head on around, my mind focused on keeping them away from the Vault door.

I pray that Amata remembered to seal the Vault shut, but I have my doubts about that when I see medics running people on stretchers toward the Vault.

As we come around the corner toward the road leading to the Vault, I'm struck by the number of Talon forces. Apparently, we've been so busy watching the front lines that no one thought the rear needed to be covered.

"Someone go find Gunny and tell him we've got problems," I bark at the Delta squad. "Can that vertibird call in an aerial strike or something?"

"Negative," one of my men responds as another runs off to talk to Gunny. "Vertibird is too susceptible to heavy artillery; it's more of a liability in the event that it explodes."

I swear inwardly and try to figure out how I can divert attention away from the door. Until Gunny gets the message and sends troops this way, it's mostly just me and my men. There's no great option, so I just go by my gut instinct.

We've taken the shorter way around, so I scramble up the hill toward the Vault and move to the ledge Amata and I have sat on and watched sunsets from so many times. The soldiers come around the corner, following the path right beneath me, and I try to time it just right before jumping over the edge.

I come down on top of one of the soldiers and slam my power fist into the first part of him I can reach. There's surprised shouting and I pummel the soldier I'm on top of for a moment before I'm yanked away and thrown to the ground. I hit a boulder just wrong and the breath gets knocked out of me. I curl in on myself, gasping for breath and covering my head with my hands.

I get a few solid kicks along my spine and the only thing that keeps me from crying out is the lack of air in my lungs. A laser bolt comes too close for comfort and sneaks into a weak spot beneath the shoulder of my armor. Instantly, my shoulder blade burns like it's on fire, and I gasp out a curse. They start to lose interest as my men swamp them, and I take the opportunity to fumble for my rifle.

I aim as best as I can and squeeze off a few shots, taking out a few of the soldiers and leaving the others for the squad to take care of. The recoil from my weapon only makes the searing pain worse and I drag myself to my knees, finally feeling like I can get some air into my lungs.

"You okay?"

I look up and see a Vault security guard extending a hand to me. I allow him to help me to my feet, nodding a little. "Should be fine. Troops coming?"

He grins and points, and I follow the gesture to see Brotherhood and Vault forces coming around the hill. I have a moment to be glad my men worked so quickly, and then Talon's on top of us again.

My rifle runs out of ammo after another shot, and I start to reload it. There's a yell and a roaring noise from beside me and when I look up, I see the Vault guard that had just helped me up being torn apart by a Talon soldier with a Ripper.

My blood runs cold and I try not to vomit, casting my gun aside and running forward with my power fist ready. Two solid punches later and the Talon soldier is dead, and the Vault guard is bleeding out beside me.

"I'm sorry," I say over and over, crouching beside the Vault guard. "It'll be okay, you're gonna be fine." I know I'm lying, but I also know that when he dies it'll be over. "It'll stop hurting in a minute."

The Vault guard just shakes his head, clawing at the dirt around him with the mangled remains of his arms. Unintelligible words fall out of his mouth and he chokes and jerks around before going still.

I start having flashbacks to the battle for the purifier again, and I do my best to force the images away. It takes me a second but an explosion nearby has me centered in reality again. I look back down at the body and swallow hard. I move mechanically, grabbing the Ripper and the Talon soldier's plasma rifle before I head back into the fray, ready to avenge the fallen guard.

To protect the Vault door, the Brotherhood has had to lose the ground they had on the south side of the hill, but in the time it took for me to get around to ambush the soldiers, they've apparently cut down a lot of the Talon forces. It almost looks like there's twice as many Brotherhood as there are Talon forces, and I can't help but grin at the next friendly troop I see.

A rhythmic firing noise and the crackling of flames catches my attention and I spin around to see a group of Talon soldiers showering nearby troops with fireballs. They're all equipped with incinerators, and even the soldiers wearing power armor seem to be struggling against the barrage of fire.

I lift the plasma rifle up and aim at them, firing a few shots to distract the soldiers from spraying their targets with fire. They all whirl around and I fire a few extra shots down lower, trying to hit their fuel tanks, but my shots don't make contact.

"Jack!"

I don't want to look up and lose my aim, but then red laser fire makes the shot I was trying for, and one of the incinerator's fuel tanks explodes, creating a chain reaction that cripples the entire set of flamers.

I look up and see Sarah with her laser rifle smoking in her hands, and she grins at me. "Good thinking."

I shrug, glad that someone could manage to get rid of them. "Thanks."

"Holdin' up okay?"

I nod. "Took a shot in the shoulder but I'm okay. You?"

"Fine. Looks like we may win this, huh?" Sarah's eyes are twinkling and she's got a smile on her face.

We clasp hands for a second before we split up again, and my men and I start in on a column of Talon troops that try to rush past toward the Vault. The swarm of them seems never ending, and a lot of men go down.

The squad runs off to fend off another group of Talon rushing toward Sarah and the Pride, and I take a moment to survey the battlefield.

There's a group of Vault security officers coming out of the Vault, laser rifles raised and firing at the first Talon troops they see. My heart leaps into my throat when I spot Amata in their midst, and everything in me wants to run toward them and make sure nothing happens to her.

I don't even have time to move before a pneumatic punch throws me to the ground. I roll over and try to fumble for the plasma rifle, but I can't quite get it firmly in my grasp. The Talon merc that knocked me down jumps on top of me, raising his power fist to deliver a final punch to my face.

My breath catches and my hands move of their own accord. In the next moment, I have the Ripper in my hand and raise it to defend myself. The Talon merc screams as his arm is severed and he twists away from me, writhing on the ground.

I scramble away from him and to my feet, finally managing to lift the plasma rifle. I fire a few shots to put him out of his misery, and when I look up at the battlefield again, Amata and her team have disappeared into the fighting.

I know better than to run around the battle searching for her, and I pray that she stays unharmed before jumping out of the way of a Brotherhood charge toward a Talon squad.

While the number of fighting troops seems much less, I still see more Brotherhood than Talon. Even so, Talon's forces are fighting viciously and keep forcing their way through, but are easily picked off by snipers.

I notice someone running up with another missile launcher and rev the Ripper in my grasp before stepping in and stopping the assault. The Talon merc fights back, smashing his skull against mine and landing a few punches to my head before I take him down.

The world swims around me and I stagger, tripping over his body and landing hard on the dirt. There's more yelling from around me and I push myself to my knees and glance around.

The lines that have formed are breaking and I look toward the Vault. Brotherhood soldiers are down and Talon mercs are rushing up the hill toward the Vault. It seems to be a final charge, and there's no one there to stop them.

My hands move on instinct and I find myself staring down the barrel of the missile launcher. I adjust the aim for the slope to the Vault, but with my vision bleary from the punches I've taken, it's nearly impossible to feel like I'm aiming correctly. Finally, I pick what looks best and take a deep breath before pulling the trigger.

The missile goes zooming out of the weapon and explodes into the rocks just as the Talon forces arrive there. I don't get a chance to see what happens to them because the missile launcher's recoil throws me back into the ground. The heavy weapon falls out of my hand and I roll over, yowling in pain; my shoulder feels all wrong. The world is spinning and it feels like someone's driving a nail through the back of my head where it hit the ground.

"Retreat! Fucking retreat!" someone yells as they run past me, Brotherhood guards hot on their tails.

The world goes in and out of focus and I lay there and listen to my heart pounding and the ragged sound of my breathing. Before I realize it, everything's quiet around me except for the far off sounds of gunshots and laser fire.

I try to push myself up to sit, but my arm won't work and I collapse back into the dust with a groan.

A few people are calling for medics and I hear others calling out congratulations. My entire body hurts too much to join in and I let my eyes fall closed; the sun has risen and the early morning light is only making my head hurt worse.

"Jack?" The call comes from far away. "Come on, Jack, where the hell are you?!"

Even opening my eyes is a struggle and I wonder for a moment if I'm dying; I don't remember getting any mortal injuries, but with the adrenalin of the battle, I wouldn't be surprised. Nothing else would make me feel this shitty.

I open my eyes slowly, trying to make sense of what's going on. From where I am on the ground, I can see medics darting around and Brotherhood and Vault soldiers helping each other back to the Vault. Bodies litter the landscape all around me, and it occurs to me that I may very well get confused for a corpse. My vision is fuzzy but I make out a few last Talon forces getting shot down as they try to escape.

My heart thuds in my ears and I take a shuddering breath, trying to stay conscious.

"Jack?" There's no mistaking Amata's voice and I roll over and try to lift my hand, but can't quite get my muscles to work.

A grunt comes from nearby, and I turn my head to see who it is.

A bloody, nearly dead Talon merc is dragging himself toward me, clawing at the dirt as he inches closer. The sun glints off the knife in his hand, and it doesn't take me long to figure out he's coming to kill me.

My body feels like it's made of lead and I can't get myself to move. Even a simple twitch of my fingers sends white hot pain through me, and I'm horrified at the realization that I'm defenseless. I stare the merc down as he moves toward me, desperate to get away. It can't end like this, not after we've just won.

"Jack?!" Amata's voice is terrified and I wish I could see her one last time.

The merc is close enough to deliver the final blow and he lifts his knife. I cringe away, hoping it'll be quick and painless.

There's the sharp crackle of a laser shot and the merc jerks and goes still, knife slipping out of his hands.

"Get the hell away from her," Amata snarls, appearing out of nowhere and firing another shot into the body for good measure. In the next instant she's dropped to her knees and cast her pistol aside, turning to me and murmuring my name. "Please tell me you're okay." Her voice is trembling. "Damn it, don't you dare be dead."

I try to croak out her name, but end up coughing instead. Everything hurts so much I can hardly breathe, and the world feels like it's tilting underneath me. I'm still not sure if I'm dying or just wounded and exhausted, but knowing Amata's okay makes me feel a little better.

Amata sags with relief at my failed attempt at speaking, and she breathes a thank you to the sky. "You're bleeding," she realizes after a moment, sounding strangely calm. She takes my hand and yells for a medic before returning her attention to me. "Hang on," Amata soothes, lifting my hand and kissing my knuckles gently. "It's over. Everything's going to be okay."

"Amata! Have you seen—" Despite being the tough Brotherhood Elder, Sarah sounds downright panicky.

"She's right here," Amata calls, her voice steadier now that she's found me.

Footsteps come pounding over to me and Sarah falls to the dirt beside me.

"You better fucking be okay," Sarah growls, the fear on her face supposedly covered by the aggression in her voice.

I attempt to grin up at the blonde, but I'm not sure if I make it work.

"You dumbass," Sarah mutters, her relief obvious as she turns away. "Where the hell's our medic?!"

I try to say something, but Amata hushes me and leans over to kiss my forehead. A few seconds later, a medic comes over and starts working. Sarah moves aside so Amata doesn't have to, and after a few injections, the world fades to black.


	18. Chapter 18

I come to in the clinic, inhaling sharply. I manage to choke on my own spit and start coughing, only to groan when I sit up and my entire body aches in protest.

"Well, good morning," a voice teases gently. "How's our hero doing?"

I scoff inwardly and accept the cup of water that's pressed into my hand, blinking a few times to clear my eyes before looking around. The clinic is full of people still being tended to, but there's plenty of medics and interns moving around the room. For some reason, seeing Brotherhood and Vault members working together makes me emotional, and I swallow and look down at myself.

My armor's been stripped off and I'm in some loose, clean wasteland clothes. Another glance around the clinic shows a distinct lack of medical gowns; the injured seem to be dressed in whatever anyone could find.

The doctor smiles when I look back at him, and I notice the bags under his eyes. It must have been a long shift.

"What time is it?" I ask, surprised at the raspy sound of my voice.

He shrugs. "Nearly dinner. How's your arm?"

I wiggle my fingers and do everything he asks, though there's twinges of pain. I've also got a bandage wrapped around my chest, covering the burn from the laser shot, which throbs the minute I remember it's there.

"Looking good," the doctor decides. "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go check on my other patients. Sit tight; there's someone that'd like to see you."

I have my doubts I'd be allowed out of the clinic regardless and sip at my water while I wait for my mysterious visitor.

"Hey, Jack."

Brady's coming toward me, his arm in a sling and a weary smile on his face.

"Hey!" I can't help but return the smile. "How're you feeling?"

He shrugs and acts like nothing's wrong. "Fine. Should be able to get this thing off in a few days. Thanks," he adds, his eyes dropping to the floor. "You saved my life."

I want to reach out and hug him; I've never hear his voice so sincere or sentimental before. "No problem. No way in hell was I gonna let you down like I did Colin."

We're both quiet; the mere mention of the name stings.

"The way I hear it," Brady offers after a moment, "you pretty well took care of Talon. Doesn't seem like letting him down to me."

I'm not sure how to argue so I just hesitate. "Took care of them, huh?"

The boy nods. "Everyone's been talking about it all day. Apparently the Brotherhood chased them down and took them out. Their Elder says Talon's completely gone."

I can just imagine Sarah giving a victory speech and exaggerating in all the right places and it brings a smile to my face. "Wow."

Brady grins. "Seems like you did pretty good, Boss. Not bad for an old lady," he teases.

I pretend to be hurt, easing myself off the cot and resting a hand on his shoulder. "Thanks, Brady." I know he'll hate it, but I give him a quick hug anyway, laughing when he scoffs and pulls away.

One of the Brotherhood medics comes over and interrupts our banter, giving me a rather sterile description of my injuries; I've apparently gotten a concussion, a dislocated shoulder, and sprained my wrist, not to mention the laser wound on my shoulder blade. Even so, I'm given a relatively clean bill of health, and released for a while, on the condition that I come back before bed for another examination.

Brady helps me navigate around the cots to the clinic exit before he departs to go find his family. I watch him go, startled when a prerecorded message plays over the intercom.

"This is an all-clear," Amata's voice says. "Red Alert has been lifted, and you are free to leave your apartments. Anyone with medical training is asked to report to the clinic immediately. Everyone else must stay away and let the medics do their job as efficiently as possible."

Just hearing the sound of her voice makes me ache to see her, and I head off to the admin level as quickly as I can without tiring myself out.

The Vault guards that see me just wave me on through, and I find myself in Amata's waiting room.

"... be fine," Sarah's voice says from the office, sounding very sure of herself. "Just give it some time."

Amata mumbles out a response, but that's all I hear before I walk around the corner into her office.

Both of my friends look up and freeze at my intrusion, and Amata's eyes fill with tears before she clambers to her feet and comes around her desk toward me.

"Careful," I murmur half a second before she embraces me. She doesn't seem to hear me, but the pain from her embrace is quickly outweighed by the rush I get from holding her in my arms.

She clings to me for a moment before she lifts her head and catches my mouth in a kiss. We're both breathless when we break apart, and she buries her face in my shoulder and seems content to hold me.

I look up and see Sarah smiling tiredly.

"You did good, 101," she murmurs, getting to her feet and stretching. "Talon's gone, Vault's safe, and it's all over."

I know I've got a silly grin on my face, but seeing the bruises and scabs on her face makes me pause. Flashes of the battle come back to me and I feel my heart sink to my toes.

"Delta squad did just fine," Sarah assures me, watching as Amata pulls herself from my arms but stays close beside me. The blonde's gaze flicks to me again and she bites her lip. "You okay?"

I'm not sure how to answer; the horrors of the battle are starting to play over and over in my mind. I opt for lifting my good shoulder in a shrug.

"I... Clarkson'll be there if you want to talk to him. I will too," Sarah offers awkwardly. "I know this sucked, and I don't want you to suffer any more than you have to."

Amata makes a soft noise of agreement, resting her head against my shoulder.

"Thanks." My voice sounds choked and I swallow a few times.

Sarah nods, coming over and shaking my hand before wrapping an arm around my shoulders in a quick hug. "Thanks, Jack."

She excuses herself to go keep her men out of trouble, and Amata and I are left alone in her office.

Amata lets out a shaky breath and gazes up at me. "Are you okay?"

I repeat what the medic told me down in the clinic, but nod in answer. "Sounds like I oughta make a full recovery."

The woman before me closes her eyes and exhales slowly. "You looked like... You looked dead, Jack. And that guy was crawling toward you with a knife, and I..." Amata swallows and lets out a shaky breath. "I was so scared, and then they wouldn't let anyone into the clinic, and... God, Jack." Her eyes are full of tears and I reach for her, pulling her close.

She clings to me for a few moments, her arms around me like I'll disappear if she doesn't hold me tight. Finally she pulls away and looks up at me, seeming slightly more composed but still shaken. "You're really okay?"

"Gonna be fine," I assure her, hoping to wipe the worry off her face.

It works; Amata looks relieved, but there's still a trace of concern in her eyes. "How about up here?" she murmurs, reaching up to trace my temple.

I hesitate before shrugging. "Maybe. Eventually. I don't know."

"Are you going to talk to Clarkson?" she asks, her voice small and somewhat afraid.

It takes me a minute to nod, but the way she relaxes makes any trepidation I'd felt melt away.

Her fingers come up and cup my cheek, and she stretches up to kiss me again. The battle is over, the threat of losing her is gone, and even though everything is going to be tough, the future finally doesn't seem so scary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a bunch of fun with this story, and I hope you all enjoyed it.
> 
> As it turns out, today is my best friend's birthday, and thus this story is dedicated to her; without her, Jack would have never been written, much less turned into what it has become. Happy birthday, buddy. :)
> 
> This is the end of the actual story, despite it being short, so click on through for the epilogue!


	19. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got some comments saying that the epilogue should have been longer, and I definitely agreed. Thus, just a little more Jack for your reading pleasure. Thanks for all the kudos!

"Still got that present for Erin?" I ask as Brady and I lead the brahmin into the Vault tunnel.  

Brady grins and pats his pocket.  "Kept it safe the whole time. You still got your thing?"

I finger the little lump in the pocket of my jeans and nod.  Vault security comes out to meet us and I get my pack off the brahmin before Brady and I head inside.  

"Tell Colin's parents hi for me," I request as Brady slings his gun over his back and gets out his gift.  Ever since Colin died, he and I have made a special effort to dote on his sister; she'd taken her brother's death hard and out of respect for our fallen friend, we've been making sure she has a reason to smile.

"I will.  See ya soon, Jack."  Brady grins at me before heading off through the Vault to deliver his gift.

I smile at his retreating back and adjust my pack before heading up to the admin level.

A few of the Vault residents greet me warmly as I walk past them, and I respond with tired grins and a few kind answers.  It’s been a year since the war on Talon, and people have warmed up to me considerably.  I no longer feel like an outsider, and any lingering resentment toward me has disappeared. In fact, most people don’t even mind that I’m in a relationship with the Overseer; Amata and I have been able to be out in the Vault together, hands linked, and people actually seemed pleased that their beloved Overseer had found someone to love.

I give my pocket an anxious pat and continue on up the stairs, greeting a security officer as I walk toward Amata’s office.  My feet are aching after my long walk through the wastes, but at least there’s air conditioning.

Amata’s talking to someone in her office when I arrive, so I head into our apartment and set my bag on the table while I tug off my boots and hang my hat on one of the chairs.  I breathe a sigh of relief and head to the bathroom.  My face feels grimy and we’d walked for a long time without a pit stop.

I feel much better when I exit the bathroom, and I hear Amata and her visitor saying their goodbyes.  I get the ledger out of my bag and start for her office, unsurprised to see Amata shuffling and signing papers.

I knock on the doorframe as I approach and grin when she looks up at me.  “I’m home.”

Amata’s bright smile warms me to the tips of my toes and she gets up and comes around the desk toward me.

I offer her the ledger, but she just takes it and tosses it onto her desk before focusing on me.  

Amata studies me for a second, her eyes happy.  She winds her arms around my neck and pulls me in for a sweet, soft kiss before breaking away and grinning up at me.  “Hi.”

“Hi,” I respond softly, slightly dazed from the affection.  My entire body relaxes and I relish the feeling of being safe and at home in Amata’s arms.  

"I missed you," she murmurs, kissing me again to punctuate her words.  

I wrap my arms around her and hold her close.  "I missed you, too.  It gets awful cold and lonely at night."

Amata chuckles and gives me a gentle squeeze.  "You're not starving, are you?  I have like three more things to do."

I shrug and smile at her.  "Nah, not really.  I can go grab a shower and we can go get something to eat after that."

Amata nods and after a few more moments of standing there enjoying each other, Amata pulls away.  "Get outta here, Stinky," she teases, nudging me toward our apartment.

I just laugh and head off to get a change of clothes, being careful to transfer my purchase to my clean jeans' pocket.

When I'm showered and dressed, Amata's just walking out of her office.  She shuts the door behind herself and sends one of her guards off with a message before she turns and sees me.  

I swallow the anxiety trying to take up residence in my chest and decide to be silly.  I jog over to her and sweep her off her feet in a hug, planting a kiss on her cheek while she laughs.  “I love you,” I tell her fondly, setting her down gently and studying the woman I love so much.

Amata’s still laughing, but she stretches up as kisses me gently.  “You’re a dork.  But I love you, too.”  She takes my hand and tangles her fingers with mine.  “Hungry now?”

I nod and we head down to the cafeteria.  Someone at the bar sees us enter and waves to let us know he’ll bring us the special, and Amata leads me over to one of the booths.  I slide in first, and am mildly surprised when she follows me.

Amata just smiles and cuddles against my shoulder before asking about the trip.  I tell her some of the details, mentioning Brady’s gift for Colin’s sister before our food comes, and then we start eating.

I run out of stories by the time she finishes her food, and she seems content to just sit there with me and smile at the people around us.  “You’re quiet tonight,” I observe, nudging her with my elbow.  “What’s on your mind?”

Amata grins at me.  “It’s Founder’s Day,” she reminds me, nodding toward the bulletin board where all sorts of flyers have been posted.  “I’ve been doing a lot of preparing for it, and I think it’s going to be good.”

I blink; I’d forgotten all about that.  Not being in the Vault constantly, I forget about a lot of things like this.  Amata’s father had tried to keep the tradition running, but had followed the “Overseer-worship” policies, and had eventually stopped.  Amata’s mentioned reviving the holiday, and I’m curious to see what’ll happen.  “Oh yeah.  I’d lost track of time.  Are you excited?”

Amata thinks on it for a moment before nodding.  “Yeah.  All the kids have had the day off from school, and most people are getting off work early.  Plus, you got back today.  It’s a nice day,” she decides, distracted by the busboy who comes to take our plates.  

“I guess it’s just as well that there’s no clouds out there tonight then.  Woulda made a crappy sunset to go watch.”  It's true, and I'm somewhat bothered by that.  I'd been hoping for a nice sunset to share with Amata tonight, but the wasteland had decided not to cooperate.

Amata chuckles and rests her head on my shoulder.  We linger there for a few minutes until Amata looks at her Pipboy and notices the time.  “C’mon,” she murmurs, sliding out of the booth and offering me her hand.  “We should get to the atrium.”

By the time we get there, most of the Vault population is gathered in the large room, their voices loud and echoing off the metal walls.  Amata greets a few people as we make our way into the atrium, trying to get toward the center of the room. I follow her quietly, struck by how similar this is to the night of the battle.

Amata climbs up onto a table and clears her throat but everyone's so involved in their own conversations they don't hear her.  I yell out for quiet, and hear Butch's voice join me across the room.  Everyone quiets down and Amata shoots me a grateful look before turning her gaze on the Vault citizens.

"Hey everyone, thanks for coming."  Amata swallows and grapples for words to say; knowing her, she probably had a big speech planned out and is trying to remember it.  "Before we get started, I just wanted to say a few things.  We wouldn't even be having this celebration if it hadn't been for the Brotherhood of Steel helping us out in the battle a year ago.  The Vault was under attack, and if Jack hadn't gone to the Brotherhood, we might not be here today.  So thank you, Jack, for saving the Vault once again."

I get a round of applause and give Amata a flustered look, which only makes her smile grow.  The Brotherhood did all the work; I shouldn't be credited with the safety of the Vault.  I don't have a good way to protest, especially in front of everyone, so I just accept it as gracefully as I can before Amata clears her throat.

"I know we lost people that night and that it's hard to heal from the loss of a loved one."  Her eyes flick to me for a split second and her voice becomes gentler.  "I'm sorry to those of you that are still suffering, and I want you to know that we're all here to support you.  I'd like to take a moment of silence to honor those that we lost and let them know that they're still in our hearts."

The entire atrium goes almost eerily silent, except for a few small children that are too young to understand what's going on.  I dip my chin and try not to let images of fallen Vault soldiers overwhelm me.  

"Thank you," Amata says a few moments later, pulling us all out of our thoughts.  "I know my father took his role as Overseer to an extreme and that he ended up ruining quite a few things.  Founder's Day turned into a day everyone resented because it was all about him, and I want to change that.  I know the Vault has gone through quite a bit since I've taken over, and I just wanted to thank you all for sticking it out with me.  I'm still learning how to be the leader that you all deserve, and I'm grateful to you for being patient with me.  Founder's Day isn't a day to celebrate the Overseer; this is your holiday, and I hope you enjoy it."

Amata thanks her audience and moves to get down from the table, giving me a grateful smile when I move to help her.  Anything she could say is drowned out by the applause she gets and the chatter of voices rising once again.  Amata takes my hand and squeezes it gently, glancing around the room.  

"Not a bad turnout," she says, looking decidedly relieved.  

"Looks pretty full in here to me.  I think the entire Vault came to see what you've set up."  I smile at her, proud of her for organizing and pulling this off.  Her Vault respects and loves her, and I'm very glad for that. 

Amata catches my eye and grins distractedly. "I just hope the food gets here soon.  People are going to get hungry."  She glances around the atrium and worries her lip between her teeth.

"I'll go check. You mingle or whatever it is you do," I tease gently, lifting our hands and kissing her knuckles before slipping away.  The large crowd in the atrium is making me somewhat anxious and I keep expecting Sarah to pop out of nowhere and announce that there's going to be another battle.  I try my best not to shudder as I trot back down to the cafeteria, grateful for the distraction when I meet a few people with tables coming my way.  "Need a hand?"

I help the crew out by setting up tables and carting out all sorts of snacks and desserts.  Whenever I glance up, Amata's talking and laughing with someone new, and the sight warms my heart. It takes a few minutes, but we finally get everything moved up into the atrium.  I manage to get a piece of a nice looking cake and retreat to the side of the room, away from most everyone.  Moments later, there's a rush toward the tables of food, and I'm grateful I got out of the way.  

Some of the people that didn't make it into the line right away start talking again, and a few of them notice me lingering off to the side.   Most of them wave and smile, and one or two of them comes over to thank me.  I'm uncomfortable with it, mostly because I don't feel like the hero they seem to think I am, but I do my best to accept it and let them move on.  It takes a few minutes of that for the line to get moving, and I breathe a sigh of relief when everyone that wants to talk to me files toward the food.  Hopefully they feel like their duty to engage with me is complete.  I scoff at myself before scanning the rest of the crowd.

Amata is across the room, talking with Butch and Susie while Katie tugs at her hand and tries to tell Amata a story.  I consider going over to join them, but then Amata crouches down and listens to Katie for a few minutes before getting a big hug from the girl.  The Overseer grins and says her goodbyes, glancing around the room until her eyes land on me.

Amata walks over to me, eyeing the cake on my plate as she approaches.  "I see you get some benefits from helping out the food staff."

I grin and get a forkful of the cake and offer it to her.  "Didn't figure you wanted to wrestle through that for a little dessert."

Amata smiles and takes the bite I've given her, humming appreciatively. "I knew there was a reason I keep you around," she teases, stealing another bite before studying the room around us again.  

I try not to let her words make me anxious and eat some of the cake as well, pleased at the sweetness of it on my tongue.  Since Amata's distracted, I go ahead and have some more, swallowing quickly when she turns to look at me again.  

"Are you doing okay?" she asks softly, her brow furrowing slightly in concern.  

I can tell by the look in her eyes that she's trying not to put me in a situation that will make me uncomfortable and I'm overcome with a rush of affection.  She's done her best to be supportive and helped me work through my issues as much as she can, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to thank her enough.  "Okay so far.  Thanks."

She smiles faintly and rubs my back.  "Any time you need to leave, you can."  Amata's love shines in her eyes for a moment before she snatches the cake plate away and has some more.

We share the rest of the dessert and I hand off our dishes to one of the busboy-turned-waiters, and Amata and I linger on the edge of the atrium, watching our Vaultmates enjoy themselves.  A few times, people come up to us and try to get me to talk about the battle, but Amata steps in and politely refuses when she sees me tense.  Luckily, most people don't have much to say to me, and Amata does her thing and talks to everyone like they're an old friend of hers.  

Brady wanders over and finds me while Amata's occupied and we talk for a while.  He tells me how excited Erin was about her gift, and pointedly glances past me at Amata and raises an eyebrow.

"Not yet," I respond quietly, patting my pocket.  "This Founder's Day thing threw everything off."

Brady shrugs and punches me lightly in the shoulder.  "Never thought I'd see you chickening out."

I scoff at him.  "Bull.  I booked it outta that yao guai nest a few weeks back, and as soon as we were clear, you just about bust a gut laughing at the look on my face."

"That's different," he protests, but relents at the look on my face.  "Okay, whatever."  Brady sees Amata turning away from her conversation and grins.  "Good luck, Jack," he murmurs, greeting Amata politely before ducking away and disappearing into the crowd.  

Amata raises an eyebrow at me and I just shrug in response.  

"He's weird sometimes," I offer, and Amata lets it slide and glances at the clock on the wall.  

I look out at the crowd and notice that people have started to leave, especially the families with younger children.  Following Amata’s gaze, I see it’s nearly nine.  

The food crew starts packing up and taking the food away, only to replace it with drinks.  A technician comes in and starts working at a service computer.  The lights in the atrium dim slowly and the technician plugs a holotape into the computer.  A few moments later, music starts playing softly.  Most of the families with younger children say their good nights and leave, and the crowd in the atrium thins considerably.  All that's left is childless couples and single people, who are talking animatedly and exchanging bashful grins.  

I look to Amata confusedly, and she just smiles before stepping forward and addressing her crowd.  

"Welcome to Vault 101's first annual Founder's Day dance," Amata says.  "Don't get too inappropriate, and have fun."

People glance at each other, and a few of the bolder ones ask someone to dance.  It only takes a few minutes before most of the remaining Vault members are swaying in pairs on the dance floor.

Amata breathes a sigh of relief beside me, glancing over her shoulder and grinning at me.  

"Good job," I murmur, moving toward her and wrapping my arms around her middle.  I rest my chin on her shoulder and we stand there and watch people enjoy themselves.  We stay like that for a while, enjoying each other and the peace of the Vault.

A few people approach us, asking to steal Amata for a dance, but she refuses and nuzzles her cheek against mine.  The simple gesture is enough to calm the jealousy that rises in my chest and I console myself by assuming that they're just being polite.  Amata's choosing to stay here in the shadows with me of all people, and the knowledge warms my heart.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Amata's wistful gaze and study the atrium floor for a moment.  I've never been a dancer and I know I've got two left feet, but I don't want to have Amata miss out on everything she worked hard on because of me.  Besides, the thought of holding her close is always appealing.  "Hey," I murmur in her ear.  "Dance with me?"

Amata turns slightly and gives me and surprised look.  "Really?"

I nod and brush my lips against her cheek.  "Yeah, if you trust me not to step on your feet."

The woman in my arms chuckles and pulls herself out of my embrace before taking my hand and leading me out onto the dance floor.  It takes me a moment to figure out how to hold her, and I'm suddenly terrified of screwing up and ruining the moment for her.

Amata sees the look on my face and pauses.  "Jack?"

I take a deep breath and let the feeling of her hands on my shoulders ground me.  I offer her a smile and shake my head.  "It's okay, sorry.  I just don't want to ruin tonight for you."

Her gaze softens and she chuckles.  "It's not going to be ruined.  Just spending it with you is nice enough.  We don't have to dance if you don't want to."  

The song in the background changes to something slower and I scoff at her.  "And not show off that I've got the most beautiful date in the whole Vault?"  I wrap my arms around her again and grin, calming down somewhat at her sweet words.

Amata's ears turn pink and I laugh while she winds her arms around my neck.  

All around us couples are swaying together, all holding each other close.  I'm still not sure what I'm doing, but I start rocking back and forth, trying not to step on her toes.  She sighs and relaxes into me, resting her head on my shoulder.

It doesn't take long for me to realize that I haven't stepped wrong and that I'm doing okay.  Amata seems happy enough with it and I smile, relaxing and enjoying the time with her.

We sway to the music for the next long while, and everything else has melted away and it's just me and her.  The music finally comes to a stop and Amata sighs happily.  "Thank you," she murmurs, stretching up and kissing me lightly before she turns to face the atrium.

"Thank you all for coming," she says, smiling at the residents of her Vault.  "I know this was... I know my father ruined Founder's Day for many of you, and I hope that we can all take it back and turn it into a day Vault 101 can enjoy."

She gets a few cheers, applause from the rest, and a lot of smiles.  

"Thank you for being a Vault I'm honored to lead."  Amata's eyes are full of almost motherly affection, and I can practically see her chest swell with pride.   "Have a good night, everyone."

Everyone starts talking again as they disperse to their apartments, and Amata grabs my hand and leads me to the stairs.  She seems happy as we head back to the admin level, and I'm pleased on her behalf.  Everything went well, and despite the reminders of the battle, I feel like I enjoyed myself.

We've barely made it into our apartment when Amata comes to a stop and turns to me, pulling me into a kiss.  Her mouth is soft and sweet on mine and I'm slightly dazed when she pulls away.  

"What was that for?" I ask as I try to remember how to breathe normally.  

Amata studies me for a moment and grins fondly.  "For being you," she decides, "and for dancing with me."  She grabs me in a hug and sighs happily before she turns to take off her boots and set them by the door.  

I gaze at her for a moment, acutely aware of the item in my pocket.  This isn't at all how I'd considered doing this, but the moment just feels right.  I dip my hand into my pocket and close my fingers around the ring. "Amata?"  Even in my own ears, my voice sounds strangled and I cringe inwardly.

The Overseer turns back to me and gives me a quizzical look.  "What?"

I swallow hard and try to figure out how to speak.  "I got..."

Amata's confusion deepens.  "Jack...?"

The words are so simple to think of, but actually speaking them is daunting.  My tongue doesn't want to work and my chest feels tight.  "Sorry. I just...  Amata, I love you.  More than I can ever really say, probably.  I love having the chance to be around you, to make you laugh, to hold you while we fall asleep...  I could spend the rest of my life telling you all the things I love about you.  You're everything I've wanted, and getting to be with you is the best thing that's ever happened to me," I say.  I almost feel guilty for what comes next, but I need to get these things out.

"Just... Everything you've done for me, all the times you've put up with me and comforted me.  If it wasn't for you, I don't think I could have made it through all this shit."  Now that I've started, the words won't stop.  "I'm sorry for dragging you through all this with me, but...  All those nights when I woke up scared out of my mind, and you would just hold me until I was calmer?  I, uh... I've never felt more safe.  Thank you," I tell her honestly, vaguely aware of how vulnerable I'm making myself.

I can't quite make myself look at her and rock slightly on the balls of my feet.  "For everything," I add.  "For giving me this job, for loving me, and, well, for giving me a chance."  My throat is almost too dry, but I swallow anyway.  "'Mata, I... This isn't a real common thing up in the wasteland.  I just... The people in the Vault seem to give it more meaning. And, well, I just want to make you as happy as you've made me."  I pull the ring out of my pocket and study the way the band shimmers in the light, hearing Amata's breath catch.  "I know you've always wanted to get married, 'Mata, and I'd like it if I could call you my wife."

She doesn't say anything and it takes me a minute to work up the courage to look at her.  When I finally do drag my gaze up to meet hers, the look on her face makes my insides turn to mush.  Amata's eyes are filled with tears and she can't seem to figure out how to speak.  Her expression is warm and tender and she glances between me and the ring a few times.

"Jack, you...  I'd love that."  Her voice is shaky but sincere, and my shoulders sag with relief.  

I beam at her and step forward, sweeping her into an embrace.  She stretches up to kiss me and wraps her arms around my neck, holding me close as her lips meet mine.  

"Stop being so perfect," Amata murmurs breathlessly when we break apart, wiping her eyes on her sleeve.  There's a teasing glint in her eye and she kisses me again before I can retort.  

Every part of me wants to argue but I just turn my attention to the ring in my hand.  "Here, c'mon," I murmur, pulling away slightly so I can take her hand.  I fumble to get the ring on her finger and have a moment of panic when it's slightly too big. "Damn it."

Amata just grins at me.  "Don't worry, it's okay."

I study the ring for a second, determined to find a way for her to wear it.  "I've got some leather cord in my bag," I remember suddenly.  I pull myself out of her arms and go find my pack, fishing out the thin strap.  I cut what looks like the right length off the cord and return to Amata.  She slips the ring onto the string and I tie a knot in it before putting the makeshift necklace on her.

The ring rests gently against her collarbone, and Amata reaches up to feel it before grinning at me.  Her eyes look misty again and she turns an adoring gaze on me.  "I love you, Jack," she says softly, slipping her arms around me and hugging me tight.  

When she kisses me again, there's a deeper want in her embrace, and I look at her and see desire in her eyes.  That alone has my insides trembling, but the thought of her wearing nothing but the ring sends a rush of heat to my waist.  She sees the look on my face and grins, and we move toward our bedroom together, lips meeting eagerly the moment we're inside.

 

=====:=====

When I wake up on the day we're getting married, Amata's nestled against me.  She's not asleep, because the minute I stir, she shifts and kisses my cheek gently.  

"Morning," she murmurs, wrapping an arm around me more securely.  

"Good morning.  Sleep okay?"  I stifle a yawn and burrow deeper into the warmth of the bed.

"When I slept," Amata jokes weakly.  "It's hard to sleep when you're getting married, y'know?"

I pause before answering.  "Did you, uh, want to call it off?"

Amata smacks me with her pillow.  "Shut up, Jack.  No, I don't, I'm just... What's the word for being excited and nervous at the same time, but in a good way?"

I hum thoughtfully and nuzzle my face into her neck.  "Given what's happening, my guess is that'd be called 'normal.'"

"It's a good thing you're cute," Amata teases, enjoying my embrace for a few moments before getting up.  "Sorry, gotta pee."

I go ahead and get up too, and we start off having as lazy a morning as possible.  Even though our routine is exactly the same as usual, the Vault air almost feels like it’s buzzing with electricity.  When Amata and I go to the cafeteria for breakfast, a few people that know why today's special come over to congratulate us.  Otherwise, the morning is just a usual day in Vault 101, and we head back up to the apartment and settle into our usual roles.  Since I have no caravan to run, I find a book and flop on the couch to read while Amata goes to her office to work.

She’s too antsy to do much and keeps coming out of her office to pace around and check on me.  I try to get her to sit down and relax, but she just shakes her head and returns to her desk.

“You’re gonna wear yourself out if you keep getting up and coming in here,” I tease when she pops back into the living room for the fifth time.  

“I’m already tired,” she retorts. “I didn’t get much sleep, remember?”

I pout at her playfully.  “Does that mean I don’t get to wear you out with all sorts of hot newlywed sex tonight?”

Amata flushes.  “Shut up, Jack,” she scoffs, chuckling when I grin impishly.

Footsteps come into the waiting room behind her, and Amata turns in the doorway.  “Yes, Wilson?”

“Overseer, Elder Lyons is here to see you, and she’s brought a guest.”

“Bring her in,” Amata orders, giving me a wild look over her shoulder.  With our guests arriving, the big moment is finally here.  Nervous energy flares up in the pit of my stomach and I set my book aside and get to my feet, walking over to stand beside Amata in the door.  

“Right in here,” Sarah says as she leads Nova in, looking up at grinning at us.  “Hey there, lovebirds!”

Nova’s all smiles; she has been ever since I stopped by and told her I’d proposed.  She beams at me and scurries over, hugging me quickly.  “Hey hon,” she says before releasing me and turning her gaze on Amata.  “You must be Amata!”  She starts gushing and talking to Amata, teasing me lightly and commenting on what a catch Amata is.  The redhead grabs Amata up in a hug as well, practically squealing with excitement.

Amata manages to shoot me a mildly alarmed look before Nova drags her away into the office to talk, and Sarah and I chuckle.

“Your friend is quite a character,” Sarah tells me.  “I felt like I was being hit on the entire way here."

I laugh at the image.  "I know the feeling.  Thanks for bringing her though; she'd had skinned me alive if I didn't invite her."

Sarah shrugs and studies me for a minute or two.  "You nervous, 101?"

I glance at the closed office door and shrug.  "A little.  But not really all at the same time, if that makes sense?"

The blonde just claps me on the shoulder.  "I'm glad for you, Jack.  Not bad for a little Vaultie," she jokes, nudging me gently.

I grin and ask her how things are going, and she looks relieved at the subject change, still not one for mushy topics.  Sarah talks about holding the purifier and Super Mutant extermination in DC, hardly managing to get farther than that before Amata and Nova return.  

Amata is laughing and looks much more comfortable around the redhead as she walks to stand at my side.  Nova just waggles her eyebrows at me and ducks out of the room to find the bathroom.

"Remind me to ask about the time you lost at poker to Nova and had to get up and dance on the bar," Amata teases as she laces her fingers through mine.  

"Oh god." I groan as Sarah bursts into disbelieving laughter.  

"You're kidding, Jack!"

Amata smiles smugly while I scowl at Sarah, then seems to remember something and calls for a guard.  "Officer, would you go get Butch DeLoria and his daughter?"

He nods and turns to leave, nearly bowling over Nova in the process.

"Nova," I whine, "you're telling embarrassing stories about me."

The redhead grins as she walks over to us.  "Sorry, hon.  Just had to warn Amata about what she was getting herself into."  She winks at us and I can see giddy affection in her eyes.  

Katie's impatient little voice comes from down the hall as she urges Butch to hurry up.  Apparently she gives up on waiting and runs ahead, bounding into the office and shooting Amata a huge grin.  "Hi, Aunt 'Mata!"

Amata releases my hand and crouches to get a hug.  "Hello there, Katie!  How're you today?"

"Good." She shows off the construction paper flowers in her hands.  "I'ma flower girl!"

Amata laughs and pinches the girl's cheeks.  "Yes, you are."  She rises to her feet and musses the girl's hair, grinning at Butch as he walks in.  "Looks like someone's excited."

Butch scoffs. "It's all she's been talkin' about!  You'd think it was her wedding or somethin'!"

"Someday soon," I tell him, laughing when he thinks about it and scowls.  

Katie seems to realize there's people around her that she doesn't know and hesitates, giving Amata and Butch an uncertain look.  Amata smiles and starts introducing the little girl, chuckling when Katie eagerly shows off her flowers again.

Sarah seems awkward around the small girl, but warms up to her quickly, and I see Nova give me an understanding nod.  Apparently she can understand my confusing Katie for Amata's daughter now that she's seen the kid with her own eyes.

I shrug weakly and look at Butch, who's obviously proud of his little girl.

Finally Sarah straightens up and looks around at us.  "So, when and where are we doing this?"

Amata exchanges a look with me and shrugs.  "I figured we'd just use my office."

Sarah nods agreeably and we all start that way.  My heart jumps into my throat and even though I'm ready for this, I'm suddenly nervous.  Nova notices and catches my elbow, holding me back while everyone goes into the office ahead of me.  Amata notices and just smiles, turning to organize things with Sarah and Butch's help.  

Nova pulls me out of sight and squeezes my arms fondly. "You made a good choice, hun.  You two are good together."

"I know.  I just want to make her happy," I admit, glancing over my shoulder at the office door.

Nova laughs and shakes her head at me.  "You worry too much, Jack.  There's something special in her eyes when she looks at you.  You don't need to have some special ceremony to make her happy; you already do."

I shift uncertainly but smile all the same.  "When did you get so insightful?" I tease, raising an eyebrow at her.

The redhead grins and studies me for a second before her smile widens and she throws her arms around me in a hug.  "I can't believe my little Vaultie is getting married!" she coos.  "It seems like just yesterday you were stumbling into the saloon, looking for your dad."

A scoff escapes me and I hug her back.  "Thanks, Nova."

She pulls away and smiles again, turning me around and swatting my behind.  "You're welcome.  Now let's go get you married!"

We head into the office just as Sarah is coming to look for me.  

"There you are! I was starting to wonder if you'd run off," Sarah jokes, though she realises how bad that sounds a second later and tries to backpedal.

"Never," I promise, looking to Amata, who seems somewhat relieved at the words.  She gives me a shy smile and the nerves I'd felt melt away.  I walk over to stand at her side, taking her hand and sighing contentedly.  

"Ready?" Sarah asks, still obviously trying to forget her faux pas.  

I look to Amata and receive a nod in answer.  "You better believe it, Lyons."

Sarah chuckles and starts talking, mentioning things about the Brotherhood Codex and talking about partnership and devotion.  Amata squeezes my hand and I grin at her, and I can almost see that light in her eyes that Nova mentioned.  

We say our lines, promising our love and devotion to each other, and I mean those words more sincerely than anything I've ever said before.  Amata echoes the words and blinks away tears, and out of the corner of my eye I see Nova dabbing at her eyes and sniffling quietly.

Everything around me seems to melt away and all I'm really aware of is Amata standing there beside me, fingers laced through mine.  

Everything pauses for a minute when Amata softly calls Butch's name, and the man looks surprised before patting his pockets and fishing out a pair of rings.  He deposits them in Amata's open palm and she thanks him before turning to me with a bashful grin.  

I stare down at the silver band she slips onto my finger, giving her an awed look.  Amata just smiles and passes me her ring, and I ease it onto her finger, gazing at the twin bands.  The physical proof of our relationship is there and real and I'm not sure I can process it just yet.  Still, a lump rises in my throat and I swallow hard, trying to ignore how warm and tight my chest feels.

Amata catches my chin and lifts it to look me in the eye.  "I love you," she murmurs, smiling when she sees how at a loss for words I am.  

"God, you two are just so sickeningly cute together," Sarah mutters, shaking her head and grinning.  "By the power granted to me through the Codex, I now pronounce you wife and wife.  Go ahead and lay one on her, Jack."

Nova, Butch, and Amata all chuckle, but I just smile and cup Amata's cheeks in my hands, very aware of the cool metal band on my ring finger.  Her face softens, and her eyes flick between my eyes and my lips.  I smile at her, closing the distance between us and kissing her soundly.  

Nova applauds enthusiastically and Sarah joins in while Butch whistles for us.  

I break away from Amata and grin down at her, happy to see the joy in her eyes.  She sighs and wraps her arms around my neck, kissing me again.  I savor the moment, extremely grateful that I'm experiencing it, and find myself laughing when Amata pulls away for air.

Amata gives me a bizarre look before chuckling with me and wrapping me up in a tight hug.

"Are you married now?" Katie asks, sounding only mildly impatient.  Butch starts to scold her when she tugs at Amata's jumpsuit, but Amata just brushes it off and pulls away from me to look down at the girl.

Amata laughs at the anticipatory pout on Katie's face and pats the girl's head.  "Yes, Katie.  We're married now."

Katie beams and throws her makeshift flowers in the air, cheering loudly.  

Everyone laughs and Katie looks pleased with herself before she throws her arms around Amata's legs in a hug.  I'm a little startled when she does the same for me, but Katie just smiles up at me.  

"You make Aunt 'Mata happy," she says, and I can't tell if that's an order or an observation so I nod mutely. Amata chuckles, looping her arm through mine.  The little girl looks satisfied with that, and laughs and claps for us.  We all grin at the sight, then Amata announces that it's time for lunch.

We head down to the cafeteria,  complete with a special cake Amata asked for.  We all talk and eat and enjoy ourselves, and I can't help but keep glancing over at Amata, loving her more each time I do.  Hours pass and finally Sarah and Nova get up to leave, wishing us a good night, though they both give us knowing winks before they leave.

Butch snickers, but takes Katie and promises her a reward for being so good, congratulating us quietly before leaving.  

Amata and I head back up to our apartment, hands linked, and share a few more sweet kisses.  She sighs happily and retreats to the bedroom.  "I hereby decree that I'm taking the rest of the day off to spend with my wife," she says as she goes to take off her boots and change.  "I already like saying that."

I laugh and settle into the couch, studying the ring on my finger.  This is real.

Amata returns a few moments later, her jumpsuit replaced with one of my t shirts and some sleep shorts.  She grins at me and comes to sit beside me, snuggling against me contentedly.

I wrap an arm around her and prop my feet up on the coffee table.  "Does it feel any different to you?" I ask after a moment.  “Our relationship, I mean.”

Amata hums thoughtfully and shrugs.  "Not really, I guess.  I mean, I feel all warm and fuzzy right now, but it's not that much different.  Why, does it feel different to you?"

I shake my head and hold her close.  It's still me and her, and I love her just as much now as I did yesterday.  "No, but I don't think that's a bad thing.  A ring doesn't change how I feel about you."

"You're such a sap," she teases gently, but I can hear the affection in her voice.  

"Just think, you're stuck with me now," I retort.

Amata groans dramatically, laughing and shifting to kiss me on the cheek.  "I think I can deal with that."

"I hope so," I murmur as I nuzzle against her gently.  "I love you, 'Mata."

"I love you too."

We stay snuggled up together for a long time, enjoying our togetherness.  Just when I think she's about to doze off, Amata crawls into my lap, showering me with kisses.  I don't mind the affection, turning my face up to meet hers, but eventually she pauses for breath, resting her forehead against mine.

"Thank you," she breathes, sounding overwhelmed.  

I open my eyes and see tears streaking down her cheeks, instantly wrapping my arms around her.  "Hey, whoa, what's wrong?"

Amata shakes her head and swallows.  "Nothing, I just... Thank you for being here and loving me.  And for marrying me,  and just... Thank you."

I pull her close and hold her while she tries to compose herself.  "I should be saying all that to you," I tell her softly.  "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Amata sighs and buries her face in my shoulder. After a few moments she pulls back and flashes me a shaky, yet beautiful smile. “I love you,” she says again, kissing my forehead before shifting slightly to straddle me.  

My mouth suddenly feels dry and I swallow as she returns to kissing her way down my neck.  "'Mata..."

"I seem to remember something about hot newlywed sex," she teases before nipping at my earlobe.

"God, you change gears fast," I grunt, trying not to notice how closely she's pressed against me.

Amata just laughs.  "And just think, you get to put up with me for the rest of your life."

"I can't wait," I respond with a grin, pulling her close and kissing her soundly before guiding her to her feet and heading for our bedroom.  If this is how the rest of my life will be, it's off to a fantastic start.

 


End file.
